North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un appeared publicly on Monday following a 35 day absence that had fueled speculation that the obese, chain-smoking millennial with the health of a 75 year-old diabetic from The Villages, Florida, had finally expired and gone to commie hell, Fox News reports.
As usual Kim ordered his military to increase drills and its state of readiness for conflict with capitalist enemies such as South Korea, Japan, and the United States for whatever fucking reason it’s been so long nobody even remembers. State media reported Kim is “constantly expanding and intensifying the operation and combat drills” and “more strictly perfecting the preparedness for war.”