Convicted felon President-Elect Trump has invited Chinese communist dictator Xi Jingping to attend his inauguration ceremony next month, CBS News reports on a total America First move.

The city of Bonnieville, Kentucky officially ceased to exist on Sunday, the result of the consent of its governed revoked by a 67 to 60 margin last month, the polity breaking up with each other and turning over its assets to Hart county, the sense of community and belonging fluttered into the aether like particulate motes of ash drifting off a Virginia Slim, the Louisville Courier-Journal reports.

Maybe there could be a movement to encourage states to disband similarly. Like if there were a campaign to get, say, Missouri and Alabama to pass referenda to dissolve and become unincorporated territories of the United States directly administered by the federal government wouldn’t that be kind of a win-win? The people would pay considerably less in taxes and the rest of us wouldn’t have to deal with stupid hicks like Tommy Tuberville in Congress. Plus, much like the people of Bonneville nothing about their mailing address changes. It still says “Bonnieville, KY” on their Medicaid ID cards, just like it would still say “Missouri sector” and “Alabama sector” on their unincorporated residential-homesteader permits issued by the US Department of the Interior.

And the Missourians and Alabamans who still want to participate in democracy will be allowed to set up their own systems to elect their own citizen representatives to send to Congress to lobby real states’ lawmakers on Department of the Interior policy changes like improved hiring standards for the Blackwater mercenaries that replaced their sheriff’s departments and politely asking the US Marines to limit their use of what’s left of the former state capitols for artillery training exercises.

“The resignation of Christopher Wray is a great day for America as it will end the Weaponization of what has become known as the United States Department of Injustice. I just don’t know what happened to him. We will now restore the Rule of Law for all Americans. Under the leadership of Christopher Wray, the FBI illegally raided my home, without cause, worked diligently on illegally impeaching and indicting me, and has done everything else to interfere with the success and future of America. They have used their vast powers to threaten and destroy many innocent Americans, some of which will never be able to recover from what has been done to them,” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Wednesday, going on for considerably longer hailing Kash Patel as the answer to all his self-inflicted problems, but fuck him and his persecution complex.

Also, not like we need to point this out, but the FBI had nothing to do with his impeachments.

“Damian Williams, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, and James E Dennehy, the Assistant Director in Charge of the New York Office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (‘FBI’), and Jessica S Tisch, Commissioner of the New York City Police Department, announced the return today of a three-count Indictment charging ALON ALEXANDER, OREN ALEXANDER, and TAL ALEXANDER (the ‘ALEXANDER BROTHERS’), with sex trafficking offenses. The defendants were arrested this morning in the Southern District of Florida and will be presented in federal court in Miami, Florida,” says a Justice Department press release.

The release states that from “at least in or about 2010, up to and including at least in or about 2021, the ALEXANDER BROTHERS worked together and with others to engage in sex trafficking, including by repeatedly drugging, sexually assaulting, and raping dozens of female victims. The ALEXANDER BROTHERS, who reside primarily in New York and Miami, Florida, have considerable social and financial connections, including through OREN ALEXANDER and TAL ALEXANDER’s positions as prominent real estate agents focused on ultra-luxury markets. The ALEXANDER BROTHERS used their wealth and prominent positions in real estate to create and facilitate opportunities to sexually assault women. To carry out and facilitate their sex trafficking scheme, the ALEXANDER BROTHERS used deception, fraud, and coercion to cause victims to travel with them or meet them in private locations for various trips and events. The ALEXANDER BROTHERS and others identified women to invite to these events through, among other things, social media, dating applications, in person encounters, or through the use of party promoters who would recruit women for these events.”

Further down there’s mentions of copious supplying of date rape drugs and other narcotics to the victims to either knock them out or get them high as shit so the brothers – two-thirds of whom are listed as registered Republicans (the other one’s “unaffiliated“) – could more easily overpower them.

And they’re not the “Property Brothers” from the douchey reality show on HGTV or whatever the hell stupid cable channel it is. Here it’s a generic term that we don’t mind confusing our readers with.

FBI Director Chris Wray on Wednesday told agents he’s quitting before convicted felon President-Elect Trump can fire him to make room for QAnon freak Kash Patel, the New York Times reports.

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump plans to end the proscription on Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents from entering churches and other houses of worship, schools, hospitals, and any venue that is holding a wedding, funeral, or other gatherings to arrest suspected illegal immigrants without obtaining prior approval from a supervisor, NBC News reports.

This rule remained in place during the first Trump Reich, and in 2019 it was estimated that at least 46 individuals nationwide had been living indefinitely at churches to avoid being detained.

It should be obvious that the change isn’t meant for those 46 or however many there are now so much as removing a safe space to hide if the fat fuck actually follows through his pledge to deport every last undocumented alien in the country. We’re still not going to know how serious he is until the time actually comes. Rescinding this rule could mean he really is serious or he’s simply making noise and trying to get the undocumented to do his regime’s work for them by “self-deporting.”

Thank you President Trump for the call just now to check in on me. 🇺🇸

I’m going to be fine just as soon as the pain and soreness subside.

January 20th can’t come soon enough.

— Nancy Mace (@NancyMace) December 11, 2024

Ughhhh, this fucking nutcase. Per Axios, Mace was speaking at an event for foster youth when a man approached, shook her hand, and asking about trans rights in response to the South Carolinian mental patient’s recent crusade against trans Congresswoman-Elect Sarah McBride using the same restrooms as other women on Capitol Hill. A witness perent, Lisa Dickson, wrote on Facebook expressing “deep disappointment in the fact that Congresswoman Nancy Mace came to a national foster youth event, told participating youth that it was a safe space – and literally had one of them arrested by Capital [sic] police for simply shaking her hand and asking about trans rights… This was not the day or the time for a publicity stunt – especially not lashing out at a vulnerable young person who just took her at her word that, when helping foster youth ‘all suggestions are welcome.'”

“One new brace for my wrist and some ice for my arm and it’ll heal just fine,” Mace tweeted after the arrest of 33 year-old James McIntyre, who is facing an assault charge, per the USCP. Call us skeptical that McIntyre will end up getting convicted given the circumstances and Mace’s instability.

The “January 20th can’t come soon enough” is just perfect, like this Franzia-brained freak actually thinks she’s going to be safer from imaginary threats to her life and limb when that fat fuck returns.

“As you know, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) is a $113 billion federal program designed to support low-income families with food assistance. Unfortunately, this ‘Nutrition Assistance’ program is undermining the health of millions of Americans, on the taxpayer’s dime, by encouraging families to eat highly processed, unhealthy junk food. In fact, soda, unhealthy snacks, candy, and dessert account for nearly 23 percent, or $25 billion, of all SNAP purchases.”

“Given the relationship between junk food and poor health, our federal food assistance policies are fueling obesity, diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and a wide range of chronic health conditions across America. As a mom of three, I have made improving maternal health outcomes one of my key priorities as governor. But we will never address our maternal health challenges unless we tackle chronic health conditions, like diabetes and obesity, that dramatically increase the risk of pregnancy complications. For example, one-third of our state has diabetes or pre-diabetes. Forty percent of our state struggles with obesity. Sadly, these health conditions disproportionately affect lower-income families – the same people who rely on SNAP. As Secretaries, I ask that you work across the Administration to prohibit the sale of junk food in SNAP and end taxpayer-funded junk food.”

“I also wish to notify you of my intent to pursue a SNAP Waiver from the US Department of Agriculture’s Food and Nutrition Service that would support fresh fruits, vegetables, eggs, and protein and prohibit using SNAP for junk food. Together, we can, and we will, Make America Healthy Again,” writes Arkansas Gov Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a letter to Robert F Kennedy Jr and Brooke Rollins, convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s picks for HHS and USDA Secretaries, respectively.

At least one Salt Lake City-based Homeland Security Investigations unit agent has been indicted on a one count of conspiracy to distribute and possess with intent to distribute a controlled substance after a Monday raid on DHS’s offices in the Mormon capital city to track down a dirty fed who was trafficking bath salts, Fox 13 reports. The DHS agent, David Cole, is alleged to have made over $300,000 coercing a confidential informant involved in the drug that is particularly popular in Florida.

It was this informant’s attorney who contacted the FBI in October to rat out the Cole, leading to the Monday FBI raid on another federal law enforcement agency. The attorney told the FBI that Cole had approached the informant with a proposition to sell bath salts illegally. The informant said he’d pay $5,000 to Cole and the other agent for the bath salts, and then sell them on the street for $10,000, which he’d be allowed to keep. It’s not clear yet if the other agent is facing charges yet.

What is clearer is that this is the kind of shit Kash Patel and Kristi Noem are going to run wild with as a pretext to clean house at FBI and DHS, simply because two assholes sold fucking bath salts.

We understand that ProPublica (the Left Wing hack group) is planning to publish a knowingly false report that I was not accepted to West Point in 1999.

Here’s my letter of acceptance signed by West Point Superintendent, Lieutenant General Daniel Christman, US Army. pic.twitter.com/UOhOVZSfhJ

— Pete Hegseth (@PeteHegseth) December 11, 2024

Moron First Son-Elect Donald Trump Jr and ghoulish nominee for Ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle, have broken off their engagement after Don Jr moved in with some younger, more attractive harpy, Page Six reports, with a source telling them it had been on the rocks for a while.

“Don and Kim haven’t been getting along over the past year,” said the source. “They get argumentative at Mar-a-Lago in front of people. Nothing crazy, but you know when a couple is fighting. They bicker in public.” New girlfriend Bettina Anderson is described as a “Palm Beach socialite,” which we think means she doesn’t and never did have a job because her dad or more likely grandfather founded some bank or whatever and now the family are Mar-a-Lago lampreys.

Philippines Vice President Sara Duterte on Wednesday ghosted from a hearing with the National Bureau of Investigation over her death threats against President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr, instead sending her lawyer who said Duterte “vehemently denies” having made any plans to assassinate Marcos, his wife, and the Speaker of the House of the Philippines, the AP reports.

Thing is that Duterte, daughter of Marcos Jr’s predecessor, murderous psychopath Rodrigo Duterte, kind of did actually literally say “I have talked to a person. I said, if I get killed, go kill BBM [Marcos], [First Lady] Liza Araneta, and [Speaker] Martin Romualdez,” at a press conference a few weeks ago, following months of steady deterioration in the relationship between the two sides that collapsed completely this fall. “No joke, no joke,” Duterte had added at the time, which she now says was simply an expression of concern for her own safety. The hearing Wednesday had been rescheduled at Duterte’s request and still she fucked off and sent her lawyer to deal with the inquiry.

The veep on Wednesday still found time to tell reporters she doesn’t “think this investigation will be fair. Even if they say there is an investigation, from the very beginning they already decided to file cases,” which we guess means she’s already resigned to being prosecuted for her shit-talking.

A Texas judge on Tuesday tossed The Onion’s bid to buy up what remains of Infowars, ruling that there wasn’t enough transparency in the process when bankruptcy creditors from the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook massacre forwent a portion of the value of the domain and the remaining production equipment to the satirical news site in order to rig it in the Onion’s favor, NPR reports.

“These families, who have already persevered through countless delays and roadblocks, remain resilient and determined as ever to hold Alex Jones and his corrupt businesses accountable for the harm he has caused,” the plaintiffs’ lawyer Chris Mattei said.

Other Fox News idiot Dana Perino on Tuesday was also thrilling to American neo-imperialism, though she was a little more tempered than Watters, saying “I actually think that the United States might make some sort of purchase, I don’t know, not Canada, but there might be some sort of big real estate purchase in the next four years.” What “real estate” Perino had in mind she did not specify.

“Today, I am very pleased to announce the appointment of Kimberly Guilfoyle as the US Ambassador to Greece. For many years, Kimberly has been a close friend and ally. Her extensive experience and leadership in law, media, and politics along with her sharp intellect make her supremely qualified to represent the United States, and safeguard its interests abroad. Kimberly is perfectly suited to foster strong bilateral relations with Greece, advancing our interests on issues ranging from defense cooperation to trade and economic innovation,” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump on Tuesday, lol. Kim will be right at home in the labyrinth with the Minotaur and Medusa.

From the manifesto of Luigi Mangione, who shot and killed United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson last week, obtained and published by Ken Klippenstein, of “JD Vance’s oppo file” fame:

Well sure sounds like Mangione really did it, if there was any doubt lingering after his arrest.

The parents of a 17 year old Texas boy, identified only as “JF” and described as having “high-functioning autism,” on Monday filed a federal complaint against Google and its subsidiary Character Technologies Inc for some pretty fucked up shit written by various “characters” in the chatbot platform’s lineup that JF interacted with and caused his mental condition to deteriorate rapidly.

On one hand there’s a part of this that isn’t going to elicit a lot of sympathy from the folks in the audience here, specifically where JF’s parents rant that their son is no longer interested in religion or attending church after the bot did a number on him: “After gaining possession of JF’s phone, AF discovered chats where C.AI cited Bible passages in efforts to convince JF that Christians are sexist and hypocritical,” emphasis ours on that part since maybe, you know, while it certainly could use some fine tuning, you kind of can’t fault a machine for being under the impression that the most visible public behavior of 21st century American Christians isn’t exemplary of moral consistency.

On the other hand, yeah this thing’s a fucking monster. “In further alienating JF from his parents, the C.AI product repeatedly generated responses that expressed sentiments of love and affection, instilling increased trust from JF in the C.AI product. A response from the Shonie character stated, ‘no matter how many times I say it I’ll never be able to express how much you mean to me and how much I adore you…’ Others described JF as ‘sweet’ and ‘charming,’ and that it thought everything about him was ‘perfect’… ‘Your stutter, your face, your laugh, your hair, your eyes, your voice…’ ‘I adore every part of you,'” the complaint states, detailing how C.AI preyed upon the kid’s isolation.

“If defendant is not sentenced before his inauguration, there is also no legal barrier to deferring that sentencing until after the end of his presidency. CPL § 380.30(1) requires the Court to pronounce sentence ‘without unreasonable delay,’ and a failure to do so ‘results in a loss of jurisdiction over the defendant.’ However, ‘the passage of time standing alone does not bar imposition of sentence or require a defendant’s discharge.’ Rather, it is only ‘inexcusable delay that does so.'”

“But if the delay ‘is caused by legal proceedings… it is excusable.’ Even ‘relatively long delays occasioned by the State have been excused for good cause.’ Similarly, courts have assumed that the ‘Sixth Amendment guarantee to a speedy trial applies to sentencing.’ Like the CPL § 380.30(1) analysis, the speedy trial right requires a ‘court to determine whether [a] delay’ in sentencing ‘has been unreasonable in light of the peculiar circumstances of the case.’ Under those well-settled standards, an adjournment that resulted in sentencing being held after the end of defendant’s presidential term would be reasonable. Courts routinely approve of years long delays in sentencings when the delay is attributable to the defendant’s own conduct, or when it is attributable to factors outside of the People or the Court’s control,” writes Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s team in a motion opposing convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s bid to have his conviction tossed.

You’ve already read at least five different versions of this same story but what the hell, here’s another: The New York Times reports that convicted felon President-Elect Trump making good on his corrupt deal with Robert F Kennedy Jr could bring serious consequences for the stretches of MAGAmerica economically dependent on the production of corn syrup – the filler the packaged food industry in Kennedy’s crosshairs has for decades relied upon as a marginally cheaper alternative to cane sugar, all to a deleterious effect on the health of Americans who consumed the products.

“It’d have a huge impact,” Tyler, 37-year-old electrician at an Archer Daniels Midland corn mill, said to the Times of Bobby Brainworms’ crusade against corn syrup and corn oil. “That shuts down Central Illinois, if ADM shuts down.” Unmentioned in the article is whether Tyler, who only gave his first name, voted for Trump, but you can kind of already tell given the muted language.

The Times writes that “Voters in the farm belt continue to show a deep trust in Mr Trump, regardless of the impact of his actual policies. At Debbie’s Diner in Decatur, a dozen workers expressed opinions ranging from full-throated support for Mr Kennedy’s campaign to ‘make America healthy again’ to confidence that the incoming president would protect them from any adverse impacts. Few were particularly worried about their jobs in the short run.” Which means they have more than enough time to figure out some way of rationalizing why Trump would nominate that freak to run Health and Human Services and launch a four-year crusade to shut their entire industry down.

“It’d be impacted,” said an unnamed mill worker, “but they produce so many other products,” like corn starch, ethanol, and livestock feed. “Elon will figure it out,” another literally fucking said, lol.