“I am pleased to announce that Sean Parnell will be the Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, and Chief Pentagon Spokesman. A Great American Patriot, Sean is a fearless Combat Veteran, who led one of the most decorated units in the Afghanistan War. He earned two Bronze Stars and a Purple Heart, while his platoon achieved an incredible record of eliminating over 350 enemy fighters. During my First Term, Sean was also instrumental helping pass the MISSION ACT, the BIGGEST VA Reform in History. Congratulations to Sean, his wonderful wife, and their five children!” posted convicted felon President Trump on his shitty Twitter knockoff late Tuesday.

Sean Parnell hasn’t been mentioned here in a few years. He kind of fell off the radar in late 2021 when he withdrew from the race to succeed now-retired Republican Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey just hours after a judge had denied him custody of his three kids in a contentious court battle with his ex-wife. The former Mrs Parnell had alleged Sean was verbally and physically abusive to both her and the children, with the judge finding her the more credible witness. It did not at all help that Parnell’s military novels contained multiple depictions of graphic violence against women.

Probably hurt actually. Altogether Parnell’s shittiness as a husband and father made him too toxic for a swing state GOP primary and for any position that would require Senate confirmation, but obviously just perfect for a hire role where Trump is the only one deciding whether he’s fit.