A judge in Indiana last week allowed generational talent Joey Chestnut to travel outside the Hoosier State to compete in the annual July 4th Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest, the AP reports on a legal wrinkle smoothed over as Chestnut’s 180 probation sentence for drunkenly smacking some guy in the face at a bar on March 21st will still be in effect on the Fourth.

“This incident did not violate Major League Eating’s code of conduct, as it occurred outside any organizational event or activity and it was addressed by local authorities,” Richard Shea, the co-founder and president of Major League Eating, said of the altercation for which Chestnut pleaded guilty to on April 20th. Well that’s complete bullshit as if the victim had been a woman or a child or it had been a broken bottle instead of a smack or it was sexual assault or whatever else you want to imagine then Shea would have found the “code of conduct” to apply in one way or another. Chestnut smacked a guy under unclear circumstances, was so drunk he didn’t remember it, pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery, the judge smacked him with 180 days of probation but let him leave the state to try to eat a normally-lethal amount of hot dogs to try to win for the 18th time and that’s it.

No need for this Major League Eating assclown to do the PR arithmetic out loud and come well shy of even a condemnation for Chestnut. Especially after they fucking banned him in 2024 for doing a goddamned vegan hot dog ad but then reversed it the next year when they realized it was stupid.

“Starting June 2, Burger King® is bringing back Crown Nuggets to restaurants nationwide for the first time since 2011, after years of Guests asking the brand to re-introduce the beloved crown-shaped, dippable snack. And, to bring even more family fun to the summer season, Burger King is teaming up with Crayola, an iconic brand that celebrates colorful expression and hands-on play, with a Crayola-themed King Jr Meal, available starting June 9. Each meal includes a co-branded 4-pack of Crayola crayons and a colorable crown and meal bag, turning mealtime into a hands-on creative experience designed to spark imagination long after the last bite,” read a royal proclamation from the high throne of America’s fast food regency, for much jubilation and circumstance ensued.

New York Mets manager Carlos Mendoza on Wednesday told WFAN morning show hosts Boomer Esiason and Gregg Giannotti that the team’s fans are going to start to see things turn around in the late summer into September when the NL East playoff picture starts to form and owner Steve Cohen’s investments in the pitching staff really start to pay off. Mendoza said he wasn’t worried that the Atlanta Braves’ early season dominance would continu- Oh wait. Shit. This doesn’t work because Boomer Esiason isn’t a dumb schmuck like Maria Bartiromo and would actually question Mendoza…

A “memorandum of understanding” floated by the Trump Regime to the Ayatollah’s Regime offers a withdrawal of US forces from the Strait of Hormuz and the vicinity of Iran’s waterfront in exchange for a restoration of pre-war shipping traffic within a month, CNN reports, citing Iranian state media.

Russia’s rump legislature, the Duma, on Wednesday passed a law allowing the central bank and private(-ish) sector financial institutions to operate their ‌own defense systems following repeated attacks by Ukrainian projectiles, timely as the most recent being the Wednesday missile strike on the central bank’s offices in Sebastopol on the disputed Crimea peninsula, Reuters reports.

That they needed to pass a law to allow the banks – top commercial house Sberbank among them – to do this rather than simply deploy actual government/military assets for defense might not be the best statement on the Putin Regime’s situation in terms of resources. Could even just be a bad one.

Just filled my tank. In Texas, gas is $3.99 a gallon.

Hey Gavin—the problem isn’t Chevron, it’s California’s stupid energy policies…. pic.twitter.com/wEOWHsm9Qq

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 26, 2026

This isn’t just the most expensive Thanksgiving meal to date – Americans will also pay the most at the pump.
 
Gas will cost $3.68 – 20 cents more per gallon than last year.
 #BidenFlationhttps://t.co/LJU1lfQRqS

— Senator Ted Cruz (@SenTedCruz) November 17, 2022

A Tuesday tally by AdImpact shows that soon-to-be-former Texas Senator John Cornyn and his allies spent a grand total $92 million on campaign ads in his doomed effort to defeat deeply corrupt Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton in the two-round primary election, only to lose to Pax 63.8 to 26.2 percent. The 27.6 percent delta is slightly larger than the 35.92 percent by which George P Bush lost to Paxton in the 2022 AG primary runoff and for considerably less money.

Cornyn won a grand total of two of Texas’s 254 counties: Tarrant, home to the state Capital of Austin, was Cornyn country by 5.4 percent or 22,475 to 20,145. As was Kenedy County, population 650 and a desolate stretch of Gulf Coast two counties away from Mexico. Cornyn won 6 votes to 2.

US Naval aircraft on Tuesday hit yet another alleged “drug boat” in the eastern Pacific on Tuesday night, killing at least one person and necessitating a rescue operation for the other two on board, Reuters reports on the other casually violent operational situation the Trump regime still has going.

A pathetic and servile little weenie even after getting screwed so royally by the Orange Satan.

Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has defeated “RINO” incumbent Senator John Cornhole Cornyn in the state’s primary runoff, National Zero projects based on current returns showing Pax with a massive lead. Cornyn becomes the second incumbent to be removed by a MAGA challenger from the right this month and it is an ESPECIALLY wide margin for Pax.

FBI Director K$H Patel is really getting shit done at the bureau all day every day. On this day MS Now reports the shit he got done was firing Emily Morales, a senior intelligence analyst who in 2017 determined that the unhinged lib who almost fatally shot now-House Majority Leader Steve Scalise was not a domestic terrorist under the accepted law enforcement definition of the term.

At the time. In 2021 the FBI provided a statement to the House Appropriations Committee saying that “The shooter was motivated by a desire to commit an attack on Members of Congress… This conduct is something that we would today characterize as a domestic terrorism event.”

At least 10 workers have been injured and an unknown number are dead following the implosion of a chemical tank at the Nippon Dynawave paper mill in Longview, Washington on Tuesday, the AP reports on a horrible industrial accident that inflicted awful burns and inhalation injuries on victims.

Exactly what occurred is still unclear other than to say that a tank full of a highly corrosive mixture of mainly sodium hydroxide and sodium sulfide imploded and ruptured which, holy shit, it sounds like maybe if they had been killed in a natural gas explosion it would’ve been more merciful. Good God.

A National Zero reader has no fewer than three close family members who work at the facility either full or part time posted that their loved ones escaped injury through luck or circumstance.

“Secretary of State Shenna Bellows issued a final decision regarding challenges filed against the petitions filed by proponents of the citizen initiative titled ‘An Act to Designate School Sports Participation and Facilities by Sex’ and remanded to the Secretary of State office for further review.”

“The hearing to consider new evidence was held on May 12 and 13, 2026. Secretary Bellows accepted the recommendation of her staff, which found that on the 8,067 petition forms filed with the Secretary of State, 67,150 signatures are valid, and 12,542 signatures are invalid. Because the number of signatures required to determine the petition to be valid is 67,682, the petition was found to be invalid. While some arguments by the petitioners were rejected for insufficient evidence, and those challenged signatures were permitted, other signatures were invalidated based on evidence presented during the hearing and follow-up investigation. Following an additional review of challenged petitions and signatures, the Secretary of State’s office found signatures to be invalid due to circulators failing to witness registered voters signing petition forms and other signatures rejected as signed by another. The decision is final, pending appeal which must occur within ten days of the determination. Because of the possibility of appeal, the Office of Secretary of State will announce the final wording of the question should it appear on the ballot in November on Thursday, as required by Maine Statute,” said the Maine Secretary of State’s office on Tuesday.

Well that sure sucks for Susan Collins if Republicans can’t get this back on the ballot.

Wanted to run Jaydee’s ridiculous “fraud roundtable,” but lol, the feed cut out:

A London, Ontario physician with an overly casual way of handling patient requests for euthanasia has agreed to a six month supervision of his license after two incidents, the first of which was how he met with one patient in a Tim Horton’s parking lot to make the assessment before driving the man to a nearby mortuary processing facility to be, uh, processed, and the other a turn-around house call after an improper dose to a man suffering from terminal cancer, the National Post reports.

In the Tim Horton’s call, Dr James MacLean had in January 2024 been texting with 45 year-old Thomas Dillon, who suffered from Crohn’s disease so badly it left him unable to work which in turn led to mental and drug/alcohol abuse issues. Sick of constantly depending on family, Dillon turned to MacLean to approve him for “MAID” – medical assistance in death – as it’s known up in Maple Land, and after the quick consultation in a Tim Hortons parking lot, Dillon was greenlit and the only question was where to do it. Since MacLean isn’t so unprofessional to actually euthanize a guy in a donut place parking lot – only the decision to allow him to be euthanized happened there – they had weighed certain options. Dillon’s parents’ home was out of the question as they opposed their son killing himself so instead they decided on what was described as an “industrial” mortuary nearby.

It’s not clear if MacLean actually ended up administering the lethal injections to Dillon at the facility but the article’s text seems to suggest someone else handled that part. The setting of the final assessment for MAID eligibility and that it was only one visit – as well as the boundary-crossing nature of MacLean personally driving Dillon to the mortuary – were the ethical breaches found in the case by the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario (CPSO)’s MAID conduct review board.

“Just finished my 6 month physical at Walter Reed Military Medical Center. Everything checked out PERFECTLY. Thank you to the great Doctors and Staff! Heading back to the White House,” posted the Supreme Leader on Tuesday, his words so infallible that it is treasonous to so much as raise a mere scintilla of a query as to what diagnostic criteria were used to form his summation.

Seriously, this is what the fanboys are going to point to when some lib asks why the fat fuck keeps falling asleep during the daytime and why his hands have more cosmetic shit slathered on than the rest of his body. “Trump’s health is perfect, he said it himself on Truth Social. See? Read it and weep, you Marxist pussy. Obama was never anywhere near that healthy,” they’ll say in the replies.

His attention already elsewhere Trump then hyped the newest Fox News 2026 midterm “message theme” beta test by posting “Teen takeover in Chicago. Five officers badly hurt. Mayor and Governor are terrible. Should call for help!” without any actual link or even a video of the “takeover.” It’s no “caravans” but the “teen takeover” subplot does have some interesting qualities, specifically in how they collapse “Black and brown” into just “teens” and unsubtly imply that it’s a symptom of failed Democratic governance so it’s why you need to vote Republican in the midterms. Plus nobody on Fox News is ever going to actually say “Well if it’s such a fucking problem then why is Trump passively demanding that the mayor ask him for help when he could simply order thousands of National Guard troops to deploy to the city to impose ‘law and order’ on these rowdy kids?”

Can’t let anything get in the way of a rural Alaskan thinking “Well I was going to cast a ballot for Mary Peltola but then I saw footage of some kid in a Honda doing donuts in a downtown Chicago intersection on Fox News, so now I’m voting for Dan Sullivan to put an end to this chaos!”

Republican Pennsylvania Senator Dave McCormick was a little too honest for a split second during his Fox News bit on Tuesday, correctly calling convicted felon President Trump’s executive branch a “regime” before falling back on the more conventional term “administration” and continuing touting the company line about how this is all necessary suffering and blah blah blah. All of it raising the question of why the hell this jerkoff keeps spewing this shit when he’s not facing voters again until 2030, after the Orange Allah will hopefully be dead and thus unable to endorse some MAGA primary challenger to take McCormick down. Grow some balls and start being honest with people, Dave.

A federal judge in Virginia on Tuesday granted former FBI Director James Comey’s motion to move his July trial over the pitifully fucking stupid “8647” seashells “threat” to October 21st, All Rise’s Adam Klasfeld reports, adding that the longer timeline was specifically requested so that Comey can file motions to dismiss the indictment. Probably not a good sign for the “case” against Jim.

A three-judge panel in the Northern District of Alabama on Tuesday blocked the poorly-educated state from running its 2026 primaries under the 2023 gerrymander that removed one of the two majority-minority Congressional districts currently held by Black Democrats. It’s not clear whether the state will be able to get the US Supreme Court to lift the block before the August special primaries set in a convoluted scam meant to capitalize on the Callais decision.