Former FBI Director James Comey is seeking to skip having to drive down to Greenville, North Carolina for his next court appearance Monday in the incredibly effing stupid “8647” Trump “threat” seashells case, the AP reports, adding that embarrassed federal prosecutors agree with him.

It was too late in the day for grandpa to be handling questions from ABC’s Rachel Scott, who the old man called “that bitch” to Interior Secretary Doug Burgum, who laughed on Thursday.

“US military just carried out strikes on Iran’s Qeshm Port and Bandar Abbas: Senior US official tells me, but this is NOT a restarting of the war,” tweeted Fox News’s Jen Griffin, verbatim.

I guess Luke Skywalker was not just the biological son of Darth Vader, but took on the depth of Vader's evil heart. Hollywood produces some sick, sick people. This level of hate is demonic. https://t.co/69MgtdJGsE

— Ambassador Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) May 7, 2026

Brazilian President Luiz Lula on Thursday left the White House more than three hours after an unexplained and unannounced hiatus of a scheduled 11:15 AM joint media availability in the Oval Office with convicted felon President Trump, News Nation reports via clip guy Aaron Rupar.

Shorty after that the fat bastard’s Truth Social account posted “Just concluded my meeting with Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, the very dynamic President of Brazil. We discussed many topics, including Trade and, specifically, Tariffs. The meeting went very well. Our Representatives are scheduled to get together to discuss certain key elements. Additional meetings will be scheduled over the coming months, as necessary,” the correct spelling and punctuation raising more questions than answers.

Especially the “á” in “Inácio.” That there is one hell of a tell that something is up. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything actually serious – but if it is then you can bet it will leak sooner rather than later.

Ruh-roh. Reuters reports that a Chinese media outlet says an unnamed oil tanker owned by an unnamed Chinese energy concern came under fire in the Strait of Hormuz on Thursday. Further details were unavailable but that was not such a smart move by the Revolutionary Guard Corps.

All nine Supreme Court justices will testify at a Senate Appropriations Committee hearing on May 20th, per Punchbowl’s Samantha Handler. The purpose ostensibly is to talk about their request for increased security funding but, well, even that scope probably opens the door to other questions.

Uncomfortable questions they might just not really feel like answering publicly in front of cameras.

Israeli settlers invaded the Christian village of Taybeh and threatened to kill any residents who returned.

The settler incursion represents the latest government sanctioned attack against West Bank Christians.

Follow: @AFpost
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— AF Post (@AFpost) May 7, 2026

Sociopathic liar White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, 28-ish, and her husband, 62-ish, welcomed a new baby girl on Thursday, Fox News reports on the blessed news. The baby, named Vivi, was born on Friday, three days after Karoline’s most recent press conference.

Congrats Karoline and prayers for Vivi, who hopefully won’t ever find out that her mom’s employer once tried to get her cousin’s mom deported out of mere capricious cruelty and it was only the media – that Karoline has a “combative” relationship with – who stopped it. For now.

Mentally ill raccoon dick fetishist Health and Human Services Robert F Kennedy Jr’s “allies in the administration” tell CNN that the whole “MAHA” shitshow has been curtailed ahead of the midterms and that Bobby is being “marginalized” by the Orange God Emperor. This as though Kennedy hadn’t already served his purpose – getting Trump elected in 2024 – so there’s no point in keeping him.

“This lunatic, Hakeem ‘Low IQ’ Jeffries, should be charged with INCITING VIOLENCE! The Radical Left Democrats actually want to Destroy our Country,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday while gas prices continued to increase and he hasn’t struck a peace deal with Iran yet.

Remember in 2024 when convicted felon President Trump promised Americans that if they saved him from dying in prison by returning him to power that gas would go down to $1.84 a gallon? What’s funny is that now not only is the current national average of $4.55 a gallon more than twice that historic sub-$2.00/gallon low – that he and his fanboys failed to mention was during the economic nadir of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic – but the spike from the so-so $2.98 per gallon prior to his moronic attack on Iran is perilously close to the $1.84 he said Kamala Harris could never deliver.

Yup. At +$1.57 the increase is damn close to the total amount Trump promised to Americans.

Senate Republican campaign chief Tim Scott tells the Washington Post he’s feeling good about hanging onto the majority provided that gas prices go down and the party starts campaigning on its accomplishments. The Post did not print any of the accomplishments in the article, probably because he did not rattle any off but this is what Scott said. “I think there is a good chance that we will be able to expand the majority if everything goes our way,” Scott added, accurately summarizing how probabilities function as a variable in determining the outcome of a workflow.

Top Republican PAC Senate Leadership fund chief Alex Latcham said Dems taking the majority in the November is the “equivalent to pitching a perfect game and hitting a grand slam at the end,” whilst failing to mention preventing that relies on fielding an actual team rather than a tee-ball squad.

Why is there a woman whose hair looks like Republican Iowa Senator Joni Ernst’s the “autopen” in this AI slop depiction? Shouldn’t it be a robot or something like that?

Three elderly men and a child were killed by an Israeli drone strike in Gaza for who knows what goddamned reason on Thursday, Al-Jazeera reports on another war that Trump did not actually end.

Republican Senator Susan Collins tells NewsCenter Maine she has “an extremely common condition that is called a benign essential tremor. I have had it for the entire time that I have served in the United States Senate. It has absolutely no impact on my ability to do my job or on how I feel each day,” which sucks and isn’t the best thing to come out during a particularly tough election year.

“If you talk to anybody in Washington, they will tell you that I am the hardest working person that they have ever worked with, and the fact is I’ve never missed a single vote in all the time that I’ve been honored to represent the people of Maine. I think that’s pretty good evidence of the fact that I am blessed with great health,” Collins continued with all the reasons for non-concern.

Continuing his moronic feud with Pope Leo XVI on Wednesday, convicted felon President Trump told reporters in the Oval Office that “Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon” and that Leo “seems to be saying that they can, but they cannot.” Trump then emphasized that oil at $200 a barrel would be worth it if his now-completely unattainable goal of preventing Iran nuclearization is not achieved.

FBI agents on Wednesday executed a search warrant on Virginia State Senate President Louise Lucas’s offices in what Fox News reports is a “major corruption investigation,” coming just weeks after Lucas spearheaded the gerrymander killing four GOP-held congressional districts in the state.