“I understand Artists are getting ‘the yips’ having to do with their performance on Wednesday, so I am thinking about bringing the Number One Attraction anywhere in the World, the man who gets much larger audiences than Elvis in his prime, and he does so without a guitar, the man who loves our Country more than anyone else, and the man who some say is the Greatest President in History (THE GOAT!), DONALD J TRUMP, to take the place of these highly paid, Third Rate ‘Artists,’ and give a major speech, rallying the Country forward like I have done ever since being President! Two years ago, the United States was DEAD. Now we have the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World. I don’t want so-called ‘Artists’ that get paid far too much money, who aren’t happy. I only want to be surrounded by Happy People, Smart People, Successful People, and People that know how to WIN. So, by copy of this TRUTH, I am ordering my Representatives to look at the feasibility of doing an AMERICA IS BACK Rally on Wednesday, Washington, DC, same time, same location. Only Great Patriots invited — It will be a Wild and Beautiful Celebration of America! President DONALD J TRUMP” posted the YMCA’s number one fan on Saturday.

A mediocre white man of very much average height and build on Saturday expressed an appropriate level of confidence that he and his cohort will prevail against major tribulations that, also appropriately, self-inflicted by their own mediocrity at leadership and example-setting. Notably the confidence displayed by the mediocre white man came in response to not-especially-tough questions from a mediocre white woman who presented no challenge to the man. Some may feel an impulse to ascribe his affect to what was once colloquially known as “mansplaining” – though in all likelihood the responses would have carried the same words and intonation had identical prompts came from another mediocre white man employed by the television network.

More to the point of what Mediocre Mike said, it was pretty goddamned hilarious how he didn’t really answer the question and it wasn’t really answerable in the first place: Not just because “Binder Barbie” would be calling Joe Manchin a “radical socialist” if he were running for Senate again, but that the headwinds for the GOP are the same whether the incoming Dem candidates are hard left or centrists or outright DINOs. Losing is still losing, but to a mediocre white man who will be just fine either way, no matter what happens in the midterms or Iran he can express all the confidence he wants for victories whose likelihoods are vanishingly remote as the clock ticks toward midnight.

Alaska man Dan Sullivan announced his bid for US Senate on Friday, running as a Republican to capture the seat currently held by US Senator Dan Sullivan, KTUU reports and the previous words in this sentence are obviously a problem for the already endangered incumbent who faces a very strong actual challenger in Democratic former Congresswoman Mary Peltola’s bid to unseat him.

Not-Senator Sullivan’s campaign website is more polished than you would think, complete with a glossy headshot that seems more than a little mismatched given the guy’s obvious decades of hard living. It’s not clear how much mileage there is in between this very obvious sandbagging and Peltola/establishment Dems nor what the state’s Republican leadership can do about it other than – per KTUU – add each Dan Sullivan’s middle initial to the ballot as Alaska law demands. Now-Washington Governor Bob Ferguson pretty quickly nixed the two assholes with the same name who tried to run against him two years ago, but he was the sitting state Attorney General at the time.

In a sign of how confident the Trump Regime is that they can actually convict former FBI Director James Comey in the batshit fucking stupid charge of making threats against the Orange God Emperor with the “8647” seashells, NBC News reports that Matthew Petracca, Assistant US Attorney for Eastern District North Carolina and the lead prosecutor on the case has quit the case.

And a few other ones he was working on, but it’s not clear if he’s quitting altogether. Maybe Petracca is worried that the case might not get tossed and he would actually have to stand in front of a jury and convince them that Comey was threatening to kill the fat orange slob.

“Shockingly, a Judge appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, Christopher Cooper, ruled that The Kennedy Center, which was going to close in early July for largescale renovations and construction due to years of neglect, decay, and poor maintenance, and which was to be transformed by the Trump Administration into the Finest Facility of its kind, anywhere in the World, is not allowed to close for these renovations, which would not be possible to properly do without such a closure.”

“Additionally, Judge Cooper ruled that the 36 Member Board of Trustees, which unanimously voted to add the name ‘TRUMP’ onto the former Kennedy Center, making it The Trump Kennedy Center, did not have the right to do such an addition, and the name, ‘TRUMP,’ must be removed. The Kennedy Center has lost, over the years, prior to our getting involved a short while ago, Hundreds of Millions of Dollars – In some cases, including ridiculous construction jobs that were done, over 100 Million Dollars a year. I took great pride in taking over a losing Institution, and looked forward to making it into a Great and Prestigious WINNER for Washington, DC, and indeed, the United States of America. Unfortunately, Judge Cooper and the Radical Left would rather see it DIE than have President Trump transform it into something that everyone could be proud of, much as I have done, in many cases, throughout my life, and recently, with all of the construction, renovations, and ‘fix ups’ that we have completed with the Department of Interior on Waterfalls, Fountains, Monuments, and other things of Beauty that we have brought back to life in a now SAFE AND SECURE, after Record Setting Crime, Washington, DC, which is thriving like, perhaps, never before!”

A DC federal judge on Friday ordered convicted felon President Trump to remove his name from Kennedy Center and to reopen the venue, finding that both were in clear violation of federal law.

“ORDERED that Plaintiff’s Motion for Preliminary Injunction is GRANTED in relevant part. It is further ORDERED that Defendants, together with their employees, agents, and anyone acting in concert with them, are hereby preliminarily ENJOINED from enforcing or implementing the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts Board of Trustees’ March 16, 2026 decision to ‘wind-down’ programming and ‘close’ the Center’s ‘doors entirely effective July 5, 2026, for such time as is required to complete the repair and restoration funded by Section 60025 of the One Big Beautiful Bill Act.’ Defendants may not take steps to further effectuate the March 16 decision for the pendency of this action, or until the Board approves any closure consistent with the Court’s Opinion, and the Court issues a further Order dissolving or modifying this preliminary injunction,” wrote Judge Christopher Cooper and it’ll be interesting to see if Trump complies with the removal part.

“Iran must agree that they will never have a Nuclear Weapon or Bomb. The Hormuz Strait must be immediately open, no tolls, for unrestricted shipping traffic, in both directions. All water mines (bombs), if any, will be terminated (we have removed, through detonation, numerous such mines with our great underwater mine sweepers. Iran will complete the immediate removal and/or detonation of any mines that are left, which will not be many!). Ships caught in the Strait due to our amazing and unprecedented Naval Blockade, which will now be lifted, may start the process of ‘heading home!’ Say HELLO to your wives, husbands, parents, and families from me, your favorite President!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, pre-demanding gratitude from troops who wouldn’t even be there in the first place if not for him getting worked by two-bit hustler “Bibi.”

Troops and sailors that he also hasn’t actually allowed to go back home to their families yet.

“The enriched material, sometimes referred to as ‘Nuclear Dust,’ which is buried deep underground with virtually collapsed mountains, caused by our powerful B2 Bomber attack 11 months ago, sitting on top of it, will be unearthed by the United States (which, it is agreed, is the only Country, along with China, with the mechanical capability of doing so!), in close coordination and conjunction with the Islamic Republic of Iran, plus the International Atomic Energy Agency, and DESTROYED. No money will be exchanged, until further notice. Other items, of far less importance, have been agreed to. I will be meeting now, in the Situation Room, to make a final determination,” the fat bastard continued as if Iran simply renaming it the “Strait of Trump” wouldn’t be more than enough.

Ryan Fournier, the very Hitler Youth-esque co-founder of very Hitler Youth-esque organization Students for Trump is, unsurprisingly, a piece of shit with women and is now facing charges for a Monday night incident in DC when he attacked a woman he’s been dating after she woke him up from a drunken stupor as he was passed out on the floor, the Guardian reports Fournier’s non-first rodeo with alcohol nor domestic assault-related run-ins with a justice system right-wingers revere.

Until, you know, when they come in contact with it. “Don’t touch me, woman!”, screamed Fournier according to a police report “Do you want me to crush your head in with this lamp?”

The 30 year-old Fournier’s roommate in the luxury apartment, identified only as “Witness” in the police report, then tried to intervene: “[Witness] returned to the office where [Fournier] was swinging a handheld vacuum around, screaming at [Victim]. [Witness] got between the two attempting to separate both parties. [Witness] said that he went to the bathroom and heard [Fournier] yelling, ‘Do you want to die today?’ [Victim] ran into the bathroom, and according to [Witness], ‘looked like she had been punched in the face.’ [Witness] called 911, and [Fournier] left the apartment, during this time [Victim] said to [Witness], ‘Don’t let him stab me,'” the cops wrote.

Fournier is due in court on July 7th, evidently not important enough for alcoholic DC US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro to bury this like her predecessor “Eagle Ed” Martin did for Cory Mills last year. Fournier’s not a star. When you’re a star they let you do anything you want.

“Before the Court is plaintiffs’ Expedited Motion for Briefing Schedule (‘Expedited Motion’), which requests an expedited briefing and hearing schedule for its pending Motion for Temporary Restraining Order, Or in the Alternative, a Preliminary Injunction with Expedited Briefing and for a Stay Under 5 USC § 705. Defendants oppose this Motion, requesting additional time to respond.”

“Because full briefing of the issue will enhance the ability of the Court to make a sound decision. Plaintiffs’ Expedited Motion, is DENIED and defendants’ request for additional time is GRANTED; however, to ensure that no funds are irreversibly disbursed from the AntiWeaponization Fund (hereinafter, ‘Fund’) while plaintiffs’ Motion is pending, it is hereby ORDERED that defendants be and are ENJOINED from taking any further action pursuant to the creation or operation of the Anti-Weaponization Fund, which includes the transferring of money to the Fund; the consideration of any claims submitted to the Fund; and the disbursing of any funds from the Fund,” says a Friday order from Virginia federal Judge Leonie Brinkema, setting a June 12 hearing on next steps in Andrew Floyd, et al v Department of Justice, et al. Floyd is a former federal prosecutor who worked a shit ton of January 6th cases, he’s joined by co-plaintiffs watchdog group Common Cause, some professor from University of California Channel Islands, the National Abortion Federation, and the City of New Haven, Connecticut. Could not even begin to imagine the standing they collectively have.

In a different legal setback for the Trump Regime, former President Joe Biden’s lawsuit to halt the release of his memoir tapes was assigned to DC Federal Judge Tanya S Chutkan on Friday.

An old, but apt fable:

A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of…

— Senator John Cornyn (@JohnCornyn) May 29, 2026

Continued Cornhole as he mourned his own political death at the hands of Lord Donald: “The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of the river. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: ‘I am sorry, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s my character.'”

The condition of four climbers who fell off Alaska’s Mount Denali – which the AP calls “McKinley” in their article because apparently they bitched out after having defied the Orange God Emperor on the Gulf of Mexico – are “unknown” according to National Park Service officials who are set to launch a search and rescue mission as soon as the weather permits them to fly a helicopter safely at the roughly 18,600 ft height the climbers plummeted from North America’s tallest mountain.

Yup. Nobody knows the condition of the climbers after they fell off a cliff three miles above sea level in the middle of a raging snowstorm more than 24 hours ago. Complete mystery as to how they might be doing after having suffered such a terrible calamity in an extremely hostile environment.

Convicted felon President Trump’s insistence on that batshit stupid and corrupt $1.776 billion “anti-weaponization” slush fund appears likely to doom any effort for another party-line reconciliation bill to follow up on the Big Beautiful piece of shit from last year, Punchbowl News reports.

Senate Republicans were trying to pass along party lines a $70 billion ICE and CBP funding package but too many in the chamber are either demanding some kind of “guardrails” to the fund or to simply nix it altogether because it’s fucking insane for Trump to try to pull this shit in a midterm year. Then there’s the Democrats’ agency in the “vote-a-rama” process that exposes the GOP to a shit ton of up-or-down votes on whatever amendments the Dems want to intro, ones requiring the Republicans to go on record about the fund and really whatever other suffering they want to inflict.

All of this means the likelihood of a total collapse of any legislation is increasingly likely.

Breaking: Justice Department denies E. Jean Carroll perjury investigation https://t.co/6JJeZbHL4k

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) May 29, 2026

Lol at the “Breaking” this fucking clown added to the headline, like the denial was something that just had to get out to his audience to reassure them that their Orange Messiah’s regime isn’t going after his rape accuser, just the people that bankrolled the legal fees for her two winning lawsuits against him for raping and then defaming her. What their actual crime was supposed to have been is unclear to those who would only read it from Solomon’s content mill. Likely deliberately.

“In light of widespread reporting and intense media and public interest in the E Jean Carroll matter in New York, the Chicago US Attorney’s Office can confirm that it has not opened – and has never opened – a criminal investigation into Carroll. Any claim to the contrary is categorically false,” the story quotes Regime US Attorney Andrew Boutros’s office, which then leads into a strangely triumphant “The New York Times, which cited anonymous sources in its initial report on the alleged probe, acknowledged Boutros’ denial and said sources have since told it that Hoffman’s nonprofit, American Future Republic — and not Carroll — is currently the subject of the criminal inquiry.”

Meaning Solomon’s lame propaganda outlet is spiking the football that the New York Times “acknowledged” Boutros’s denial and thus somehow stuck it to its libtard subscribers by disabusing their preconceived notion that Trump’s team would prosecute the woman still waiting to collect a sum $90 million in judgments from one of the fat fuck’s donors or maybe the Qataris, who the hell knows who’s going to step up and pay it for him, he sure as shit isn’t going to write the check.

Not content to have spilled enough blood, Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Thursday announced a new initiative to have the IDF seize control of 70 percent of Gaza, Sky News reports.

None should expect convicted felon President Trump to subtract it from the wars he’s “settled,” however, since that running total was made up in his own head in the first place.

God it is so fucking on-brand that the infamous duo were even considered for a Trump Regime show but yeah, 7 News DC’s Scott Thurman reports Milli Vanilli, the lip synching assclowns who were a dated joke 30 years ago, have backed out of the “Great American State Fair” concert series on the National Mall as part of the “America 250” celebrations in DC over the next few weeks.

Morris Day and Young MC have also backed out. Poison’s Brett Michaels (or, wait was Michaels in Motley Crue? Who gives a shit) and Vanilla Ice are still billed. Of fucking course they picked Vanilla Ice because how the hell else are the fanboys going to fap without “ICE, ICE baby”?

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime on Thursday said a slightly different version of the same shit they’ve been saying for almost three months now in that they’ve reached some kind of peace deal with Iran and this one’s tentative, lasting 60 days, something something, CBS News reports.

Meaning it’ll take like a day, day and half tops for the fat bastard to scream that he’ll wipe out every elementary school in the country because they didn’t say thank you to him or something.

NEW AD: Ken Paxton just released a pedophile back on our streets.

Adam Hoffman abused a little boy for 3 years. He should have faced life in prison — but Ken Paxton and his wealthy lawyer friends let Hoffman off the hook.

Ken Paxton’s corruption is hurting Texas. pic.twitter.com/GwxlewCFpO

— Team Talarico (@TeamTalaricoHQ) May 28, 2026

Cups of “feet juice” – as in Everclear mixed with Kool-Aid dispensed from the bottom spigot of a cooler in which an attractive young woman dressed as a sexually provocative Japanese cartoon character immersed her bare feet – sold pretty well at “ParkCon,” an unofficial breakout session thrown in a public park adjacent to the San Jose, California venue in which “FanimeCon” was held last weekend, the San Francisco Chronicle reports on the highlights of a local cultural event.

The feet juice sold for as much as $15 a cup. Several of the men reportedly paid $20 for what were presumably smaller quantities as they consumed it directly from a trickle off the models’ feet.

Yeah. It was a big hit. Lots of anime fans were there and drank it instead of beer or whiskey…

No. No, the city’s health department didn’t approve this and obviously it was a violation of every code in the book but you know economic informalities and everything… Oh. That’s not the part you were concerned over. Oh come on, don’t be so morose. Some people are just weird and these things happen sometimes. Most of them probably regret it already… Okay, yeah maybe you kind of have a point. Just try not to let this bother you so much. It’s an isolated incident. Yes, sure “for now.” Okay.