A London jury on Thursday found actor/comedian turned Q-pilled conspiracy podcaster Russell Brand guilty on charges of rape and sexual assault, Sky News reports on the downfall of yet another MAGA hero. Jurors acquitted Brand on two counts of rape, and one count of attempted indecent assault, while nailing him to the wall on a single count of rape and three counts of sexual assault.

Justice Joel Bennathan, who may or may not have been wearing one of those silly jurist wigs while addressing the grave matter, told Brand he’s “been convicted of a number of offences including rape. The consequence of that is inevitably a significant custodial term. My current view is that I therefore have to remand you into custody,” sending the formerly Hollywood-marketable actor to the clink ahead of his Monday sentencing. As Bennathan said, the bid will be “significant,” so Charlie Kirk’s minions may want to hold off on booking him for this December’s big TPUSA fest.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday told ABC’s Jonathan Karl he has “every intention to keep” binge-drinking date rapist Pete Hegseth on as Defense Secretary. Karl writes that Trump “acknowledged receiving calls from people unhappy with Hegseth, but said, ‘I get these calls, you know, about him. I don’t understand why.'” Karl does not then comment on Trump’s lack of understanding, but adds that Trump knows it’ll be easier to confirm a replacement before Janaury.

The New York Times’s Wednesday night article headlined “I Have Seen the Enemy, and It Is Us’: Inside Team Trump’s Historic Collapse – How an unpopular president and an unpopular war provided an opening for Democrats to make sweeping gains in the midterms,” and containing the hype-y “This account of the Republican Party’s collapse is based on interviews with more than 70 people,” following the intro doesn’t quite live up to that implication of giddy hilarity one might’ve expected.

It’s well-reported and there is some funny shit, like Trump asking one of his minions “If we never went into Iran, what do you think would happen in the midterms?” and that, by waiting too long to book ads, MAGA Inc paid 11 times what Dems did for the cost of a local TV news commercial spot in Alaska. But overall it’s both just a tad too inside baseball-y and not comedic enough.

The opener, an in media res of a meeting between Trump’s top political chieftains Tony Fabrizio, Chris LaCivita, James Blair, and others is pretty goddamned funny though: Knowing they were fucked, Fabrizio joked “Maybe we could get asylum in Israel,” while Blair said “Look, it’s fine. I think we’ll just pull a Mike Lindell and demand a recount regardless of how many points we’re down.”

“Last night, the voters of North Carolina’s 9th District made their choice, and I respect it. God is sovereign over my life, and He has a plan for all of us. Representing the people of North Carolina has been the honor of my life. Since 2013, I’ve worked for North Carolina families. That includes the soldiers and families at Fort Bragg, who sacrifice more for this country than most people will ever know. Every day I had the privilege of being Fort Bragg’s Congressman, I worked to earn that honor. America is the greatest country, and I believe more than ever in the principles that make us great. Whatever the future holds, I will keep fighting for those principles and for the people who believe in commonsense, conservative policies that will save our country and make the lives of the American people better. In the words of Ronald Reagan: we lost a skirmish, but the battle goes on,” and blah blah blah said NRCC chair Richard Hudson in his concession letter.

So for those keeping score at home, the guy whose job it is to make sure that the GOP did not lose the House did such a shitty job that he lost his own Trump double-digit seat,

Convicted felon President Trump has begun his usual pre-firing ritual of asking advisers whether Pete Hegseth should be sent back to Fox and Friends Weekends, CBS News reports.

From one long-ass tweet posted by Vice President Couchfucker on Wednesday morning:

“One of the things the data analysts on our side obsessed over was ‘composition’ – whether the electorate looked close enough to 2024 for Republicans to win. And despite polls that showed a Democrat blowout, the data kept on telling us the same story: in some states turnout was merely OK, in other states it was downright amazing, and in no state was it catastrophic. There was a genuine sense of optimism on our team: our people were showing up. So, I asked the smartest data guy I know, does that mean we’re going to shock the world? ‘No,’ he told me. ‘We might do better than the polls suggest. But the data is telling us that a lot of Trump/Vance 2024 voters are pissed and planning to vote for the other guys. Our voters are turning out, but they may not vote for us.'”

“Well, that looks prophetic now. Our voters did show up. In Florida, for example, the electorate was 9 points more Republican than Democrat, just a couple points worse than 2024. Undoubtedly there were places we could have done better on turnout. But the main problem is not turnout. The main problem is that many people who voted for Trump/Vance in 2024 voted for Democrats in 2026.”

Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson on Wednesday informed his minions that he will not be running for House Minority Leader, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, with that announcement coming ahead of spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan throwing his jockstrap in the ring to take the helm of the now badly-diminished House GOP caucus. He may need to assure the younger male Republican Congressmen that he will not be hiring a predatory pervert who performs medically unnecessary examinations of their genitals and buttocks to serve as House doctor.

Sherman just now reported that Steve Scalise will be challenging Jordan for the head coach spot.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. pic.twitter.com/Q1ZGYM7idV

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) November 4, 2026

Yeah. We know. It’s why Republicans got the shit kicked out of them on Tuesday. This “PSA” is tautological in its context. Lots of anti-MAGA voters would trade the 2026 outcome for a different one in 2024, and live in the timeline where Trump is in prison and Dems took a beating in the midterms. This is still terrible cope from the regime, composed and posted on taxpayer time.

Speaking to CBS’s Norah O’Donnell early Wednesday morning, dipshit podcaster Katie “Magda Goebbels” Miller straight up admitted she did not actually cast a ballot, saying “You see that moms are too busy raising their children and taking care of them to go to the polls,” adding she “did not vote in Virginia because in Virginia when you vote, you dox your own address, and so I prefer my own safety and security over giving that up,” per the Independent’s summary of the interview.

From Steve Deace, the Blaze wiener who warned a few weeks ago that the GOP was in for an utterly horrific night: “We fought harder for over ballrooms and the Kennedy Center than we did the Epstein list, we chose the stock market and data centers over Doge and debt reduction, and (the literal straw that broke the camel’s back) we made affordability worse with the very stupid Middle East foreign war we promised for a decade there would be no more of. Of course, this was all true going into this election as reflected by the polls (which were sadly right). However, I had hoped the level of unprecedented radicalization of the Democrats and their party’s unpopularity would counter the justifiable anger of the American people at least somewhat. Sadly, it did not. And when a state like mine, Iowa, is voting to make it virtually impossible to raise taxes by a wider margin then it voted for a tax raiser like Rob Sand for governor and to make a literal Satanic priestess my congresswoman (after overwhelmingly supporting Trump three times), then the message is clear as painful as it is.”

THIS IS IT LADIES AND GENTS! It only happened eight years ago the last time convicted felon President Trump was in office and Dems had high hopes to take the fat bastard down.

Follow here LIVE for all the results, the cope, the tears, and all the silly bullshit!

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu and his Likud Party is “considering refusing to recognize the results of Israel’s election and voting against their certification by the Central Elections Committee on Wednesday,” per Haaretz, which says the “move would be unprecedented in Israeli history.”

Even if it’d mostly likely be meaningless legally, and be overturned by the courts quickly, it’s obvious that Netanyahu is trying to start his own January 6th situation in Israel, the fucking dick.

You know these little “feel-based” messages aren’t supposed to actually make any logical sense to anyone who ever bothers to fully interrogate them but seriously like this fucking criminal degenerate freak and the closet gay Russian asset are really overdoing the “THEY” bit even at that. THEY shot Charlie Kirk so THEY can kill YOU and your family so YOU have to vote Republican. This, despite the reality that, well, voting Republican in 2024 did not prevent Charlie’s neck from gushing like a faucet after a man with a pre-op trans partner – who was raised by gun-owning GOP voters – shot Kirk with a high-powered rifle. Seems like THEY can do whatever THEY want and K$H Patel in a women’s medium FBI jacket is going to stop THEM whether there’s a MAGA majority in power in DC or not.

Over 20 individuals linked to Alaska Dem Mary Peltola’s Senate bid – including top elections attorney Marc Elias – have been sent “criminal target letters” on Tuesday by convicted felon President Trump’s regime over the sham campaign of the other Dan Sullivan, the New York Times reports.

“Guam, which has always been considered strongly Democrat, just had an early call for a REPUBLICAN Victory in the top spot, Governor – Congratulations to Tony Ada! Also, the Republicans have the Majority in the State Senate. Wow, hopefully that’s an indication for things to come!” posted convicted felon President Trump, who may or may not be under the notion that Guam is a state.

Guam doesn’t have a “State Senate.” It has a unicameral territorial legislature with 15 seats.

But that’s actually not the biggest problem with Trump’s post, as whatever prompted Guamians to pick Ada over Dem Therese Terlaje to succeed term-limited Dem Gov Lou Leon Guerrero did not materialize for non-voting Republican Congressional Delegate James Moyaln, who lost to Dem challenger Alicia Anne Garrido Limtiaco by 3 percent, a roughly 9 percent D swing for the territory’s electorate. So really Trump just completely ignored that split result and clung to the governorship.

Then he screamed at the Daily Mail and Congressman Ted Lieu for failing to mention that he claimed he was only joking on Monday when he said he wanted to name the Reflecting Pool after himself.

“Nothing should distract voters from what Peltola and democrats did to deceive them and cancel out their votes during this election. Nothing is more important than holding them to account for what they are doing in this moment, not some slur from 2 years ago. Don’t lose sight of the ball” – Top comment on the New York Post article “AOC-backed Alaska Senate hopeful Mary Peltola accused of using n-word,” posted Sunday. The Post’s “reporting” was only picked up by National Zero on Tuesday because the Gateway Pundit had gotten it from the Post – all of this no fewer than 25 days after valiant indie site the Alaska Landmine had first reported it – sourced from one ex-Peltola aide.

The story seemed a little weak, a reader identifying himself as Ed Wesley – the alleged target of the slur – himself posted the text of a detailed letter expressing serious doubt as to whether Peltola had ever said it and reaffirming his support for her, so this seems like a whiff for the Landmine (though Wesley’s statement was later pasted into the article). But that the Posts scrapes it up without REALLY trying to make it a thing should tell you that maybe they had reservations about hyping up Peltola as a casual user of the n-word, which might’ve made her more appealing to MAGA voters than it’d be a credible disqualifier for those already supporting her in the crucial Senate race.

You can see a similar vein of “pragmatism” right there in the comment: Don’t let the allegations that she’s just as racist as your typical MAGA voter fool you! Focus on the allegations that she’s just as perfidious as your typical MAGA politician by backing a sham candidate to siphon votes away from her opponent! Cornell and Kanye West and Jill Stein and Eric Hafner and all the rest were different!

Amid an interminable ramble over the phone to Fox and Friends on Tuesday morning, convicted felon President Trump slipped in a pretty big if true attempt to turn things around for his party: “We made a deal months ago that we’re stopping, and at there they’re fine with it… we won’t be paying any more Israel… We’ve already agreed that by the end of this year we won’t be paying Israel. Now, we’ll help Israel if they need it,” said Trump during his final pitch to Fox News viewers.

“It is my Great Honor to endorse Dr Brian Schmutzler, a MAGA Warrior and REAL Republican running to represent the wonderful people of Indiana’s 11th State Senate District! A Proven Leader, Brian serves his Community as a Highly Respected Anesthesiologist and Medical Director. His opponent, Gabrianna Gratzol, is a Radical Left Democrat who is opposed to NO TAX ON TIPS, NO TAX ON OVERTIME, and NO TAX ON SOCIAL SECURITY and, if she and the Dumocrats ever got in, all of these things will be terminated. She wants massive Tax Increases, Open Borders, Men playing in Women’s Sports, and Transgender Mutilization of your Children. Gabrianna Gratzol is Reckless, Radical, and Dangerous!” and blah blah blah, posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday amid hundreds of ceaseless appeals to his own fanbase to vote for these assholes.

The Schmutzler fellow just stuck out for very obvious reasons. Lol, where the fuck did this guy’s surname come from if it wasn’t a piece of scrap paper found in Mel Brook’s wastebasket? “Nah, ‘Schmutzler’ is too obvious for a Catskills time-share owner who sells it and changes his surname to ‘Scott’ so he can switch to Saratoga Springs. Think I’ll go with ‘Dorfman’ instead for that yutz.”

Oy vey. Friggin “Schmutzler” might be legitimately the funniest surname of a Republican on the ballot anywhere in the US on this election day, even with “Jeff Crank” on it in Colorado, lol.