In what ABC News calls an “unprecedented move for [the] president” in the headline, the Disney-owned national network sort of missed the mark in emphasizing the allegedly “unprecedented” nature of the convicted felon leader of the free world having some scumbag who he appointed changing the rules to increase his profits from a scam operation designed solely to rip off his own fans and provide a channel for laundering money from third-world despots and other malefactors.

It’s pretty on-brand for Donald Trump. Even “precedented” if you will for the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, led by Trump appointee Jonathan Gould, to go ahead and say that World Liberty Financial, is a bank and not a slush fund. It’s not like the Republican-controlled Congress or Supreme Court are going to fucking stop them. Their biggest achievement in containing Trump was getting him to delete AI slop depicting himself as Jesus Christ and another one depicting former President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama as apes.

More like Douche Fakeman, amirite? Heh-heh-heh. Friday had to be the greatest day of this asshole’s life, having convicted felon President Trump show up once again to his suburban bailiwick just outside of New York City in front of a crowd of police cadets who may or may not have faced retaliation or even expulsion from the academy on Blakeman’s orders if they had declined to fill out the seats in the auditorium. Guess the Nassau County Police Department had to find a way to make up for the September 2024 false alarm fuckup that freaked his fans out during a rally at the nearly-adjacent Nassau Coliseum. For Blakeman it’s the pinnacle of his career in politics, leading the populous and wealthy county while also winning the gubernatorial nomination by default after Elise Stefanik said “fuck this” and quit politics because Trump wouldn’t endorse her like he promised to after having pulled her nomination to UN Ambassador because he couldn’t afford to lose her vote.

Lol. Anyway it’s been a long road for Bruce, serving as a town and then county councilman in the 1990s, and then losing the state comptroller race by more than 30 points in 1998, reelection to his county legislature seat in 1999, dropping out of the 2009 New York City mayoral contest, losing a 2010 US Senate primary by more than 20 points, and losing a 2014 congressional race before finally squeaking out the county executive-ship by 0.86 percent against Dem incumbent Laura Curran during the 2021 mini-Red Wave powered by the nationwide “Critical Race Theory” circlejerk.

“At 1100 PM HST, the center of Tropical Storm Lala was located near latitude 17.8 North, longitude 153.5 West. Lala is moving toward the west-northwest near 13 mph. This general motion is expected to continue for the next couple of days, taking the core of Lala near the South Point of the Big Island of Hawaii on Saturday and then south of the smaller islands on Sunday. Maximum sustained winds are near 65 mph with higher gusts. Steady strengthening is forecast, and Lala is expected to become a hurricane as it approaches the Big Island Saturday. Tropical-storm-force winds extend outward up to 220 miles from the center.The minimum central pressure based on data from an Air Force reconnaissance aircraft is 991 mb (29.27 inches),” says a National Hurricane Center update.

After his usual boilerplate “complete and total endorsement” for political limp dick Republican Alaska Senator Dan Sullivan, convicted felon President Trump on Friday took extra exception to the Democrats exploiting the already low-profile non-entity’s even more generic name.

“Because of the trickery in the Voting, the Crooked, Radical Left Dumocrats have put up another man named ‘Dan Sullivan,’ and they did this to take Votes away from our Great Senator of the same name. Democrats are trying to ‘trick’ Alaskans, and treat Alaskan Voters with contempt. On Tuesday, August 18th, Alaskans, don’t be fooled. The Senator you want to vote for is: ‘SULLIVAN, DAN S, REGISTERED REPUBLICAN/INCUMBENT,'” the most notoriously dishonest and pernicious piece of shit in the history of American politics wrote, plainly enraged his own party couldn’t pull a similar maneuver in a crucial race that will prove pivotal if the Dems end up taking control of the chamber.

“‘SULLIVAN, DAN S’ has my Complete and Total Endorsement for Re-Election – HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!” Trump continued with emphasis. Last year he promised New Jersey and Virginia voters their energy bills would be cut in half if they elected MAGA candidates for governor and other statewide offices. That he had made a similar promise during his 2024 campaign, which didn’t really pan out, was not stopping him from just broadcasting his desperation for his squad to win. So yeah, it’s quite rich to see him deservedly freaking the fuck out over the other Dan Sullivan standing up.

“Consumer sentiment fell about 8 percent this August, ending two consecutive months of improvement. While views of personal finances saw only minor declines, expected business conditions sank 11 percent for the short run and 17 percent for the long run. Decreases in sentiment were seen across the political spectrum, with Republicans exhibiting the strongest month-to-month decline in August. Sentiment among Republicans is now 19 percent below readings just prior to the Iran conflict and the lowest since the 2024 election. Although the early-month weakening in sentiment was pervasive across various demographic groups, notably large reductions were seen among older consumers, lower-income consumers, and those without a college degree. These groups are all particularly vulnerable to any erosion of purchasing power stemming from inflation.”

“Across all consumers, only 8 percent expect their income growth to exceed inflation in the year ahead, down from 18 percent in December 2024, a reflection of the belief that high prices will continue to be burdensome,” says the University of Michigan’s monthly survery report.

On his way to his helicopter to board his luxury 747 to fly to New Jersey so he could play golf all weekend, convicted felon President Trump on Friday remained consistent in addressing concerns raised by regular American consumers and the families of Navy sailors stuck on board an aircraft carrier on an extended deployment in the Middle East: He doesn’t give a fuck and would rather not be asked about it, if fact he’ll be far more upset by the way his hair looked when he sees this later.

Let’s-a-go! The news-a sayin-a Luigi Mangione-he-a-pleaded-a-guilty to-a-murderin-tha-man-who-a-denya-health-a-care-to-people-whos-a-dyin-of-horrific-colon-a-cancer an other-a-horrible-terminal-ailaments! He-don’t-feel-so-guilty-because-a-the-victim-wasn’t a-so-sympathetic-to-a-the-general-public-that-a-maybe-he’d-a-had-it-coming! Maybe they-a-even-a-sayin Bryan Thompson-a burnin in-a-hell where he-belong-a! Luigi-also-become-a sex-symbol to-a-women who-a probably-bribing-federal-prison-goombas-to-let them in-a the-jail-house for some amore!

Alcoholic DC US Attorney Jeanine Pirro on Friday announced the arrest of a suspect named Melissa Farris in the weird vandalism of the National Mall’s World War II memorial, CNN reports. “Vandalizing our World War II Memorial is a despicable attack on a sacred monument honoring the Americans who fought and died for our freedom. Those Americans include my father and grandfather,” Pirro posted.

“Our beautiful World War II Memorial was just hit by Spray Painting Vandals. THERE CAN BE NO GREATER INSULT TO THOSE AMERICAN HEROES WHO DIED IN WORLD WAR II. First the Reflecting Pool, now this. We are on their trail! Where do these animals come from???” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday. Surprisingly, Trump wasn’t just making it up as an unidentified woman reportedly really did spray paint “Clean hands, dirty money” and her or another individual or individuals dumped soap in the fountains, turning the somber basins into oversized bubble baths.

WWII MEMORIAL DEFACED: Bright pink spray paint reading “Clean hands, dirty money” was found scrawled across the hallowed National Mall memorial on Thursday.

The memorial's fountain was also tampered with, overflowing with bubbles, prompting U.S. Park Police to block off the area… pic.twitter.com/ib8SOWDQAC

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 14, 2026

Thought for a second there that maybe some MAGA voters had spray painted swastikas to protest Nazi Germany’s defeat 81 years ago and that’s why Trump had neglected to include any such images in his post. Also odd is how he didn’t immediately declare the vandals to be commie Antifa terrorists. Even if “clean hands, dirty money” coupled with the (disgraceful) choice of target is kind of vague it’s a shorter leap from there to hardcore leftist anarchism than it is any other ideology.

Not odd at all is how Trump was completely full of shit about how his National Guard and Park Police deployments would deter this kind of crime from happening, just another one of the countless examples of the fat fuck talking a big game only to end up looking like the saggy-titted fraud he is.

“Advance estimates of US retail and food services sales for July 2026, adjusted for seasonal variation and holiday and trading-day differences, but not for price changes, were $763.6 billion, down 0.6 percent (±0.4 percent) from the previous month, but up 5.0 percent (±0.5 percent) from July 2025. Total sales for the May 2026 through July 2026 period were up 6.3 percent (±0.5 percent) from the same period a year ago. The May 2026 to June 2026 percent change was unrevised from up 0.2 percent (±0.3 percent),” says the Commerce Department’s monthly report.

Per Bloomberg, this was the largest drop in over a year. But MAGAnomics rules, America so hot.

Because leaders of dysfunctional states for their own individual reasons look up to the dysfunction of the United States as an ideal political operating mode and everyone just seems to accept that as normal, questions are of course being raised over when or if convicted felon President Trump will bless Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu with a “complete and total endorsement” to remain at the helm of the Middle East’s Only Democracy™ for another few years or get benched once again.

Per Axios, Netanyahu is actually desperate for his face to be showered in the Orange God Emperor’s golden glory, despite the whole lot of jack shit it did for now-former Hungarian tyrant Viktor Orban when he was similarly troubled in his bid to remain corruptly entrenched in power, even to the point where reportedly one of Benny’s minions had to lie to Trump for him during a meeting last month. All is not lost for “Bibi,” as extremely sketchy Axios senior correspondent Barak Ravid writes that even if it’s not looking like the diabolical war criminal’s coaltion will win outright October’s parlimentary vote, there’s a decent enough chance that the opposition will fail to form a government, buying Netanyahu a few more months as “caretaker” PM before another automatically-triggered national election.

And yet Ravid writes that, even given that cushion, “A former US official briefed on the situation claimed that Netanyahu’s weakness in polls has deterred Trump from getting involved,” lol.

I came first in the Clacton by-election! Of the candidates who bothered to turn up for the results. Here is my victory speech! pic.twitter.com/PBaLO10P2j

— Count Binface (@CountBinface) August 14, 2026

White nationalist Brexit douchebag Nigel Farage on Friday declared victory in the special election triggered by his resignation from his seat because of some picayune scandal and it’s not terribly easy to understand even before his opponent in the special was a man in a robot alien trash can costume who goes by “Count Binface.” As mentioned by Señor Binface, Farage was too chickenshit to actually show up to the final vote count which, by the way Sky News makes it sound, is a hallowed tradition in British politics. In fact it’s possibly only the second time it’s happened in UK history. The last candidate not to show up was Bobby Sands, an Irish Republican dissident who was indisposed at the time of his 1981 special election victory he was dying of starvation in a prison outside Belfast when he won a seat in Parliament. Sands was running to replace another Irish Catholic dissident MP Frank Maguire who had died of a heart attack. A third IRA-connected Irishman, Owen Carron, then won the seat in a subsequent special a few weeks later.

Farage defeated Binface 63.3 to 26.9 percent on turnout of around 30,000 in the Clacton district.

A new Fox News survey of Ohio voters finds Dem former Senator Sherrod Brown leading dipshit incumbent appointee Jon Husted 53 to 45 percent in this November’s contest for the seat, which would really fucking suck for Republicans if it turned out to be the actual final margin in the state.

An incident at a data center in Phoenix, Arizona on Thursday proved the infrastructure of the internet to be more fragile than previously understood by a number of hapless idiots who thought a business called “NameCheap.com” was named so because of simple marketing gimmicks and that the “cheapness” did not extend to the reliability of buying a domain and hosting from them.

These people were literally posting minute-by-minute updates on how deploying some sort of cooling blasters to unfuck the melted server racks in the middle of goddamned August in Arizona after a power outage blew out the building’s air conditioning, and yet did nothing to inform this site’s readers – not to mention thousands of other businesses’ staff and customers – what the hell was actually happening. A simple redirect message explaining that would have helped if they couldn’t be bothered to have had some sort of fully-functional redundancy in place for such a cataclysm.

Anyway life is fleeting and at entropy’s whims, and so the internet when you go the “cheap” route.

🚨 IRAN'S NEXT MOVE: Could Tehran ramp up its aggression as the U.S. midterms approach? @gen_jackkeane issues a stark warning as tensions remain high in the Strait of Hormuz.@TreyYingst has the latest from Tel Aviv. ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/mn6G9LYFSm

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) August 13, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday announced that scary sociopath White House Press Secretary Karline Leavitt will be leaving her job at the end of the month. Though Trump claimed Krazy Karoline “will now be one of my top outside advisors, and an influential voice within the Republican Party, as we work to defy History, and conclusively win the Midterm Election,” the timing of her quitting just weeks after returning from maternity leave and doing only one (?) presser since then seems to indicate that she just doesn’t have it in her anymore and Fox News pays better.

Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee didn’t last all that long either. Steph Grisham held like zero press conferences and Kayleigh McEnany only stuck it out until the end because Trump lost.

“The USA has total control over the Strait of Hormuz. I THINK WE WILL KEEP IT! Our Naval Blockade is being called, by everyone, ‘A WALL OF STEEL,’ and there is nothing Iran can do about it. They have no Navy, they have no Air Force, their remaining soldiers are unpaid, the IRGC is decimated and fleeing, and their ‘Leadership’ is uncertain, at best! They have No Money – Their country is ‘shot.'”

“All they have is FAKE NEWS and 300 PERCENT INFLATION, and getting worse! Iran is all talk and no action, the Bully of the Middle East No Longer. Praise be to Allah!” posted the syphilitic octogenarian who hid in a catering truck instead of facing the enemy he claims is “decimated.”

“Children were exposed to rabies while possibly playing with a bat at a park in Frederick, health officials said Monday evening. A bat was found at Riverwalk Park on Schifferstadt Boulevard, according to the Frederick County Health Department (FCHD). A parent called Frederick County Animal Control to come get the bat from their home on Thursday after her children and others may have played with the bat at the park,” says the lede to a WUSA9 article that does not further elaborate on what “playing with” means. Suppose we’re meant to infer that the winged mammal was sluggish enough for them to take home as though it were a pet, but maybe the station should spell that out. Otherwise it sounds kind of dark, weird, or even somehow kind of supernatural.