With a limited supply of monkeypox vaccine, Florida is rationing distribution of inoculations as the number of new cases in the state have nearly doubled since last week, with 985 cases reported in the last week versus 525 the previous week, Politico reports, just one week after Republican Governor Ron DeSantis claimed that monkeypox was no big deal and it was just another way the federal government was trying to keep people scared, a sentiment he made about the coronavirus vaccine as well.  Florida is home to about 10% of all monkeypox cases in the US.

A coronavirus vaccine denier, Florida Surgeon General Joseph A. Ladapo apparently has no qualms about the monkeypox vaccine.  Unlike with the vaccines for coronavirus, which Ladapo decried while promoting disproven treatments like hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin, he is now ordering 72,000 doses of the monkeypox vaccine from the federal Department of Health and Human Services.  Previously, Ladapo had lambasted DHHS efforts to prevent the spread of the coronavirus and decried efforts to get people vaccinated as an action of a police state.

Ladapo’s reputation was questionable when he was appointed to be Florida’s Surgeon General.  The Nigerian native said that he treated many Covid patients while working at the flagship hospital of the UCLA health system in Los Angeles, but the hospital has no record of him being on the record of treating any coronavirus patients. 

Hey, there’s still elections going on! This is news! Vermont at-large Congressman Pete Welch won the Dem primary to take over for retiring Senator Patrick Leahy on Tuesday! Guys! Look, Pete Welch won the primary! That means he’s getting promoted from the House to the Senate! Pete Welch! He beat some other Democrat in the Prima- Oh fuck. Alright fine. Yeah, the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago.

The Republicans who have for months been feverishly working to stop the Orange God Emperor from announcing his 2024 run before the Midterms have now done a 180 and are now urging him to launch the comeback campaign as soon as possible after the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago, CNN reports.

Like we wrote earlier, that if – besides getting ahead of Ron DeSantis – the whole point of launching the campaign had been to preemptively paint anything like being searched by FBI agents or indicted as “politically motivated” then doesn’t this kind of make Donald look pretty fucking stupid and weak that he let Merrick Garland move first? Now he’s just reacting to his adversary. Some smart Chinese guy wrote a book about that a very long time ago. It’s very popular.

Then there’s the Midterms. “Trump being front and center could affect GOP gains in the House by five seats or so. But it could really affect the Senate, which could end up 50/50 again based on how the seats are looking,” said Texas GOP strategist Jeff Burton in a story in the Washington Examiner less than two months ago, adding “Anything, and I mean anything, that takes the focus off the miserable job Joe Biden is doing is bad for Republicans.” Well guess that’s out the window now and they’re going to lash themselves to the bow of the Trumptanic come hell or high water.

Albuquerque police announced the arrest of 51-year-old Muhammad Syed in connection of four Muslim men murdered over the past nine months, including three murders in the past two weeks, CNN reports.

Police raided Syed’s home last night, finding a gun and bullet casings that match the weapon used to kill the four men.  Funeral services were held for two of the men Friday; the fourth victim attended the funerals and was killed later that night.

Police have not released a motive for the killings, but say Syed had previous connections to his victims.  The murders put the entire Muslim community in Albuquerque on edge.

A 17-year-old Nebraska girl and her mother have been charged with numerous felony counts after the girl performed a medication abortion and disposed of the 28-week-old fetus, with prosecutors getting evidence from Facebook, Vice reports, in an ominous foreshadowing of how law enforcement in red states will use private communications to enforce totalitarian rules.

In April, prior to the Supreme Court overturning Roe v Wade, Celeste Burgess obtained the chemical abortifacient combination Pregnot, a combination treatment of mifepristone and misoprostol, via a mail order provider, and the treatment prompted a stillborn birth.  Burgess and her mother then buried the fetus with the assistance of a family friend.

Nebraska law bans abortions after 20 weeks of gestation, so the Burgesses and their friend were charged with a variety of crimes.  Celeste Burgess faces five charges, including three felonies, including obtaining an illegal abortion.  Her mother faces a felony charge of disposing of a corpse.

MAGA asshole Congressman Scott Perry told Fox News on Tuesday that FBI agents came and relieved him of his cell phone pursuant to a subpoena. “This morning, while traveling with my family, 3 FBI agents visited me and seized my cell phone. They made no attempt to contact my lawyer, who would have made arrangements for them to have my phone if that was their wish. I’m outraged — though not surprised — that the FBI under the direction of Merrick Garland’s DOJ, would seize the phone of a sitting Member of Congress,” Perry said in a statement to Fox News. “My phone contains info about my legislative and political activities, and personal/private discussions with my wife, family, constituents, and friends. None of this is the government’s business.”

“Wahhhhhhh!” the loser may or may not have said afterward. The seizure calls further into question whether the Mar-a-Lago raid was really about classified documents, whether it was merely used as a pretext for the FBI to get in the door or if was unrelated to Trump pilfering boxes of White House materials entirely. It’s a pretty safe bet Scott Perry had nothing to do with Trump stealing the letter from Kim Jong Un and the Sharpiegate hurricane map. His iinvolvement with the Trump coup attempt of December 2020 – January 2021 is a different story though.

Questions are being raised over whether Merrick Garland’s order to raid Mar-a-Lago was a distraction meant to overshadow media coverage of Democrat former Kentucky state lawmaker and Justice Cabinet secretary John Tilley’s arrest on rape charges as the timing seems awfully suspicious to certain conservative commenters. Obviously every political actor knows how to “flood the zone” and divert media attention from damaging stories, and what better for Attorney General Merrick Garland to crowd out a serious allegation against a fellow Democrat than to send the FBI to conduct a raid on the home of the Republican former President of the United States?

And the Mar-a-Lago raid story is probably the biggest news story since the Russian Invasion of Ukraine – which Biden started to distract from the allegations that Hillary Clinton spied on President Trump in the White House – so it’s pretty obvious that Garland was pulling some strings here.

Even if Tilley was appointed by Republican former Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin in 2015 and for whatever reason didn’t stay on with Dem Governor Andy Beshear, which kind of calls into question whether or not Tilley is even a Dem at all, it still makes Biden, Harris, Pelosi, etc look bad that there’s a rapist in the party. So Garland probably did order the raid as a distraction. Case closed.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve thrown our right wing readers a bone after the awful day they had. We hope they enjoyed this “Just asking questions” article.

“An unsuccessful candidate for Sterling Heights City Council now faces felony charges related to ballot application forgeries, Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel announced today. Paul Manni, 27, of Sterling Heights, is charged with the following in Macomb County’s 41-A District Court: nine counts of forging a signature on an absent voter ballot application, five-year felonies; and nine counts of making a false statement on an absent voter ballot application, 90-day misdemeanors. He was arraigned August 5. The charges stem from the November 2021 election,” says a Tuesday statement from Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s office.

“Leading up to the election, the City Clerk for Sterling Heights became suspicious when a candidate for city council – Manni – personally dropped off approximately 50 absentee voter applications with his signature and an indication that he was delivering the applications at the voters’ request. Nine of the voters included in the applications were reached by clerk staff to verify if they did, in fact, wish to apply for an absentee ballot. Each of the nine individuals advised they did not seek to apply for an absentee ballot. The Clerk then contacted the Bureau of Elections (BOE) to report the suspected fraud, which prompted an investigation. When that investigation was complete, it was referred to the Department of Attorney General (DAG) for evaluation. To be clear, none of the applications turned in by Manni resulted in a valid ballot going to the voter.”

After an errant pitch beans a batter from Oklahoma in the Little League World Series, the batter makes an amazingly mature and sportsmanlike action, comforting the East Texas team’s pitcher, who is obviously distraught at the possibility of having injured a fellow athlete. Upon taking first base, the batter tosses his helmet to the side and walks to the mound, where the pitcher is tearing up in distress. The Oklahoma player gives the pitcher a hug and says some reassuring words to his opponent, as the pitcher’s teammates and coaches gather to comfort him.

A grand jury in Leflore County, Mississippi has refused to return an indictment for Carolyn Bryant Donham, the woman whose accusations ultimately led to the brutal lynching of teenager Emmett Till in 1955, Mississippi Today reports.

The district attorney had proposed charges of kidnapping and manslaughter for Donham, the white woman who accused Till of whistling at her in the store where she worked.  Donham told her then-husband, Roy Bryant, of the incident, and Bryant and his half-brother hunted down Till, bringing the boy to Donham to ID.

In a recently released draft memoir written decades ago, Donham says Till was defiant after Donham claims she refused to confirm that it was Till who whistled at her; in the memoir, she claims Till confessed, which would be an odd thing for a Black boy in the hands of a drunken, angry Mississippi racist to do.  In other accounts, Donham acknowledges she confirmed Till’s actions to her husband.

An Atlanta judge on Tuesday ordered shitbrain alcoholic Rudy Giuliani to show up and testify to the grand jury investigating the failed Trump 2020 coup next Wednesday unless he can credibly back up his “medical” excuse, Axios reports. Fulton County Superior Court Judge Robert McBurney said Rudy should drive from New York City and break the trip up over a few days if need be.

Dogged by accusations that he isn’t actually a resident of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and therefore not qualified to represent it in the US Senate, Republican Senate nominee Mehmet Oz is receiving a $50,000 tax break on the $3.1 million estate he bought but still doesn’t live in, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports.

The Ohio native who lives in the New York suburbs of New Jersey–where he films campaign ads and was nominated for the state’s Hall of Fame–Oz purchased a 34-acre property in tony Lower Moreland Township (average household income $107,000, 40% more than the state average).

Curiously, Oz claims he “inherited” the estate, but in fact, he actually bought it in December 2021 for $3.1 million from the Academy of the New Church, the educational arm of the General Church of the New Jerusalem, according to sales records.  The General Church of the New Jerusalem is a conservative offshoot of the Swedenborgian Church of North America, so unless Oz is claiming he’s a religious deity, it’s difficult to justify a claim that he inherited the property.  Oz’s in-laws are prominent members of the church, but that doesn’t mean they owned the property… ’cause they don’t. 

“I think this is clearly a situation where they’re looking for a way that they can easily prosecute President Trump.  They want to do it under a national security-type guise because they can hide things from the public, so they can say, oh, we can’t tell you, we can’t give you the details because it’s privileg– oh, it’s confidential information subject to national security concerns that we can’t tell you but we’re just going to prosecute the most famous, umm erm umm, the most popular president, and probably the most famous president in American history.  So, um, it’s, er, cloak and dagger tryin’ ta shield what they’re doing and prevent the American public from really understanding it and it, it’s disgusting.”

Wait, what?  Not those kinda CHiPS?  Sorry, it was a long night.  On Tuesday morning, President Joe Biden signed the CHIPS and Science Act, which will boost the US microchip manufacturing market with a $200 billion investment over the next five years, reports CNN.

“Today America is delivering, delivering, and I honest to God believe that 50, 75, 100 years from now from people who will look back on this week, they’ll know that we met this moment,” Biden said at the signing ceremony.

Much of the supply chain problems impacting the US economy stems from a shortage of microprocessors and computer chips used in everything from computers to cars to cell phones to toys.  The US is reliant on foreign manufacturers, mostly from China, which puts the nation in a precarious situation when chip production falls short.

At least eight people are dead after a torrential downpour in Seoul, South Korea, between Monday and Tuesday, with as much as 5.5 inches of rain falling in a single hour Monday, Sky News reports.

Among the hardest hit areas of the capital was the upscale Gangnam district, made famous in 2012 by some asshole “rapper” who went “viral” on YouTube like the douchey “Harlem Shake” and Rebecca Black’s excruciating “Friday” among other bullshit in an era when “viral” stopped being solely an adjective describing an infectious pathogen. Seoul officials warned- Oh goddamn it can we just forget the flood and keep going on about how much that “Gangnam Style” fucking sucked?

Seriously this article isn’t going to end well anyway so might as well just mock Psy and his stupid punchable face. Wonder where he is now. Really hope Kim Jong Un kidnapped him and forced him to change the lyrics to “Pyongyang Style,” performing live on demand under pain of electric shock if he fucks up the new lyrics. Him and the “Far East Movement” assclowns that did that “Like a G6” song. Holy shit that one’s bad, like want to break your own nose with a cinderblock bad.

Republicans–particularly those in the Trump sect–are lambasting federal law enforcement authorities for doing their jobs because the laws they’re enforcing are being applied to themselves.  Calling for defunding every federal law enforcement agency and a complete dismantling of the judicial system, MAGAts are ready to destroy the nation to save it.

So it’s no surprise that the right-wing propaganda tabloid The New York Post is now attacking one of their own:  Bruce Reinhart, the magistrate for the U.S. District Court in South Florida who reportedly signed the warrant authorizing the raid of Trump’s manse, Mar-a-Lago.

The Post does some yellow journalism to claim a link between Reinhart and notorious child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.  The link?  While an attorney in private practice, Reinhart represented a couple of Epstein’s employees; in other words, he provided them with their Constitutional right to counsel.  Within 15 minutes of it hitting the interwebs, the Daily Caller and Townhall started echoing the smear.

To the AG & FBI Dir:

RELEASE THE WARRANT NOW.

The American people deserve to see it. NOW.

And, as even Cuomo acknowledges, “it MUST be more than a search for inconsequential archives,” or it will be obvious that this is nothing more than a blatant political persecution. https://t.co/FO3fgtTls2

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) August 9, 2022

True President Trump, Americans watched with tears in their eyes as your beautiful, sacred home was defiled by the evil, Satanic corruption that Dark Brandon with his glowing red laser eyes wrought upon our once great nation. Our suburbs are under occupation by Antifa, our cities are overrun with groomers, our rural countrysides threatened by Bill Gates buying property. Top 40 radio plays songs by Black, Latino, and homosexual artists. Disney, Star Wars, and Marvel movies have no Jesus in them. America was wonderful before the 2020 election was stolen from you by the mules and Italian satellites. Old Crow Mitch McConnell and his gay sidekick Lindsey did nothing to stop this. They even “work with” Dark Brandon on “bipartisan” socialist legislation sometimes.

But there’s one thing you can do to owns the libtards and the RINOs by exposing DOJ corruption under the Jewish junta of Merrick Garland and leftist scumbag Chris Wray: Release the warrant for their illegal, unconstitutional search of Mar-a-Lago. You have it. You can show it to the world. Take a photo of the paper the FBI imperial stormtroopers left after the search. You can blow up the Department of Injustice in one fell swoop. The Supreme Court will rule 9-0 that you’re the legitimate president and order Dark Brandon, Mike Pence, Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, AOC, Tom Hanks, and all the other traitors to be immediately hanged on the National Mall without trial. The American people will celebrate. Please post a photo of the warrant and post it on Truth Social immediately.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’re done sandbagging our right wing readers with this impossible situation couched in lame fan fiction. We hope they enjoyed it.

Biden administration first in history to pursue predecessor and his supporters criminally. Just like a fascist state. pic.twitter.com/WNJGHLEcrE

— Rudy W. Giuliani (@RudyGiuliani) August 9, 2022

The unrelenting horrors of August 2022 for the “Let’s Go Brandon” assclowns continued Tuesday as GasBuddy reported the national average price of a gallon of gasoline dropped to $3.99, making it difficult if not impossible to act like consumers care about it more than the House January 6th Committee hearings, for example. It’s not clear if Team “Fuck Your Feelings” were busy dispatching their field operatives to hastily remove the “I did that!” stickers with President Joe Biden pointing at the sale amount display they had placed on gas pumps nationwide several months ago. They might want to prevent those from becoming a major self-own should prices fall even further.