This clip’s a little dated as you can tell by the “Sunday Morning Futures with Maria Bartiromo” part of the chyron. Not that dated, since it was only six days ago and by then for weeks the shrill, unhinged far right anchor had been missing from the airwaves for weeks – but before she had officially been fired for leaking to the White House that her employer had been keen to avoid another $787 million settlement with Dominion Voting Systems. That very mild staleness also represents sand that fell through the hourglass since House Majority Whip Tom Emmer, within a span of about 29 seconds, sobbed that disinformation from “the left wing media” is causing Americans to feel like convicted felon President Trump and Congressional Republicans haven’t delivered on their lofty economic promises – and then assure Fox News viewers that voters are “smarter than” that and “recognize” that the midterms are a choice between “common sense” of Trumpism and blah blah blah…

Tom Emmer tends to get a little overly emotional under pressure, so he may not exactly be the most reliable barometer of sentiment within the currently ruling party. Still, for a leading Republican to be whining so plaintively on national television, his frustration so raw and undeniable, all but calling the American people fucking stupid and impressionable is in a way more of an admission of how dire he sees the situation than if he were to openly admit that he sees his party’s situation as dire.

Is it dire?

In an era of a lot of instant-“no shit, of course this would happen” headlines some nevertheless manage to stick out from the crowd of publicly chronicled predictable supervillainy, like this CNN report on drug-addicted semi-trillionaire Elon Musk putting the swiping the AMEX to help the struggling Senate campaign of comically corrupt and amoral Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton.

“The business interests, the long-term investment that he is making, the Musk operation politically does not need to have a Democrat in their backyard,” said Lone Star State GOP strategist Matt Langston, adding “They will invest. They will get involved in a big way,” but not saying “this is fucking embarrassing that a three-time statewide election winner needs this much money to win a fourth AFTER we already collectively pissed away $92 million to lose the primary to him.”

Because being a dick and getting breaking state law just to ram through a gerrymander wasn’t enough to get him to just leave it be, Missouri Secretary of State Denny Hoskins on Friday petitioned the US Supreme Court to step in and overrule state Supreme Court’s decision pausing the new map.

Since the headline was already too much why not just take it further: “I have struggled to find the words to address everything that has happened over the last few days. I am still completely heartbroken and traumatized by the loss of my beautiful HeeHaw. He wasn’t ‘just a donkey.’ He was a baby I bottle-raised, loved, and cared for every single day. Trying to grieve him while suddenly facing thousands of opinions, accusations, and messages has been incredibly overwhelming.”

Those are the words of a Tuesday Facebook post by Polk County, Georgia farmer Hannah Israel, whose baby was tasered and then fatally shot early Sunday morning by a cop with the Cedartown Police Department, per Fox 5 Atlanta. The officer, who was placed on leave, had been searching for a missing child – later found safe and sound – when he entered the property and for God knows what reason used lethal force on HeeHaw. Israel’s Facebook post went on for considerably longer but did not get into any specifics about the alleged harassment besides that “just a donkey” part.

Cumming, Georgia-based attorney Chris P McCreme – apparent legal name Chris McCormick but changed to McCreme in his Facebook profile – did however get into detail in a cease and desist letter to an unnamed recipient, writing “since August 30, 2026, you have made public online social media postings falsely stating for the world to see that Ms Israel ‘abuses and neglects’ animals (on her farm), while encouraging/directing people to ‘quit sending yall money’ to her. Those postings, inclusive of you sharing posts by Ms Israel and by others (also who are defaming her) are patently misrepresentative of the facts: Ms Israel has not and does not abuse or neglect animals. Your public false statements have contributed to others making similar defamatory posts,” which the diligent counsel McCreme/McCormick obscured the addressee before posting the letter to Facebook.

The Georgia Department of Agriculture have opened an investigation into HeeHaw’s murder. It’s not clear why they have jurisdiction when a local cop tasers and shoots a donkey on a petting zoo.

“Great jobs number just announced, breaking all estimates (except mine!) by double and triple – And you haven’t seen anything yet! EMPLOYERS ADDED 162,000 JOB IN AUGUST. Lower the interest rates because the USA is a much stronger credit than it was just a short time ago! A STRONG COUNTRY MEANS A LOWER INTEREST RATE – IT’S A BETTER CREDIT… Very simple! We should have the LOWEST RATE of any country in the World, like ‘the old days.’ Without the United States agreeing to allow them their big surpluses, and we could stop that immediately, they would no longer be considered financially ELITE! LOWER THE RATE OR I’LL STOP TRADING WITH COUNTRIES WITH WHICH WE HAVE A DEFICIT, which the US Supreme Court, in its ridiculous and very costly Tariff decision, strongly acknowledged ‘the President’ has an absolute right to do. IT’S BETTER THAN TARIFFS! The Fed Board, with its great new leader, must get smart – BE PATRIOTS for a change. High interest rates put the USA at a very unfair disadvantage, and I won’t allow that to happen!” posted the Fuhrer on Friday, emphasis added on the most deranged and suicidal part.

Not a lot of people know this but there’s a thing called diesel, it’s sort of a special kind of gasoline that truckers use for their engines and it’s more powerful than regular gasoline. So powerful in fact that even trains and boats use it, if you can believe it. That’s why the radical socialists tried to stop it, they wanted to stop all the diesel from coming out of the pipes because makes the engines go extra loud and powerful to pull the trailers full of all sorts of things and food that people buy.

The price of diesel is SKYROCKETING now because the economy is the hottest thing on the planet, at a completely and totally unprecedented price of $5.85 a gallon after “TRUMP” solved eight wars and ended the Biden nightmare of the border invasion and the transgender for everybody. Crooked Joe’s economy was in shambles and the “TRUMP” administration is still dealing with the hangover from his assault on American energy. That’s why diesel prices are at a record high.

And to switch tone to a more normal National Zero voice, that bullshit was harder to write than it looks. Luckily for the dipshit “reporters” in the MAGA media they won’t actually have to write anything like it since their editors are just going to pretend it’s not happening. Oh and regular gas is set for an all-time Labor Day weekend high of $4.14 a gallon. The previous record price for the holiday was $3.84/gallon in 2012. “Gas prices are about to hit a record high during the Labor Day weekend. @BarackObama could have stopped this,” tweeted a certain someone that year.

It appears the Chinese trolls are out in force on this post. @KenPaxtonTX is amazing! Texas won’t go for flake Talarico! https://t.co/0PXQTjBlQC

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) September 4, 2026

Seriously worth questioning now whether it would have mattered given the grim to very grim outlook for the GOP this November but the Missouri Supreme Court on Thursday tossed the gerrymander that would have seen the state’s 6-2 Republican-Dem House delegation go to a 7-1.

The court ruled that the Secretary of State had unlawfully interfered with a ballot petition seeking to put a referendum up and thereby delay the gerrymander until next term at the earliest.

“The Missouri Supreme Court just ridiculously ruled in favor of changing the maps back to what they were a long time ago. It’s called, Ancient History! The problem is, according to Legal Scholars, that not only was the ruling horrible, ridiculous, and unConstitutional, but there won’t be enough time to change the map back with the Election coming up in a very short period of time. The Election Process, as usual, is being disturbed in America! Missouri must be able to use the map that was in effect just a couple of months ago, in the Primary. This is a Dark Day for ‘Justice’ in Missouri!” posted convicted felon President Trump later in the evening, turning a “meh, whatever” into a “meh, but as long as he’s screaming and crying like the whiny pussy everyone knows him to be it’s a plus.”

Former CNN media guy Oliver Darcy’s Status.News is paywalled and this is almost good enough to justify a subscription, almost is not actually, and the gist is in a tweet by Zeteo media reporter Justin Baragona: Maria Bartiromo was fired from Fox News for “spilling to the White House that the corporate bosses delivered an edict not to cover his election-denying primetime address!” lol.

Guess there’s a non-zero chance that couchfucker blabs for a few minutes and then steps aside to allow for surprise new White House Press Secretary, Maria Bartiromo, to take over the briefing.

“Effective today, Maria Bartiromo is no longer with FOX News Media. In making the announcement, FOX News Media said, ‘We thank Maria for her work over the last 12 ½ years and wish her all the best on her next chapter.’ The last episode of Momings with Maria (6-9 AM/ET) aired this morning on FOX Business Network (FBN) and the show will transition to Mornings with FOX Business beginning tomorrow with rotating anchors. Maria Bartiromo’s Wall Street which also airs weekly on FBN (Fridays, 7-7:30 PM/ET) will shift to FBN’s Wall Street effective this week hosted by Cheryl Casone and helmed by rotating anchors thereafter. FBN will also launch a new weekday programming schedule which will be announced in the coming weeks. Additionally, FOX News Channel’s (FNC) Sunday Moming Futures (10-11 AM/ET) will be hosted by Jason Chaffetz this Sunday and a new host will be announced at a later date,” said Fox News in a press release on Thursday, randomly kicking one of the most important pillars of their brand of bullshit to the curb for reasons unstated.

Batriromo, who everyone thought was just on vacation, propagated lies that cost them $787 million and they didn’t fire her then, so whatever it is now had to be pretty bad, lol.

“The people and Media Outlets that keep harping on the fact that we have no ammunition (And they are 100 percent wrong!), are actually treasonous. They do it because they would rather see the United States LOSE a War that we’re easily WINNING, than see me WIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday. Let’s see him react the same way if CNN prints that he’s bisexual and regularly has illicit encounters with spicy Latino hunk Secretary of State Marco Rubio.

Would that be “treason”? Or is it the kind of thing that he would ignore for being stupid and made up? Obviously that scenario is over-the-top and easily invites comments about Rubio willingly further debasing himself and so on, but the silliness is actually kind of the point because there’s no universe in which Trump would actually get angry and defensive over such reporting. And the counterfactual also stands in contrast to the kind of “fake news” they actually do report.

Trump then followed up with “For the treasonous SCUM that refuses to accurately report on our Military Operation in Iran, we have virtually unlimited amounts of Mid to High Grade Ammunition, far more than we could ever use for this, or for any other War (which is highly unlikely!), that could improbably take place. In addition, we are producing Munitions at levels never seen before. We are stockpiling and preparing for any contingency that could happen. We are taking them for ourselves, the USA, rather than selling them to others, but the sales to Allies will soon again, begin. Also, please let it be known, that the Biden Administration gave far more Munitions away to Ukraine, at no cost to them, whatsoever, than we have used in Iran. Hundreds of Billions of Dollars was given to Ukraine and NATO, free of charge, that Europe would have paid for – If they were only asked, but we will be asking for that money, though somewhat belatedly!” Okay, send them the bill.

Evidently more concerned with campaigning than governing, Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson’s House GOP leadership team have nixed the last two weeks of the September session, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports, adding that the cancelation at least won’t interfere with the ceremony unveiling former Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s portrait, scheduled for the 15th, lol.

Former Apollo Capital Management CEO Leon Black, a complete piece of shit who’s always been tight with convicted felon President Trump and their close mutual friend Jeffrey Epstein, filed a lawsuit against the House Oversight Committee “(‘OGR’) and its Chairman, James Comer, in his official capacity” (lol) on Thursday, claiming that the subpoenas issued to Black “are invalid to the extent they exceed OGR’s delegated authority in seeking private information that bears no legitimate connection to OGR’s legislative purpose. OGR also lacks the statutory authority to enforce those subpoenas in federal court against Mr Black,” according to the federal complaint filed in DC.

“The subpoenas reach well beyond Mr Black and are, on their face, overbroad. As written, they compel production of a vast quantity of agreements of all kinds, including the disclosure of the unredacted identities and private circumstances of women who bargained for confidentiality, whose counsel have affirmatively declined to release Mr Black from his confidentiality obligations, and who want no association with the Epstein scandal. These women are not before the Committee, received no notice from it, gave no consent to it, and were given no way to be heard,” said part 8 of the intro.

Translated that means “I can’t cooperate with the committee because that would violate the terms of the confidential settlements I reached with the teenage sex trafficking victims that Jeff supplied to me. The whole ‘non-disclosure agreement’ thing goes both ways, you petulant little insects.”

It’s not clear if Black’s lawyers devoted any of the rest of the 27 pages of the complaint to an appeal to constitutional principle, that if the House Oversight Committee can do this to a billionaire who has effectively acknowledged that he did in fact statutorily rape sex trafficking victims then they can do it to any regular middle class citizen. How would YOU like it if the committee started asking you all sorts of questions about how many times your $500 million yacht docked at Epstein Island?

The moronic House Republican messaging vote on a constitutional amendment to cap the Supreme Court bench at nine justices failed on Wednesday, gaining a single Dem yes vote from North Carolina Congressman Don Davis, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports.

“Now that we have it under USA control, should we change the name Hormuz Strait to TRUMP STRAIT??? Like America itself, it would be ‘hotter’ than ever before! Thank you for your attention to this matter,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, as though he were asking permission from the American public instead of simply going ahead and signing the order already.

Like why not just do it? It’s not like Google and Apple are going to take more than a few days to get on board and dutifully apply the change to their map apps as commanded to by the Regime. Go ahead and declare the Strait of Hormuz to be the “Strait of Trump,” and celebrate yet another major win for the American people. Hell the media might even very quickly embrace this one, printing headlines like “US Navy chopper shot down over Strait of Trump,” “Iranians fire another volley of missiles over the Strait of Trump,” and so on. That will definitely help it stick in people’s minds.