Categories
Uncategorized

“DoorDash grandma” swears she’s “not a paid actor”

Is she really a DoorDash driver? Sure. Was it just a photo op as opposed to a real delivery? Well there’s no other way that a woman who previously testified at a Nevada state legislature hearing to promote the “No tax on tips” policy who later moved to Arkansas is going to end up making a “delivery” at the White House. Did she get paid? Convicted felon President Trump supposedly tipped her $100 and if that’s all she made for the photo op then, well, that’s pretty fucking sad.

Sadder than this already is, that – as mentioned here – the woman is still having to work to support her husband while he suffers from cancer and the Trump regime and the shitty, rapacious company they partnered with for the propaganda exercise, flew here there to work as an unpaid prop.

Categories
Uncategorized

Diet Coke prevents cancer: Dr Trump

The president who once advocated for injecting disinfectants into people’s lungs to cure COVID and then hired Robert F Kennedy Jr to run the nation’s public health policy has some interesting ideas when it comes to the cancer prevention qualities of Diet Coke, the New York Post reports.

“Then comes the diet soda pops, which your dad argues that diet soda is good for him because it kills grass when it’s poured on grass, so therefore, it must kill cancer cells inside the body,” an allegedly licensed physician, Dr Mehmet Oz, told Donald Trump Jr of Don Sr’s beliefs.

Now if something kills grass then it shouldn’t actually ki- You know what? Forget it.

Categories
Uncategorized

Iran attacks US housing supply

First those Iranian thugs increased your gas prices, now they’re coming for your housing too! In a story headlined “The war in Iran hits home as housing rebound stalls,” Politico reports that the Ayatollah and his evil minions raised mortgage rates by half a percent and made the dream of home ownership more expensive for regular Americans! Will Tehran stop at nothing to act on its hatred of you and the president’s pro-family, pro-Christian, pro-freedom, pro-Law and Order agenda?

When you really think about it though, if you don’t find a house that sold for $400,000 in 2003 and sign a 30 year fixed 6.4 percent rate mortgage to buy it for $950,000 even though the school district is shittier than it was two decades ago, then you’re letting the Iranians win, really. Everyone’s gotta pitch in and if that means moving in and then on the first day getting repeatedly asked by your neighbor’s 26 year-old convicted sex offender live-in son if he can inspect your gutters as part of a free consultation for the new business he’s starting then goddamn it you better let him borrow your ladder so he can climb on the roof in sweatpants and Crocs. American national security is at stake here, you can’t be whining about only finding out he was a sex offender after you noticed that he started going outside wearing a Hot Wheels-branded hoodie after he definitely saw your son’s parking garage set in the moving boxes. Iran getting a nuclear weapon is so much more of a threat to him than some 6’3 225 lbs unemployed pederast whose parents insist is just misunderstood.

Whose side are you on? America and Israel’s or Iran’s? Sign the fucking note, you Marxist.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage after this very important call for all patriotic Americans to make the necessary sacrifices to protect our housing supply from Iranian attacks.

Categories
Uncategorized

Todd Blanche’s heart aches for Melania’s Epstein-related anxieties

The Acting Attorney General of the United States on Tuesday told Fox News that he totally understands why the First Lady is so upset over the rumors linking her to the most notorious sex criminal in American history, likely because he’s seen the unreleased material she’s trying to get out in front of and there’s only so much document shredding he can do from inside the DOJ.

Categories
Uncategorized

Hollywood mobilizes against Paramount-WB MAGAmerger

“As filmmakers, documentarians, and professionals across the movie and television industry, we write to express our unequivocal opposition to the proposed Paramount-Warner Bros Discovery merger. This transaction would further consolidate an already concentrated media landscape, reducing competition at a moment when our industries – and the audiences we serve – can least afford it. The result will be fewer opportunities for creators, fewer jobs across the production ecosystem, higher costs, and less choice for audiences in the United States and around the world.”

“Alarmingly, this merger would reduce the number of major US film studios to just four. Our industry is already under severe strain, in large part due to prior waves of consolidation. We have witnessed a steep decline in the number of films produced and released, alongside a narrowing of the kinds of stories that are financed and distributed. Increasingly, a small number of powerful entities determine what gets made – and on what terms – leaving creators and independent businesses with fewer viable paths to sustain their work,” says an open letter signed by a shit ton of A-listers opposing MAGA oligarch Larry Ellison and his scumbag son’s Saudi-financed takeover of Warner Bros.

Kinda hilariously, and pragmatically, the letter ends with “Fortunately, someone is doing something about all this. California Attorney General Rob Bonta and his colleagues in other states are reportedly scrutinizing the merger and considering legal action to block it. We are grateful for their leadership, and stand ready to support all efforts to preserve competition, protect jobs, and ensure a vibrant future for our industry, for American culture, and for our single most significant export.”

It’s like even they know just stating opposition in principle doesn’t really do shit when you’re up against the evil empire, so a reminder that there’s more going on does ground the whole thing.

Categories
Uncategorized

House to vote on bill renaming Big Beautiful Bill

Seeing as how they never got around to codifying their rebrand of the “Big Beautiful” piece of shit whose name is so politically toxic they retroactively started referring to it as the “Working Families Tax Cut,” the House GOP this week will put to the floor a non-binding resolution reading “Whereas, on July 4, 2025, the President signed Public Law 119–21, commonly known as the ‘Working Families Tax Cuts’; Whereas the Working Families Tax Cuts prevented a $2,600,000,000,000 tax hike on taxpayers making less than $400,000 per year; Whereas, for the 2025 tax year, the Working Families Tax Cuts helped deliver an estimated $222,000,000,000 in tax refunds, putting money directly back into Americans’ wallets; Whereas, for the 2026 tax year, the Working Families Tax Cuts are anticipated to deliver an average tax cut of $3,750, helping make America affordable again,” and blah blah blah. Whether it passes is probably going to come down to attendance, lol.

Categories
Uncategorized

“National security is even more important than your pocketbook”

We were told two years ago that “your pocketbook” matters more than democracy, the rule of law, defending Ukraine against Russia – which is and will always be a greater threat to national security than Iran ever was – and just basic moral integrity. But now higher gas prices are the sacrifice necessary to defeat an enemy that will, in all likelihood, not actually be defeated whenever and however American military assets disengage with Tehran. And gas probably won’t be cheaper then.

Categories
Uncategorized

IMF projects Trump unilaterally fucked global economic growth

“After withstanding higher trade barriers and elevated uncertainty last year, global activity now faces a major test from the outbreak of war in the Middle East. Assuming that the conflict remains limited in duration and scope, global growth is projected to slow to 3.1 percent in 2026 and 3.2 percent in 2027. Global headline inflation is projected to rise modestly in 2026 before resuming its decline in 2027. Slowdown in growth and increase in inflation are expected to be particularly pronounced in emerging market and developing economies. Downside risks dominate the outlook.”

“A longer or broader conflict, worsening geopolitical fragmentation, a reassessment of expectations surrounding artificial‑intelligence‑driven productivity, or renewed trade tensions could significantly weaken growth and destabilize financial markets. Elevated public debt and eroding institutional credibility further heighten vulnerabilities. At the same time, activity could be lifted if productivity gains from AI materialize more rapidly or trade tensions ease on a sustained basis,” says the International Monetary Funds’s 2026 “World Economic Outlook” report.

“Kamala Harris really should’ve gone on Joe Rogan’s podcast,” the report did not say, but implied.

Categories
Uncategorized

Meloni backs Pope against Antichrist

Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni on Tuesday said she’s picked a side in a growing war between two American leaders, and has gone with the one currently wielding power from a tiny enclave in her capital, USA Today reports. “I find President Trump’s words towards the Holy Father unacceptable. The Pope is the head of the Catholic Church, and it is right and normal for him to call for peace and to condemn every form of war,” Meloni said in a statement. And Trump thought she was cool.

Categories
Uncategorized

Orange God Emperor doesn’t know top FEMA official can teleport

The only place to start with on Gregg Phillips, currently the chief of FEMA’s Office of Response and Recovery, which is actually a pretty important job, is why he got hired in the first place: He co-founded “True the Vote,” a conspiracy theory outfit dedicated to proving the 2020 election was stolen from convicted felon President Trump, and along the way got jailed for contempt during a defamation lawsuit in 2022, lent his “expertise” to Dinesh D’Souza’s debunked “documentary” 2000 Mules, and then later admitted in court the fictitious conspiracy thriller was complete bullshit.

So having failed to actually prove the 2020 election was stolen, literally admitted it under oath that it was a lie, should by all measures kind of not be a plus with his principal, right? Lol, no. Not even close. In fact, to Trump, it made Phillips qualified for leading the office responsible for coordinating the federal government’s response to natural disasters and providing the necessary resources to rebuild in the aftermath. Meaning Phillips will be calling the shots if Mount Rainer erupts and sends deadly lahars careening down toward Tacoma, the fault under the Mississippi Valley between Missouri, Arkansas, and Tennessee ruptures again and causes an 8.0+ magnitude earthquake like it did – three times – in 1811 into 1812, or a Category 5 hurricane plows into east Texas, all of these hazards capable of leaving tens of thousands dead and costing $1 trillion+ in economic damage.

The guy who couldn’t prove the 2020 election was stolen is the guy who’s going to be on the ground leading the response to these disasters if they happen before Trump or, possibly less likely, the next president fires him. The “possibly less likely” there is CNN KFile’s work as they report that they brought to the Orange Fuhrer’s attention the not-very-shocking reality that Phillips’ belief in fantastical shit isn’t limited to simply a fucking stupid narrative that cell phone GPS data – that he spent $2 million to acquire from a marketing broker – somehow revealed that still-unidentified “mules” were trafficking absentee ballots to dropboxes in the run-up to the 2020 election in Georgia.

Categories
Uncategorized

Riley Gaines stays with abuser, nervously laughs off his cruelty

Continued: “The truth social post missed the mark. It’s now deleted. Amazing! We’re imperfect people. I know I am. I don’t get my feelings hurt easy and I know with the President it’s really not personal. I want to spend eternity in a real place called Heaven. I’d love for Trump to be there too. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I’ll keep doing my part by speaking truth and doing my best to lead others to Christ. (and no, I won’t be selling merch with his insults on them hahaha)”

This was a few hours after CBS printed a brief interview with the fat bastard in which he was asked to respond to Gaines’s criticism of his “doctor” meme. “I didn’t listen to Riley Gaines. I’m not a big fan of Riley, actually,” the fat bastard said, not at all ruling out that he simply forgot who she is and that the answer would’ve been more diplomatic if he remembered she’s an attractive young blonde.

Categories
Uncategorized

US carrier George HW Bush avoids Red Sea, sails around Africa

In a sterling sign of just how confident Naval commanders are in how readily a multi-billion dollar aircraft carrier can defend itself against some dogshit banditos like the Houthis, the USS George HW Bush is, rather than making use of the Suez Canal that’s been there since friggin 1867, transiting toward the Middle East around South Africa to join the blockade of Iran, USNI news reports.

The detour adds between 10 and 14 days to the trip and, given that the site reported on Monday that the GHWB was off the coast of Namibia, convicted felon President Trump could have TACOed out of the blockade before the ship even passes Madagascar. Indeed, the Wall Street Journal reports that Saudi Prince Bonesaw is urging the Trump Regime to back off the blockade plan because the Houthis, being Shiite proxies of Iran, could threaten KSA oil exports going through the southern Red Sea’s Bab al-Mandeb strait. Which, funny story, is EXACTLY the bottleneck that the GHWB is avoiding by sailing around Africa. Maybe the Team Trump should walk the walk on that.

Categories
Uncategorized

Crypto douchebag rages at Trump boys over betrayal

Crypto billionaire Justin Sun, who dumped at least $75 million into the Don Jr and Eric Trump’s World Liberty Financial slush fund operation, publicly lost his shit on the two failsons Sunday, tweeting that he’s “always been an ardent supporter of President Trump and his crypto friendly policy,” but “this is the opposite of decentralization. This is a trap door marketed as an open door. I denounce the ongoing token scandals by the bad actors at WLFI,” NBC News reports on the predictable.

Sun’s account with the corruption mill has been frozen since September. World Liberty responded to the blowup by accusing Sun of engaging in misconduct himself citing a 2023 SEC fraud case settled last month when Sun agreed to pay a $10 million fine. Putin treats his guys the same way.

Categories
Uncategorized

Gone with the-zales: Second terrible headline in a row

“There is a season for everything and God has a plan for us all. When Congress returns tomorrow, I will file my retirement from office. It has been my privilege to serve the great people of Texas,” tweeted the other rapey Congressman on Monday evening, with “retirement” apparently meaning resignation because Tony Gonzales technically already “retired” when he dropped out of the runoff.

Categories
Uncategorized

Swal’s well that ends not well… at all: Swalwell resigns

“I am deeply sorry to my family, staff, and constituents for mistakes in judgment I’ve made in my past. I will fight the serious, false allegation made against me. However, I must take responsibility and ownership for the mistakes I did make. I am aware of efforts to bring an immediate expulsion vote against me and other members. Expelling anyone in Congress without due process, within days of an allegation being made, is wrong. But it’s also wrong for my constituents to have me distracted from my duties. Therefore, I plan to resign my seat in Congress. I will work with my staff in the coming days to ensure they are able, in my absence, to serve the needs of the good people of the 14th congressional district,” said California Dem soon-to-be-former-Congressman Eric Swalwell in a statement on Monday. Well guess that four-in-one expulsion deal isn’t happening.

Categories
Uncategorized

Trump to present WSJ with award for Epstein letter

This is (apparently) not a joke. Verbatim from Puck’s Dylan Byers: “Drama at this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner. The Wall Street Journal is being awarded the The Katharine Graham Award for Courage and Accountability for its reporting on the ‘bawdy’ letter that Trump set Epstein. Trump, who sued the Journal over this story, is expected to present the reporters with the award.”

Again, not a joke. Still funny. Apparently this is the tradition. The fat fuck is going to blow his stack when he finds out about this. At minimum cancel his attendance. Probably sue the WHCA too.

Categories
Uncategorized

New “Mass Deportation Coalition” forms to pressure Trump

Mark Morgan, who served as Acting ICE Commissioner, acting CBP commissioner, and chief of the Border Patrol in convicted felon President Trump’s first failed administration, was pretty unsparing in his criticism of the Orange God Emperor on Monday, telling Axios that his new “mass deportation coalition” is ready to turn up the heat on the fat bastard “with what we call kind of a right flank, saying, ‘No, Mr President, you’re listening to the wrong people,'” and not going full throttle again.

“If Trump had said what industry wanted, ‘I’m going to keep the illegals here so you can have cheap labor,’ he would not be in the White House,” another Trump 1.0 Homeland Security official, Mike Howell, said, adding “He’d be in a prison cell right now.” Ugh, thanks for reminding us, you dick.

“The President has only gotten pressure in his face to tone down the enforcement. The truth is the first year was not a year of mass deportation. A conscious decision was made to go after the worst first, which was, we’ll call it a deviation from the central campaign promise of mass deportations,” Howell continued, plainly despondent over the caving to political pressure from the wider public.

Categories
Uncategorized

Report: Retired grandmas don’t pay tax on tips either

A stunning new revelation surfaced Monday in the saga of the Arkansas grandma who works for DoorDash proudly showcased by the White House and its media apparatus as no longer having to pay tax on the tips that some people can optionally pay her for delivering McDonald’s, Popeye’s, and KFC to other people: Retired grandmas, as in the ones who have stopped working because they have enough in savings, pension, and other resources to maintain their lifestyle, do not have to pay taxes on tips either. In fact in a lot of other countries where the social benefits for elderly citizens are more equitable they usually simply stop working at a certain age irrespective of whether they have savings, pensions, etc. They don’t have to deliver fast food on DoorDash if they don’t want to.

Categories
Uncategorized

Euro antitrust enforcers raid delicious chocolate factories

“The European Commission is carrying out unannounced antitrust inspections in two Member States at the premises of a company active in the chocolate confectionery sector. The Commission has concerns that the inspected company may have violated EU antitrust rules that prohibit cartels and restrictive business practices, as well as abuses of a dominant market position. In particular, the Commission is investigating possible market segmentation in the form of restrictions on the trade of goods between Member States in the Single Market and obstacles to multi-country purchases,” says a vague statement from the European Commission on a double raid to find the secret to what makes Wonka bars so delicious and why the magical recipe hasn’t been shared with the entire world.

Or it could’ve been some more prosaic sort of monopolistic abuse. When they don’t even name the company let alone the location of the raids it kind of leaves it open to such interpretation.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

“DoorDash grandma” swears she’s “not a paid actor”

38 minutes ago

Diet Coke prevents cancer: Dr Trump

2 hours ago

Iran attacks US housing supply

3 hours ago

Todd Blanche’s heart aches for Melania’s Epstein-related anxieties

4 hours ago

Hollywood mobilizes against Paramount-WB MAGAmerger

4 hours ago

House to vote on bill renaming Big Beautiful Bill

4 hours ago

“National security is even more important than your pocketbook”

5 hours ago

IMF projects Trump unilaterally fucked global economic growth

5 hours ago

Meloni backs Pope against Antichrist

6 hours ago

Orange God Emperor doesn’t know top FEMA official can teleport

7 hours ago

Riley Gaines stays with abuser, nervously laughs off his cruelty

8 hours ago

US carrier George HW Bush avoids Red Sea, sails around Africa

9 hours ago

Crypto douchebag rages at Trump boys over betrayal

10 hours ago

Jaydee missed the memo on Trump’s “doctor” AI slop “mistake”

21 hours ago

Gone with the-zales: Second terrible headline in a row

21 hours ago

Swal’s well that ends not well… at all: Swalwell resigns

22 hours ago

Trump to present WSJ with award for Epstein letter

23 hours ago

New “Mass Deportation Coalition” forms to pressure Trump

23 hours ago

Report: Retired grandmas don’t pay tax on tips either

24 hours ago

Euro antitrust enforcers raid delicious chocolate factories

1 day ago

Surprise! Trump’s “DoorDash delivery” staged

1 day ago

Well being demented enough to believe the Jesus AI slop actually depicted him as a magical Red Cross doctor is a way to downplay it

1 day ago

Pickles x Pabst Blue Ribbon a bold play for post-ironic hipster irony

1 day ago

“Rapists should be hung”

1 day ago

White House DEI study finds its way to predetermined conclusion

1 day ago

Clavicular-MRA slang appropriated by McDonald’s

1 day ago

Antichrist crucified

1 day ago

Naval warfare mastermind warns opponent to avoid B9, F7, and A5

1 day ago

“Democrats like high gas prices because of their radical climate agenda”: MAGA Wyoming Senator John Barrasso’s bold take

1 day ago

House Oversight removes Bondi deposition from schedule

1 day ago

Judge tosses Trump case against Murdoch, WSJ over Epstein letter

1 day ago

Fox News reports rogue priest defiant against faith’s true prophet

1 day ago

ICE internments dropped 12 percent since January

1 day ago

Philippines president answers health questions with jumping jacks

1 day ago

Orange Jesus’s fanboys annoyed he got so literal with it

1 day ago

Why Orban’s defeat was actually bad for Democrats: Politico

1 day ago

Leo wouldn’t be Pope without me: Trump

2 days ago

George Santos not satisfied by Swalwell quitting guberbatorial bid

2 days ago

CENTCOM says blockade operation a go

2 days ago

Hungary liberated from Viktor Orban’s regime

2 days ago

RonAnon “not surprised” Jaydee failed: Sunday AM Live Coverage

2 days ago

Orange Fuhrer redeclares war on Iran

2 days ago

Screw you guys, I’m going home: Jaydee to Iranians

2 days ago

New York Times headline seems likely to cause a nasty rash

2 days ago

Judge Box-o-Wine off attorney general shortlist due to failures

2 days ago

Jaydee announces mission unaccomplished

3 days ago

The Promised Land

3 days ago

Miserable senior citizen watches too much TV, complains about it

3 days ago

Irish gas stations run dry amid protests over prices

3 days ago

Artemis II crew splashes down safely

4 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x