“Just finished my 6 month physical at Walter Reed Military Medical Center. Everything checked out PERFECTLY. Thank you to the great Doctors and Staff! Heading back to the White House,” posted the Supreme Leader on Tuesday, his words so infallible that it is treasonous to so much as raise a mere scintilla of a query as to what diagnostic criteria were used to form his summation.

Seriously, this is what the fanboys are going to point to when some lib asks why the fat fuck keeps falling asleep during the daytime and why his hands have more cosmetic shit slathered on than the rest of his body. “Trump’s health is perfect, he said it himself on Truth Social. See? Read it and weep, you Marxist pussy. Obama was never anywhere near that healthy,” they’ll say in the replies.

His attention already elsewhere Trump then hyped the newest Fox News 2026 midterm “message theme” beta test by posting “Teen takeover in Chicago. Five officers badly hurt. Mayor and Governor are terrible. Should call for help!” without any actual link or even a video of the “takeover.” It’s no “caravans” but the “teen takeover” subplot does have some interesting qualities, specifically in how they collapse “Black and brown” into just “teens” and unsubtly imply that it’s a symptom of failed Democratic governance so it’s why you need to vote Republican in the midterms. Plus nobody on Fox News is ever going to actually say “Well if it’s such a fucking problem then why is Trump passively demanding that the mayor ask him for help when he could simply order thousands of National Guard troops to deploy to the city to impose ‘law and order’ on these rowdy kids?”

Can’t let anything get in the way of a rural Alaskan thinking “Well I was going to cast a ballot for Mary Peltola but then I saw footage of some kid in a Honda doing donuts in a downtown Chicago intersection on Fox News, so now I’m voting for Dan Sullivan to put an end to this chaos!”

Republican Pennsylvania Senator Dave McCormick was a little too honest for a split second during his Fox News bit on Tuesday, correctly calling convicted felon President Trump’s executive branch a “regime” before falling back on the more conventional term “administration” and continuing touting the company line about how this is all necessary suffering and blah blah blah. All of it raising the question of why the hell this jerkoff keeps spewing this shit when he’s not facing voters again until 2030, after the Orange Allah will hopefully be dead and thus unable to endorse some MAGA primary challenger to take McCormick down. Grow some balls and start being honest with people, Dave.

A federal judge in Virginia on Tuesday granted former FBI Director James Comey’s motion to move his July trial over the pitifully fucking stupid “8647” seashells “threat” to October 21st, All Rise’s Adam Klasfeld reports, adding that the longer timeline was specifically requested so that Comey can file motions to dismiss the indictment. Probably not a good sign for the “case” against Jim.

A three-judge panel in the Northern District of Alabama on Tuesday blocked the poorly-educated state from running its 2026 primaries under the 2023 gerrymander that removed one of the two majority-minority Congressional districts currently held by Black Democrats. It’s not clear whether the state will be able to get the US Supreme Court to lift the block before the August special primaries set in a convoluted scam meant to capitalize on the Callais decision.

In another statement on just how fucking stupid everything is these days, Semafor reports that a joint venture between Utah-based Vector Defense and Saudi-based startup SR2 Defense Systems seeks to build Skywasp™ (yes, the brand is already trademarked) attack drones modeled on Iran’s cheaply mass-produced Shaheds that wreaked havoc all over the Middle East after Trump’s attack.

“SKYWASP is a program that can level the playing field and boost Saudi Arabia’s deterrence capabilities,” said Vector co-founder Lucien Zeigler, who declined to provide a timeline on how fast the US and Saudi Arabia can start pumping out a clone of what’s said to be the most efficient and effective weapon in Tehran’s arsenal after pissing away untold billions of advanced munitions knocking some of them down. Key word being “some,” all of this made that much more ridiculous by the fact that four years of war in Ukraine might have provided some important insights into how warfare is waged with such weaponry on, specifically how Shaheds themselves fit into the equation.

A Nebraska woman suffered a minor wound from a shotgun pellet on Saturday when a dog recklessly discharged the weapon from inside of a camper truck parked in a nearby convenience store parking lot, KNOP reports. The dog’s owner had parked in front of the Short Stop on Avenue I in Scottsbluff at approximately noon and was standing outside the passenger door when the dog stepped on the loaded shotgun, blasting a hole in the side of the camper and striking a woman who was sitting in a vehicle waiting for the traffic light at the adjacent intersection of Ave I and 20th.

While further details on the woman’s injury were scant, cops initially believed they were responding to a BB gun wound based on the woman’s 911 call, so that should tell you she probably was not seriously hurt. It’s not clear what happened to the dog or its owner after the shooting.

A US CENTCOM spokesman tells Fox News’s Jennifer Griffin on Monday that “US forces conducted self-defense strikes in southern Iran today to protect our troops from threats posed by Iranian forces. Targets included missile launch sites and Iranian boats attempting to emplace mines. US Central Command continues to defend our forces while using restraint during the ongoing ceasefire”

Apparently the word “ceasefire” has ceased meaning what everyone thinks it does.

“The Enriched Uranium (Nuclear Dust!) will either be immediately turned over to the United States to be brought home and destroyed or, preferably, in conjunction and coordination with the Islamic Republic of Iran, destroyed in place or, at another acceptable location, with the Atomic Energy Commission, or its equivalent, being witness to this process and event,” posted demented grandpa on Monday after a weekend of various unfalsifiable claims about how he’ll unfuck this.

Convicted felon President Trump will this week undergo the fourth medical exam of his second already failed term, doing in under 17 months what Barack Obama and George W Bush did once a year during their terms, USA Today reports on the steadily worsening health of the old shitbag.

Trump repeatedly fell asleep on stage during the Monday ceremony at Arlington Cemetery.

James Talarico says he is "worried" about the election being rigged this fall and calls voting a "sacred, God-given right"

"Texas is one of the hardest places to vote in the country." pic.twitter.com/6I7p5IflUs

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) May 25, 2026

“One of the worst deals ever made by our Country was the Iran Nuclear Deal, put forth and signed into existence by Barack Hussein Obama and the rank amateurs of the Obama Administration. It was a direct path to Iran developing a Nuclear Weapon. Not so with the transaction currently being negotiated with Iran by the Trump Administration – THE EXACT OPPOSITE, in fact! The negotiations are proceeding in an orderly and constructive manner, and I have informed my representatives not to rush into a deal in that time is on our side. The Blockade will remain in full force and effect until an agreement is reached, certified, and signed. Both sides must take their time and get it right.”

“There can be no mistakes! Our relationship with Iran is becoming a much more professional and productive one. They must understand, however, that they cannot develop or procure a Nuclear Weapon or Bomb. I would like to thank, thus far, all of the countries of the Middle East for their support and cooperation, which will be further enhanced and strengthened by their joining the Nations of the historic Abraham Accords and, who knows, perhaps the Islamic Republic of Iran would like to join, as well!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday.

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Saturday told convicted felon President Trump that Israel remains free to do whatever they want in Lebanon irrespective of Trump’s surrender to Iran, whose scope does not include the IDF vs Hezbollah, Reuters reports, citing multiple sources.

“In last night’s conversation with President ‌Trump, the Prime Minister ⁠emphasized that Israel will maintain freedom of action against threats in all arenas, including Lebanon, and President Trump reiterated and supported ⁠this principle,” an Israeli source said, sounding almost like a press release.

Technically it’s Mission: Impossible but two colons in the same sentence would look stupid in the headline. This movie’s a goddamned classic that holds up well because Jon Voight really is a fucking traitor who sold out to the greediest and most sinister of anti-American forces.

SPOILER ALERT: If you’re a fan of Amazon Prime’s The Boys and for whatever reason have yet to see this week’s series finale then, well, definitely don’t click the “Read more” button below…

The Trump Regime’s new “White House app,” billed on the Google Play store as keeping “you connected to President Donald J Trump and his administration like never before. Receive real-time breaking news alerts straight from the White House on key developments, executive actions, and national priorities. Stay up to date with the latest policy initiatives and topics shaping America’s future – from border security and economic growth to energy independence and making America great again,” is now required downloading for all federal employee work phones.

Or maybe not so much “required” as forced whether a federal worker likes it or not, according to a policy memo obtained by Government Executive saying that automatic downloads will begin next week on the phones of at least one unspecified federal agency’s workers. Sur-fucking-prise, it’s shovelware that cybersecurity researchers have warned is filled with all sorts of holes, such as its incorporation of a Russian software kit called Elfsight that one anonymous government cybersecurity researcher told NOTUS last week they had found that the code made public the personal information of some White House staffers through the app. The fucking White House even admitted this, saying “Elfsight went through a full security review by White House IT and was approved for use. This is a vulnerability on Elfsight’s side – and they have been informed of it.”

“Any app that is installed on government-issued devices can potentially create backdoor access to government networks behind the firewall,” said former federal IT executive Sonny Hashmi, almost certainly watering down the gravity of the move by keeping the statement simple.

“A button gives the option to ‘text President Trump,’ which, when clicked, opens a text message to a pre-selected number with the default text ‘Greatest President Ever!’ Sending the text signs the user up for alerts, which individuals can also do through the app itself,” GovExec writes in the article, blithely letting the app’s “feature” speak for itself to its public service employee readership.

That Barack Obama and that infamous “57 states” gaffe. Really haunted him for years. Think he meant to say “50 stops across seven states” or something like that in a campaign context. Probably was really tired at the time since yelling into a microphone in front of thousands of people multiple times a day, nearly every day, for months on end takes a lot of physical and mental stamina.

Anyway the above is what his successor, President Donald Trump, is up to online this morning.

A magnitude 6.0 earthquake struck the Big Island of Hawaii late Friday, a temblor that the USGS reports “occurred due to oblique reverse faulting at a depth of 22 km (14 miles). Large magnitude earthquakes in Hawaii that occur at this depth are typically caused by lithospheric flexure due to the weight of the Hawaiian Islands pressing down on the underlying oceanic plate. Given the depth, location and the observed typical mainshock-aftershock behavior, the May 23 event is not directly related to magmatic processes.” Meaning that it’s unlikely to be a precursor to an eruption.

That however doesn’t mean there hasn’t been any impact, though no reports of injuries have surfaced thus far, per ABC News who report structure damage along with numerous rockslides blocking roads. An estimated 500 Hawaiian Electric Company customers are currently without power, with reports of down utility lines and power outages in the South Kona area.

Facing decreasing popularity at home because of all the stupid shit he did, convicted felon President Trump is looking to change the narrative as well as avoid going to his son’s wedding by launching a new attack on Iran, Axios reports, writing that Donald “has raised the possibility of a final ‘decisive’ major military operation, after which he could declare victory and end the war.”