“Next time Puerto Rican leftists call for independence, we should just let them have it. We’d wind up saving money on the deal, too, considering that nearly half of Puerto Rico is on welfare, which is one of two reasons why Puerto Rico votes to retain its status as a territory, the other reason being American citizenship” – Top comment on the Friday New York Post article headlined “Bad Bunny and his Super Bowl halftime show just had a brush with the FCC: sources,” following up on fat fuck MAGA Congressman Randy Fine’s widely-ridiculed demand for the regulator to drop the hammer on the ultra-popular artist and NBC for broadcasting his allegedly profane lyrics to 140 million+ viewers.

The “exclusive” reporting by the Murdoch-owned Manhattan rag is so pained in its burial of what the lede would be from any real news outlet: The FCC immediately determined there’s no case and has “shelved any additional scrutiny barring further evidence,” because the Spanish vulgarities were edited out. End of story, leaving Fine and pals stuck working on their next performative outrage. In retrospect the past tense of “just had a brush” in the headline might’ve been a clue that the MAGA FCC had nothing to go on here but goddamn how hard they state media works to bury their failures.

Worth asking if the Caucasian-American commenter was aware of this disappointment and his demand that Puerto Rico be cut loose was his proposed recourse to the affront that was Bad Bunny’s halftime show. It had a certain escalatory MAGA logic to it: FCC won’t punish Bad Bunny, therefore every US citizen born on the territorial island must be denaturalized. That’s “fair” to them.

Well… That’s, um… Most people tuned in these days already know that Republican Kentucky Congressman Tom Massie and convicted felon President Trump do not get along, at all, and Massie’s gone full FTW. It’s already priced in and yet it’s still jarring to hear the arch-conservative taunt the Orange Tyrant with “This is the Epstein Administration.” That’s definitely an escalation.

The headline was almost “British llama herd takes the law into their own hooves,” but at some point in the production process it occurred that such a title would run into the serious danger of being at best inconsistent with this site’s previous excoriations of UPI reporter Ben Hooper’s soul-crushingly awful puns like the infamous “traffic yam” caused by an overturned truckload of sweet potatoes.

So let’s just play it straight: The Derbyshire Times reported earlier this month that an unnamed suspect fleeing from the scene of a theft of several packets of tobacco – Jesus Christ, lol – choose his route poorly. The man jumped a fence into a farm field and very quickly found himself surrounded by no fewer than eight llamas, ungulates whose territorial nature drives them to behave aggressively toward unexpected intrusions by unfamiliar people or animals, especially at night. The llamas’ loud bleating alerted the owners, Heidi Price and her partner Graham Oliver who, along with their dog, marched the man back to the property line where cops were waiting to arrest him.

A recent training seminar for Social Security Administration employees handling phone calls included an animated video segment starring an SSA character named “Fiona” who advises despondent callers that suicide is an option if they’re really that hopeless, Government Executive reports.

“It’s important for Fiona to keep the caller engaged and to remind her that suicide is only one option,” the animated trainer told employees in the video, a copy of which was obtained by Government Executive, “and that there is no urgency to make any decisions.”

Hmm. Seems like this should be a bigger deal than just randomly served to Google News from an obscure federal employee trade publication that few if any outside have ever heard of.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-273-8255 or 988. Please call or text if you need to talk to someone.

This movie’s ehhhhhh… Anything with both Dwayne Johnson and Paul Giamatti in it should be good but it’s just kinda janky and there’s a lot you can skip. Good special effects.

Who knows what prompted the White House to post this notice directed at “Panicans” on Monday…

Scratch that. Who knows what specifically what prompted them to publish “While the Fake News and Radical Left collude to distract, depress, and divide, they’re simply lying to mask the undeniable truth: America is safer, stronger, richer, and more secure than at any point in decades. Don’t take the bait [long list of either gross exaggerations or outright lies] New victories pour in daily as President Trump delivers on his promises and rebuilds the foundation for long-term success in the greatest nation on Earth. The momentum is unstoppable. Don’t be a Panican, America is winning again — and more victories are coming,” which, well… There’s only so many times you can say “Imagine if Biden…”

You do however really have to marvel at this propaganda about the “winning” stock market, immigration enforcement, and so on. This isn’t like Team Orange saying “DON’T SELL UR STOCKS, BUY TEH DIP” or “THE VIRUS WILL BE GONE BY EASTER, JUST SIT TIGHT” or whatever other shit they would tell the American people as a whole. It is, simply via the use of the really, really stupid Trump-coined portmanteau “Panican,” the White House almost literally saying “Cease panicking immediately, Republicans.” Commanding Republican voters to cheer up about the party’s political situation using a taxpayer-owned website with talking points composed by public servants is nothing if not on-brand for this regime that does not and never will give a fuck about ethics.

So if that part and the message itself are clear enough then there’s still the question of precisely what got this Panican administration so eager to project onto their party and its voters.

In the middle of the below 486-word Truth Social tantrum over supreme chode rash Bill Maher, convicted felon President Trump on Saturday claimed his other rambling, demented bullshit about how “The first thing China will do is terminate ALL Ice Hockey being played in Canada, and permanently eliminate The Stanley Cup,” from last week was “jokingly stated” and that during a visit to the White House Maher “went on and on about the Hockey statement, like ‘What kind of a person would say such a foolish thing as this,’ as though I were being serious when I said it.”

Which would have to mean Trump wasn’t serious about shutting down the Gordie Howe bridge…

Here’s the whole thing and holy shit this fat fuck is so deeply, deeply emotionally insecure…

This is fucking sick: KSL reports that David Nephi Johnson, chairman of the Wasatch County, Utah Republican Party was arrested this week for, per a police affidavit, grabbing his daughter “by the back of her neck and took her into the bathroom while the sink was filling with water. She disclosed that (Johnson) dunked her head under, brought it out, splashed water in her face, then dunked the victim’s head under again. The victim disclosed she couldn’t breathe for about 20 to 30 seconds.”

Why? She had to clean her room before going out to see her friends but it wasn’t “spotless to (her father’s) expectations” so he shoved her head in the sink after she got home on January 21st. It wasn’t the first time as cops wrote the girl “disclosed multiple incidents involving her” siblings, such as her younger brother who Johnson dragged by the neck “into the bathroom and forced his head under the water. The victim stated that David removed her brother from the water, splashed water on his face and nose, knocked him down and repeated the act multiple times,” for some unspecified familial transgression. Johnson, 54, faces a single count of felony aggravated child abuse.

In a statement the Wasatch GOP’s leadership said they take the allegations seriously, had suspended Johnson, and that Vice Chair Patty Sprunt will be indefinitely helming the ship. They could’ve ended it there but no, Sprunt or whoever’s in charge of communications had to add this:

“The Republican Party stands for the protection of the vulnerable and the upholding of the law. Thus far, the public has not seen any evidence in this case. We encourage the community to refrain from judgment until the facts and evidence have been presented.” They literally had to add it. Even the tiniest risk that a desolate Mormon hinterland’s GOP electorate might see such a headline and begin to question the moral authority of those who badmouth independent thinking is too much. Plus it’s fun when those Godless, smartypants libs get scream “ALMOST EVERY WORD OF THAT WAS FALSE!!!” and “YOUR EVIDENTIARY STANDARD IS INSANE AND YOU OUSTED HIM ANYWAY!” etc.

National school portrait vendor Lifetouch this week found themselves arguing that, even if Jeffrey Epstein pal Leon Black-founded private equity firm Apollo bought their parent company Shutterfly for $2.7 billion in September 2019 after Epstein was found suicided in jail cell, there’s no reason for parents to suspect that their kids’ school pictures will somehow be acquired by a sex trafficking ring.

Seriously. “Lifetouch is not named in the Epstein files. The documents contain no allegations that Lifetouch itself was involved in, or that student photos were used in, any illicit activities,” Lifetouch Group CEO Ken Murphy wrote in a statement posted on the company website Wednesday.

Nevertheless, the AP reports that a number of schools and districts across the US this week announced picture day was canceled, specifically because of parents telling administrators they weren’t comfortable with Lifetouch. How many have canceled isn’t firm but it’s at least three and probably closer to 10. “We decided our students and families would be best served by keeping all of our pictures in-house for the rest of this year, and we are looking at all of our options for the 2026-2027 school year,” said Malakoff, Texas district spokesperson Katherine Smith in a statement.

“No Lifetouch executives have ever had any relationship or contact with Epstein and we have never shared student images with any third party, including Apollo,” said Lifetouch in another statement Friday, adding that their corrupt “Epstein class” overlords “and its funds also have no role in Lifetouch’s daily operations and have no access to student images.” Not a great sign when you need to say basically the same exact thing again a few days later like people are suddenly going to listen.

NEW: A man was detained during a traffic stop late Friday night as law enforcement carried out a major operation about two miles from Nancy Guthrie's home.

Sources tell Fox News Digital that the man is being questioned in connection with the warrant that was served nearby. pic.twitter.com/NwtHQgrifI

— Fox True Crime (@FoxTrueCrime) February 14, 2026

Last Friday convicted felon President Trump was extremely pissed that Black Republican Senator Tim Scott had the balls to tweet his exception to the racist video depiction of Barack and Michelle Obama as apes, sources tell CNN. According to the “fake news” outlet, the fat bastard complained privately that Scott should’ve just called him instead of posting “Praying it was fake because it’s the most racist thing I’ve seen out of this White House. The President should remove it.”

Scott did not say what was the second most racist thing. Or third. Or how long the list of things that he recognized as racist were – it could and probably should be considerably long – but in any case a Trump minion said “The president felt he could’ve handled that matter privately. He was like, ‘We work together all the time. He didn’t need to comment publicly.'” It was pretty much Scott’s tweet that got Trump to remove the video that he claimed one of his servants had posted – and Scott did try to reach Trump first but was gatekept so he decided to tweet instead. Then Trump called him.

What was said is not clear, but CNN writes that grandpa “had even stronger words for Alabama Sen Katie Britt, one of the sources recalled, using expletives to denounce her and declaring that she was dead to him.” Probably called her the c-word too if we’re being honest with each other here.

The story says Laura Loomer handed Trump printouts of Scott and Britt’s tweets to get his attention and that’s how Team Orange as a whole decided that it was really Tim Scott’s fault that this whole shitshow blew up. Despite being false, does anyone see any real problem with that? Please blame a publicly loyal supplicant. By all means rage at him for being upset over gutter-level racist memes.

“The Democrats refuse to vote for Voter ID, or Citizenship. The reason is very simple — They want to continue to cheat in Elections. This was not what our Founders desired. I have searched the depths of Legal Arguments not yet articulated or vetted on this subject, and will be presenting an irrefutable one in the very near future. There will be Voter ID for the Midterm Elections, whether approved by Congress or not! Also, the People of our Country are insisting on Citizenship, and No Mail-In Ballots, with exceptions for Military, Disability, Illness, or Travel,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, telling you libs to just wait, he will enforce what he’s too impotent to legislate by coming up with his own God mode legal strategy that will absolutely blow you woke Marxist pussies away.

Wow. Trump finally kind of went full QAnon and has had a vision of Trump’s ultimate final victory and ability to bend reality to his will uncontestedly. Guess this was always kind of the natural endpoint.

For a woman who thinks a French-Israeli cabal is out to kill her for exposing the truth about Brigette Macron being trans and Charlie Kirk being murdered by the same cabal – also a psychic time traveler who could detect aliens disguised as humans – former-employee-turned-sworn-enemy to Turning Point USA Candace Owens makes a pretty compelling and not-at-all-far-fetched case for the Turning Point USA halftime show to be even more of a bullshit scam than previously understood.

Owens claims her source inside TPUSA – and her source is as real as Kirk’s top lieutenant confirming one October leak was – the Kid Rock-headlined “patriotic” halftime show was pre-taped, but not by hours or days, but two weeks before the Super Bowl in a studio in Georgia, over two days of filming with only 180 people in the crowd, whom Owens says were moved around the room as to create the impression there were thousands in the audience while Kid Rock lip-synched his terrible lyrics.

Conventional, plausible, part of a track record that includes actual genuine leaks, and also jibes with the lack of any fanfare (?) around the “Halftime Show.” Has anyone seen, say, a tweet from this or that MAGA influencer backstage at the TPUSA event? Like you’d think it’d be like a mini-CPAC or actual Turning Point con. And okay, that they didn’t stream the performances live is… whatever. A few hours beforehand on Super Bowl Sunday still would’ve been stupid but not nearly as much of a joke as Candace tells it: just a really shitty music video shoot presented as though it were a live performance that was REAL AMERICA’s answer to that evil Mexican gaylord Bad Bunny.

Regulators in Deep Red State South Dakota, home to dog murdering Homeland Security idiot Kristi Noem and Senate Majority Leader John Thune, apparently haven’t gotten the memo that convicted felon President Trump is not allowing any more wind energy projects to be built, ever as the South Dakota Searchlight reports they’ve gone ahead and approved a $750 million, 333-megawatt wind farm across 70,000 acres of private land in Haakon County in the western part of the state.

“The applicant has proven they are entitled to this permit under criteria established in state law,” said South Dakota Public Utility Commissioner Chris Nelson in a statement. “When constructed, this wind facility will be the largest in the state, reinforcing our state’s electricity generation capacity.”

Philip Wind Partners estimates a December 2027 activation date for the wind farm, so it’s probably going to break ground in a matter of weeks if not sooner. That it’ll be built and come online around then or be halted at the last second by the Orange God Emperor’s regime ought to be interesting to see. The whole universe of outcomes just makes Trump look stupid and weak – he can’t or won’t stop it, pretend it isn’t happening, etc – or willing to kill job growth out in MAGA country.

Any MAGA shitbags hoping ex-CNN host Don Lemon would take a plea deal immediately or at all were sorely disappointed Friday as Lemon’s former employer reports he pleaded not guilty.

A New York Times profile of Clavicular, the nom de guerre of exceptionally self-destructive 20 year-old “Looksmaxxing” influencer Braden Peters, harkens back to the moment when the now-permanently sterilized young lad first came on National Zero’s radar via the Bulwark: Clav’s late December interview with Daily Wire wiener Michael Knowles that the latter instantly regretted.

Asked about the 2028 election, Clav did not miss a beat, saying California Gov Gavin Newsom would win because “JD Vance is subhuman and Gavin Newsom mogs.” Horrified, the right wing media douche Knowles then stammered and said “Wh-wh-what makes you say that?” to which Clavicular then called Vance “obese” and went on with men’s rights advocate/incel slang like “mog” and “Chad” with overly technical Third Reich-era phrenological jargon like a “recessed side profile.”

Asked again by the Times, Clavicular now says “It wasn’t, like, a political statement at all. I was just saying he’s fat.” He’s also done with politics going forward in his career of “slaymaxxing” college-aged women. One thing that annoyed Clav was one of his dates in Arizona, 24 year-old Mia Kirk, who said she started following Clav when he “only had 15,000 followers,” is trying to be a female Looksmaxxing influencer. “It’s a male space. My culture is not a costume,” said Clavicular.

But please Republicans, tell us more about how you locked this demo down for the rest of their lives and they’ll be voting GOP in every single election until 2100, that they LOVE everything MAGA now.

Legendary real talkin no-filter tells-it-like-is sportsball media personality Stephen A Smith tells CBS News in an interview airing Sunday that he “will confess to you, I’m giving strong consideration to being on that debate stage for 2027” ahead of the 2028 Dem primaries and that he’s “got this year coming up 2026, to think about it, to study, to know the issues,” because fuck you.

Seriously fuck you. Also why should Republicans be the only party to have been seized by an obnoxious egomaniacal cartoon character who nobody fucking likes yet he won’t just go away?

It’ll be fun! All those voters who think of Smith as smart and talented because he just talks over everyone else will love his performances in Iowa and South Carolina and then it’ll be too late.

Corey Lewandowski’s girlfriend might just not want to take any questions after the Wall Street Journal did her and her not-husband extra dirty on Thursday night, detailing episodes like her firing a Coast Guard pilot who lost a blanket of hers and then walking it back after she and Corey realized they didn’t have anyone to take them back to DC. Oh and that she keeps close track of Tom Homan’s TV hits and regularly screams at her staff for not putting her on television more than him.

A Florida husband and wife absolutely pounded a rival couple on the pickleball court at the Spruce Creek Country Club in Port Orange, Florida on Sunday. Who actually won the match prior to it is not clear from People.com’s gripping summary of the bloody aftermath but it’s safe to say that 65 year-old local man Anthony Sapienza and wife Julianna, 53, take the game at least seriously enough that Tony was willing to get hit with two counts of felony battery on a person 65 years of age or older, and aggravated battery causing bodily harm, and Julianna a single battery over 65 count.

According to police reports Tony accused the unnamed 70 year-old male of stepping in “the kitchen,” which is pickleball dork slang for a 7-foot buffer in front of the net, a violation typically overlooked by opponents in what’s supposed to be the casual, accessible, Wiffle Ball version of tennis given an inarticulably worse name. The match ended and words continued to be exchanged, including a specific one that starts with a “C” – as in Tony told the man “You wife’s a [c-word].”

Then… Armageddon. The man objected and told Tony not to speak to her that way. “Anthony then approached him and punched him on the left side of the face and struck him with a pickleball paddle, causing significant bleeding” and then “forcefully” pushed the female victim to the ground, according to the police report. A third man, also 70, tried to intervene, only to have Tony punch him in the face, “causing his nose to bleed profusely.” At some point Tony used a pickleball paddle as a weapon against one or both of the men. By this time someone had already dialed 911 to report “over 20 individuals” were involved in a “a physical fight in progress on the pickleball court,” per a dispatcher’s notes on the police response. People.com’s reporting does not make clear what Julianna specifically is accused of doing during the brawl and to whom. The two picklepunks escaped the country club and were apprehended by cops at an unspecified later time and place.