Cops surrounded Temple Israel and its adjoining school in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan Thursday in response to a report of an unknown assailant(s) who crashed a car, exited the vehicle, and began firing a weapon, CNN reports. Very few further details were available, but either pray or curse or both because fuck this shit. Fuck this man-boy or man-boys, fuck him whether he’s a Muslim or a MAGA Nazi or a white leftist keffiyeh kid. May he be laid flat before he harms an innocent soul.

I’ve been on the phone with some of the top America First Conservative leaders.

We are all in agreement.

The admin and Republican Party is going in the wrong direction on key issues, like the war, Epstein, and especially domestic issues, and has been completely hijacked by the…

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) March 12, 2026

“…and has been completely hijacked by the Lindsey Grahams, Mark Levin, and the neocon establishment Republicans we all voted against. The future of America belongs to us, the younger generations, not the boomers in charge and their boomer donors. I, and others, have been doing our part to call out the wrongs and fight back, and a large percentage of Americans agree. But I can’t impart on you all enough that the power to make change is on the outside. After 5 years of trying while in congress, I can tell you firsthand it’s completely broken and controlled. An entire generation of elected leaders, their donors, and controlling interests have to be removed. And it’s both sides.”

Could really go either way, right? Like it sounds as though she’s going to start a YouTube show where she and like-minded guests rail against the betrayals and every 15 minutes she encourages listeners to visit LibertyFirstArsenal.com and use promo code “MTG” to get 10 percent off an AR-15 with a vinyl US Constitution-pattern skin OR she’s warning of something akin to the 1934 “Business Plot” in which a cabal of oligarchs came MUCH closer than you think to recruiting an army of mercenaries to invade DC, decapitate the federal government, and install a right wing dictatorship.

Maybe both. Podcasts are a good springboard for violent insurrections. Plus she’d have the email addresses of all the fans who bought Constitution-skin AR-15s. Gotta sign them up somehow.

Markets reacted tepidly to the new Ayatollah’s inaugural address on Thursday as investors gave a thumbs down to the signals coming out of Tehran, with the Dow Jones down 570 points, the S&P 81 points, and the NASDAQ shedding 336 as of midday, CNBC reports on a total goose egg for traders.

Expectations for the Ayatollah to be responsive to regular Iranians afraid to look at how their 401Ks are doing weren’t particularly high but important bear market-moving news tends to give leaders the jitters no matter what, so it’s not clear what Tehran’s next play is. No meetings are scheduled between the Ayatollah and rock star CEOs like Nvidia’s Jensen Huang or OpenAI whiz Sam Altman just yet, though Tehran’s economic leadership team is still getting settled in. That’s when analysts should want to start recommending buys for stocks expected to grow under the new administration.

For now however, investors are in a holding-with-a-lot-of-selling pattern to see whether policymakers in Tehran will be fully in tune with the rhythm and pulse of Wall Street.

In a victory over the woke socialists who occupied several buildings at Columbia University buildings over the past few years, Israel’s military on Thursday dropped the charges against five troops who in July 2024 recorded themselves sexually abusing and sodomizing a male prisoner of war from Gaza who was detained at the Sde Teiman prison facility, the Associated Press reports.

Not sure what else to add here. Certainly do not want to reprint a description of the injuries the man suffered. The headline already did that job and it’d seem a little tone deaf to then try to bring it around to why Michigan Muslims trusted Trump over Kamala Harris to bring an end to such horrors.

Then again there’s only so much grim humor can do to help when it’s darker than pitch black.

.@SecretaryWright slams the Biden administration for abusing the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to lower gas prices for a midterm election, lays out the Trump Administration's plan to take oil from the SPR, and replenish it responsibly, with even more oil than currently sits. pic.twitter.com/uryl81QILB

— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) March 12, 2026

Trump Energy Secretary Chris Wright on Thursday absolutely BLASTED former President Joe Biden for tapping into the US Strategic Petroleum Reserve ahead of the 2022 Midterm elections, calling it a nakedly political play to ease voter frustrations over the price of gasoline amid disruptions caused by Russian President Vladimir Putin’s special military operation to seize control of the clandestine bioweapons labs in Ukraine that Kremlin officials said posed a major threat to global security.

Wright then explained how Biden’s decision depleted the reserve and left the current Administration with fewer options for a legitimate exercise of policy needed to ease voter frustrations over the price of gasoline caused by US President Trump’s special military excursion to seize control of nuclear weapons labs in Iran that White House officials said posed a major threat to global security.

In conclusion, both the Biden and Trump Administrations have faced major energy policy challenges requiring a keen sense of political timing and messaging jiu-jitsu to divert voters’ anger away from the White House. Premium subscribers to the Chuck Todd and Chris Cillizza podcast “Beltway Buds Bantering (Co-starring Coffee!!!🙂)” can get a full three hour breakdown of the similarities between the two respective situations and the bare-knuckle politics involved. Start your free trial today!

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage after this neutral, objective, and – most importantly – accessible analysis of the White House messaging playbook on Iran and gas prices.

New Ayatollah George W Khamenei, or whatever the hell his name is, addressed the Iranian people in a video statement on Thursday vowing to expand on the previous administration’s national energy policy of blowing up the energy supplies of importers relying on shipments passing too close to his property. Principally this means the Strait of Hormuz, a local waterway popular among the oil transportation boating community and instant geopolitical experts, will see fewer oil vessels and quite likely considerably fewer yachts full of attractive ladies in full-body hijab swimsuits playfully splashing in the hot tub while an Emir ignores them and throws $100s at American rapper Nelly.

Remember Nelly? No, no, not Nelly Furtado, just Nelly… “Midwest Swing”? “Sweat/Suit”?

He’s from St Louis… Anyway, according to CBS News Dubyatollah said “I assure everyone that we will not refrain from avenging the blood of your martyrs. The retaliation we have in mind is not limited only to the martyrdom of the great leader of the Revolution; rather, every member of the nation who is martyred by the enemy constitutes a separate case in the file of revenge,” the language kind of stilted and bureaucratic for what’s supposed to be a fiery declaration of holy war. Like just breaths away from saying “Tehran’s Islamic Revolutionary Comptroller Corps extremist accounts receivable department will be seeking interest and penalties on the unpaid invoice of blood spilled by the infidels. Quicken Enterprise Suite 2003 Government Adminstrative Edition-hu akbar!!!”

“The United States is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the Middle East and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday.

Horrific, tragic blunder: U.S. target list may have mistaken Iranian elementary school as military site – The Washington Post https://t.co/LA2wzDOpD9

— Laura Ingraham (@IngrahamAngle) March 12, 2026

Lots and lots of explodey Iranian boats are driving up next to not-Iranian boats and making big kabooms, Reuters reports on a fun playtime activity for Tehran’s military commanders.

“Tornado Watch for portions of Far Eastern and Southeastern Georgia Much of Central and Southern South Carolina. Effective this Thursday morning and afternoon from 710 AM until 100 PM EDT”

“Primary threats include… A couple tornadoes possible Isolated damaging wind gusts to 70 mph possible… Ongoing convective line expected to continue progressing eastward/northeastward into more of eastern/southeastern Georgia and South Carolina this morning. Strong shear, particularly in the low levels, will support a threat for damaging wind gusts and brief line-embedded tornadoes for the next several hours. The tornado watch area is approximately along and 65 statute miles east and west of a line from 50 miles north northeast of Columbia SC to 65 miles south of Vidalia GA,” says an NWS bulletin heralding a display of the Lord’s majesty to a region populated by his most faithful.

Praise be to the Heavenly Father for just this small glimpse of his might and power to the most righteous of believers in Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, Evangelical, and other congregations across this blessed dominion. Witness the glory of his meteorological creation and may he guide thy hand in retrofitting a narrative about how it was all part of his mysterious plan should the homes or even lives of some faithful be obliterated by His power. No such guidance will be needed should His wrath be visited upon Jews, Mexicans, Hindus, and Muslims. Praise be His wrath upon such others.

NEW: Qatar intercepts a series of ballistic missiles fired toward the country overnight. pic.twitter.com/QKUC20bH7F

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 12, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions are wondering how a 2007 rape accusation against Republican Louisiana state Senator Blake Miguez slipped past them before the fat fuck endorsed the fanboy legislator last month in the primary to succeed Congresswoman Julia Letlow after she launched her Trump-endorsed primary bid against Senator Bill Cassidy, the Atlantic reports.

According to a police report obtained by the outlet, the woman, Miguez’s then-22 year-old ex-girlfriend, had accused the then-25 year-old future MAGAstar of forcing himself upon her even though she told him no, and then followed her when she fled and hid behind a car outside of a convenience store, calling a friend to pick her up. She then called 911 and a cop took her to a hospital for a rape-kit examination, the report stated. Miguez was detained and questioned but the woman declined to press charges. “I called 911 cause I honestly was/am scared!” she wrote in a statement to the police. Nothing further happened but awareness there was some bad dirt on Miguez, if not the specifics of it, had been floating around Louisiana GOP circles in recent months.

Which was news to the White House, who had no idea until after the Orange God Emperor showered Miguez with his golden, glorious endorsement. And since they never asked he didn’t tell them.

Crude oil topped $100 for a few hours Wednesday into Thursday before sinking back down to $91.50 a barrel as of 4:29 AM EDT, CNBC reports on the futility of reserve supply openings.

“Gavin Newscum’s interview weeks ago was, perhaps, the most self destructive interview I’ve ever seen. In one fell swoop, he took himself out of even being considered as the Presidential Nominee of the Crazy (as proven at the State of the Union Address) Democrats. He said, in a speech, he was dumb, had low Boards, can’t read, has dyslexia, and has a mental disorder – A Cognitive Mess!”

“On top of that, Black People are angry because he is obviously a racist. While we all want to be politically correct, having a mental disorder is not a positive campaign event. Also, this was a politically suicidal act. The only thing he didn’t say is he is losing his look, but nobody wants to say that about one’s self. He is no longer a viable Presidential Candidate!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, apropos of his own manifold failures. Also lol at “Cognitive Mess!”

The fat bastard also endorsed pro-Hitler extremist Brandon Herrera in Texas’s 23rd District. In 2023 Herrera openly mocked both Barron and Donald Trump on his YouTube show.

“Jason Canals (39, Spring Hill) has been arrested and charged with eight counts of interstate transport of stolen property. If convicted on all counts, Canals faces a maximum penalty of 10 years in federal prison. The indictment also notifies Canals that the United States intends to forfeit the proceeds traceable to the offenses. US Attorney Gregory W Kehoe made the announcement.”

“According to the indictment, Canals perpetrated multiple schemes to defraud wholesale produce companies. In one scheme, Canals, without permission, used a company’s name and email signature block to send communications to victim companies requesting produce. While the shipments were enroute, Canals diverted the produce to a new location and never paid the victim companies. In a separate scheme, Canals provided victim companies false documentation making the companies believe he had prepaid for the produce, when no such payment was ever made. In total, between the cost of the produce and its transportation, Canals’s schemes resulted in a loss of over $600,000 to the victim companies,” says a release from the Middle District of Florida’s US Attorney’s office.

Per usual it doesn’t say his political affiliation but that’s what VoterRecords.com is for.

Also Republican is James Melady, the former Flagler County paramedic recently sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping a patient in the back of an ambulance. This week Melady was indicted on separate charges in another county, where he’s accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s house to plant multiple cameras to spy on her while she and her kids were getting undressed.

Amanda Laurel Thorpe, the 33 year-old Orlando-area woman whose 12 year-old daughter was found sitting on a barstool crying at 10:28 PM alone last Saturday because Thorpe wanted to go dancing at a club down the street, is a registered Democrat. See, not all of the most deranged, disgraceful, and criminally insane Floridians are Republicans. Just the very, very, very vast majority of them.

National Zero has been trying to put out a grand comprehensive piece on the SAVE Act but events continue to conspire against completing such a (relatively) ambitious project – including the increasingly connected soap opera of the Texas GOP Senate primary. Wednesday saw a visible increase in panic on incumbent John Cornhole Cornyn’s part in this convoluted tit-for-tat game to defeat Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton in the fraught quest to win convicted felon President Trump’s affections, starting with the New York Post printing Cornyn’s op-ed calling for a filibuster exception for the draconian voter suppression bill. Cornyn was obviously full of shit, probably had ChatGPT write it for him, and that Paxton forced him to react was painfully obvious.

If it was a principled stand he sure as hell wouldn’t be going all “talk to the hand” to a reporter in the goddamned Capitol, lol. At least face her and try to sell the kayfabe, you freaking weenie.

That was this morning. Just a little while ago CNN laid out, and pretty comprehensively so, how Cornyn’s fears are coming to fruition: A Trump minion tells the network that Paxton’s vow to drop out if the Senate passes the SAVE Act was a “genius move” and got Trump to back off from showering Cornyn with the golden, glorious endorsement that he’d been “gravitating” toward last week.

In fact Donald himself loved the idea so much that, as Politico reported on Tuesday, he’s just not going to endorse until the Senate passes the bill which led Cornyn, at zero political cost since it (all but certainly) isn’t happening, to assert that he’s all for bending the rules to appease the God-King.

Citing “multiple” state and federal law enforcement officials in California, CBS’s Jen Jacobs reports that none of them are actually taking that very highly hyped threat of Iranian drone attacks seriously, mostly because it was a tip the FBI in Los Angeles received prior to Trump’s February 28th attack.

“This is not actionable,” said a fed. A local official said “All this means is we got this information and we want to get it out to law enforcement executives to make sure they’re up to speed on it. There is absolutely nothing more to it.” So yeah, more K$H incompetence and circlejerking.

The Texarkana, Texas Police Department on Monday informed locals they’ve been “trying to track down 32 year old Tatyana Fisher, but she’s managed to avoid us so far. She currently has a felony warrant for Engaging in Organized Criminal Activity, and we’re hoping someone out there knows where we might be able to find her. Fisher was another participant in the case we told you about last month involving two employees at a payday loan business who were arrested for stealing more than $150,000 from their company by creating almost 200 fake loans in other people’s names.”

“During the investigation, Detective Jarrod Dean determined that Fisher’s role in the scheme was mainly creating the paperwork needed to make the fake loan applications look legitimate – things like forged bank statements and other supporting documents,” the department continued imploring the public to help bring Fisher to justice for defrauding a pillar of the local community. Even worse was how she and the two rogue payday loan professionals cruelly misled management into thinking they could collect between 400 and 600 percent APR on the $150,000 on the loans they falsified.

The nerve of some people to think they can just abuse a system built on mutual trust and honesty.

Sitting on stage at the House GOP’s Miami retreat, Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson on Tuesday admitted to his caucus that they’ve “got a little hiccup with some of the Hispanic and Latino voters for certain, because some of the immigration enforcement was viewed to be overzealous. And, you know, everybody can describe it differently. But here’s the good news: We’re in a course correction mode right now. We’re going to have a new secretary” at DHS, the New York Times reports on the pretty obvious panic growing inside the party on what was supposed to be their top issue.

The admission came hours after cueball-headed Trump political minion James Blair asked members to stop hyping “mass deportations” as a policy win for the regime which, coupled with Johnson’s stammering, just miiiiiiiiight be an indication that things are even worse than we might assume.