The Strait of Hormuz is currently about as open for business as the Kennedy Center in DC, which is to say it’s closed due to the fat fuck’s sheer incompetence at pretty much everything. CNN reports that the Iranians are still blockading the waterway because the Israelis have continued bombing Lebanon, a condition of the “two weeks” ceasefire the TACO man claimed in effect on Tuesday.

“Numerous Agreements, Lists, and Letters are being sent out by people that have absolutely nothing to do with the USA / Iran Negotiation, in many cases, they are total Fraudsters, Charlatans, and WORSE. They will be rapidly exposed after our Federal Investigation is completed. There is only one group of meaningful ‘POINTS’ that are acceptable to the United States, and we will be discussing them behind closed doors during these Negotiations. These are the POINTS that are the basis on which we agreed to a CEASEFIRE. It is something that is reasonable, and can easily be dispensed with. It’s very much like Fake News CNN last night, headlining a ‘source’ that had no power or authority to write a Letter claiming great authority,” posted the mental child on Wednesday.

Nothing to see here, just the Vice President of the United States shit-talking our country from a foreign capital, something that was a mortal sin when Bruce Springsteen supposedly did it.

On Wednesday the House Oversight Committee announced that “the Department of Justice has stated Pam Bondi will not appear on April 14 for a deposition since she is no longer Attorney General and was subpoenaed in her capacity as Attorney General. The Committee will contact Pam Bondi’s personal counsel to discuss next steps regarding scheduling her deposition,” which sure sounds like Team Comer’s less than eager to fight her in court to compel her to show up.

It also ignores the fact that the subpoena did not literally say “in her capacity.” Yes, it addressed her as “The Honorable Pamela J Bondi, Attorney General, US Department of Justice,” but she sure as shit is not and never was “honorable” so that was a formality too. Nor did the DOJ offer now-Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche to sub in for Bondi since he’s in “capacity” now.

All this of course underlying the fact that they’re trying to avoid sharing what they know about the most horrific sex trafficking crime in recent if not all of US history. That’s really where we’re at.

A February 11th White House situation room meeting that featured – wait for it – a fucking video presentation by Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu and his team as their pitch on how easy it would be to effect regime change in Iran was all convicted felon President Trump needed to be sold on committing American lives and treasure to the rogue state’s campaign against a regional foe an ocean-plus away from Washington and cause a global-scale fuckup, the New York Times reports in a preview of their Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan’s upcoming book, “Regime Change.”

After the Israelis left, some of the president’s top minions were not as impressed. “Sir, this is, in my experience, standard operating procedure for the Israelis. They oversell, and their plans are not always well-developed. They know they need us, and that’s why they’re hard-selling,” said chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Dan Caine. CIA Director John Ratcliffe called the plan “farcical.”

Secretary of State Marco Rubio then jumped in and said the presentation was “bullshit,” the Times’s sequence of the exchange carrying the implication that Trump doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “farcical.” Further down in their recount of the internal deliberations, the Times provides another insight into presidential incapacity with “One person familiar with their interactions noted that Mr Trump had a habit of confusing tactical advice from General Caine with strategic counsel. In practice, that meant the general might warn in one breath about the difficulties of one aspect of the operation, then in the next note that the United States had an essentially unlimited supply of cheap, precision-guided bombs and could strike Iran for weeks once it achieved air superiority.”

Which is like Caine saying it would be very expensive to build a rollercoaster that goes from Miami to San Diego but we have a lot of steel manufacturing capacity, so it is technically possible, and then Trump thinking that Caine had advised him to build the roller Miami-to-San Diego rollercoaster.

In February of last year the CBC checked in on Trump-voting Quebecois-American Florida motelier Richard Clavet, finding him extra whiny over a that little thing called “consequences” being visited in the form of a drop in bookings at his eponymous mini-resort, Richard’s Motel. “They’re boycotting Trump,” Clavet had bitched over his Francophone brethren “way overreacting” to the Orange God Emperor’s unhinged “jokes” about annexing Canada and “Governor” Justin Trudeau, et cetera.

That was back when it was just Trump’s imperial shit-talk hurting him. Now Clavet tells CNN he’s REALLY upset over his actions continuing to have consequences even after he tried bargaining and denial. “Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of issues. And surprisingly, we were expecting the Trump administration to come in – more prosperity, everything will be going great,” the pouty poutine-eater moaned. A guest “cancelled and we called him back and said, ‘Sir, you’re leaving $1,000 on the table, the $1000 deposit.’ He was very firm. He said, ‘I’m not going there with that dictator of yours,'” said Clavet, adding spring 2025 was a “disaster” amid President Fecal Matter’s tariff crusade.

“The impact of Trump’s policies – or the perception of them – was enormous,” said Clavet, adding he’s “working really hard to overcome the effect, but it’s serious.” At no point does CNN quote Clavet as saying he regrets voting for that dictator of his, just complaining that he’s making less money.

Dem candidate Chris Taylor has defeated MAGA opponent Maria Lazar for the state Supreme Court seat held by retiring far right scumbag Becky Bradley, VoteHub projects with 12 percent reporting.

Yeah this is going to be a freaking blowout. Ketamine Brain didn’t even bother this year. The swing state court’s 4-3 liberal majority now increases to 5-2 with the next seat up next year also held by conservative Annette Ziegler – primed for another flip which could put the court at 6-1 liberal.

Meanwhile Trump-backed Republican candidate Clayton Fuller won the GA-14 race for Marjorie Taylor Greene’s seat, 57.5 to 42.5 with 92 percent reporting. Green beat Democrat Marcus flowers by 31 percent in 2022.

“Based on conversations with Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif and Field Marshal Asim Munir, of Pakistan, and wherein they requested that I hold off the destructive force being sent tonight to Iran, and subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks. This will be a double sided CEASEFIRE! The reason for doing so is that we have already met and exceeded all Military objectives, and are very far along with a definitive Agreement concerning Longterm PEACE with Iran, and PEACE in the Middle East. We received a 10 point proposal from Iran, and believe it is a workable basis on which to negotiate. Almost all of the various points of past contention have been agreed to between the United States and Iran, but a two week period will allow the Agreement to be finalized and consummated. On behalf of the United States of America, as President, and also representing the Countries of the Middle East, it is an Honor to have this Longterm problem close to resolution,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday just short of the big deadline of 8 PM EDT. Extra lol at the “two weeks” part of his screed.

He was always going to find some bullshit “exit ramp” like this irrespective of how real it’d be.

Remember this October 2024 video from closeted MAGA grifter Benny Johnson? Wasn’t this awesome graphic design depicting what was actually a shitty, run-down, no-brand gas station in Tampa from which Johnson did not appear to be actually charging $1.84 a gallon from the pumps?

Ah, good times. With that completely unrelated bit of America First nostalgia out of the way, it’s time to get down to the real news: Yahoo Finance News reports that a new JP Morgan client note issued Tuesday warns that the oligarchic megabank’s “commodity team sees a risk of that exceeding $5/gallon if the strait [of Hormuz] remains effectively closed by mid-April.”

Which is considerbaly higher than Benny said it would be by now. Almost triple, actually. Well at least Benny got the “MEAN TWEETS” half of his wish. That “entire civilization” shit was FIRE!!!

Like a lot of Trump 2.0 stories, this one from the Atlantic is a mystery: Was it just simple incompetence that led them to spend $145 million to buy a warehouse on the outskirts of Salt Lake City that had been listed at $92 million? Or was it corruption and that extra $53 million is just a special thanks for helping the Orange God Emperor launder Russian blood money?

There isn’t really a third option here. Either they’re corrupt or they’re stupid.

A Florida woman identified only as Belinda tells WPBF she still would’ve jumped in the water if she knew that the man she rescued from the rough waves off Vero Beach last month is, in all likelihood, a man currently wanted in connection with the shooting deaths of his ex-wife and her new partner.

“I could not leave him in the water no matter what,” Belinda said because well of course she didn’t know at the time and it’s the only way to make peace with the March 24th morning rescue which, upon later police examination of a witnesses’s video, very likely shows 64 year-old Jesse Ellis being dragged out of the surf. Ellis is still on the loose, being sought in the murders of his estranged wife, Stacie Mason, 49, and a coworker thought to be her romantic partner, 56 year-old Danny Ooley.

Both were found shot dead that very morning, like no more than a few hours earlier, and it’s unclear if the cops even had Ellis on their radar by the time Belinda rescued him. So if she’s secretly beating herself up over it then she should consider that part too. And he’ll probably be arrested before he murders anyone else. It’s not like the dude’s a serial killer, just a miserable asshole who killed his victims in a jealous rage. Hopefully for her and of course others’ sake he’ll be caught without any further incident or so much as a shot fired. Would be real swell of fate to let her off nice and easy.

And extra hopefully for her she doesn’t end up smoking a joint on a patio outside of a house party and some assclown friend of friend starts in with “So what if you could like kill Hitler when he was a baby, would you do it?” which of course prompts a closer acquaintance goes “WELL! Belinda here once heard a guy screaming for help…” and then the whole goddamned night is ruined for her.

Weird how one of, if not the most loathsome and nihilistic of Republicans in Congress, Ron “RonAnon” Johnson looks morally adjusted and properly horrified this morning, both in a vacuum and especially so in comparison to his fellow party members in the House, “centrist”-coded worm Mike Lawler among them, who shows up twice in this reel basically stealing Lindsey Graham’s lines.

Of course this doesn’t actually mean that if shit goes really badly and that the choice of whether or not to remove Trump from office comes in front of him that RonAnon will vote against him. Lol, no.

Ugh. The AP reports the Average Duong is getting screwed again by the system as the Vietnamese Communist uniparty elite swampists have selected one of their own – literally the leader of the Vietnamese Communist Party General Secretary, To Lam – to the nation’s presidency.

“The opportunity is obvious. Faster decision-making, greater policy coherence, and a better chance of pushing difficult reforms at a pivotal moment. But the risk is that concentration of power can move faster than institutional reform,” said think tanker Nguyen Khac Giang and, in all seriousness, what the fuck does any of that mean? There was supposed to be a little quip here about how it was incomprehensible and meaningless to the median citizen who lack fluency in policy wonk jargon but that take legitimately was incomprehensible and meaningless. In all likelihood Giang was speaking to some sort of streamlining of how the party operates internally and appoints people to patronage jobs and so on with all the tropes of how these Mickey Mouse Club for Adults-type states work.

Which isn’t actually in tension at all with the headline joke. If anything it actually sort of validates the simplistic stereotypes MAGA clods here invoke – if they’re among those capable of articulating their perception of “the swamp” at least semi-coherently, all while taking pains to avoid accidentally describing the kind of shit their Orange Mao does every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

At least Lam didn’t waste anyone’s time promising to bring down the cost of rice and gas. Not having to be responsive to regular voters means there’s no need to bullshit them to get elected.

“A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. However, now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change, where different, smarter, and less radicalized minds prevail, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, WHO KNOWS? We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World. 47 years of extortion, corruption, and death, will finally end. God Bless the Great People of Iran!” posted the former host of the NBC smash hit The Apprentice on Tuesday.

The only mistake he made was forgetting to mention the 8:00 PM EDT primetime slot, which was the scene of more than 47 years of fierce battles fought by ratings juggernauts like Happy Days, Who’s the Boss?, and NCIS. Otherwise it was a 30.0 Nielsens-caliber promo for all top audience demos.

Stellar too, was his lower-key rumblings from the mysterious “Kharg Island” subplot device, as CNN is out with a special behind-the-scenes look into some potentially bombshell new twists. Will the sweaty hunks of the IRGC get voted off the island before Tuesday night’s big opener? Stay tuned!

The experts on committing statute crimes in the Trump Administration are putting their know-how to an innovative strategy for arguing that the war crime they’re planning against Iran starting 8:00 PM EDT on Tuesday (supposedly) isn’t really a war crime: Officials are trying to find power plants that supply some of their output to Iran’s military, thus justifying their inclusion on a list of targets, which Politico writes is “a workaround” against accusations “of war crimes for striking basic infrastructure.”

Former Army JAG Sean Timmons says this is a thing. “Before targets get approved, they have to go under operational legal review. Some civilian infrastructure, if dually used by the military, can under the laws of war be a legitimate target. The concern that people have, that this will get excessive, is legitimate… but there are checks and balances,” Timmons said, and immediately after the expert quote Politico notes that drunken date rapist Pete Hegseth had gutted the offices that conduct those reviews. Plus there was that whole thing where they bombed an elementary school and killed more than 150 little girls on Day One of the war so maybe “excessive” won’t quite be the right word.

Like are they even going to bother saying “Well there’s one IRGC-owned print shop that cranked out recruiting posters saying said ‘The Few. The Fanatic. The Revolutionary Guard Corps’ for their strip mall offices across Iran and it was down the street from that 1,200 MW plant that powered a city of half-million that had no other military infrastructure otherwise but nobody said there was ever any percentage rule here”? Seems like more effort then we’re used to from the crew.

Probably going to be closer to like theoretical, potential military use for the grid. Trump, Hegseth, and all their minions would prefer the flexibility for their half-assed post-hoc justifications.

Under the headline “Exclusive: Maggie Haberman, Jonathan Swan book on Trump, ‘Regime Change,’ coming in June,” Axios co-founder Mike Allen – Swan’s former employer before he jumped ship to the New York Times – basically just shares the link to publisher Simon and Schuster’s marketing copy that hawks the June 23 release as “a landmark real-time history of a modern presidency like no other.” Now that there is some quality sane-washing, ladies and gents – 5/5 euphe-meter stars.

“A Truth Social post last month had Washington and media insiders scratching their heads. Why exactly had President Trump attacked The New York Times’ Maggie Haberman and some of her ‘associates’ – when everyone in the West Wing knew that she and her reporting partner, Jonathan Swan, had been on book leave for months?” Allen writes. like there would’ve been any fucking mystery as to the subject of the book Haberman was working on when Trump posted “Maggot Hagerman, just another SLEAZEBAG writer for The Failing New York Times, insists on writing false stories about me, even though she fully knows and understands that the exact opposite of anything she says is usually the truth. In any event, I’m thinking of adding Maggot, and some of her ‘associates,’ into my Florida based Lawsuit against The Times which, very happily, seems to be proceeding nicely” during a typical Saturday afternoon Truth Social tantrum – three days before she and Swan privately interviewed Trump for more than an hour in the Oval Office, according to Allen.

Still, just in case you thought they might’ve been working on a new Star Wars sequel novel, here’s the marketing campaign for “Regime Change,” via Axios, who do not print anything resembling an actual excerpt from the insider account. It also appears Allen effed up and forgot to put an affiliate parameter in the URL, screwing the website out of untold thousands of dollars in commissions.

Trump (Again) Roasts Autopen Biden While Signing Autographs for Kids pic.twitter.com/A1jWoTI3Dg

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