What an interesting way to try to get an adversarial nation to take a nearly 80 year-old man seriously: Waking up at 4:05 AM and posting AI slop of something that not only will never happen, is actually the opposite of what happened in real life when he had the opportunity to join the military and see combat against the North Vietnamese Army and Vietcong that tens of thousands of American men his age died fighting in a bloody, awful conflict that last almost a decade.

A day after his wife’s sentence was bumped up from 20 months to four years, disgraced former South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol got it rubbed in his face a little bit more on Wednesday as court tacked seven years onto his life sentence for the relatively minor crimes of resisting arrest and some procedural bypass before he stupidly declared martial law in 2024, the AP reports.

What about this one Mike?? pic.twitter.com/7ceYygBOzz

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) April 28, 2026

Funny story about that Obama-branded MetroCard: They all would have had to have been printed while George W Bush was still president. And the federal government didn’t print them, the WMATA did. And without going on a long tangent about how the WMATA is a multi-state authority and all that shit, let’s just remark this being the official White House response to mockery from a citizen.

ICE agent Jonathan Ross apparently has recovered from being “run over” by a half-ton SUV less than four months ago and is back on the job in another state, PunchUp reports. Maybe some libs can use Palantir facial recognition software to identify him the next time he’s caught on camera in broad daylight shooting a US citizen in the face three times, wherever he’s stationed now.

“On or about May 15, 2025, in the Eastern District of North Carolina, the defendant, JAMES BRIEN COMEY JR, did knowingly and willfully make a threat to take the life of, and to inflict bodily harm upon, the President of the United States, in that he publicly posted a photograph on the internet social media site Instagram which depicted seashells arranged in a pattern making out ’86 47′, which a reasonable recipient who is familiar with the circumstances would interpret as a serious expression of an intent to do harm to the President of the United States,” says the indictment against the ex-FBI chief for the stupid seashells post on count one. Count two is “interstate commerce” something.

Todd Blanche and pals will step up to the podium at 4:30…

In these fraught political times it’s important to paste 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 as many times as will reasonably fit the format.

Furthermore, 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647, and 8647 too.

In conclusion 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 8647 and fuck you Todd Blanche. James Comey’s a self-important dick and you make us real Americans defend him like a persecuted martyr again and again and again because your fat fuck boss can’t just let it go. So 8647.

“The Chancellor of Germany, Friedrich Merz, thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! If Iran had a Nuclear Weapon, the whole World would be held hostage. I am doing something with Iran, right now, that other Nations, or Presidents, should have done long ago. No wonder Germany is doing so poorly, both Economically, and otherwise!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, a day and a half after Merz’s comments soberly summarizing how badly Trump fucked up with Iran rather than anything pro-Iranian nuclear program.

Pussy-ass bitch Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s team are planning to issue a “limited run” of 25,000 US passports featuring the visage of the Holy Orange God Emperor, the Bulwark reports under a headline that’s a little more alarmist as it says “EXCLUSIVE: State Dept Finalizing Plan to Put Trump Picture on US Passports,” but then further down specifies that it’s a limited run rather than a full “permanent” redesign of all US passports. So still cultish, Maoist kind of shit, just apparently optional, like a vanity plate. Or maybe 25,000 passport holders are just going to be unlucky enough to have applied or renewed at the wrong time. If not then what happens when they don’t sell out?

So many questions. One not as vexing is what will happen to the few that do choose the Trump passport, since they might as well be wearing a t-shirt saying “I have 15 grams of heroin crammed into my rectum.” Cavity searches, lengthy interrogations, and getting turned around immediately will be the punishment for the lucky ones, charges of espionage and God knows what else for the rest.

“The Bulwark reached out to both the State Department and the White House this morning with a request for comment. A State Department spokesperson asked us for deadline extension as they were ‘looking into’ the inquiry. We gave them an additional two hours. In that time, Fox News published an ‘exclusive’ on the new passport design. A White House spokesperson then sent us an email response confirming the new design ‘on background’ with a link to the Fox News story,” the outlet wrote in one of the most believable stories ever told in the history of print media.

Jesus effing Christ. Fox News’s Bill Melugin reports that the mysterious second indictment of former FBI Director James Comey is indeed over terroristic threats or some shit because of the seashells.

Florida Republican Congressman Dan Webster, who survived successive primary challenges from MAGA maniacs Laura Loomer and Anthony Sabatini in 2022 and 2024, respectively, announced his retirement on Tuesday just a day after heels-wearing Gov Ron DeSantis announced his redistricting plan to kill half of the Sunshine State’s eight Dem-held seats by diluting the other 24’s MAGA-ness.

That timing – Punchbowl’s Ally Mutnick posted that Webster had publicly warned that DeSantis’s redistricting bid could backfire – is noteworthy, as is convicted felon President Trump’s Friday afternoon stop in the Villages where there will be no doubt like a dozen supplicants there BEGGING him for a 25 seconds of face time to get on his radar for an endorsement in the primary… before a few months from he ultimately picks the one who can afford to get in the door at Mar-a-Lago.

Webster becomes the, uh, maybe the 28th (?) House Republican to ditch DC of their own volition this cycle as opposed to either dying or losing a Senate primary. Probably not going to be a lot more.

Congressman Ro Khanna on Tuesday told Meidas Touch’s Scott MacFarlane that the UK Ambassador had told Khanna that King Charles, whose brother is deservedly in deep shit for his partying with dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, could end up touching that specific live wire during his address to Congress this afternoon. Might be something to listen for in the monarch’s speech.

MAGA Congressman Vince Fong, the jackass who replaced loser former Speaker Kevin McCarthy, is laser-focused on ensuring Newsmax viewers nationwide understand that, when speaking strictly in the context of California, that convicted felon President Trump’s direct responsibility for increased gas prices is actually Dem Governor Gavin Newsom’s because of a 90-second or so list of grievances that need not be detailed here. Newsmax being Newsmax, there was no follow up prompt from the anchor stipulating that the baseline price per gallon in California is always significantly higher than that of the rest of the nation or, more importantly, how Gavin Newsom’s policies could have any measurable effect on the price per gallon in West Virginia.

Disney-owned ABC is not fucking around with Jimmy Kimmel this time and is, according to CNN’s Brian Stelter in his daily newsletter, warning stations that they will enforce their contracts and drop the hammer on any MAGA-owned affiliate chain that preempts the nightly show the way oligarchic cartels Nexstar and Sinclair did back when Kimmel mocked convicted felon President Trump’s reaction to Charlie Kirk’s assassination as “not how an adult grieves the murder of someone he called a friend. This is how a 4 year-old mourns a goldfish.” Funny enough that was after Kimmel aired a clip of Trump being asked by a reporter about Kirk and then the fat idiot almost immediately drifted into the then-ongoing East Wing demolition to make way for the now-stalled ballroom build.

“My sources at ABC and Disney are well aware that the MAGA media attacks against Kimmel are not in good faith,” Stelter writes. Keep in mind the global megacorporation has a new CEO in charge than they did back in September as Stelter notes in the story. He also zooms in on the dispositive difference for Nexstar, who on top of ABC cracking the whip, have to deal with a California federal judge currently blocking their acquisition of TEGNA. Preempting Kimmel, which they did not do on Monday with that case still ongoing would have been a really stupid, really shortsighted move.

“A former National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) employee is facing indictment for his role in a scheme to evade Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests in connection with COVID-19 research grants. David M Morens, 78, of Chester, Maryland, is charged with conspiracy against the United States; destruction, alteration, or falsification of records in federal investigations; concealment, removal, or mutilation of records; and aiding and abetting. Morens served as a senior advisor in NIAID’s Office of the Director from 2006 to 2022,” says a Tuesday DOJ press release.

“These allegations represent a profound abuse of trust at a time when the American people needed it most – during the height of a global pandemic. As alleged in the indictment, Dr Morens and his co-conspirators deliberately concealed information and falsified records in an effort to suppress alternative theories regarding the origins of COVID-19. Government officials have a solemn duty to provide honest, well-grounded facts and advice in service of the public interest – not to advance their own personal or ideological agendas,” said Auditioning Attorney General Todd Blanche in the press release, which then quotes drunken asshole K$H Patel saying something he didn’t write.

Quick reminder that this press release would have been about Morens’s former boss, Dr Anthony Fauci, being indicted if Joe Biden hadn’t pardoned the numero uno on the way out the door.

“Iran has just informed us that they are in a ‘State of Collapse.’ They want us to ‘Open the Hormuz Strait,’ as soon as possible, as they try to figure out their leadership situation (Which I believe they will be able to do!)” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, echoing the line from Downfall where Hitler insists Steiner will break through and rescue what remains of the Reich.

Any minute now will be the follow-up where Trump orders everyone out of the room except for Pete Hegseth, General Dan Caine, Tulsi Gabbard, and Kid Rock to scream at them while they sweat.

Earlier was even more embarrassing as Trump posted “Wow, that’s nice. I’ve always wanted to live in Buckingham Palace!!! I’ll talk to the King and Queen about this in a few minutes!!!” above a screenshot of some shitty right wing British newspaper’s article establishing that Trump and Charles’s last known common ancestor – John Stuart, the 3rd Earl of Lennox – died in 1526. Half the readers on this website are probably more “royal-blooded” than that. As is Barack Obama.

What follows is what the US Department of Justice, on behalf of the US National Park Service as defendant, put into the first page of a filing headlined “DEFENDANTS’ RULE 62.1 MOTION FOR AN INDICATIVE RULING DISSOLVING THE COURT’S INJUNCTION,” as in the gestalt of competent legal professionals who ostensibly take their careers in public service seriously but have to submit this to try to convince a federal judge to toss his own ruling halting the White House ballroom construction:

“‘The National Trust for Historic Preservation’ is a beautiful name, but even their name is FAKE because when they add the words ‘in the United States’ to the National Trust for Historic Preservation, it makes it sound like a Governmental Agency, which it is not. In fact, the United States refused to continue funding it in 2005 because they strongly disagreed with their mission and objectives. They are very bad for our Country. They stop many projects that are worthy, and hurt many others. In this case, they are trying to stop one that is vital to our National Security, and the Safety of all Presidents of the United States, both current and future, their families, staff, and Cabinet members. They were asked by the United States Military not to bring this suit because of the Top Secret nature of the important facility being built. They were shown detailed plans and specifications of this knitted, unified, and cohesive structure by Top Officers and Leaders in both the Military and Secret Service. But this did not deter them because they suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, commonly referred to as TDS, as noted by Democrat Senator John Fetterman, of Pennsylvania, and are represented by the lawyer for Barack Hussein Obama, Gregory Craig. The lower section of the building does not work without the upper section and, likewise, the upper section of the building does not work without the lower,” and it keeps going for a while.