On his way to his helicopter to board his luxury 747 to fly to New Jersey so he could play golf all weekend, convicted felon President Trump on Friday remained consistent in addressing concerns raised by regular American consumers and the families of Navy sailors stuck on board an aircraft carrier on an extended deployment in the Middle East: He doesn’t give a fuck and would rather not be asked about it, if fact he’ll be far more upset by the way his hair looked when he sees this later.

Let’s-a-go! The news-a sayin-a Luigi Mangione-he-a-pleaded-a-guilty to-a-murderin-tha-man-who-a-denya-health-a-care-to-people-whos-a-dyin-of-horrific-colon-a-cancer an other-a-horrible-terminal-ailaments! He-don’t-feel-so-guilty-because-a-the-victim-wasn’t a-so-sympathetic-to-a-the-general-public-that-a-maybe-he’d-a-had-it-coming! Maybe they-a-even-a-sayin Bryan Thompson-a burnin in-a-hell where he-belong-a! Luigi-also-become-a sex-symbol to-a-women who-a probably-bribing-federal-prison-goombas-to-let them in-a the-jail-house for some amore!

Alcoholic DC US Attorney Jeanine Pirro on Friday announced the arrest of a suspect named Melissa Farris in the weird vandalism of the National Mall’s World War II memorial, CNN reports. “Vandalizing our World War II Memorial is a despicable attack on a sacred monument honoring the Americans who fought and died for our freedom. Those Americans include my father and grandfather,” Pirro posted.

“Our beautiful World War II Memorial was just hit by Spray Painting Vandals. THERE CAN BE NO GREATER INSULT TO THOSE AMERICAN HEROES WHO DIED IN WORLD WAR II. First the Reflecting Pool, now this. We are on their trail! Where do these animals come from???” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday. Surprisingly, Trump wasn’t just making it up as an unidentified woman reportedly really did spray paint “Clean hands, dirty money” and her or another individual or individuals dumped soap in the fountains, turning the somber basins into oversized bubble baths.

WWII MEMORIAL DEFACED: Bright pink spray paint reading “Clean hands, dirty money” was found scrawled across the hallowed National Mall memorial on Thursday.

The memorial's fountain was also tampered with, overflowing with bubbles, prompting U.S. Park Police to block off the area… pic.twitter.com/ib8SOWDQAC

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 14, 2026

Thought for a second there that maybe some MAGA voters had spray painted swastikas to protest Nazi Germany’s defeat 81 years ago and that’s why Trump had neglected to include any such images in his post. Also odd is how he didn’t immediately declare the vandals to be commie Antifa terrorists. Even if “clean hands, dirty money” coupled with the (disgraceful) choice of target is kind of vague it’s a shorter leap from there to hardcore leftist anarchism than it is any other ideology.

Not odd at all is how Trump was completely full of shit about how his National Guard and Park Police deployments would deter this kind of crime from happening, just another one of the countless examples of the fat fuck talking a big game only to end up looking like the saggy-titted fraud he is.

“Advance estimates of US retail and food services sales for July 2026, adjusted for seasonal variation and holiday and trading-day differences, but not for price changes, were $763.6 billion, down 0.6 percent (±0.4 percent) from the previous month, but up 5.0 percent (±0.5 percent) from July 2025. Total sales for the May 2026 through July 2026 period were up 6.3 percent (±0.5 percent) from the same period a year ago. The May 2026 to June 2026 percent change was unrevised from up 0.2 percent (±0.3 percent),” says the Commerce Department’s monthly report.

Per Bloomberg, this was the largest drop in over a year. But MAGAnomics rules, America so hot.

Because leaders of dysfunctional states for their own individual reasons look up to the dysfunction of the United States as an ideal political operating mode and everyone just seems to accept that as normal, questions are of course being raised over when or if convicted felon President Trump will bless Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu with a “complete and total endorsement” to remain at the helm of the Middle East’s Only Democracy™ for another few years or get benched once again.

Per Axios, Netanyahu is actually desperate for his face to be showered in the Orange God Emperor’s golden glory, despite the whole lot of jack shit it did for now-former Hungarian tyrant Viktor Orban when he was similarly troubled in his bid to remain corruptly entrenched in power, even to the point where reportedly one of Benny’s minions had to lie to Trump for him during a meeting last month. All is not lost for “Bibi,” as extremely sketchy Axios senior correspondent Barak Ravid writes that even if it’s not looking like the diabolical war criminal’s coaltion will win outright October’s parlimentary vote, there’s a decent enough chance that the opposition will fail to form a government, buying Netanyahu a few more months as “caretaker” PM before another automatically-triggered national election.

And yet Ravid writes that, even given that cushion, “A former US official briefed on the situation claimed that Netanyahu’s weakness in polls has deterred Trump from getting involved,” lol.

I came first in the Clacton by-election! Of the candidates who bothered to turn up for the results. Here is my victory speech! pic.twitter.com/PBaLO10P2j

— Count Binface (@CountBinface) August 14, 2026

White nationalist Brexit douchebag Nigel Farage on Friday declared victory in the special election triggered by his resignation from his seat because of some picayune scandal and it’s not terribly easy to understand even before his opponent in the special was a man in a robot alien trash can costume who goes by “Count Binface.” As mentioned by Señor Binface, Farage was too chickenshit to actually show up to the final vote count which, by the way Sky News makes it sound, is a hallowed tradition in British politics. In fact it’s possibly only the second time it’s happened in UK history. The last candidate not to show up was Bobby Sands, an Irish Republican dissident who was indisposed at the time of his 1981 special election victory he was dying of starvation in a prison outside Belfast when he won a seat in Parliament. Sands was running to replace another Irish Catholic dissident MP Frank Maguire who had died of a heart attack. A third IRA-connected Irishman, Owen Carron, then won the seat in a subsequent special a few weeks later.

Farage defeated Binface 63.3 to 26.9 percent on turnout of around 30,000 in the Clacton district.

A new Fox News survey of Ohio voters finds Dem former Senator Sherrod Brown leading dipshit incumbent appointee Jon Husted 53 to 45 percent in this November’s contest for the seat, which would really fucking suck for Republicans if it turned out to be the actual final margin in the state.

An incident at a data center in Phoenix, Arizona on Thursday proved the infrastructure of the internet to be more fragile than previously understood by a number of hapless idiots who thought a business called “NameCheap.com” was named so because of simple marketing gimmicks and that the “cheapness” did not extend to the reliability of buying a domain and hosting from them.

These people were literally posting minute-by-minute updates on how deploying some sort of cooling blasters to unfuck the melted server racks in the middle of goddamned August in Arizona after a power outage blew out the building’s air conditioning, and yet did nothing to inform this site’s readers – not to mention thousands of other businesses’ staff and customers – what the hell was actually happening. A simple redirect message explaining that would have helped if they couldn’t be bothered to have had some sort of fully-functional redundancy in place for such a cataclysm.

Anyway life is fleeting and at entropy’s whims, and so the internet when you go the “cheap” route.

🚨 IRAN'S NEXT MOVE: Could Tehran ramp up its aggression as the U.S. midterms approach? @gen_jackkeane issues a stark warning as tensions remain high in the Strait of Hormuz.@TreyYingst has the latest from Tel Aviv. ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/mn6G9LYFSm

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) August 13, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday announced that scary sociopath White House Press Secretary Karline Leavitt will be leaving her job at the end of the month. Though Trump claimed Krazy Karoline “will now be one of my top outside advisors, and an influential voice within the Republican Party, as we work to defy History, and conclusively win the Midterm Election,” the timing of her quitting just weeks after returning from maternity leave and doing only one (?) presser since then seems to indicate that she just doesn’t have it in her anymore and Fox News pays better.

Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee didn’t last all that long either. Steph Grisham held like zero press conferences and Kayleigh McEnany only stuck it out until the end because Trump lost.

“The USA has total control over the Strait of Hormuz. I THINK WE WILL KEEP IT! Our Naval Blockade is being called, by everyone, ‘A WALL OF STEEL,’ and there is nothing Iran can do about it. They have no Navy, they have no Air Force, their remaining soldiers are unpaid, the IRGC is decimated and fleeing, and their ‘Leadership’ is uncertain, at best! They have No Money – Their country is ‘shot.'”

“All they have is FAKE NEWS and 300 PERCENT INFLATION, and getting worse! Iran is all talk and no action, the Bully of the Middle East No Longer. Praise be to Allah!” posted the syphilitic octogenarian who hid in a catering truck instead of facing the enemy he claims is “decimated.”

“Children were exposed to rabies while possibly playing with a bat at a park in Frederick, health officials said Monday evening. A bat was found at Riverwalk Park on Schifferstadt Boulevard, according to the Frederick County Health Department (FCHD). A parent called Frederick County Animal Control to come get the bat from their home on Thursday after her children and others may have played with the bat at the park,” says the lede to a WUSA9 article that does not further elaborate on what “playing with” means. Suppose we’re meant to infer that the winged mammal was sluggish enough for them to take home as though it were a pet, but maybe the station should spell that out. Otherwise it sounds kind of dark, weird, or even somehow kind of supernatural.

WATCH LIVE: Democratic socialist governor candidate Francesca Hong speaks with Wisconsin race still too close to call https://t.co/n84yoTorrG

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 12, 2026

The white nationalist stormtroopers of ICE are spending $20 million of taxpayer dollars to procure special gloves – branded literally GLOVEs, as in Generated Low Output Voltage Emitter – to electrocute noncompliant victims of their overlord Stephen Miller’s reaction to finding out he’s Eskimo brothers with rapey scumbag Eric Swalwell, the AP reports, citing a DHS order.

The “GLOVEs,” manufactured by Compliant Technologies LLC, are not new, untested technology as some police and corrections departments have already been using them to subd- Oh, you really want to know about the Swalwell-Katie Miller thing? WELL, last week this one former Axios/Daily Beast reporter-turned-Substacker Juliegrace Brufke put out a story that in 2014, a then-22 year-old intern Katie Schwald had a thing with the-then 34 year-old Swalwell. Miller herself confirmed this, on Twitter, writing “I was an intern on Capital Hill” in response to Brufke’s tweet reading “Scoop: Eric Swalwell and Katie Miller: Former Cross-Party Fling Provides Leverage in DOJ Fang Fang File Drop.”

The incomprehensible second half of that sentence sense notwithstanding, yeah this is probably why Stephen Miller wants his legions to be equipped to electrocute a screaming autistic 12 year-old girl into submission for interfering with their efforts to lock her loving father up in the gulag for the “crime” of overstaying his tourist visa in 1999. All thanks to Eric Swalwell, disgraced now and at best doomed to an Anthony Wiener-dom purgatory of successive failed comeback attempts starting in five or 10 years, effing Stephen’s now wife several years before they had even met. Back when Swalwell was merely a handsome womanizer who charmed young Katie into bed with far more ease than the prematurely bald, vampirically pallid, and perpetually miserable Stephen did. The mere thought of Katie howling in ecstasy whilst being gripped by the Democrat Swalwell in a darkened office at 2:15 PM on a Thursday demands that immigrants suffer the pain of electrocution.

“Today, at my direction, Dr Mehemet Oz announced that Medicaid will NO LONGER fund gender transition surgeries and hormones for minors. We are not going to pay for our innocent children to undergo these barbaric surgeries and practices, which result in unthinkable and irreversible harm to their young bodies. Thanks to our strong position and pressure on this issue over the past year and a half, dozens of US hospitals have already ended this so-called ‘gender-affirming care,’ and we expect many more to follow. Just think about all of the young, innocent, and perhaps confused children who will be spared! While the Dumocrat Party wants your kids to be able to chop off their reproductive organs before they are old enough to vote, President Donald J Trump (ME!) and the Republican Party say that is ABSURD, and we will protect America’s children.”

“Please remember this when you are casting your vote in the Midterm Elections in November,” wrote convicted felon President Trump on Truth Social Tuesday, finally taking action on policy for which untold dozens of Americans will hinge their vote upon this November, action that he was supposed to have taken on day one more than 18 months ago.Or already took and just forgot he did.

Plus why’s it only for minors? Adults can still get transition surgery and hormone therapy via Medicaid, so all these kids have to do is wait until they turn 18 to get their transitions paid for? Doesn’t seem like all that effective of a crackdown on “they/them” Americans were promised.

Now the “meaningless bullshit” in the headline is not to be dismissive of the practical consequences this may have for minors who are mid-transition and will suffer adversely (if the order survives court challenges). It’s that the desperation that was already unsubtle by the fact that Trump even posted this at all was just made fully transparent with the “remember this in November” part.

🚨 EXCLUSIVE in @FoxNews:

Today is National Poll Worker Recruitment Day, and the RNC has SHATTERED our 2024 recruitment benchmarks.

The RNC is building the LARGEST election integrity operation in GOP history.

More ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/1fQqv93yWc

— RNC Election Integrity (@RNCVoteProtect) August 11, 2026

“The President’s authority to withhold certain sensitive information for the public good, today referred to as executive privilege, is ‘peculiar to our system of separation of powers’ and ‘derive[s] from the supremacy of each branch within its own assigned area of constitutional duties.’ United States v Nixon, 418 US 683, 705 (1974); see also Congressional Requests for Confidential Executive Branch Information, 13 Op. O.L.C. 153, 154 (1989) (‘Congressional Requests’). You have asked whether that privilege, and particularly the presidential communications component of it, permits the President to protect communications that he has with advisers who do not work for the Executive Branch. Determining whether the privilege applies to any specific communication would require additional information about the facts and circumstances surrounding that communication.”

“But as a general matter, executive privilege can apply to presidential communications with private advisers so long as the communications (1) relate to official presidential decisionmaking, (2) involve or reflect communications with the President or his direct advisers, and (3) are confidential,” says a new memo from the DOJ’s Office of Legal Counsel, an opinion crafted to walk backwards from the predetermined outcome of freedom to claim executive privilege over anything and everything.

The upshot of course is that when, for example, a Dem-led House committee subpoenas that crypto hustler “CZ” for documents about his corrupt dealings with the Trump crime family, including his pardon, and then the White House claims executive privilege because CZ offered “private advice” on “crypto policy” – shit that of course benefitted him and his company. This will then lead to a long, drawn-out court fights that will sap the momentum that powered the initial push for accountability, much like the 2019 investigations into Trump’s finances that took forever. However, now that the regime has already pissed away the “presumption of regularity” that most judges had accorded them, DOJ lawyers are going to have more difficulty throttling the cases as well.

During the a quarterly earnings call, convicted felon President Trump’s eponymous Trump Media and Technology Group on Monday “reported a $238.1 million net loss and a $223.5 million Adjusted EBITDA* loss for the second quarter of 2026, the vast bulk of which was non-cash losses including unrealized losses on digital assets, digital assets pledged, and equity securities ($190.4 million), accreted interest ($11.7 million), and stock based compensation ($8.1 million), along with its $1.9 billion in financial assets and $13.7 million of cash used in operating activities-including $25.6 million of legal expenses, primary related to legacy litigation.”

Seems like the regime’s just going to skip the subpoenas and go straight to door-bashing home raids on this one: The Washington Post reports that convicted felon President Trump last month did not only not fly out of Turkey on Qatar Force One and then use a bullshit excuse to pretend that the $400 million bribe from the wealthy emirate was perfectly safe for him to fly on internationally on the way home from Ankara, he also didn’t even fly on the real Air Force One as was previously reported.

The Orange God Emperor was instead ferried across the Atlantic and to the NATO summit on a military aircraft trailing behind AF1, so fearful was he of the reprisal from Iran for his moronic and already failed campaign against them. TV cameras caught the fat bastard boarding the real plane before he was scurried out of a side door to the unspecified military jet, and then Trump secretly rendezvoused with the real AF1 in the UK. No wonder Donald freaked the fuck out over the Times’s reporting about the Qatar Force One vulnerabilities – they were within inches of this specific detail.

So just to recap: Last month our super tough and brave president let his entire retinue and military personnel fly on an Air Force One 747 that he knew to be targeted by Iranian missiles, secretly switched to another plane, THEN at a US base in the UK he had everyone switch to Qatar Force One and lied about why when asked – saying he wanted US airmen to check out the new bribe plane.

All to cover up a more damning lie: He was too chickenshit even to fly on the real Air Force One.