'JUST WATCH!' President Trump sends a direct, explicit message to Iran, warning that the U.S. military could target key infrastructure as soon as Tuesday if the rogue regime refuses to let ships safely pass through the Strait of Hormuz. pic.twitter.com/UeT1Onx6bM

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 5, 2026

“Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH!”

“Praise be to Allah,” posted convicted felon President Trump at 8:03 AM on Sunday, his brain swelling like a freshly microwaved Peep as he threatened war crimes against Iranian civilians and, to National Zero’s knowledge, apparent used “fuck” in a social media post for the first time ever.

The crazy bastard also posted “We have rescued the seriously wounded, and really brave, F-15 Crew Member/Officer, from deep inside the mountains of Iran. The Iranian Military was looking hard, in big numbers, and getting close. He is a highly respected Colonel. This type of raid is seldom attempted because of the danger to ‘man and equipment.’ It just doesn’t happen! The second raid came after the first one, where we rescued the pilot in broad daylight, also unusual, spending seven hours over Iran. An AMAZING show of bravery and talent! I will be having a News Conference, with the Military, at the Oval Office, on Monday, at 1:00 PM. God Bless our great MILITARY WARRIORS!”

The second crew member of the US Air Force F-15 downed over Iran on Friday was rescued early Sunday local time in the Middle East, Fox News reports on what’ll be called an Easter miracle.

“Elevated costs in fuel and logistics have increased the cost of operating across the industry. We have absorbed these increased costs so far. However, similar to other major carriers, when costs remain elevated, we implement temporary surcharges on fulfillment fees to recover a portion of the actual cost increases we are experiencing,” says an “Amazon Seller Central” notice posted Thursday.

“Starting April 17, 2026, a 3.5 percent fuel and logistics-related surcharge will be applied to fulfillment fees across Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) in the US and Canada as well as to Remote Fulfillment with FBA from the US into Canada, Mexico, and Brazil. Starting May 2, 2026, this surcharge will take effect for Buy with Prime in the US and Multi-Channel Fulfillment (MCF) in the US and Canada. Due to the work we have already done together to lower costs, this surcharge is meaningfully lower than other major carriers. The surcharge will be calculated on your fulfillment fees, not on the sale price of your items,” and blah blah blah, the post continued.

Somewhat hilariously, it’s not a blog post, but a topic entry on a message board site the company stood up for its seller community to trade knowledge with each other, and as such the post by moderator “News_Amazon” got one upvote to 42 downvotes. Unlike Disqus you can’t see who upvoted by hovering the cursor over the little thumbs up icon, which is a shame because if it isn’t a mistake by a regular user or the “News_Amazon” account self-upvoting then it’s definitely some dickhead exec with a stake in this division’s earnings simply rubbing it in for the sellers. Maybe outside chance it’s an actual seller who also happens to own a decent amount of Amazon stock too.

“Remember when I gave Iran ten days to MAKE A DEAL or OPEN UP THE HORMUZ STRAIT. Time is running out – 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, that last bit actually as real as the moronic misuse of “reign.”

It followed him posting, very consciously and unironically, a dig at the New York Times out for a minor error, “The Failing New York Times, whose lack of credibility, and their constant Fake News attacks on your favorite President, ME, has caused its circulation to absolutely PLUMMET, referred to our severely weakened and extremely unreliable ‘partner,’ NATO, as the North American Treaty Organization. The correct name is the North Atlantic Treaty Organization – A very interesting mistake! The hiring and educational standards have gone way down at the NYT. Bring back, ‘ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO PRINT’ and, Make America Great Again! President DJT”

Tekashi 6ix9ine, the deranged recidivist criminal NYC rap artist who’s been in and out of jail for various stupid crimes over the years, was out again on Friday and especially excited to show off a souvenir from his most recent stay at Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn: A SpoongeBob Squarepants toy autographed by former Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro, the Globe reports.

“Fresh OUT THE FEDS $2,200,000 on the neck. GOD IS THE GREATEST. MY LORD AND SAVIOR,” the rapper, real name Daniel Hernandez, captioned the jail release video that was recorded by “vorbara” a Brooklyn jeweler who had evidently held on to the “$2,200,000” piece for Hernandez during the stay at MDC. “@vobara we did ittttttt… MADURO SINGNED [sic] MY JAIL HOUSE SPONGE9INE.”

Hernandez’s latest bid – three months for violating the terms of his supervised release by possessing meth and traveling without permission – began roughly around the same time the socialist former dictator’s after the stunning US military raid on Caracas that ended in his capture and indictment on any and every drug trafficking and narcoterrorism charge they could hit him with.

But at least his autograph holds personal and sentimental value for Hernandez/Tekashi 6ix9ine, who was probably embarrassed for everyone to have seen his Jesus-length hair in its natural dark brown color rather than the Skittles-bright rainbow pattern he unfailingly sports in public appearances. It’s not clear if he intends to bring a toy Luigi with him for another famous inmate’s autograph next time.

In other hip-hop news, the Los Angeles Times reports Pooh Shiesty, Big30, and six others were hit with a massive federal indictment for kidnapping and robbing Gucci Mane over a contract dispute.

"A FOCUS ON RETURNING TO FAMILY"
New trends showing Gen Z women favoring the “tradwife” lifestyle over the “girlboss” image. @LaraLeaTrump reacts. pic.twitter.com/uIP1TMHCe5

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) April 4, 2026

“KEEP THE OIL, ANYONE?” posted the President of the United States Friday, showing the American people just how worried he is for the safety of the pilot who ejected after being shot down over Iran.

In response to a lib Villager’s Wednesday letter to the editor of Villages-News.com suggesting that the “public toilets in Lake Sumter Landing should be renamed Trump Toilets, with a little sign that says, ‘Dump for Trump,'” MAGA Villager Dr Tyler Nelson on Friday was triggered, writing he’s assuming the lib Villager “is upset that Trump put his name on Kennedy Center. The Kennedy Center was in disrepair, the roof was leaking and it was in debt in the red for many years. President Trump raised money to fix the center and get it in the black, restore fiscal sense and remake the board.”

“As far as the ballroom at the White House, President Trump has secured PRIVATE funds to build a ballroom. Hard to believe the US had no ballroom to welcome dignitaries from around the world.”

“Again, at NO COST to taxpayers. I’ve been to Anti-Trump and Pro-Trump protests in The Villages, I’m convinced the Pro-Trump rallies are two to three times better attended. I believe The Villages is MAGA country. For the most part, I think MAGA far outweighs the progressive liberals living in The Villages. No, [lib Villager Vincent] Pizzo, we are not renaming bathrooms after our president, but maybe a rec center or theater or road some day in the future is quite possible. Stay tuned!”

Nelson did not further elaborate on how the future tribute to Trump would be immune to acts of petty vandalism from lib Villagers such as using it as a toilet as a sign of disrespect.

Binge-drinking date-rapist Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth appears to be against what they used to call “Papists,” as an email from the Pentagon chaplaincy inviting over 3,500 staff to a Good Friday service, obtained by the Huffington Post, reads verbatim: “Just a friendly reminder: There will be a Protestant Service (No Catholic Mass) for Good Friday today at the Pentagon Chapel.”

“I guess so the Catholics know their kind ain’t welcome. It’s so ridiculous,” said the employee who forwarded the email to the outlet, a message confirmed in a terse statement. “The Protestant service is the only service scheduled in the Pentagon chapel today,” said a spokes-minion.

There’s an asterisk here and it reveals that the source probably isn’t a practicing Catholic – or even a Catholic at all: “No Catholic Mass” is literally true in the sense that Good Friday is the one day of the year that no priest or parish anywhere will preside over a formal mass and minister communion, a tradition that dates back to as early as 600 AD. That however does NOT at all preclude the chapel from holding, at the very least, a less formal Catholic prayer service, if not the Stations of the Cross procession every “Papist” congregation holds on “Always Look on The Bright Side of Life” Day.

So yeah given Boozebreath’s constant invocations of Evangelical “warrior” shit it’s unlikely his fingerprints aren’t on this in some way or another. Nothing against him being a Prod but it’s kind of cunty of him to be all into the aesthetics of the Catholic Crusades with his fucking “Deus Vult” and Maltese cross-like tattoos but not actually respect those of the faith under his command.

Picture of a photograph from inside DOJ headquarters Friday sent to MS Now.

One of the two crew of the F-15 downed over Iran Friday was rescued by a special ops team sent by an unspecified branch of the US military, Newsmax reports. The search for the other continues.

“Burger King® has launched a nationwide hiring search, aiming to bring up to 60,000 new Team Members – from entry level roles to management positions – on board to rule its nearly 6,500 restaurants across the US. The push comes on the heels of one of the brand’s most transformative periods in years, marked by modernized restaurants, improved operations, and initiatives that put Guests at the forefront. These efforts are driving more Guests to BK restaurants across the country, driving an immediate need for people with a passion for friendliness and hospitality to serve them.”

“A job at a Burger King® restaurant can be a launchpad to a lifelong career. The brand has long been one of America’s largest employers in quick service, with millions of Americans having worn the uniform over the brand’s 70+ year history. Working at a Burger King® restaurant builds real, transferable skills, from customer service and communication to team leadership, problem-solving, and restaurant operations. What starts as a first job becomes the foundation for something much bigger – often leading to management positions and in some cases, Franchise ownership,” says a major multinational company in a stunning Friday announcement of success and growth in the Trump economy! Promises made, promises kept! Scream at the sky, libtards! JOBS JOBS JOBS!

ขณะนี้อยู่ในอิหร่าน pic.twitter.com/12c9nAVfxy

— Iran Embassy in Thailand ☫ (@IranInThailand) April 3, 2026

“Currently in Iran” says the caption translated from Thai script, humorously (at American expense) depicting what must be a very bad day for the two pilots of the downed F-15 – if they’re still alive.

“Today, the US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced that US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), in conjunction with the US Marshals Service (USMS), conducted a targeted operation in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to arrest Salah Salem Sarsour, a criminal illegal alien from Jordan suspected of funding terror organizations and lying on immigration forms.”

“‘Salah Salem Sarsour is a terrorist convicted for throwing Molotov cocktails at the homes of Israeli armed forces. This illegal alien from Jordan lied on his green card application to gain legal status in the US,’ said Acting Assistant Secretary Lauren Bis. ‘Thanks to President Trump and ICE, this terrorist is out of American communities. This Administration will always put the safety of the American people FIRST and Make America Safe Again.’ Sarsour first submitted an application for an immigrant visa at the American Consulate in Jerusalem, which was denied due to his convictions in Israel for throwing a Molotov cocktail at the homes of Israeli armed forces and illegally attempting to possess weapons and ammunition. He ultimately entered the United States in 1993 – under the Clinton administration – as a conditional resident. After lying on his application, he became a green card holder in 1998 under President Clinton. This criminal and terrorist will remain in ICE custody pending removal proceedings,” says a Thursday ICE press release subheadlined “This ‘Palestinian community leader’ is a convicted criminal who LIED on his immigration forms,” verbatim.

Meaning the stuck the scare quotes to mock his status as a community leader. The release then snidely adds “This arrest is an example of what the media counts as a ‘non-criminal’ arrest because this terrorist lacks a criminal rap sheet in the US,” because someone’s deeply bitter.

Wonder how many people in his community voted for Trump – or otherwise didn’t cast a ballot for Kamala Harris – like so many of their fellow Muslims in Michigan did. Can’t be zero of them.

Photos posted on Iranian state media show the wreckage of an aircraft they claimed IRGC air defenses shot down, CNN reports adding that the photos show a partial logo for “US Air Forces in Europe” on a tail fin, the kind of shit that would be hard to fake without extensive inside knowledge.

🤐 From the latest episode of THE AXIOS SHOW:@JimVandeHei: What is your single biggest disappointment about President Trump?

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon: I don't want to say here.

VandeHei: But doesn't that speak to the fear? pic.twitter.com/CqLcDT2feW

— Axios (@axios) April 3, 2026

“Vice President JD Vance is now in charge of ‘FRAUD’ in the United States. It is massive and pervasive, and the job he will be doing, in conjunction with many great people within the Trump Administration, will be a major factor in how great the future of our Country will be. We will call him the ‘FRAUD CZAR,’ and his focus will be ‘EVERYWHERE,’ but primarily in those Blue States where CROOKED DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS, like those in California, Illinois, Minnesota (Somalia beware!), Maine, New York, and many others, have had a ‘free for all’ in the unprecedented theft of Taxpayer Money. The numbers are so large that, if successful, we would literally be able to balance our American Budget. Raids have already started in LA. Good Luck JD!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, giving the post-Faustian husk of a man exactly the kind of fluid and amorphous task his goalpost-moving and pettifoggery soft skills were meant for.

Should go great… That is until he’s reminded why the “Border Czar” and “COVID czar” shit cost both of his immediate predecessors and hobbled their own aspirations to become top dog. Not going to be very hard at all for Jaydee’s Dem opponent – if he even gets the 2028 nomination – to say “Hey you were the fraud czar so why’d you let this bullshit ‘faith-based organization’ in Arkansas loot $10 million so the pastor could lose it all on crypto investments?” And yeah, that’s made up but a real example of some Red State scam that JD let slide will reveal itself as sure as the sun rises.

The evident amphetamine-induced mania continued as Trump then posted “With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, AND MAKE A FORTUNE. IT WOULD BE A ‘GUSHER’ FOR THE WORLD???” Hitler had good days like this too, even well into March 1945.

“Historic Funding Increases to Secure Peace Through Strength. The Budget builds upon the historic successes seen in FY 2026, which included leveraging both discretionary and mandatory appropriations to achieve a historic $1 trillion overall defense topline. For FY 2027, the Budget proposes $1.15 trillion in discretionary (28 percent increase) and $350 billion in mandatory bringing total resources for defense to $1.5 trillion (including a 44 percent increase for the Department of War (DOW)). This amount exceeds even the Reagan buildup by approaching the historic increases just prior to World War II, a level that recognizes the current global threat” and blah blah blah says the defense spending portion of the 2027 White House annual federal budget proposal, issued Friday.

“The Budget eliminates higher education programs for Native Hawaiians, which are another example of a discriminatory race-based program. DOJ issued an opinion that the race-based portions of this program are unconstitutional and inseverable from its surrounding statutory schemes so it must not be continued,” says another item in the section titled “Cuts to Woke Programs”, and the tip of the iceberg for overhyped “savings” equivalent to the cost of a single missile defense battery for the Qatari royal palace and other highly sensitive targets within range of Iranian drones and projectiles.

FAILING GRADE: Education advocates urge stronger national civics standards as new data highlights gaps in students’ understanding of American government ahead of a federal assessment update.

The latest "Nation's Report Card," released in 2022, found just 22% of eighth graders… pic.twitter.com/vTNXdua20n

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 3, 2026