Oily car thief Republican California Congressman Darrell Issa won’t be running for reelection in November, eight years after the last time the fucker retired, sources tell Politico.

A Scranton, Pennsylvania man used Biden Street in the Steamtown City as his means of attempted escape when fleeing from a confrontation with police over unpaid child support Monday, a flight from which he unironically left his five year-old behind, the Scranton Times Tribune reports.

Mark Sheridan, 32, was in the Domestic Relations Office on Wyoming Ave when staff there county sheriffs that the wanted man was present with young child. When cops arrived they found Sheridan in the lobby and somehow he was able to flee the second they informed him they wanted to speak with him. The police yelled to Sheridan he had forgotten the child and yet he continued to flee, jumping into his car a driving down nearby Biden Street, named in recent years for the native son 46th President of the United States and, indirectly so, fellow famous derelict deadbeat dad Hunter.

Police swiftly caught up with Sheridan, prompting him to flee on foot. Police officers and sheriff’s deputies finally subdued Sheridan a few blocks away under the Lackawanna Ave bridge. Sheridan is charged with endangering the welfare of a child and fleeing police. He remains at the Lackawanna County Prison in lieu of $20,000 bail. The boy was retrieved by his mother shortly after the incident.

Two years apart pic.twitter.com/c2qsWgFJDO

— Headquarters (@HQNewsNow) March 6, 2026

Global gaming giant Nintendo on Friday sued the Orange Bowser in the US Court of International Trade seeking to clawback all the golden coins they got charged in his stupid, failed trade war.

“The character ‘Daryl Hannah’ portrayed in the series is not even a remotely accurate representation of my life, my conduct or my relationship with John [F Kennedy Jr]. The actions and behaviors attributed to me are untrue. I have never used cocaine in my life or hosted cocaine-fueled parties.”

“I have never pressured anyone into marriage. I have never desecrated any family heirloom or intruded upon anyone’s private memorial. I have never planted any story in the press. I never compared Jacqueline Onassis’ death to a dog’s,” writes Hollywood actress Daryl Hannah, protesting the character named “Daryl Hannah” in FX’s miniseries Love Story: John F Kennedy Jr and Carolyn Bessette in a New York Times guest editorial headlined “How Can ‘Love Story’ Get Away With This?”

Ummm… Without any value judgment on the portrayal of Hannah or her pushing back against it so vehemently – though the vehemence itself could be indicative that the producers overdid it – that passage is just fucking funny. Sorry, Daryl. You did not intend for comedy, this is about your personal life and of course you’re going to be pissed if someone you never met paints you to be an asshole. You have every right to be upset over creative liberties that do not redound to you.

Pasted here in media res however, that string of sentences is simply really hilarious. Not laughing at you or your pain and sorrow, simply appreciating them context free in all their dark absurdity.

Wow!!!! Total commitment to one of the most important pieces of legislation to save Our Republic. Pass the Save America Act now!!!! https://t.co/D7xwbZ0z6w

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) March 6, 2026

In related news, the Washington Post reports Don Jr’s bloated orange corpse of a dad has told people he intends to endorse John Cornhole Cornyn, even as he’s aware that MAGAmerica will lose their shit over it. “It is a massive ask for the president, love him though we may, to come in and say, ‘Hey, that conservative that you love for the same reasons you love me? I want you to change your mind,’” said Mark Davis, a far right radio host in Texas. “A whole lot of them are simply not going to do it. This is needless tension thrown into a race that’s going to play out the way it plays out.”

“We are moving thousands of people out of various Countries throughout the Middle East. It is being done quietly, but seamlessly. The State Department, under Secretary Marco Rubio, is doing a great job!” posted Orange Grandpa on Friday without linking any evidence whatsoever to back it up.

“The United States is the only place we surveyed where more adults (ages 18 and older) describe the morality and ethics of others living in the country as bad (53 percent) than good (47 percent).”

“Because we have never asked this question before, we don’t know whether a majority of Americans have long held a skeptical view of the ethics of fellow Americans, or if it’s something new – and if so, what’s driving it. But partisan politics appear to play a role. Democrats and independents who lean toward the Democratic Party are much more likely than Republicans and Republican leaners to rate fellow Americans as morally and ethically bad (60 percent vs. 46 percent). And previous research has shown that rising numbers of both Republicans and Democrats say people in the other party are immoral,” says the intro to a new Pew research survey validating the moral superiority of Dems.

CNN’s Dana Bash on Friday recounted a conversation she’d had with convicted felon President Trump in which he said both that gas prices will go down soon but that they also aren’t high.

“There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! After that, and the selection of a GREAT and ACCEPTABLE Leader(s), we, and many of our wonderful and very brave allies and partners, will work tirelessly to bring Iran back from the brink of destruction, making it economically bigger, better, and stronger than ever before. IRAN WILL HAVE A GREAT FUTURE. ‘MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN (MIGA!)'” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, all but screaming for mercy and begging for some way to keep his egomaniacal strongman image intact.

FUCK YEAH! The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that “total nonfarm payroll employment edged down by 92,000 in February, and the unemployment rate changed little at 4.4 percent, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported today. Employment in health care decreased, reflecting strike activity. Employment in information and federal government continued to trend down.” WOOHOO!

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AWESOME! IT HELPS DEMOCRATS GET MORE VOTES IN NOVEMBER IF IT CONTINUES! THIS IS SUCH GREAT NEWS THAT AMERICANS ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE THAT MEANS THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE IT OUT ON REPUBLICANS AT THE BALLOT BOX! EVEN BETTER IS THAT ECONOMISTS HAD EXPECTED JUST 50,000 US JOB LOSSES!!! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, NO TIME FOR MAGA, CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS… OF AMERICA!!!

What? Why are you looking at this article like that? Was there a typo? Why can’t National Zero act the same way Republicans and right wing media did back in 2022 and 2023 every time there was a bad inflation or jobs report or when someone tweeted a pic of an $18 Big Mac extra value meal on the menu board at a rest stop McDonald’s on I-95 in Connecticut? The all caps victory dance above was just as subtle as their shit was back in those days. Stop being such weenie leftist libs about it.

And to be serious for a second, no. Nobody should ever want people to suffer if it’s politically advantageous for their team (“Leopards Ate My Face“-type situations are by and large anecdotal and individual, and thus are different). It was fucking ridiculous how over the top the fanboys got during the Biden years. Going even more over the top here simply to remind them how they looked.

Russian intelligence has been feeding the Iranian military with targeting information on the locations of American ships and aircraft in the region, the Washington Post reports on the friendly assistance from the US’s top adversary that for almost a decade had been a close political friend of convicted felon President Trump. “It does seem like it’s a pretty comprehensive effort,” said a source.

Maybe kind of surprisingly the officials told the Post the ChiComs are by contrast not doing anything to help the Iranians fend off the American/Israeli onslaught, despite similarly close ties.

“We have a little bit of an interruption right now to finally put an end to their ability to wreak havoc.”

.@SecretaryWright says relief at the pump is coming soon, predicting it will take “weeks, not months” for gas prices to come back down pic.twitter.com/cOGI5PCaBk

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 6, 2026

Futures for a barrel of Brent crude oil hit $89.93 on Friday morning, up from $68.05 a month ago and creeping toward the $90 mark while US West Texas Intermediate was not far behind at $86.06, up from $63.55 a month ago, CNBC reports from the war on America’s energy independence.

Dow Jones Industrial Average futures were also down 232 points to 47,451. Nobody gave convicted felon President Trump the memo on that because on Thursday the fat fucking demneted slob said the Dow was over 50,000 at a moment when it was most certainly not and had not been for days.

Scumbag Republican Texas Congressman Tony Gonzales on Thursday night finally dropped his reelection bid hours after House GOP leadership had urged him to call it quits – but definitely just on the campaign, not his seat altogether. “My hope is he would finish out the rest of his term… We didn’t call for him to resign, we asked him to withdraw from the race,” said overmedicated harridan Conference Chair Lisa McClain when asked by a reporter if Gonzales should resign and vacate the seat. Worth noting here is that Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson, who signed onto the statement, had in July 2024 called on President Joe Biden to resign “immediately” after dropping his reelection bid, tweeting “If Joe Biden is not fit to run for President, he is not fit to serve as President.”

Anyway it may not have been that mid-Thursday afternoon statement that finally pushed Gonzales off the ledge as at 5:42 PM CST hometown paper the San Antonio Express-News acquired a selfie of Gonzales with now-deceased aide Regina Santos-Aviles before she committed suicide by self-immolation in September 13, 2025. While the date and on whose phone it was taken was taken cannot be established, the metadata of the image establishes that Santos-Aviles downloaded it to her phone as a text message attachment five days earlier at 9:07 pm CDT on September 8, 2025, according to estranged husband Adrian Aviles’s lawyer, who provided it to the Express-News.

Outgoing traitor MAGA Congressman Barry Loudermilk this week sent a criminal referral to the Trump Regime Department of Justice, urging them to prosecute former Trump 1.0 White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson for allegedly lying to Congress during her infamous 2022 testimony to the House January 6th Select Committee, CNN reports on Loudermilk cementing his legacy.

Should’ve seen it coming because of course it would go this way. This die was cast long ago even if nobody could quite have precisely foreseen its abhorrent shape and venal composition:

Polymarket and smaller competitor Kalshi – not to be confused with the lame “health-conscious” breakfast cereal brand Kashi – both launched around the same time, 2020 and 2021 respectively, aimed at putting industrial-scale prop betting on anything and everything people would bet for or against into their hands. Both were obscure and niche until 2024 when many in the wider political world first become acquainted with Polymarket as it asserted itself during that election year.

Leonidas at Thermopylae. Caesar at the Rubicon. Napoleon at Waterloo. These previously obscure places became history’s granite for those men’s actions: blood spilled, iron rattled, great empires thwarted, founded, or felled. It is in that vein that The Villages’ news site of record sings of David Alan Bobilya, 60, as he who “will forever be remembered as the younger male half of the notorious after-hours tryst” in the “2014 escapade that brought unwanted headlines to The Villages.”

Bobilya, then 49, drunkenly effed 68 year-old Margaret “Peggy” Klem in front of horrified onlookers at the pavilion at Lake Sumter Landing Market Square, a crime of indecency for which both served six months in jail. Klem’s husband Frank at least forgave her for the indiscretion, according to a 2019 recap that says the incident put “The Villages on the map for all the wrong reasons” after it “had reeled for years about being an STD mecca after a Villages gynecologist in 2006 was quoted as saying she’d treated more cases of herpes and human papillomavirus in Florida’s Friendliest Hometown than she did when she practiced in Miami. She later somewhat recanted the statement”

The site says it was their most popular story for 2014 “followed by the death of Villages Developer H Gary Morse and the story of a Villages couple who also was sentenced to six months behind bars after they were caught having sex on a utility box behind the wall at the Morse Boulevard circle off US Hwy 27/441.” It’s not clear if that couple were married or had at least met each other before.

Anyway Bobilya was arrested again after driving away and suspiciously so from Sumter Landing Market Square on Sunday, he blew a .127 BAC and was booked for driving under the influence.

Urgently calling all Matt Taibbi, Glenn Greenwald, Michael Shellenberger, and Tristan Leavitt-type iconoclasts! This is a red alert! First Amendment DEFCON-a-million! Lengthy Substack post rapid response needed immediately as the AP reports conservative icon former top Border Patrol official Greg Bovino is under investigation for merely questioning whether Orthodox Jewish US Attorney for Minnesota Daniel Rosen was available on a Saturday during a January 12 conference call!

All he allegedly did was use the term “chosen people” in an allegedly disparaging way and asked, in an allegedly sarcastic tone, whether Rosen understood that some Orthodox Jews don’t take the Sabbath off work. “Do Orthodox criminals also take off on Saturday?” Bovino allegedly asked, and now the Deep State is saying “Following a letter from a Congressman inquiring about reporting on anonymous allegations, CBP opened an internal inquiry to determine the full story. This is standard procedure and does NOT indicate any confirmation of wrongdoing.” THIS IS CENSORSHIP!!!

Ahem… Is this them just pissing on Bovino when he’s already down and on his way out?