The chairman of the House Intelligence Committee Rick Crawford (R-AR), a former rodeo cowboy and country radio DJ from Arkansas whose range of access to the national threat matrix is significantly closer to that of the President of the United States than most people ever realize, told NewsNation’s Chris Stirewalt on Sunday that for all he knows the hundreds of Iranian sleeper cell terrorists that Joe Biden allowed into the country have already been arrested by the FBI, he has to check if the Justice Department has put out a press release on the successful sweep.

In totally unrelated news, the Times of Israel reports that Ayman Mohamad Ghazali, the asshole who was thankfully shot dead by a security guard before he could kill anyone else at a Jewish school in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan on Thursday, is the brother of a Hezbollah commander who was killed in a IDF strike last week – along with another brother, both their wives, and children. Ayman Ghazali, a US citizen naturalized in 2011, had been considered for surveillance due to his familial ties to the Iran-backed Lebanese Shiite militia, but the Trump Regime for whatever reason decided against it.

Worth mentioning here is that DHS had kept a database of Israelis held hostage in Gaza following the October 7th attacks and detained a 20 year-old former IDF soldier when she arrived in New York City last year – because they hadn’t updated it to reflect her release from captivity and thus thought she was an impostor. So it makes sense they would also and not keep an eye on the known brother of a target on Israel’s kill list who just got crossed off along with innocent women and children.

In a landmark decision upholding a future wasteland dweller’s legal right to use lethal force to defend oneself against a perceived threat to life, liberty, and 15 year supply of freeze-dried lentils, the South Dakota Supreme Court this week ruled in favor of a resident of an apocalypse survival bunker-themed gated community who shot a property management employee as he approached the unit amid the man’s heated disputes with the management firm, South Dakota Searchlight reports.

The trouble at the Igloo Bunker complex began in the summer of 2024, when the resident, David Streeter, became increasingly frustrated with the property management firm Vivos xPoint’s handling of his complaints about ongoing issues with community’s septic system and yes the whole fucking point of prepper culture is NOT having to rely on timely maintenance service by some slapdick real estate syndicate like you’re living in the goddamned Villages, but let’s not get sidetracked here.

On August 23rd of that year Streeter, a former cop, chased down a Vivos vehicle that sped past his bunker and shoved the employee back into his seat during the confrontation. Later on there was a second verbal altercation with a different staff member, leading a third, Kelly Anderson, to declare via text message to another resident that he was going to teach Streeter a lesson. That resident, a mutual acquaintance, then warned Streeter that Anderson was on the way. That was also via text, rather than a crank-powered CB shortwave radio that they should be practiced in using now so they can coordinate defense against hordes of the ghoulishly luminescent 5G nanobot-zomb…

“The United States of America has beaten and completely decimated Iran, both Militarily, Economically, and in every other way, but the Countries of the World that receive Oil through the Hormuz Strait must take care of that passage, and we will help – A LOT! The US will also coordinate with those Countries so that everything goes quickly, smoothly, and well. This should have always been a team effort, and now it will be – It will bring the World together toward Harmony, Security, and Everlasting Peace!” posted the Supreme Commander of Earth on Saturday.

“Yet again, an intentionally misleading headline by the Fake News Media about the five tanker planes that were supposedly struck down at an Airport in Saudi Arabia, and of no further use. In actuality, the Base was hit a few days ago, but the planes were not ‘struck’ or ‘destroyed.’ Four of the five had virtually no damage, and are already back in service. One had slightly more damage, but will be in the air shortly. None were destroyed, or close to that, as the Fake News said in headlines. The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal (in particular), and other Lowlife ‘Papers’ and Media actually want us to lose the War. Their terrible reporting is the exact opposite of the actual facts!”

“They are truly sick and demented people that have no idea the damage they cause the United States of America. Fortunately, as proven by our Great and Conclusive Election Win in 2024, the People of our Country understand what is happening far better than the Fake News Media!” posted a particularly agitated convicted felon President Trump from Mar-a-Lago on Saturday.

Accusing the media of wanting you to lose a war is certainly one way to project strength and dominance over them and the opposition party. Not really one most would consider to be an effective way, but hey it’s worth a shot. Maybe the Journal, Times, and CNN will do a full 180.

The embarrassment continued as the fat bastard later posted “Many Countries, especially those who are affected by Iran’s attempted closure of the Hormuz Strait, will be sending War Ships, in conjunction with the United States of America, to keep the Strait open and safe. We have already destroyed 100 percent of Iran’s Military capability, but it’s easy for them to send a drone or two, drop a mine, or deliver a close range missile somewhere along, or in, this Waterway, no matter how badly defeated they are. Hopefully China, France, Japan, South Korea, the UK, and others, that are affected by this artificial constraint, will send Ships to the area so that the Hormuz Strait will no longer be a threat by a Nation that has been totally decapitated” and blah blah blah blah…

First responders in regions hit hard by tornado outbreaks last weekend were surprised when they accessed a FEMA-provided tool featuring an advanced API that maps in almost real-time the paths of destruction caused by twisters only to find it inoperable, all thanks to outgoing dog murderer DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s failure to renew the $200,000 contract with the vendor, CNN reports.

At least 11 Americans have been killed in tornadoes this month, a season already active given wild temperature swings in the nation’s interior. There’s no way of knowing what if any impact the throttling has had on response efforts or whether it made the difference between life or death for those affected, but hey let’s replace every ICE agent’s service pistol with a squirt gun and see if they can adapt to the changes. It’s effectively the same thing that firefighters are stuck with.

“Rescuers were flying blind, having to drive around or use news reports to figure out where the impacts were,” a DHS official told CNN. It’s not clear why the past-tense “were” is in that sentence as the contract – as of the article’s printing on Friday morning – still had yet to be renewed, simply because it’s worth more than $100,000 and thus subject to Noem’s personal approval. “And when a tornado hits in the middle of the night, every moment counts,” the official added.

NOBODY RUIN THE ENDING! It will kill all the suspense. Who the hell wants to get all invested in a movie only for some prick to say which side won the conflict depicted here? Lots of people had what ended up happening to the ship in Titanic ruined for them back in 1997. We don’t want a repeat.

🚨 DEAL ALERT! 🚨 The State Department just announced HUGE 80 PERCENT OFF SAVINGS for renouncing your US citizenship 💥🚫🇺🇸!!! That’s right, for an unlimited time only, the cost to denaturalize yourself has been SLASHED from $2,350 to $450 according to the Associated Press!!!

Ahem… While this is obviously something very much on-brand for the Trump Regime, the history behind all it is a little more complicated. It’s actually a Biden Administration policy change that was supposed to be enacted in 2023 but shelved for unclear reasons, itself correcting the 2015 Obama Administration hike from the previous price of $450, up from the previous price of $0 prior to 2010.

The 2015 hike came in response to a renunciations spike over new tax reporting requirements for American expatriates as the offices responsible for processing the paperwork was quickly overwhelmed. Why the hell at least some of the increase in tax revenue couldn’t have just been allocated to that office was unclear but sometimes Democrats do stupid shit. This 80 percent back to status quo ante Obama still lines up far more with MAGA nationalism than it does Dem red tape as it’s all too easy to imagine some middle manager finally getting Stephen Miller’s attention on it after trying for 14 months and then getting screamed at, possibly fired, for not telling him earlier.

Inside Iran’s Laws Restricting Women’s Rights https://t.co/A94Ze5ns2s

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) March 13, 2026

Dick Grenell, the fascist “homocon” Trump 1.0 Ambassador to Germany turned Acting National Security Advisor who just wanted to do extravagant campy stuff in Trump 2.0 is gone from the Kennedy Center post as the Orange Diva Queen just posted “I am pleased to announce that Matt Floca, subject to the approval of the Board of Directors, will be named the Chief Operating Officer and Executive Director, of THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER where, as Vice President of Operations, Matt has helped us achieve tremendous progress in bringing the Center to the highest level of Excellence! A Complete Reconstruction of THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER will begin after the July 4th Celebration, with a scheduled Grand Re-Opening in approximately two years. Ric Grenell has done an excellent job in helping to coordinate various elements of the Center during the transition period, and I want to thank him for the outstanding work he has done. THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER will be, at its completion, the finest facility of its kind anywhere in the World!”

The diminution Grenell was preceded by the usual screaming about “Maggot Hagerman, just another SLEAZEBAG writer for The Failing New York Times, insists on writing false stories about me, even though she fully knows and understands that the exact opposite of anything she says is usually the truth. In any event, I’m thinking of adding Maggot, and some of her ‘associates,’ into my Florida based Lawsuit against The Times which, very happily, seems to be proceeding nicely.”

Does he even remember what the lawsuit was about? Would bet $20 he couldn’t actually accurately quote from memory any of the supposed malicious statements in the complaint his lawyers filed.

DC Chief Judge James Boasberg on Friday voided US Attorney Judge Box-o-Wine’s subpoenas to Fed Chair Jerome Powell, finding specifically that the criminal investigation was indeed bullshit with a transparent political objective.

“Most people will never see what happens behind the secure doors of a county jail. The photo attached shows a pair of handcuffs that were completely twisted and broken by an inmate experiencing significant mental health issues. The inmate was able to force one cuff off through sheer strength and unpredictability – a reminder of the challenges our corrections deputies face every day. Inside a jail, situations can escalate in seconds. In this case, our corrections team acted swiftly and professionally. The inmate was safely restrained, and thankfully, no injuries occurred to the inmate or our deputies. This is the side of corrections work the public rarely sees,” says a Facebook post from the Martin County, Florida Sheriff’s Office that was a bit too long on complaining about how hard the job is and wayyyyyyy too short on the other relevant details.

At least say whether the guy was on meth or bath salts or something for Christ’s sake.

POTUS x JAKE PAUL x TRUMP DANCE

President Trump sits down for an interview with @JakePaul. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/lCjz3FCGlP

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) March 13, 2026

Just because over the billions of hours aired over the last eight decades of commercial television broadcasts there have been essentially zero documented instances of people suffering from serious psychiatric and neurological conditions that were correct when they believed that shadowy malefactors were speaking directly to them does not mean that one particularly diseased individual is imagining things if he begins to perceive certain messages directed at him personally.

That is if he perceives it. Could just as easily believe it if convicted felon President Trump thinks it’s normal for a Republican candidate locked in a heated primary to be advertising in South Florida, a media market 875 miles away from the jurisdiction in which said primary is being contested.

It’s an old trick with essentially zero downside risk for shadowy malefactor Texas Attorney Ken Paxton so why the hell not right? Medium Buying reports pro-Pax PAC “Lone Star Liberty” have booked the ads to run this weekend in the West Palm Beach media market though the scope, quantity, networks (other than Fox News being a given of course), and so on were not specified.

Secretary of Date Rape Pete Hegseth on Friday ordered US Marine command to move 2,500 troops from Japan to the Middle East in preparation for something, the Wall Street Journal reports.

What a lighthouse in the darkness this guy is, standing up to provide comfort in a time of doubt over the morality of killing 165+ girls aged 7 to 12 while they were in school accidentally during a military campaign the Fox News audience didn’t even really want in the first place. Senator Johnson’s words of wisdom and solace – that can be very easily boiled down to that the ayatollah would probably have killed them anyway eventually so don’t feel so bad – are such a balm for wounded souls.

CENTCOM: “All six crew members aboard a US KC-135 refueling aircraft that went down in western Iraq are now confirmed deceased. The aircraft was lost while flying over friendly airspace March 12 during Operation Epic Fury. The circumstances of the incident are under investigation. However, the loss of the aircraft was not due to hostile fire or friendly fire. The identities of the service members are being withheld until 24 hours after next of kin have been notified.”

Calling into Fox News assclown Brian Kilmeade’s radio show on Friday, convicted felon President Trump told the likely exasperated supplicant that US Navy vessels will provide escort protection to commercial ships and oil tankers through the Strait of Hormuz if “needed,” Reuters reports.

“We would ⁠do it if we needed to. But, you know, hopefully things ​are going ​to go very ​well. We’re going ‌to see what happens,” the fat bastard told Kilmeade, adding “We’re going to be hitting them very hard over the next week.” The Reuters report is very brief and does not link to any audio but they dutifully would have included any follow-up questions from Kilmeade if they were on topic.

And since the next thing he asked was probably something like “what’s your preferred March Madness snack” followed by 177 seconds of Trump talking about how he’s making sure NCAA athletes get paid and how brave Riley Gaines is for nearly getting raped by that man in the swimming pool in front of thousands of people, there were children crying when they watched it, crying real tears, their families too, all of them, there was no need for Reuters to transcribe it.

“Real gross domestic product (GDP) increased at an annual rate of 0.7 percent in the fourth quarter of 2025 (October, November, and December), according to the second estimate released today by the US Bureau of Economic Analysis. In the third quarter, real GDP increased 4.4 percent. The second report for the fourth quarter of 2025, originally scheduled for February 26, 2026, was rescheduled due to the October – November 2025 government shutdown. The contributors to the increase in real GDP in the fourth quarter were increases in consumer spending and investment.”

“These movements were partly offset by decreases in government spending and exports. Imports, which are a subtraction in the calculation of GDP, decreased. Real GDP was revised down 0.7 percentage point from the advance estimate, reflecting downward revisions to exports, consumer spending, government spending, and investment. Imports decreased less than previously estimated,” says the revision report from the Commerce Department’s Bureau of Economic Analysis.