Attorney General Todd Blanche talked a lot and said so little in response to CNN anchor Dana Bash’s questions on Sunday morning after Republicans got destroyed on Tuesday, asserting that there’ll be some kind of consequence-ishes for the Dems who are speaking to the investigative mandate they’ve been handed by the American people sick of this stupid bullshit.

“The threats being made by the Democrat Party against innocent Republican Donors and Party Members are absolutely unprecedented, and totally illegal. Please report them to the Department of Justice, IMMEDIATELY! If you would like, send them directly to me, your President. These SLEAZEBAGS should go to jail for what they are doing. The Senate must act, and stop being pushed around to the point of the Republican Party losing Elections, and worse! Likewise, the DOJ and House of Representatives,” posted the Orange Karen on Saturday and yes, a DC grand jury is going to jump right on indicting House Judiciary Dems for sending records preservation letters to Todd Blanche ahead of an investigation into, for example, his corrupt deal with Ghislaine Maxwell.

Now THIS is the fun part of winning. Not just the win itself, but the squirming.

“I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job!” Trump posted shortly beforehand and God that is just so, so sad.

This week in politics has been so surreal that it’s been more difficult than anticipated to even begin to process it because, well, holy fucking shit. Over the years people on this side of the aisle and on this site got so used to disappointments and cruel twists of fate that it’s just hard to know what to do when something like this happens. Even when going back almost fully a year ago already there were certain signs that, to a certain not-real-journalist, even then seemed unmistakeable.

But expectations were managed and there will soon be a scorecard of National Zero’s correct calls from over the last two years. More important however is the future and all the possibilities it now holds due to the absolute fucking bloodbath that Tuesday was in the history of American politics. As douchey as it so often is to end a headline with a question mark, sometimes it’s a necessary evil. Or not even evil at all because it reflects a sincere uncertainty worth examining and gaming out, rather than some chode Slate or Atlantic writer’s masturbatory exercise in oversharing his inner neuroses.

Because between the all-but-certain-to-be 56 D – 44 R US Senate next year and the map in 2028, it’s really worth asking whether Democrats will need to lower the chamber’s 60-vote threshold to enact their most ambitious reforms – demolishing the Roberts Supreme Court, ending Citizens United, partisan gerrymandering, the free flow of foreign blood money to corrupt shitbags here, adding new states with reliable Dem electorates to the union (the Virgin Islands might be more reliable than Puerto Rico), expanding the House of Representatives well beyond just however many new states are added, and so on. You know, all the reforms needed to break the permanently-entrenched advantages Republicans had that allowed Trump to rise and return to power.

Remember that whole “Fang Fang” thing with Eric Swalwell? Long before Swalwell was revealed to be a rapey piece of shit, Republicans had for years used his 2014 flings with alleged Chinese intel asset Christine Fang, aka “Fang Fang,” as one of their top go-tos during a lull in new content. Naturally while memory-holing Cindy Yang, the Chicom pimp who ran a Florida happy ending parlor frequented by New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who had used that connection to wiggle her way into Mar-a-Lago on multiple occasions, at least one of them posing for a pic with Trump.

It’s not clear if Trump’s other billionaire buddy, Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang, has introduced Donald to his newest lady-friend, Alice Huang (no familial relation, not married to Jensen), but per the New York Times, the suspected Chicom intel agent Alice might have gotten access to far more valuable assets in the form of Nvidia’s cutting-edge AI chip technology. Republican Congressmen Brian Mast of Florida, John Moolenaar of Michigan, and Rick Crawford of Arkansas, chairs of the House Foreign Affairs, Chinese Communist Select, and Intel Committees, respectively, are keen to find out, sending Jensen a letter this week requesting he show up for a closed-door hearing later this month.

Lame as it is to have multiple Trump Truths in a row, this one kind of demands it, as the fat bastard just posted: “I am pleased to announce that Mr Stephen Miller, the current Deputy Chief of Staff of the Trump Administration, and one of my most trusted advisors, will become the Chief of Staff starting Monday, November 9, 2026. Susie Wiles, who has done an outstanding job, will be moving over to the Trump Political Operation. I want to thank her for her service as Chief of Staff – She has done a great job!” thereby handing the Nazi freak significantly more power.

“MAGA Warrior Joe Gruters, who has been with us from the very beginning, is running to continue as Chairman of the Republican National Committee. As Chairman, Joe turned the RNC into an efficient, focused, and powerful machine that will continue to empower the America First Agenda for many years to come. As State Senator and Chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, Joe helped us deliver massive and historic Victories across the State, including my three BIG WINS in 2016, 2020, and 2024! Joe was the Chairman of Florida when I won that Great State by the Highest Vote Margin in History, as we then went on to win the 2024 Presidential Election. As Sarasota County Chairman, Joe named me Statesman of the Year in both 2012 and 2015 – The only person to ever win it two times! Joe Gruters should return as Chairman of the RNC to continue to build our Party, and be a trusted partner as we MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, and ensure Free and Fair Elections.”

“Republicans everywhere should support him as he continues his mission at the RNC. Joe is 100 percent America First, the Grassroots LOVES him, and I know he will do an incredible job in 2028, and secure Great Success for Republicans all across our Country. Joe has my Complete and Total Endorsement – HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday afternoon, even though, well, Gruters kind of let “YOU” emotionally invested MAGA voters down.

“Israel and, in fact, the entire Middle East, WOULD NOT EXIST TODAY if I did not stop Iran from having a Nuclear Weapon. Nobody wants to say that, but everybody knows it’s true!” Trump then posted, probably after getting an angry, possibly threatening, call from Prince Bonesaw.

“United States Attorney for the Southern District of Florida Jason Reding Quinones submitted his resignation from the Department of Justice. We are grateful for Jason’s leadership in combatting violent crime, drug trafficking, sex trafficking, and transnational crime, including the indictment of Raúl Castro. Jason has served the Department multiple times over his distinguished career, and we thank him for his service to this country,” tweeted Todd Blanche on Friday, omitting mention that Quinones was the prosecutor in charge of the mind-meltingly fucking stupid “Grand conspiracy” case that was supposed to put Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama behind bars because the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago in 2022. You might’ve heard it wasn’t going well even before Quinones – whose replacement will need to be confirmed before Christmas if Trump wants a MAGA loyalist – quit.

Tesla will be winding down production of the Cybertruck at Gigafactory Texas around the middle of next year to make room for increased Cybercab production

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 6, 2026

Maybe it’s a coincidence that Ketamine Brain chose this week to announce the end of one of the most insufferable symbols of the Pax MAGAmericana of two years ago. Maybe it isn’t. Still, Chevrolet sure as shit didn’t discontinue the Bel-Air the day after Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper died so cruelly in that plane crash – and maybe that counterfactual/analogy doesn’t actually hold up because the Bel-Air is still considered the aesthetic apex of American automobile design.

The Cybertruck on the other hand… Well the Pontiac Aztek’s designers must’ve felt like the millstone they’d been carrying for so long had been instantly lifted the day Elon unveiled his monstrous creation. There’s also that the Aztek isn’t up there with the goddamned Ford Pinto as a notorious death trap, nor was it ever so closely associated with the most hateful and destructive American political movement since the Confederacy and the Klan. Rest is pieces, you fascist shitbox.

(Yes, maybe the Volkswagen Beetle deserves some kind of mention here given that Hitler personally ordered its development in the 1930s. That is actually true, as urban legend-y as it sounds. It was through US and British occupation of West Germany that its production was revived and, because of its cheapness, eventually became associated with hippies in the 1960s. Never say never, but such a similar revival is prooooooooooobably not going to happen to the Cybertruck. )

On this week’s Fox News exit poll question of “Would you say Donald Trump has the mental capability to serve effectively as president?” 43 percent of the 39,730 respondents said yes to the question to 57 percent no, something that Fox chose not to bury or simply remove from the data.

“Stock Market just hit another Record High — 91 Days in just a short period of time — Less than two years. Your 401(k)s are through the roof. Record Setting All!” posted convicted felon President Trump at 12:27 EST on Wednesday, more than 12 hours after his party’s savage beatdown.

“The Stock Market suffered one of the Worst Days in History based on the results of the Election. Such a sad thing to watch! It took so much work to get us to a level that no one has ever seen before, and then this. Your 401(k)s have, therefore, dropped. Remember, it wasn’t Republicans, it was Dumocrats. Do not fear, however, we will soon, one way or the other, be BIGGER AND STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE,” posted convicted felon President Trump on at 6:18 PM EST on Thursday. Such a smooth way of escaping accountability for his own incompetence.

Convicted felon President Trump is commanding Tennessee Senator-and-Governor-Elect Marsha Blackburn to resign early and outgoing Gov Billy Lee to then appoint drunken date rapist Pete Hegseth to the seat, according to Tennessee Dem Christopher Hale, citing “Republican sources.”

Hale’s not a journalist but he didn’t make this up either – last month Puck first broke the story that Hegseth was trying to pitch the evil idiot Blackburn on appointing him as her replacement. All Hale’s adding that Trump is trying to orchestrate seating Hegseth, thereby ridding himself of a liability and putting him somewhere safe-ish for however long it takes for Pete to face voters.

In related news Bloomberg reports Marco Rubio is also considering quitting, lol.

No major networks have called it yet, but the end is inevitable for white trash Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert as, with about 97 percent counted in the Centennial State’s 4th District, Democrat challenger Eileen Laubacher holds a 2,500 vote lead. Hilariously, Boebert began her career in the 3rd – on the other side of the not-very-small-state, and BARELY won reelection in 2022 (credit to former GOP operative Kurt Bardella for the “OnlyFans” line), and abruptly switched to the 4th in 2024 after Ken Buck retired – and then abruptly said “fuck this shit” and resigned early.

The 4th, which is basically West Kansas, was supposed to be the safer district. And it was, as the not-yet-40 year-old grandmother of one cruised to technically-not-reelection in the district by 11 percent in 2024 (while Trump won it by 18 percent), only for it to swing about 11.7 percent to Laubacher, a retired Navy rear admiral who recently switched parties. Meaning someone who graduated high school and had a respectable career in public service rather than some idiot hick who got into politics due to media attention over her refusal to follow COVID restrictions in her shitty restaurant that ended up closing and its storefront converted into a Mexican joint.

Fascist scumbag DOJ “Civil Rights” division chief Harmeet Dhillon has resigned from her post, Fox News reports on the first significant scalp from what’s expected to be a bloodbath.

A London jury on Thursday found actor/comedian turned Q-pilled conspiracy podcaster Russell Brand guilty on charges of rape and sexual assault, Sky News reports on the downfall of yet another MAGA hero. Jurors acquitted Brand on two counts of rape, and one count of attempted indecent assault, while nailing him to the wall on a single count of rape and three counts of sexual assault.

Justice Joel Bennathan, who may or may not have been wearing one of those silly jurist wigs while addressing the grave matter, told Brand he’s “been convicted of a number of offences including rape. The consequence of that is inevitably a significant custodial term. My current view is that I therefore have to remand you into custody,” sending the formerly Hollywood-marketable actor to the clink ahead of his Monday sentencing. As Bennathan said, the bid will be “significant,” so Charlie Kirk’s minions may want to hold off on booking him for this December’s big TPUSA fest.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday told ABC’s Jonathan Karl he has “every intention to keep” binge-drinking date rapist Pete Hegseth on as Defense Secretary. Karl writes that Trump “acknowledged receiving calls from people unhappy with Hegseth, but said, ‘I get these calls, you know, about him. I don’t understand why.'” Karl does not then comment on Trump’s lack of understanding, but adds that Trump knows it’ll be easier to confirm a replacement before Janaury.

The New York Times’s Wednesday night article headlined “I Have Seen the Enemy, and It Is Us’: Inside Team Trump’s Historic Collapse – How an unpopular president and an unpopular war provided an opening for Democrats to make sweeping gains in the midterms,” and containing the hype-y “This account of the Republican Party’s collapse is based on interviews with more than 70 people,” following the intro doesn’t quite live up to that implication of giddy hilarity one might’ve expected.

It’s well-reported and there is some funny shit, like Trump asking one of his minions “If we never went into Iran, what do you think would happen in the midterms?” and that, by waiting too long to book ads, MAGA Inc paid 11 times what Dems did for the cost of a local TV news commercial spot in Alaska. But overall it’s both just a tad too inside baseball-y and not comedic enough.

The opener, an in media res of a meeting between Trump’s top political chieftains Tony Fabrizio, Chris LaCivita, James Blair, and others is pretty goddamned funny though: Knowing they were fucked, Fabrizio joked “Maybe we could get asylum in Israel,” while Blair said “Look, it’s fine. I think we’ll just pull a Mike Lindell and demand a recount regardless of how many points we’re down.”

“Last night, the voters of North Carolina’s 9th District made their choice, and I respect it. God is sovereign over my life, and He has a plan for all of us. Representing the people of North Carolina has been the honor of my life. Since 2013, I’ve worked for North Carolina families. That includes the soldiers and families at Fort Bragg, who sacrifice more for this country than most people will ever know. Every day I had the privilege of being Fort Bragg’s Congressman, I worked to earn that honor. America is the greatest country, and I believe more than ever in the principles that make us great. Whatever the future holds, I will keep fighting for those principles and for the people who believe in commonsense, conservative policies that will save our country and make the lives of the American people better. In the words of Ronald Reagan: we lost a skirmish, but the battle goes on,” and blah blah blah said NRCC chair Richard Hudson in his concession letter.

So for those keeping score at home, the guy whose job it is to make sure that the GOP did not lose the House did such a shitty job that he lost his own Trump double-digit seat,