Former Congressional bad boy Madison Cawthorn pulled in 8.5 percent of the vote on Tuesday night in the Florida 19th GOP primary, per the AP, placing third in his comeback bid in another state, a pathetic showing made all the more tragic by the fact that the other MAGA asshole who defeated him in 2022, Chuck Edwards, dropped his reelection bid over sexual harassment.

Fox Newsbro Jessie Watters on Tuesday told viewers he’s “hearing” scumbag Florida MAGA Congressman Cory Mills lost his primary, denying Dems a pickup opportunity for his seat.

Shasta County, California, a far-right jurisdiction already kind of famous across the MAGAverse for its codified election denialism with moves such as ending its contract with Dominion and then simply not switching to a new vendor in 2023, is taking halfway to the next level by welcoming convicted felon former Mesa County, Colorado clerk Tina Peters to the team, the Guardian reports.

That “halfway to the next level” qualifier is there to denote a condition that clerk Clint Curtis placed on her role as the Guardian writes that Curtis has “said Peters would not have access to the county’s voting system” but otherwise “did not directly respond when asked what her responsibilities would be.” Yeah. It’s like if the Sinaloa Cartel hired Juan Orlando Hernandez but said outright that he wouldn’t have a login to their cocaine distribution software. Or RuPaul hired George Santos but said he wouldn’t have a key to the wig closet and has to wear a suit to work on the “Drag Race” show.

Maybe there’s a better analogue out there. Plus those two assholes were freed from federal prison by convicted felon President Trump whereas Peters was released from her sometimes tumultuous stay in a Centennial State DOC big house thanks to outgoing Dem Governor Jared Polis’s bafflingly chickenshit capitulation to a pressure campaign from the Orange God Emperor. Maybe people should’ve seen the Peters commutation coming when Polis ordered staffers to take down that hilarious (and possibly intentionally) awful portrait of Donald from the state capitol last year.

“There are no talks or conversations going on, or scheduled, with the Islamic Republic of Iran. The Naval Blockade remains in full force and effect. The Hormuz Strait is open and operating. All water mines have been removed or detonated,” posted the Holy Lord of Peace and Prosperity on Tuesday.

The top reply to the 21st century Jesus’s post is a meme that reads “We had a choice between a nuclear armed Iran or a temporary spike in gas prices. And since some of you can’t decide if you’re a man or a woman, Trump made the decision for you,” in white text against a generic starry background. Wasn’t worth mentioning for any reason besides that this is what passes for a “banger” meme these days, the killer lib-owning quip tucked in under the grudging admission of reality intruding upon the alternate one MAGAmerica lives in. Must really suck for them these days.

🚨 EXCLUSIVE: OpenAI is launching ChatGPT for Teens — a dedicated, learning-focused experience with enhanced safeguards.

Key details announced on Fox & Friends:

Study Mode: Instead of giving away direct answers, ChatGPT asks follow-up questions to help students learn.

Parental… pic.twitter.com/L504FwbS5H

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) August 18, 2026

Probably a surefire sign that it’s designed to brainwash them into MAGAism that goddamned Fox and Friends gets the “exclusive” on the new “clanker” model aimed at teenagers.

Disney-owned national TV network ABC on Tuesday filed a federal First Amendment lawsuit against the Federal Communications Commission, alleging the agency and its incel leader Brendan Carr have “waged a retaliatory campaign against ABC for a single reason: it disapproves of what ABC broadcasts,” CNN media chief Brain Stelter reports. “Plaintiffs come to this court reluctantly with no alternative means to eliminate these ongoing and immediate threats other than total capitulation to the administration’s demands,” the complaint continued as Disney finally grew some balls.

“ALASKA: Be careful, VOTE FOR THE REAL DAN SULLIVAN TODAY. Through me, he’s brought HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF DOLLARS BACK TO YOUR STATE. The Dumocrats know how good he is and have put up an imposter of the same name. Vote for the ‘INCUMBENT SENATOR.’ Don’t let these Fraudsters get away with this HOAX,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday.

Speaking of cosmetics: Who in God’s name needs to be fired for that eyeliner job? Holy shit, lol.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Monday headed out to the battlefield to help boost morale among those fighting to contain a dangerous threat from the enemy that’s expected to only grow increasingly more perilous over the next few months, with the top leader of the US military’s schedule taking him to a number of frontline posts scattered across an impoverished hinterland full of violent religious fanatics who wish to destroy democracy and inflict widespread suffering.

Per CBS News, one of Hegseth’s stops in Iowa will be at a campaign event for Congressman Zach Nunn, an Air Force Reserve colonel who faces a serious threat from Dem challenger state Senator Sarah Trone Garriott, and thus totally appropriate for the Secretary of Defense to help defend an endangered Republican incumbent. Plus he’s a military officer so the campaign event can be military themed with a lot of pledges of allegiance and salutes from men in camo cargo shorts.

Since they’re CBS News and would’ve written “It is highly unusual for a current defense secretary to campaign for candidates. Previous secretaries rarely if ever attended events for candidates while defense secretary,” even if they hadn’t been hijacked by wealthy fascists, that watered-down MSM pablum is as close to the article gets as a “subjective” remark on the visit. The national network then cited zero examples to support the assertion of “unusual” versus “first time it happened.”

Hosting some 16 year-old lifeguard who saved someone from drowning recently, convicted felon President Trump on Monday used the Oval Office occasion to embarrass the United States of America, claiming variously that voluminous accounts of horrible conditions being suffered by sailors stationed on the USS Abraham Lincoln are a “CNN fake news report,” that he should be able to build a ballroom on the White House ground because a communist dictatorship has a “Great Hall of China,” and said “Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. CNN, fake news. You’re fake news. You’re a loud – You’re a loud, boisterous person. You’re fake news. Be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet. You’re a fake reporter and you report fake news,” angrily to a reporter who dared to ask Trump about why he was surrendering to obese North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Must’ve been an exciting day for the kid.

The US Supreme court on Monday for the second time told adjudicated rapist President Trump to go away and come back with something more useful to their mission of a permanent entrenchment of white conservative political power than asking them again to overturn a federal jury’s finding that he sexually abused writer EJ Carroll in a department store dressing room in the mid-1990s.

Convicted felon president Trump on Monday told Fox News that Oman – a US ally and partner in a number of defense pacts and whose bases host approximately 600 American military personnel as part of CENTCOM’s network of strategic logistics hubs – is fair game for his wrath if they “get in the way” of his quest to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, and “we’ll bomb the shit out of them.”

Yup. That’s where we’re at. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris never threatened to bomb an ally.

Oh no. The Associated Press reports that convicted felon President Trump’s 60-day “ceasefire” with Iran expires on Monday, putting up a headline about the end of an armistice that everyone, especially Trump, forgot like several days into the supposed deal. What a goddamned messy blur.

At what Reuters describes as the scene “outside a supermarket not far from Trump’s Bedminster club,” meaning it very well could be the Shop-Rite that convicted felon President Trump’s minions bought all the shit they filled the two tables up with during his now-infamous August 15th “I’m going to magically make everything cheaper” press conference, 68 year-old Trump voter Sheila Carney told the wire service she’s pissed. Pissed enough to utter “an expletive” they didn’t print.

It was probably “fuck” but more important was what she then added. “This is real. He can say it’s not, but it is,” said Carney, who’s delaying retirement because money and crusing about grocery prices while shopping during her day off from working as a hospital administrator. “He hasn’t brought anything down,” the New Jerseyan said while looking at the 12-pack of iced tea, meat, and laundry detergent that ran her $70 at the grocery store. Carney is “considering” simply not voting in November, a worrying sign for absentee incumbent MAGA Congressman Tom Kean.

Carney was the only truly soured Trump voter quoted but Reuters said in 17 conversations with Republicans and independents in New Jersey’s 7th District in which “more than half of those interviewed said they were either undecided or leaning toward” Dem nominee Rebecca Bennett, who naturally is pushing the “Trump was full of shit about making thing’s more affordable” message.

Hey kids! AI’s SO cool and you trust everything it says, right? No? Well nonetheless that’s how Israel’s think these days, as Politico reports the Netanyahu Regime have hired “boutique ad agency” Piro, Inc to work on a hip new campaign focused on “the creation and dissemination of factual, source-supported materials intended to educate the US public regarding Israel and related issues through publicly distributed content,” all of them calibrated to be consumed by LLMs.

Yeah, that’s where they’re at right now since, well, the whole ceasing the genocidal slaughter of innocent civilians thing is off the table so they’re trying other stuff. Cutting-edge tech stuff.

“Watching FoxNews with Shannon Bream is always like watching the Worst of Fake News CNN. I don’t know Shannon, but she always seems to pick guests, charts, and ‘polls’ that are negative, never talking about all of the incredible things that the Trump Administration has done, like Total Border Control, the Most Successful Stock Market in History (81 Record Days in a year and a half!), Biggest Investment in our Country in History (19.2 Trillion Dollars!), breaking the Record by many times over, the Great Military Victories over Venezuela and the essential Denuclearization of Iran.”

“The rest to follow! – The Lowest Crime Rate in Recorded History, the Lowest Murder Rate since 1900 – 125 years! – The Highest Number of People that have Jobs in the United States, EVER, the fact that the United States is more RESPECTED throughout the World than at any time in Memory, the Biggest Drop in Drug Prices, over 500 percent, than has ever been seen before, which will lead to tremendous SAVINGS in Healthcare, the Rebuilding of our Military, in my First Term, making it the Strongest in US History, with the inclusion of Space Force, and so many other things! Yet, week after week, I see Shannon ‘interviewing’ hostile guests, and having losers like Juan Williams, who got fired like a dog from PBS, was thrown off of The Five for somebody even dumber than him, Jessica Tarlov, and when he saw me walking into the Headquarters of Fox, he went CRAZY, begging me for a picture – ‘Could I have a picture with you? It would be such a Great Honor!’ In any event, Shannon’s ‘show’ is beyond redemption. Fortunately, MAGA, which is close to 100 percent of the Republican Party, understands that, and watch her ‘Ratings’ start to fall. Chris Wallace was bad, but Shannon is even worse! Oh well, it couldn’t have had too much of an impact, because I’m now heading back into the Oval Office to continue working on more TRIUMPHS and SUCCESSES for our Country!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday. Must’ve been bad to not include a specific complaint.

In what ABC News calls an “unprecedented move for [the] president” in the headline, the Disney-owned national network sort of missed the mark in emphasizing the allegedly “unprecedented” nature of the convicted felon leader of the free world having some scumbag who he appointed changing the rules to increase his profits from a scam operation designed solely to rip off his own fans and provide a channel for laundering money from third-world despots and other malefactors.

It’s pretty on-brand for Donald Trump. Even “precedented” if you will for the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, led by Trump appointee Jonathan Gould, to go ahead and say that World Liberty Financial, is a bank and not a slush fund. It’s not like the Republican-controlled Congress or Supreme Court are going to fucking stop them. Their biggest achievement in containing Trump was getting him to delete AI slop depicting himself as Jesus Christ and another one depicting former President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama as apes.