And, to continue the sentence in the headline, you should feel better that such a satire would be too unmoored to the current reality to justify writing. You have every reason to hate the current reality of American politics and government where we fell just a few hundred thousand votes short of our terribly shitty president being in prison for the rest of his life, yes. But you would have so many more reasons to hate it if “Trump killed Charlie Kirk to justify a massive, sweeping crackdown on civil liberties,” was the headline and the parody of the usual MAGA conspiracy shit was just a grim way of saving face against a dark, bottomless onslaught into a full-on permanent Trump autocracy.

Here and now, that satire simply isn’t going to hold up because, as the last 365 days have proven, the Trump regime is just too goddamned feckless and incompetent to capitalize on Kirk’s death in ways that even this website expected more vigor from them. What happened to dropping the hammer on Antifa, put James Comey behind bars, take Jimmy Kimmel off the air permanently, destroy the Southern Poverty Law Center, appropriate George Soros’s billions and distribute them to shell companies owned by Kirk’s allies, redraw Indiana’s congressional districts to squash two safe Dem seats, successfully firing public college professors for their anti-Kirk Facebook posts without consequences like millions in taxpayer-funded judgments and reinstatement eight months later?

Dead-ender MAGA lawyer Joe DiGenova – the hardcore Trump freak who in 2019 called the first impeachment case against the fat bastard an act of “regicide” – on Thursday abruptly quit his special assignment job with the DOJ on the incredibly fucking stupid “Grad Conspiracy Case,” ABC News reports, writing that the exit comes amid “growing frustrations from Trump and senior DOJ officials regarding his work,” but without further specifics on the nature of said frustrations.

To self-plagiarize on the “Grand Conspiracy” case which is supposed to lead to an indictment of Barack Obama: Leading masturbators in the upper echelons of the MAGA legal community in January reportedly got a grand jury empaneled in the federal court bailiwick of Fort Pierce, Florida where, of course, disgraced Judge Aileen Cannon is the sole jurist. The big 5D checkmate move is this: FBI raided Trump in 2022 as the direct result of a RICO conspiracy that began in 2016 and Barack Obama was the ringleader, and since that conspiracy is still ongoing plus the jurisdictional nexus to Cannon’s turf, there are no statute of limitations or Sixth Amendment issues.

What’s odd here is that if you’re setting aside the very much real possibility that DiGenova, an 81 year-old former Reagan-appointee federal prosecutor is the old school type that tenders his resignation when asked and thus that’s why ABC’s reporting says resigned rather than fired, it still leaves the question of the nature of these frustrations. Sure, Trump would be furious over a lack of traction but Blanche and the rest of the amoral but chemically-balanced fascists at the top know this is all kayfabe to keep the toddler placated. Must’ve been some comical misconduct if DiGenova somehow managed to piss off both sides of the whole dysfunctional and corrupt power structure.

CNN just separately reported on this too but aside from “disagreements with top Justice Department officials over the pace of the south Florida-based probe that was intended to pursue possible charges against a swath of Donald Trump’s top political foes,” they didn’t add anything.

“With the midterm elections less than two months away, voters give the Democratic Party an 11-point advantage over the Republican Party when it comes to who they would want to see win control of the United States House of Representatives, according to a Quinnipiac University national poll among registered voters released today. If the election were today, 49 percent of voters would want to see the Democratic Party win control of the US House of Representatives, while 38 percent would want to see the Republican Party win control of the House, with 13 percent not offering an opinion,” says the intro to this month’s Quinnipiac University national survey.

The lead’s pretty close to what was seen in the September 2018 survey, which found Dems up 51 to 42 over the GOP during the sugar high of Resistance momentum against the first Trump regime, which crashed up against some legitimate energy and enthusiasm on the MAGA side, resulting in some heartbreaking defeats for Senate and gov races like in Florida, Texas, Georgia, and elsewhere.

This time around just seems kinda different. First off there was that Tennessee 7th district special that saw Dems improve by 13 at 99 percent of 2022 turnout that makes an 11 point lead actually legitimately realistic. Then there’s that, while Trump’s approval being down from 38 percent in September 2018 to 33 percent now might not seem like much of a drop he’s down 14 percent among independents and 5 percent among Republicans. Those kind of numbers count and badly so for MAGA.

You know something’s off when Mini Riefenstahl here is asking why convicted felon President Trump doesn’t just command Congress to return to DC and pass a $5,000 stimulus check now instead of conditioning it on Republicans maintaining their majorities. The alphabet soup fucking nonsensical response (to call it an “answer” would be an insult) about “Democrats” was predictable, of course.

But that Ingraham asks it and directly so rather than “I’m so excited to get my $5,000 check after we win the midterms, what kind of awesome toys and experiences do you think Americans should spend it on?” might be a leading indicator of how seriously even this defunct party is going to take it as a campaign pledge and it’ll be a miracle if it’s still part of the pitch a week from now.

US Supreme Court Justice Brett “Beer-me” Kavanaugh on Thursday again froze the Missouri GOP regime’s attempt to ignore the state constitution with a secondary runaround, maybe possibly kind of actually ending the effort to erase Kansas City-area Dem Emmanuel Cleaver’s seat.

“The Republican Midterm Convention last night, in Dallas, was a major, sold out hit, far bigger, better, and more important than anyone thought possible. It was really something, streaming all over the place, and really big numbers, despite going up against the NFL. The overall numbers beat the NFL.”

“The Arena, which was really nice, beat its own attendance records. The place was packed! There were thousands of people outside who couldn’t get in. Screens were provided. I guess people LOVE TRUMP POLITICS! I’ll be there again tonight to close out the show. Exciting ‘Stuff!'” posted an increasingly insecure and delusional President Trump on Thursday morning.

Speaking of failures, Axios reports Pennsylvania “Democrat” Senator John Fetterman will be addressing this fucking mess of a “convention” via a pre-recorded video. Fun for everyone!

Two new CNN surveys of likely voters in Michigan and Maine find Dems Abdul El-Sayed and Troy Jackson leading their scumbag Republican opponents 47 to 44 and 48 to 45 percent, respectively.

Convicted felon President Trump and his retinue of minions are experiencing some difficulties as they prepare to travel to Dallas, with the fat bastard claiming to reporters that Air Force personnel are checking the slide out… “They just want to make sure everything works perfectly,” Trump said, assuring reporters it would take 15 minutes. Replacing a deployed slide takes minimum two hours.

Sarah Khalifa, a 32 year-old Egyptian former TV host, current plastic surgery entrepreneur, and the kind of person for whom the front-facing smartphone camera was invented, was among 12 sentenced to death in Cairo on Saturday following their August conviction in a massive yet non-specific narcotics trafficking case, TMZ reports. Public reporting only alludes to “synthetic” drugs for which Khalifa and her associates had imported 1,600 lbs of precursor ingredients with intent to manufacture. So it could be as bad as carfentanil or as mild as THC extract to make gummies and vape fluid, we have no idea and probably aren’t going to find out anytime soon.

The still-nominally-appealable sentence was, per standard operating procedure in all of the Egyptian justice system’s capital cases, handed down by the country’s Grand Mufti. And yes, that means a high-ranking Islamic cleric with a kind of fruity-sounding title decided that this woman should die when for all we know some oily jerkoff she met in a club could’ve smooth-talked her into allowing him to use her plastic surgery clinic as a front to place bulk orders for the ingredients.

Or maybe a life of privilege and comfort was getting boring so why not give crime a try. Stede Bonnet felt the same way. Interestingly enough Bonnet was also hanged for it (his best-frenemy Edward “Blackbeard” Teach went down more like Tony Montana just a week earlier) as Khalifa and her friends will be if the big moof’s sentence is upheld. It does not appear that she’s being singled out given the other 11 headed for the noose – last year 492 Egyptian convicts were sentenced and 23 were executed – so it may be fair to say that if she indeed knew what she was doing as a witting participant – then she should have known the risks too. Especially with that large of an operation.

Under the very Politico Playbook-esque headline of “‘The vibes are very bad’ in Texas” the mega-buzzmaxxed, always-plugged-in daily email newsletter powered by Anthropic – get 0 percent off your Claude Pro subscription when you use promo code “playbookzero” – reports the signals from the noise are achieving escape velocity into the conversation surrounding the “Trump-a-Palooza” kicking off in Dallas on Wednesday night amid a slump in the attention and, uh, real economies.

“My only hope is that no one watches it since it’s competing versus NFL opening games,” a “person close to the White House” told Playbook, adding “Hopefully nobody notices [convicted felon President Trump’s] embarrassing show,” before self-soothing with “I don’t think it will matter. No one knows about it, no enthusiasm, and it’s during football. Only DC people care.” The “vibes” person quoted in the headline, a “Republican lobbyist” added “Dems are salivating. Our people are debating Israel. Or melting down about this or that. No one is motivated to vote. Only the DSA rise is what’s keeping us in the game,” referring of course to what’s expected to be a “socialism”-themed two-night program in Dallas. Only the most liver-scarred should make a drinking game out of it.

“If you’re just a generic white Republican male, like Mike Collins or Mike Whatley… you’re struggling this cycle due to the national environment and the drag that the president’s popularity has on the ticket,” a “senior GOP operative working on midterm races” told Playbook, adding that convention has put some GOP candidates in a “tight spot,” but the party “might as well try something instead of just having Trump on Twitter all day. It’s probably a net wash at the end of the day.”

NTSB Chairwoman Jennifer Homendy reveals new details about the pilots of the Amazon cargo plane that crashed at Miami International Airport.

Homendy says the 55-year-old captain had 7,145 flight hours and received his Boeing 767 type rating in May, while the 37-year-old first… pic.twitter.com/1GE2V2q1D8

— Fox News (@FoxNews) September 9, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump, the economic miracle worker who was supposed to save a nation suffering under the feckless warmongering of the Biden Regime, has managed to push the price of a barrel of oil up over $100 again, NBC reports on the economic miracle for Exxon-Mobil and others.

“The Failing New York Magazine wrote a story that I wasn’t down at the World Trade Center after the Tragedy of September 11th, because nobody saw me there. Well, I don’t think I would be the first thing on anyone’s mind but, I was there, obviously not on the same day as the collapse, but shortly thereafter, with a large group of Construction Workers. I discussed it today during my Remarks on the Ellipse, in Washington, DC, for Tunnel to Towers. Everything I said was exactly accurate and, to prove the point, I am attaching clips of me there with numerous of my people, including my then Head of Security, Matthew Calamari, who has confirmed that very sad trip to Lower Manhattan, many times, to many different Journalists, but it’s a story that just won’t die. The Fake News doesn’t want to listen, even when they know their story is false. That’s why their approval ratings are at an All Time LOW, but mine are VERY HIGH!” caterwauled the valor thief on Tuesday.

Asked to comment by CNN’s Daniel Dale, all the White House had to say about the Orange God Emperor’s batshit lies about 9/11 was that “President Trump spent the morning paying tribute to the heroic first responders who laid down their lives in service to others in the September 11th attacks and honoring their incredible families. The President was relaying his experience of a city reeling immediately after and in the days and weeks after the horrific attacks – and the fact that the failing legacy media is using this to try to attack him is a disgrace and yet another reason why Americans’ trust in the media is at an all-time low.” So yeah it must be pretty bad if they consider it an “attack.”

A story of narrowly escaping certain death with the help of two New York City firefighters as the World Trade Center collapsed into a an avalanche of flaming steel is now part of the legend of President Donald J Trump, who apparently wants you to vote Republican in the midterms out of respect for the bravery he displayed on that horrific day nearly a quarter century ago.

In a preview of an upcoming book titled “Hostages: 843 Days of Abandonment,” Haaretz reports that in the leadup to the October 7, 2023 attack by Hamas that left hundreds of Israelis dead and led to the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent people in Gaza, dictator Benjamin Netanyahu received multiple warnings from different sources including UAE President Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed and CIA Director William J Burns that Hamas was planning a major assault, warnings that Netanyahu did not then share with his military leaders. The source was none other than Hamas’s leader himself.

“Convey a message that I am preparing the mother of all surprises. A terrifying operation. Something extraordinary. Please convey to the Israelis what I am saying word for word,” the now-dead Hamas chieftain Yahyah Sinwar told an advisor close to Bin Zayed during a meeting in September 2023.

At least 73 people near Saudi Arabia’s border with Yemen have been wounded in strikes from missiles launched by Iranian proxy militia the Houthis on Tuesday, Al-Jazeera reports.

The presence of Bombardier in Wichita supports a local workforce of more than a thousand employees, who contribute their talent and expertise to our nation’s defense and aerospace capabilities.

This afternoon, I reached out to the Trump administration to make certain the…

— Senator Jerry Moran (@JerryMoran) September 7, 2026

“This afternoon, I reached out to the Trump administration to make certain the President is aware of the significant contributions of Bombardier to Kansas and the importance of its presence in Wichita to many Kansas workers at Bombardier and in the Bombardier supply chain. I will continue working to see that Bombardier’s manufacturing operations not only remain in Kansas but continue to grow and create American jobs. Kansas is home to a hardworking, skilled workforce, and I will continue welcoming leaders in aircraft and defense manufacturing to do business here in the Air Capital of the World,” continued the hapless cuck in the rest of the low-wattage tweet after the cutoff.

No, Trump did not call him Jerry Moron yet. He did however post “Oil prices will drop precipitously, like everything else is dropping (but more!), when we WIN the war with Iran. Three Dollars a gallon, but ultimately, below Two Dollars a gallon. It will all happen quickly, and Iran will never have a Nuclear Weapon. MAGA!” Tell me again about the rabbits and the vegetable patch, George.

“NO MORE SELLING BOMBARDIER IN THE UNITED STATES! Their products aren’t good enough! Over 50 percent of their revenue comes from the United States – They live off American Buyers, American Companies, American Airports, and American Service – All while Canada blocks our GREAT American Banks, and Companies, throughout the USA. They even blocked Gulfstream Aerospace from doing business in Canada – Completely unjust and unfair! That Era is OVER! If they want our Market, they must build here, and stop treating America like a ‘piggybank.’ BUY AMERICAN. FLY ON AMERICAN AIRLINERS. ENJOY AMERICAN LIQUOR AND BEVERAGES. SAIL ON LAKE AMERICA. AMERICA FIRST!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, once again just making it increasingly fairer to question whether he’s going to make it another two years.