Just over an hour after convicted felon President Trump posted “On Monday, ICE will be going to airports to help our wonderful TSA Agents who have stayed on the job despite the fact that the Radical Left Democrats, who are only focused on protecting hard line criminals who have entered our Country illegally, are endangering the USA by holding back the money that was long ago agreed to with signed and sealed contracts, and all. But watch, no matter how great a job ICE does, the Lunatics leading the incompetent Dems will be highly critical of their work. THEY WILL DO A FANTASTIC JOB. The great Tom Homan is in charge!!!” the Cava bag bribery czar was on CNN and was very plainly less than amped to be put on the job to unfuck the situation caused by GOP refusals to pass a bill to make sure TSA agents are paid while the rest of DHS remains shut down.

“Now with the death of Iran, the greatest enemy America has is the Radical Left, Highly Incompetent, Democrat Party! Thank you for your attention to this matter,” posted a mentally ill senior citizen on Sunday, still unable to decide if Iran has been defeated on top of his other deranged claim that the domestic opposition is a more serious national enemy than China, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, drug cartels, Tren de Aragua, MS-13, and so on. All in all pretty par for the course.

Asked to comment on a Saturday IDF post claiming “the Iranian terrorist regime poses a global threat… with missiles that can reach London, Paris or Berlin,” UK Housing Secretary Steve Reed on Sunday told the BBC that the Israeli claim that Iranian missiles could strike London isn’t actually supported by any current intel. Reed said there’s “no specific assessment that the Iranians are targeting the UK or even could, if they wanted to. We are perfectly capable of protecting this country and keeping this country safe, whether it’s here at home, or whether it’s our assets and nationals across the region. There is no assessment to substantiate what’s being said.”

It’s not clear why Reed – a housing official – was qualified to comment on the matter, with the IDF’s claim based on an attempted missile attack on Diego Garcia, which is 2,360 miles away from the closest Iranian territory. The distance between London and the northwesternmost tip of Iran is about 100 miles closer. Still, the missiles were intercepted well before they got anywhere close to Diego.

“Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, every word of it after “Mueller” his own future epitaph.

Not a whole lot else to say, like who should pretend to be shocked or even surprised by the fat fuck’s utter incapacity but also that, well, you know, all of us are going to say the same thing when he’s dead and the world will be a better place when it happens. Far more innocent people have been hurt – outright annihilated – because of Trump and the sooner and more painful he dies the better.

Still gotta wonder whether the fat fuck is doing this on purpose to make life more difficult for his lowly subs in the Congressional GOP. This isn’t what they need reporters asking about right now.

Long in the works but timely enough, this is National Zero’s guide to the SAVE Act – sorry, SAVE AMERICA Act, as a certain fat drama queen recently insisted as to raise the stakes:

It’s been in the works since early last year, but both chambers of the Florida state legislature have passed HB 991, known colloquially as the Florida SAVE Act which requires new voters, or current ones who change their address or party affiliation, to prove citizenship by presenting a passport, birth certificate, or the equivalent upon registration – excepting those with a REAL ID, as in a driver’s license/DMV-issued non-license ID as those would have already only been issued to citizens.

Yup, they’ve sent it over to heels-wearing Governor Ron DeSantis and he’ll sign it any day now, a bill that has been in the works for nearly a year just getting some last minute adjustments earlier this month because – you’re going to love this – they had to amend it to push back the effective date for the citizenship verification requirements to January 1, 2027. “This gives adequate time in order for that population who does not yet have a Real ID to come into compliance, or to in some other way prove their citizenship,” said Republican state Senator Erin Grall, one of the bill’s sponsors.

For those keeping score at home this would mean that the GOP’s laboratory of autocracy, the land of ethnic Cuban far-right sociopaths, bath salts, Scientology, the home of the hallowed cathedral of all corruption and degeneracy in the United States, Mar-a-Lago – is holding back until after the midterms on what’s already a pretty graduated, rolling process in which those who renew their driver’s license in December and remain at the same address will not have been officially verified as eligible citizen voters until December 2034. Simply because imposing that requirement all at once now would be far too disruptive – and let’s be real here, if they knew with full confidence that it would advantage Republicans in November they would’ve made it effective immediately.

An Ohio State Highway Patrol Trooper on March 9th noticed a northern barred owl struggling along the side of US 30 near US 42 and quickly stopped to render aid to the animal, bringing it to the Ohio Bird Sanctuary in Richland County, WHIO reports, citing a March 20th Facebook post from the Mansfield OSHP precinct, where presumably it is still being rehabilitated or has since been released rather than euthanized. You’d think that the patrol and/or the affiliate station would offer a little more detail about how things shook out for the bird given the 11 day lag from the rescue to the post.

Nevertheless a cop was kind to a wild animal that would otherwise most likely have perished from predation, starvation, or a vehicle strike if not for his intervention. You can appreciate the act of kindness and mercy toward one of God’s creations, an individual member of a species onto which mankind projects wisdom and enigmatic intent simply through pareidolia of a facial “expression” and thus personality. Such a mass perception of the owl belies the reality that they’re roughly on par with pigeons in intelligence, ranked below more prosaic, ubiquitous, and middle-sized corvids – as in common crows, ravens, and magpies – as the master brains of the North American Bird-iverse.

Still, that you’d be far less likely to see a story about a cop rescuing an injured crow doesn’t diminish the act that did occur. Just, you know, try to appreciate it without any intrusion of questioning which bird species illicit sympathy based solely on their appearance. Suppressing that thought will in turn crowd out any of the predictable “Oh bUt tHeN tEh c0P pR0LLy sh0T suM 1nn0CeNt dUdE aFtER tHaT” and maybe even all the actually horrible shit happening in the world that the headline was meant to be a little “SEE THINGS R NOT ALL BAD” respite from. Act accordingly, people.

Fragments from an intercepted Iranian missile rained down near Jerusalem’s Temple Mount on Friday, Breitbart reports. The near-hit threatened one of the holiest sites in Islam with the kind of damage that would cause some serious geopolitical issues to say the least if a missile actually destroyed the Al-Aqsa Mosque, aka the Dome of the Rock.

This is a damn good channel with a damn good narrator. Please DO NOT let the terrible, corny intro credit with a different voiceover dissuade you from listening to the whole story. It’s brief and you can skip past it. Fred Kiger’s a hidden gem though the rest of his work relies on a certain continuity of the American Civil War and he tends to jump around it. Like a lot. There’s no straight line at all, lol.

So the dark early days of 1860 into 1861 are as good of a spot as any to intro you to his work.

“We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of Iran: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry.”

“(4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the USA can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including Israel, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the UAE, Bahrain, Kuwait, and others. The Hormuz Strait will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The US does not! If asked, we will help these Countries in their Hormuz efforts, but it shouldn’t be necessary once Iran’s threat is eradicated. Importantly, it will be an easy Military Operation for them” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.

Who feels like chicken TACOs? Now not everyone likes Taco Bell, sure, but it’s the only national chain you can order one with a Doritos shell for an accurate color for an authentic experience.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan’s House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Arlington, Virginia DA Parisa Dehghani-Tafti seeking records on the alleged “political bias” that led her office to not really give a shit about libs whose protests led the Millers to go hide on a military base where they can instead be harassed by mysterious drones no one can stop, the Washington Post reports.

“Every decision made in my office rests on two things, and two things only – the facts and the law. That standard applies whether a matter involves a President’s aide, a local business owner, or a neighbor down the street,” Dehghani-Tafti said in a statement. “Chairman Jordan’s subpoena is an overreach, a trespass on state and local sovereignty with no legitimate federal interest.”

Convicted felon President Trump has been repeatedly asking how his birthday June 14th can be made into a national federal holiday, Zeteo reports, adding that he hasn’t dropped the stupid Mount Rushmore ambition either, with Zeteo writing he how the fat bastard keeps telling his minions how he is “a more accomplished president than some of those faces on the memorial.” Worth noting again is that it really is not possible to add another face to the South Dakota monument given the geological/spatial constraints that aren’t obvious from photos or observation deck-level.

The unfit and illegitimate president has naturally also “repeatedly inquired about” having a Donald Trump monument built somewhere in DC, as he wants final approval of the statue’s look.

The reality is there's mass amounts of cheating in our elections.

Just because there's an engineered lack of data, does not mean there isn't data to the contrary.

The new CBS/YouGov poll shows that 80% of Americans support Voter ID including 80% of black Americans & 77% of… pic.twitter.com/MrRfnmzxzJ

— Katie Miller (@KatieMiller) March 20, 2026

“The staffer should be in prison. Aiding and abetting is a legit felony (unlike the mystery felony no one can name that elevated 34 misdemeanors to felonies)” – Top comment on the Thursday Fox News article headlined “Dem rep’s staffer repeatedly posed as lawyer for detainees, smuggled phone into Texas facility, ICE says,” and then a subhed of “Acting ICE Director Todd Lyons has banned Benito Torres from all ICE facilities and is demanding [Democratic Texas Congresswoman Veronica] Escobar answer whether she knew about his alleged conduct.”

In the letter to Escobar, Lyons wrote that staffer, “Benito Torres, misrepresented himself as counsel for detainees in ICE custody, violated clear detention standards and security protocols prohibiting the use of cellphones inside ICE facilities, improperly met with multiple detainees, and falsely claimed to ICE personnel such use had been approved by the agency. As a result of bringing a cell phone into the Camp East Montana facility, contrary to facility visitation policy, Mr Torres’ misrepresentation that he is a licensed attorney to gain access to detainees, his improper meetings with groups of detainees, and his assertions to ICE personnel about the origins of his visit, Mr Torres is herby [sic] prohibited from accessing any ICE facility,” making it clear the sternly-worded letter is the best he can do in lieu of filing a criminal complaint and having Torres prosecuted.

Because he didn’t actually break any laws. You would be reading a different story if he’d had. Clearly that’s the story the commenter wanted to read, one where there were at least some sort of consequences for embarrassing the incompetent and overly entitled manboys tasked with ethnically cleansing America – who can’t even stop a guy from lying to them about being an attorney 11 goddamned times. Maybe the commenter should look up what “self-evident” means.

Noting that she in all likelihood would’ve ended up getting deported anyway because she was in jail after being arrested on a fraud charge, the New York Times reports that Brazilian woman Amanda Ungaro was nevertheless expeditiously sent back to her home country after her ex Paolo Zampolli personally asked his longtime friend, convicted felon President Trump, to help end a custody battle with Ungar over the former couple’s teenage son. Trump, who in 1998 was introduced to his then-illegal immigrant now-wife Melania by the modeling agency exec-turned-some bullshit “special envoy,” obliged and had ICE official David Venturella promptly call the agency’s Miami office to ensure the stormtroopers nabbed Ungar from the jailhouse before she was released on bail.

Zampolli of course shows up repeatedly in the Epstein files but rather than going down that insane rabbit hole, instead contrast it with the tale of Bruna Ferreira, also Brazilian, also a mom in a custody battle, also tossed in the gulag after her shitbag ex – Krazy Karoline Leavitt’s brother – asked for a favor. Bruna was released from the gulag after a few days, the deportation case against her left in some indefinite limbo as there’s no articles on her since December, all because it was too much heat and real-time media attention for the Trump Regime to take. The shit with the Zampolli scumbag happened quietly, the better part of a year ago, and under the media’s radar, which should tell you speaking up makes a real difference. That these fucking ghouls avoid sunlight as much as they can.

Spare a thought for that kid who’s going to find out what his dad did to his mom because the fucking New York Times reported on it rather than his dad telling him. This is going to be a hard day for him.

Convicted felon President Trump’s loyal enforcers in Brooklyn and Manhattan have opened a criminal investigation into Colombian President Gustavo Petro in an attempt to build a case accusing him of soliciting campaign donations from drug cartels, the New York Times reports on the pretty blatant play to make Petro – Colombia’s first-ever leftist national leader – into the new Nicolas Maduro.

Relations between Washington and Bogota had been awful for most of the past year until a thaw in January after a phone call brokered by Rand Paul and the Colombian ambassador. Indicting Petro and then trying to compel domestic law enforcement to extradite him would obviously be a reversal.

American action movie star Chuck Norris has died at the age of 86, TMZ reports. “It is with heavy hearts that our family shares the sudden passing of our beloved Chuck Norris yesterday morning. While we would like to keep the circumstances private, please know that he was surrounded by his family and was at peace,” the Walker: Texas Ranger star’s family wrote in an announcement.

Norris’s death marks the second tragedy to strike the top-billed cast of the 1992 family film Sidekicks as other star Jonathan Brandis sadly committed suicide in 2003 at the age of 27.

“Without the USA, NATO IS A PAPER TIGER! They didn’t want to join the fight to stop a Nuclear Powered Iran. Now that fight is Militarily WON, with very little danger for them, they complain about the high oil prices they are forced to pay, but don’t want to help open the Strait of Hormuz, a simple military maneuver that is the single reason for the high oil prices. So easy for them to do, with so little risk. COWARDS, and we will REMEMBER!” posted a clearly very agitated convicted felon President Trump on Friday, three days after he also posted that he didn’t need their help.

“Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer ‘need,’ or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance – WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE!” Trump wrote, timestamped March 17, 2026, 11:18 AM, also agitated at the time but in more of an ornery, ebullient, fuck it all kind of way.

We were to understand from Trump’s fanboys that his iron will and force of personality alone were enough to muster the courage and resolve among NATO allies to get them to commit to something so easy for them to do, with so little risk. Maybe those fanboys should work on a retcon.

“Today we are reducing the size of our workforce, and employees who are affected will be notified by the end of the day. We recognize that this is a difficult time for those who will be leaving CBS News. Because these aren’t just names on a list. They are talented, committed colleagues who have been critical to our success. We’ll treat them all with care and respect. It’s no secret that the news business is changing radically, and that we need to change along with it. New audiences are burgeoning in new places, and we are pressing forward with ambitious plans to grow and invest so that we can be there for them. That means some parts of our newsroom must get smaller to make room for the things we must build to remain competitive. But these are very hard choices and today is a difficult day. This is a tough message to receive at any time, and especially in the middle of an exceptionally intense news cycle. This organization is working its heart out to deliver for our audience. We’re so grateful to all of you, and we thank you for handling this difficult news with compassion,” says a Friday morning memo from illegitimate CBS News chief Bari Weiss.

Huh, so it looks like the hypothesis of “CBS News is too woke, let’s make it more MAGA-friendly to get more people to watch” kind of didn’t pan out but they might as well just double down on it in a leaner, meaner operation and can dozens of people who grew up dreaming working in journalism instead of putting someone else in charge who can regain the audience’s trust. One might even credibly allege that the whole point all along was to just run CBS News into the ground.