President Biden so screwed with young voters, Black voters, white voters, Latino voters, Jewish voters, Chinese-American voters, Mongolian-American voters, Catholics, Scientologists, Muslims, furries, bottoms, dominants, bears, cubs, cougars, studs, Chads, Staceys, and other demographics crucial to his win in the 2020 election who may not show up next time, the New York Times reports.

“Could President Joe Biden and Donald Trump really be locked in a close race among young voters – a group Democrats typically carry by double digits – as the recent Times/Siena polls suggest? To many of our readers and others, it’s a little hard to believe – so hard to believe that it seems to them the polls are flat-out wrong,” writes polls egghead Nate Cohen before telling readers why he’s right.

For those of us no longer apprehensive but now actually bored with this doomerism the reality is that Biden’s all-but-certain opponent lost the last presidential election as did nearly every single one of his “complete and total” endorsed candidates in the last midterm, will very likely have been convicted of multiple felonies by next November, and wants to put people in camps, so maybe Cohn and his buddies at the Times should dial back on this cunty narrative-building about the incumbent’s age and economy “vulnerabilities” and start introducing some of the other guy’s “vulnerabilities.”

That’d be one way to un-jump the shark here for the paper that reported “Republicans who have disputed the legitimacy of the 2020 presidential election – and who could affect the outcome of the next one – are on a path toward winning decisive control over how elections are run in several battleground states,” back in August 2022. Just a reminder for those keeping score at home.