You've already read at least five different versions of this same story but what the hell, here's another: The New York Times reports that convicted felon President-Elect Trump making good on his corrupt deal with Robert F Kennedy Jr could bring serious consequences for the stretches of MAGAmerica economically dependent on the production of corn syrup – the filler the packaged food industry in Kennedy's crosshairs has for decades relied upon as a marginally cheaper alternative to cane sugar, all to a deleterious effect on the health of Americans who consumed the products.

"It'd have a huge impact," Tyler, 37-year-old electrician at an Archer Daniels Midland corn mill, said to the Times of Bobby Brainworms' crusade against corn syrup and corn oil. "That shuts down Central Illinois, if ADM shuts down." Unmentioned in the article is whether Tyler, who only gave his first name, voted for Trump, but you can kind of already tell given the muted language.

The Times writes that "Voters in the farm belt continue to show a deep trust in Mr Trump, regardless of the impact of his actual policies. At Debbie's Diner in Decatur, a dozen workers expressed opinions ranging from full-throated support for Mr Kennedy's campaign to 'make America healthy again' to confidence that the incoming president would protect them from any adverse impacts. Few were particularly worried about their jobs in the short run." Which means they have more than enough time to figure out some way of rationalizing why Trump would nominate that freak to run Health and Human Services and launch a four-year crusade to shut their entire industry down.

"It'd be impacted," said an unnamed mill worker, "but they produce so many other products," like corn starch, ethanol, and livestock feed. "Elon will figure it out," another literally fucking said, lol.