"Yes, they were left up there for political reasons"

Standing down from tonight's launch opportunity of @NASA's Crew-10 mission to the @Space_Station

— SpaceX (@SpaceX) March 12, 2025

The headline’s a verbatim quote from Ketamine Brain, whose company SpaceX is delaying sending a craft up to the International Space Station to retrieve astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams.

Texas MAGAchurch pastor indicted for 1980 sexual assault of girl

“Yes, they were left up there for political reasons”

Trump Reich deports 10 year-old US citizen with brain cancer

Regime clears all migrants out of Guantanamo

The market’s overvalued but it’s also all part of Trump’s plan

Steve Bannon not ruling out presidential bid

“Padded light pole” evidently wasn’t padded enough

They’ve accomplished so much but it’s still Biden’s economy

Judge blocks Trump order banning Dem law firm from buildings

Schumer hints there aren’t enough Dem votes for CR

Social Security likely to end phone-based service

“Everything is transgender, everybody’s transgender”

Harvard medical school grad Navy SEAL headed to space

Rodrigo Duterte in ICC custody at the Hague

Lone MAGA asshole quickly chased from Khalil protest

“TRUMP SHAKING UP BROKEN ECONOMIC SYSTEM”

Pro-independence, anti-US party wins Greenland election

New Hampshire Dem Senator Jean Shaheen to retire

Canada to impose $20.7 billion in tariffs on US imports

New York Post omits a few details

“Greatest economy president ever” underwater on economy: poll

Suspect in JFK assassination pushes anti-communism education

South Dakotans not expecting any ICE raids in the state

Nooooo!!! Not Rosie O’Donnell!!!

US Department of Education’s workforce to be halved Tuesday

Dow Jones closes down 478 points

More corruption and dumbassery from these two fucking freaks

TSA intercepts turtle sex trafficker at Newark airport checkpoint

Some asshole juror causes mistrial in case against Republican California judge who shot his wife in the chest during argument

Demented old shitbag touts silver lining to economic fuckup

Ukraine agrees to 30-day ceasefire: report

Texas man googled whether killing illegal fiancee was legal

WATCH LIVE: Leavitt in for a dogfight

Infowars writer shot dead by car burglars: police

Reich planning heightened travel restrictions on Canadian visitors

Mike Johnson has no answer on what crime Khalil committed

Federal appeals court hands Trump loss on birthright citizenship

Dow drops another 500+ points after Trump doubles tariffs

Orange Conquistador freaks out over Ontario electricity price hike

Fanboy extolls the soaring rhetorical talents of politicians in contrast to Elon Musk, intelligent beyond mortal abstractions

Katie Porter launches California gubernatorial campaign

World-renowned champion of conservatism intros price controls

“The market isn’t great, not gonna lie… But the vibes are still good”

Elon thanks fatass for admitting backlash has been effective

Rodrigo Duterte arrested on ICC warrant in Philippines

Fat Hitler loses patience with far right edgelord Thomas Massie

Republicans gettin’ their Baghdad Bob on

Mike Johnson’s chief of staff could blame Musk for DWI arrest

Federal judge blocks Khalil’s deportation, sets Wednesday hearing

Ketamine Brain blames Ukraine for “cyberattack” on Twitter