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Ride of the MAGA Valkyries: A very NSFW internecine shitpost war

To begin this long story in which one female MAGA influencer accused another of getting fingered in a hotel lobby at a Turning Point USA event (Hey, it says “NSFW” in the headline) requires going back a few months to the beginning in this episode of Jubilee, the super-ultra-mega-viral-buzz-machine YouTube debate show in which 20 nobodies in a circle take on a single media personality from an opposite side, for a few minutes each, one of their top-five most-viewed of all time:

Filmed in January and published in March, longtime liberal commentator Sam Seder vs 20 young Trump fans is kind of depressing to watch. These people are REALLY fucking stupid. At one point Seder, looking like he wanted kill himself, had to explain to a MAGA Zoomer that federal government agencies don’t actually pay taxes to the IRS like they’re privately-owned entities. The embed above however is fast-forwarded to when Sarah Stock sat down told Seder that European and Christian values are America’s dominant culture and other hateful, incomprehensibly delivered bullshit.

And what’s a moment like this if you can’t capitalize upon it and start a “career” as a right wing “influencer”? She “owned” that leftist Jew right to his face so it would be a sin not to start tweeting.

[All the credit in the world to The Bulwark’s Will Sommer for laying out this shitshow.]

Not the tweet that started the war so much as an idea of who Sarah Stock is. In the interest of establishing the rest of the dramatis personae in this nightmare asylum, they are as follows:

Pearl Davis: A MAGA female dating coach whose brand is preaching hope for men feeling “discarded, disrespected, or drained by a system that was never built for them to win,” in the form of a $980 training course on “the four areas where weakness gets punished – and mastery gets rewarded with respect, power, and peace,” those four areas being you already know enough, lol.

Emily Wilson aka Emily Saves America: An at least semi-regular Fox News guest whose greatest hits include she’d be okay with individual states reinstating slavery if “everyone in a state wants something.” Despite being MAGA, Wilson is highly critical of the “trad wife” movement.

Ian Smith: The anti-COVID lockdown gym owner from New Jersey who failed to turn his repeated arrests into a career in elected politics, most famous for a 2022 tweet in which he mocked would-be opponent then-Congressman Andy Kim for staying late and helping to clean up the Capitol after the January 6, 2021 MAGA insurrection. Smith didn’t even get to face Kim as he lost that primary by 25 percent. Smith is also a serial drunk driver and once killed a teenager while intoxicated.

Morgan Ariel: Former Charlie Kirk/TurningPoint USA “Ambassador”. Former because she called for the US to “make homosexuality illegal again,” Ben Shapiro an “Israel 1st Jesus hating big pharma shill,” equated Jews with pedophiles, mourned the death of Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh, called Israel “a satanic country filled with the seed of satan.” Oh and now she hates Trump.

Elijah Schaffer: Former Glenn Beck acolyte/Blaze Media host/January 6 misdemeanant. Former because he was fired in 2022 for drunkenly groping colleague Sara Gonzalez’s breasts at the premiere of his documentary Uncle Tom II and was, like every other insurrectionist, pardoned by the Orange God Emperor this year. Now head of his own propaganda operation.

Christian Walker: Needs very little introduction given his past National Zero fame as the sole legitimate child and an apple from the tree of failed 2022 Georgia Senate nominee Herschel.

Got all that? Great. Sarah just got engaged. Elijah was happy for her…

Pearl and Emily were not…

“WTF, Spartan? Who cares?” Shaddap and pay attention to this brief sidetrack…

…and its ending…

The DUI thing is true, the infidelity is probably true… which means the dildo thing is… Anyway, back to the main plot this tweet could not be embedded because the global powerhouse of free speech decided it was too “toxic” or whatever from the pre-Ketamine era…

Now maybe it’s not so much that this was “toxic” as it doesn’t seem any less toxic than Pearl’s reply:

Let’s just skip the screenshot for Morgan’s reply, also throttled due to extreme toxicity: “You suck black dick and probably have aids.” Which Pearl then promptly denied half of:

There’s a quick cameo by Grok:

Then things got considerably further away from the rails that they were already off of:

Remember when Anakin Skywalker cut off both of Count Dooku’s hands, grabbed his lightsaber, and then was holding both swords like scissors to his neck? What happened next was kind of like this:

“You have been completely ran through by both single and married men in the Right-Wing. You call young virgins losers and encourage them to have premarital sex and you’re pro-abortion. You’re a disgusting feminist whore with a Jezebel spirit who uses filters in all of her videos and lives in rebellion to God while grifting off of the conservative movement and simultaneously trashes women who desire to live God honoring lifestyles because their engagement rings didn’t cost enough or their lifestyle isn’t flashy enough. But yea, I’m the one who needs money, you gold digging hoe. So yes, I am better than you,” continued Morgan in her, um, quite detailed rebuttal to Emily.

Even though it’s the fingering accusation that got top billing in the coverage of this savagery you can almost see it from an angle of “Well they’re all 20 or 30 somethings gathering from out of town for these Charlie Kirk circlejerks so of course there’s going to be a lot of fucking around” and inevitable mudslinging over that. The kind of shit that Kirk is going to pretend isn’t happening but also won’t fire anyone over unless there’s a really egregious incident. The part rings as even more authentically on-brand here is the “sex with married MAGA dads” part, that a 31 year-old psychopath influencer went to these “conservative youth” events and ended up with the non-youths who told their wives they were going to a MAGA party where everyone behaves.

THAT is the lifestyle these freaks enjoy in the image of their god.

“But Spartan, what about Christian Walker? And what else is Elijah Schaffer’s role here besides commenting positively on an image of a finger being ensconced in a foreign object?”

In the Bulwark’s video Will Sommer identifies the above now-deleted tweet of Christian non-identifying Emily as being on the receiving end of Schaffer’s digital affections at the 2021 event.

And at some point in the middle of last week’s nightmare Emily wrote a reply to Schaffer or some other dude named Evan Kilgore that had tagged Schaffer. It’s not clear because it’s been deleted:

So yeah, Sarah Stock just got engaged!

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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