Rejoice America! KPNX reports that Kevin the emu, as in a large flightless bird, was returned home earlier this week, a few days after escaping from her owner’s backyard in Peoria, Arizona.
And yes, Kevin is a “her.” No explanation for this was given, but it would seem that owner Josh Kondziola named her before a vet informed him of her anatomy. Kondziola was more forthcoming about the nature of her escape, believing Kevin had been freaked out by fireworks on New Year’s.
“When we first moved into this house, she did the same thing. She flipped open the gate latch and escaped,” Kondziola said. “But that time it was easy because we watched her get out, and we just went and got her. But we thought we had done the gate up where she couldn’t get out anymore.”
The article was mostly about the search for Kevin and seemed to have been hastily updated after she had been found and brought back to Josh, so there weren’t a lot of details on how it played out.
Still, Kevin the emu has been returned home, safe and sound. In other good news, a Trump store in Bucks County, Pennsylvania is about to close because the owner says local demand for cultist merch has “run its course” and his “Trump 2028” shit isn’t selling all that well. He’s also tired of responding to people who taunt him on Facebook and has given up. “No matter what the president does, they hate him no matter how good anything is,” MAGA merchant Mike Domanico lamented to the AP after being asked to comment on replies to the closure announcement. “Are you no longer winning?” wrote one lib heckler. “Trump must be doing wonders for the economy,” another posted.
National Zero will now resume its regular coverage of mostly horrible, sickening, bad news.