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Noem claims ignorance of plot to destroy her

Asked by her home state’s Nexstar affiliate whether she was getting ready to clean out her desk and closet full of stupid fucking costumes, dog-murdering Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem on Monday said “No, I don’t have any indication of that. The president is fantastic. I am very proud every single day to be able to work for him. I will serve at the president’s pleasure, which I’m very grateful to get to do and he gives me a wonderful opportunity to do a job that matters for the safety of the American people.” Interesting how she actually remembered to use those canned lines.

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Crazy Nancy campaigns using fake news New York Times

“I came to Congress five years ago believing I could make a difference for my constituents, for South Carolina and for a country I love deeply. I was the first woman to graduate from the Citadel’s Corps of Cadets. I don’t scare easily. But I’ve learned that the system in the House promotes control by party leaders over accountability and achievement. No one can be held responsible for inaction, so far too little gets done. The obstacles to achieving almost anything are enough to make any member who came to Washington with noble intentions ask: Why am I even here? The House’s problems didn’t start with this Congress. They’ve been building for decades. The current leadership has failed to reverse it – and in some ways deepened it,” writes Nancy Mace in the New York Times, shitting on Mike Johnson in an op-ed campaigning for South Carolina Governor.

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Habba gives up the ghost

Former parking lot lawyer turned fake US Attorney for the District of New Jersey Alina Habba gave up her quest to regain her post on Monday, taking her exit ramp job to begin serving as an “advisor” to evil Attorney General Pam Bondi, posting a statement saying “For the past five years, I’ve fought for justice on behalf of the American people, and in my tenure under our great Attorney General Pam Bondi and Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, we made New Jersey safer” and lol at the part about “for the past five years,” which would mean she considers being then-former President Trump’s lawyer fighting “for justice on behalf of the American people.” What a freaking douchebag.

And as awful as they are, Bondi and Blanche at least have real experience in the federal court system. What the hell is Habba going to “advise” them on that they don’t already know?

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Schumer to intro resolution condemning Tucker, Fuentes, Ingrassia

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer will on Wednesday intro a resolution condemning the antisemitism or the countenancing it of by neo-Nazi influencer Nick Fuentes, former top Fox News propagandist Tucker Carlson for hosting Fuentes on his show, Heritage Foundation President Kevin Roberts, and Trump administration official/Nazi sex pest Paul Ingrassia, Jewish Insider reports.

Smart poison pilling there with the Ingrassia add. Of course it takes only one Republican Senator to block it and hopefully for the GOP caucus’s sake Tommy Tuberville is in town. It could get awkward for any of the others – or not at all if they just let it pass by voice vote and move on.

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Stephen Miller’s knife out for Noem

Top Trump minion Stephen Miller is leading the charge to get dog-murdering Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem fired, MS Now’s Jake Traylor reports, adding it’s mostly because she isn’t building ICE gulags fast enough and, secondarily, Republican governors are call the White House to complain about her slow disbursement of FEMA disaster recovery and relief funding.

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Japan hit with 20 inch tsunami

A tsunami triggered by a 7.6-magnitude earthquake centered about 50 miles off of Japan’s northeastern coast fortunately turned out to be only 20 inches high, the AP reports on a lucky break for a region that was hit with an apocalyptic wave after the 9.1 magnitude 2011 Tohoku quake.

The late Monday/early Tuesday wave, reportedly causing minor injuries, surged ashore after a tense half hour of alerts from officials that put the potential height at over 10 feet in some areas.

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“ICEBlock” dev sues Trump regime for pressuring Apple to kill app

On October 2nd shitbag US Attorney General Pam Bondi told Fox News in a triumphal statement her minions had “reached out to Apple today demanding they remove the ICEBlock app from their App Store – and Apple did so. ICEBlock is designed to put ICE agents at risk just for doing their jobs, and violence against law enforcement is an intolerable red line that cannot be crossed. This Department of Justice will continue making every effort to protect our brave federal law enforcement officers, who risk their lives every day to keep Americans safe,” a statement that is now exhibit numero uno in developer Joshua Aaron‘s lawsuit against the Trump Regime, accusing them of pressuring the company into suppressing his and his users’ rights to free speech, the New York Times reports.

But let’s hear more about how Big Tech colluded with the Democrats to suppress information about the dangers of the COVID vaccine and the Hunter Biden laptop from hell back in 2020 and 2021.

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Cinnabon could maybe issue a bit stronger of a statement after now-fired Wisconsin worker calls Somali customers n-words

The response looks more like one you’d see if, say, the worker was high from a too-strong edible and smeared icing on her face while singing “I’m the Cinna-bitch! Can’t catch me, my apron’s too blue!” rather than calling a Somali couple the N-word and cheerfully saying “I am racist.”

It’s almost like the company’s afraid of a certain demographic…

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“THEY ARE NO BETTER THAN THE OLD OWNERSHIP”

Maybe it should’ve been folded into the previous article as “in related news” but this is fucking funny. Convicted felon President Trump exploded with rage Monday over his former best bud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s 60 Minutes interview, demanding an apology after Greene had told Lesley Stahl that Trump is terrified over the Epstein files, blamed him for death threats against her, and claimed that Republicans in Congress constantly mock and disrespect him behind his back:

“The only reason Marjorie ‘Traitor’ Brown (Green turns Brown under stress!) went BAD is that she was JILTED by the President of the United States (Certainly not the first time she has been jilted!).”

“Too much work, not enough time, and her ideas are, NOW, really BAD – She sort of reminds me of a Rotten Apple! Marjorie is not AMERICA FIRST or MAGA, because nobody could have changed her views so fast, and her new views are those of a very dumb person. That was proven last night when washed up, Trump hating, 60 Minutes ‘correspondent,’ Lesley Stahl, who still owes me an apology from when she attacked me on the show (with serious conviction!), that Hunter Biden’s LAPTOP FROM HELL was produced by Russia, not Hunter himself (TOTALLY PROVEN WRONG!), interviewed a very poorly prepared Traitor, who in her confusion made many really stupid statements.”

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Paramount makes hostile $108 billion bid for Warner Bros

Probably egged on by convicted felon President Trump, who over the weekend announced he would be “getting involved” with Netflix’s $72 billion bid to buy up Warner Bros, MAGA billionaires Larry Ellison’s Paramount-Skydance on Monday announced a “hostile” $108 billion attempt to outbid the streaming service’s initial move to seize control of the entertainment company, Reuters reports.

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Supremer Overlord announces major new executive order

“There must be only One Rulebook if we are going to continue to lead in AI. We are beating ALL COUNTRIES at this point in the race, but that won’t last long if we are going to have 50 States, many of them bad actors, involved in RULES and the APPROVAL PROCESS. THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT ABOUT THIS! AI WILL BE DESTROYED IN ITS INFANCY! I will be doing a ONE RULE Executive Order this week. You can’t expect a company to get 50 Approvals every time they want to do something.”

“THAT WILL NEVER WORK!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, championing the sacred principles of federalism and separation of powers rather than, you know, trying to legislate said rules and making it far more impervious to court challenges from the “bad actor” states.

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Colin Allred drops out of Texas Senate primary, running for House

With just hours before the filing deadline in Texas on Monday, Dem former Congressman Colin Allred announced he’s dropping out of the Senate primary and will instead run for the House from the state’s 33rd District, WFAA reports. The abrupt exit leaves State Representative James Talarico and (likely) Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett as the two contenders in the Dem primary.

“In the past few days, I’ve come to believe that a bruising Senate Democratic primary and runoff would prevent the Democratic Party from going into this critical election unified against the danger posed to our communities and our Constitution by Donald Trump and one of his Republican bootlickers Paxton, Cornyn, or Hunt. That’s why I’ve made the difficult decision to end my campaign for the US Senate,” said Allred in an exclusive statement to the Dallas-area ABC affiliate.

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Hardworking immigrant lands deal for co-branded Gucci bag

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Surprise! Trump pulled same “mortgage fraud” as Letitia James

Sur-fucking-prise: ProPublica reports that convicted felon President Trump twice in 1993, in two separate homes he bought in the Palm Beach, Florida area just seven weeks apart, indicated on the mortgage paperwork that both would be his “primary residence” even though he obviously lived in New York City most of the time back then. Instead he rented them out, thereby making the fat fuck guilty of the same “mortgage fraud” charge he and his minions have been trying to nail New York Attorney General Letitia James, Senator Adam Schiff, and Congressman Eric Swalwell with.

“Given Trump’s position on situations like this, he’s going to either need to fire himself or refer himself to the Department of Justice,” said mortgage finance expert and Suffolk University law professor Kathleen Engel, adding “Trump has deemed that this type of misrepresentation is sufficient to preclude someone from serving the country.” Silly Marxist, rules are for libtards.

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Orange Comrade to unveil new farm loss collectivization program

Rejoice comrades! Bloomberg reports the Great Leader is set unveil a miraculous solution to the agricultural losses wrought by the perfidy of the kulaks and the decadent Chinese capitalists’ refusal to purchase our most bountiful crop of grain and soybeans: A $12 billion infusion of state wealth to our most productive farming collectives! The Great Leader, whose wisdom, courage, and foresight have guided our Beautiful Nation through challenges most other premiers have failed to surmount, will be hailed and beloved through the coming generations for his generosity and warmth.

His radiant orange visage and rippling muscles are to be studied and discussed at length in the most positive of terms. Any deviation from this directive will be met with disciplinary measures.

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Fox News reports irrelevant has-been is totally obsessed, fixated

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“A reasonable person wouldn’t think a sandwich is a weapon”

Jurors who acquitted DC sandwich terrorist Sean Dunn tell CBS News that deliberations were trickier and lasted longer than one would first assume given that two of the 12 had initially voted to find Dunn guilty of the misdemeanor charge brought by US Attorney Jeanine “Judge Box-o-Wine” Pirro after she failed at least once to get a grand jury to stick him with a felony assault count.

“I thought we’d be out of there quickly. This case had no ‘grounding.’ He threw a sandwich at the agent because he knew it wouldn’t hurt. A reasonable person wouldn’t think a sandwich is a weapon,” said one of the jurors, explaining that the two holdouts were afraid of sending a message that it’s okay to throw shit at federal law enforcement officers. Not the worst reason for it and certainly better than simple politics. Obviously the holdouts ended up caving, otherwise there would’ve been a mistrial, something the jurors credited the foreperson’s management skills with.

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Thailand attacks Cambodian border positions

However many wars convicted felon President Trump claims to have solved at this point make that one fewer as a new flare-up of violence has killed at least one Thai soldier and four Cambodian civilians along the disputed border between the two Southeast Asian countries, the AP reports.

“Thailand has never wished for violence. I’d like to reiterate that Thailand has never initiated a fight or an invasion, but will never tolerate a violation of its sovereignty,” said Thai Prime Minister Anutin Charnvirakul said in a televised speech after the the flare-up of the carnage.

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