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Team Orange not supporting Madison Cawthorn’s comeback bid

Convicted felon President Trump’s minions tell NOTUS they’ve already ruled out supporting MAGA former North Carolina Congressbro Madison Cawthorn’s carpetbagger campaign to succeed Florida MAGA Congressman and gubernatorial hopeful Byron Donalds in the Sunshine State’s deep red 19th District, with one source saying Maddie “was a disaster in his first term in Congress and everything that Team Trump has seen from him since, only makes people think he’s going to be even a bigger disaster this time around. He has a bit of talent so it is unfortunate that he is so self-destructive.”

Cawthorn, born in 1995, served a single term before he was defeated by McDonald’s franchisee Chuck Edwards in the 2022 NC-11 Republican primary, the two years a roller coaster of hilarity like the time when he told some MAGA podcaster he’d been invited to coke-fueled sex orgies by GOP colleagues he had admired, emerging tearfully from a discipline session with then-Speaker Kevin McCarthy several days later, which then led to a systemic ratfucking by oppo investigators sent by Thom Tillis to dig up evidence of crossdressing and homosexual encounters immediately preceding Cawthorn’s defeat to Edwards. Oh and that he ended his term $500,000 in debt, some of that from a $15,000 fine for failing to disclose having bought $150,000 of “LetsGoBrandon coin” at a discount.

“House Republicans want Madison Cawthorn back about as bad as they want a colonoscopy,” a top GOP aide told NOTUS. Another said working with him was “like babysitting a TikTok influencer who thought he was Winston Churchill. My condolences to the good people of Naples if they have to endure his embarrassments,” as if Byron Donalds is some kind of paragon of competent leadership.

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QAdulteress’s righteous rant still sprinkled with white nationalism

“For example, small business owners family of 4, are paying insane monthly premiums of $2,000+ with deductibles of $7,000-$10,000. And premiums go up every year! Healthy people pay $20,000+ per year in insurance premiums and hardly get sick yet they are burning money wagering against the fear of ‘what if I get in a bad car accident or get cancer and need health insurance.’ We are importing doctors from foreign countries because we don’t have enough American doctors, who are being strangled by health insurance companies and regulations. People with insurance are crushed by high hospital bills that subsidize uninsured people’s hospital bills. The list of problems go on and on,” the Jewish space laser lady continued after the cutoff, emphasis added on the part in which she just had to go there with some nonsensical racist bullshit into what’s otherwise more refreshing honesty from her. Would’ve helped too if she hadn’t, you know, fucking voted for this, but whatever.

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Bondi non-denies FBI having very incriminating pics of Trump

The hearing is still running on the homepage here but worth flagging on its own is dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi’s non-denial that the Federal Bureau of Investigation has in its possession what Dem Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse described as photos seized from dead sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s kompromat cache “photos of President Trump with half-naked young women.”

Bondi’s response was to try to turn it around and accuse Whitehouse of taking contributions from Epstein-linked Dem donor Reid Hoffman. Unfazed, Whitehouse asked again to which Bondi said nothing at all. She just stared silently for a few seconds until Whitehouse said “Okay” and moved on.

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“Da Vek” to plead for Republicans to deemphasize owning the libs

In advance remarks obtained by Axios, presumptive Ohio Republican gubernatorial nominee Vivek “Da Vek” Ramaswamy will tell a TurningPoint USA crowd in Montana on Tuesday that the MAGA movement is at a “fork in the road,” imploring them to give up on “owning the libs” and adopt a less hostile and confrontational approach to politics. This is until he’s interrupted by an uproar and chased off the stage by angry MAGAmerican’s screaming at him to go back to Pakistan.

“We can still stand for truth, while viewing those who believe in falsehoods not as our enemies who must be vanquished, but instead as our fellow citizens who have lost their way and must be shown the light,” Ramaswamy will say if he gets that far into the speech. “Not to berate them, embarrass them, and banish them – but to pray for them, to talk to them, and to persuade them,” he will add and maybe at this point he’ll have to duck 9mm rounds fired from a 3D printed plastic pistol.

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“Deranged Jack Smith got caught with his hand in the cookie jar”

“🚨 BREAKING: Trump reacts to report that ‘deranged’ Jack Smith tracked private communications, calls of GOP senators during J6 probe” reads a Tuesday morning push notification sent from Truth Social to users who are broken enough to have the app installed on their smartphones, alerting them to a post in which the convicted felon president allegedly reacted to the big news in the MAGAverse that the former Justice Department special counsel had subpoenaed the data on the fat bastard’s allies as part of his investigation into the post-2020 election “Stop the Steal” conspiracy.

The notification was actually longer than the post itself, in which Trump wrote “Deranged Jack Smith got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. A real sleazebag!!!” raising questions about whether the president had bothered to absorb even the most cursory of details from the “reporting,” as “cookie jar” would to most people imply some sort of graft or bribery rather than prosecutorial overreach.

As for the reporting itself, we really need an “eyeroll with hand jerking-off motion” emoji to properly respond to the “BOMBSHELL” that Smith had sought to obtain the phone records of Senators Lindsey Graham, Bill Hagerty, Josh Hawley, Dan Sullivan, Tommy Tuberville, Ron “RonAnon” Johnson, Cynthia Lummis, Marsha Blackburn, and Pennsylvania MAGA Congressman Mike Kelly from on or around January 6, 2021. Lindsey nearly got indicted in Georgia, RonAnon tried to bring fake electoral certificates for Wisconsin and Michigan into the Capitol, and Mike Kelly sued to block his state from certifying Joe Biden’s win. They all voted against certifying the election result, knowing full well that the fat fuck lost a free and fair election and as such they were part of a criminal conspiracy, even if their involvement did not rise to prosecutable offenses outside of Speech and Debate – or at least ones Smith was confident would end in a conviction and hold up on appeal.

That’s it, and one would think that a crew trying to find a way to indict George Soros for something something Antifa riots would appreciate how complex political conspiracy cases are built.

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Shoe thrown at India’s chief justice after Vishnu joke falls flat

India’s Chief Justice BR Gavai nearly took a shoe to the face on Monday after a lawyer – angered by a joke the jurist had cracked about the divinity of the Hindu god Vishnu last month – had stood up and hurled it toward the bench during a hearing on an unrelated case, the BBC reports.

Rakesh Kishore, now suspended from practice over the attempted assault, was removed from the courtroom swiftly after raising his hand to tell everyone present he did it. “India won’t tolerate insult to Sanatan Dharma [Hinduism],” Kishore said as he was dragged out by security guards.

Kishore later told local media he’d been raging over Gavai’s remarks during a September 16th dismissal of a petition concerning the restoration of a statue depicting Vishnu – one of the top gods in the Hindu pantheon – at a temple in Madhya Pradesh, telling the plaintiffs to “go and ask the deity himself to do something,” lol. The lawyer said he’d “not been able to sleep” since the burn.

Surprisingly for a top official in Hindu-supremacist dictator Nareendra Modi’s India, Gavai is actually a Buddhist, which had to be a factor in Kishore’s shoe rage. Gavai had later last month attempted to unruffle the feathers by saying he respects all religions, but such talk evidently was seen as empty.

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Soon-to-be-fired prosecutor declines case against Letitia James

A soon-to-be-fired federal prosector working in the Eastern Virginia US Attorney’s Office sees no probable cause to bring fake mortgage fraud charges against New York Attorney General Letitia James and will presentto her boss, former real estate insurance lawyer Lindsey Halligan, a memo extensively outlining why the “case” is not going to stick with a grand jury, MSNBC reports.

Elizabeth Yusi, a real prosecutor who oversees major criminal cases in the Norfolk office of the Eastern District of Virginia, has told multiple sources it’s all just bullshit, and will be fired at some point within the next few weeks for failing to pursue James to avenge convicted felon President Trump’s humiliating defeat in a lengthy complex civil fraud case in New York State.

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Fox News reports calling federal agents “thugs” is a terrible thing

It was totally different when convicted felon President Trump posted “The Deranged Special Prosecutor, Jack Smith, working in conjunction with the DOJ and FBI, illegally leaked and ‘spun’ a tape and transcript of me which is actually an exoneration, rather than what they would have you believe. This continuing Witch Hunt is another ELECTION INTERFERENCE Scam. They are cheaters and thugs!” on June 26, 2023 after the release of incriminating audio of him showing a classified document he had stolen from the White House to former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows’s ghostwriter.

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Trump loses Nobel Prize for Physics

“The Nobel Prize in Physics 2025 was awarded to John Clarke, Michel H Devoret and John M Martinis ‘for the discovery of macroscopic quantum mechanical tunnelling and energy quantisation in an electric circuit,'” says the Nobel Prize Committee in a Tuesday announcement, snubbing the President of the United States who had an uncle who was a professor at MIT.

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Florida firefighter arrested, suspended for dumping about 100 red-painted tampons on ex’s front lawn in joke no one else gets

Orange County, Florida Fire Rescue Department firefighter Gabrielle Franze was arrested and charged with misdemeanor stalking last week in neighboring Volusia County after another woman who lives with a man Franze formerly dated called the cops to report that about 100 tampons covered in red paint were dumped on the front lawn of the home they share, Fox 35 Orlando reports.

Franze, 28, was also placed on paid leave over the bizarre, inscrutable prank that maybe makes sense if you live in Florida. Cops determined there was probable cause based on home security camera footage of a truck resembling Franze’s stopping in front of the home and someone getting out to dump the fake bloody tampons on the night of September 29th, as well as Franze’s recent history of shitposting about her ex and his new girlfriend on social media. Franze also admitted to being there but claimed the tampons were not her idea. So maybe she didn’t get the joke either.

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Newsom signs bill banning louder ads on streaming services

“Governor Gavin Newsom today signed SB 576 by Senator Thomas Umberg (D-Santa Ana) to turn down the volume of commercials that rise to a level louder than the primary video content being watched. Building on Congress’ Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation (CALM) Act passed in 2010 – which applied to broadcast television stations and cable operators – the law Governor Newsom signed today will also apply to streaming services, which have skyrocketed in popularity over the past decade. ‘We heard Californians loud and clear, and what’s clear is that they don’t want commercials at a volume any louder than the level at which they were previously enjoying a program. By signing SB 576, California is dialing down this inconvenience across streaming platforms, which had previously not been subject to commercial volume regulations passed by Congress in 2010,’” says a Monday press release from the California governor’s office.

When was the last time that Trump signed a bill that did something people actually asked for?

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Orange God Emperor commands Dems to surrender their leverage

“Democrats have SHUT DOWN the United States Government right in the midst of one of the most successful Economies, including a Record Stock Market, that our Country has ever had. This has sadly affected so many programs, services, and other elements of Society that Americans rely on and it should not have happened. I am happy to work with the Democrats on their Failed Healthcare Policies, or anything else, but first they must allow our Government to re-open. In fact, they should open our Government tonight!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, apparently that addled that he thinks Dems are simply going to surrender their leverage and trust him.

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Tunisian man sentenced to death for mocking president online

A 56 year-old Tunisian man was sentenced to death last week after he was convicted of expressing a negative opinion about President Kais Saied in a series of Facebook posts, according to a statement by Amnesty International’s Middle East and North Africa regional director Heba Morayef.

“This verdict, which sentences a man to death for peaceful dissent on Facebook, represents a significant escalation and an outrageous assault on human rights. The Tunisian authorities must immediately quash Saber Chouchen’s conviction and release him without delay,” said Morayef on a sentence out of convicted felon US President Trump’s wet dreams. Chouchen is said to be a disabled construction worker and father of three who only works occasionally after being injured in a job site accident some time ago and wasn’t really all that savvy with the internet and politics.

“Most of the content he shared was copied from other pages, and some posts received no engagement at all,” Chouchen’s lawyer Oussama Bouthelja wrote in a Facebook post. “In court, he said his intent was to draw authorities’ attention to his difficult living conditions, not to incite unrest.”

It’s not clear when the lawyer will face trial for questioning the justice system on Facebook.

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“CyberTrump” douchebag has some regrets

The list of fucking bro podcaster chodes that either partially or fully regret platforming convicted felon President Trump during the home stretch of the 2024 campaign continues to grow as Adin Ross – the twatwaffle who famously gifted the fat fuck a Cybertruck with custom “CyberTrump” livery on it – is now out too, telling fans he hates being associated with MAGA, Complex reports.

“Now that I look back on it, I really, really wish I never got into politics,” Ross said on a recent episode. “So many people just tie me to it, and no matter what, they don’t even get to know who I am. I don’t think I’ll ever care enough again for any other politician. At the end of the day, we’re all humans. That stuff is just way out of pocket,” Ross continued, as though plenty of people didn’t tell the 19 or 20-something year-old that he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

Ross joins other loathsome subtards Theo Von, Dave Portnoy, and Andrew Schulz on the regret list.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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