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On Sunday some readers were, fairly understandably, skeptical of a certain assertion made toward the end of a very freaking long piece titled “The History of the Decline and Fall of the MAGA Conspiracy Empire.” The assertion in question, the somewhat nebulously supported idea that what I understood by an anonymous White House source to be an admission to a Rolling Stone reporter that the latest “Obamagate” offensive from the Trump Regime really is the desperate distraction op from the Epstein shitshow everyone already fucking knows it to be. And that the admission represented a pivotal moment signaling the inevitable end of the “MAGA conspiracy empire.”

JOHN SOLOMON: If we don't see action on the Russia collusion hoax, if we don't punish the behavior that we now know exists,

You are going to handicap the future of this country and destine it to be a banana republic because the Democrats got away with it.@jsolomonReports pic.twitter.com/awKXehkbTW

— Bannon’s WarRoom (@Bannons_WarRoom) August 4, 2025

The truth is I had worked on the piece for the better part of five hours across two days and I was getting rushed out the door to go to a picnic in freaking Jersey City when I hit publish. Really could’ve used maybe another 30 minutes of work on refining and fortifying that main point.

Which I still stand by. If anything I actually feel even more confident in it two days after the New York Times, though backgrounded still without an actual direct quote from a source, printed this: “It is not clear whether Mr Trump, who is marking his first six months in office, would have pushed quite so forcefully for the [DOJ] to act against his perceived foes if the Epstein case was not still smoldering political fire. But it has certainly added to the urgency, administration officials said,” emphasis added on that last bit to emphasize that this is what their sources in the White House are telling them.

“While everyone knows the age-old question ‘is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?’ recently, thousands have started asking, ‘if tomatoes are a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?’ Today, the global leader in ketchup, HEINZ, teams up with the world’s largest smoothie brand, Smoothie King, to go all in and settle the debate. Introducing: The HEINZ Tomato Ketchup Smoothie, the first-ever ketchup-based smoothie, which blends real fruits with HEINZ Simply Tomato Ketchup to create a delicious and refreshing summer sip. Launching during peak tomato harvest season, when HEINZ tomatoes are the ripest, the limited-edition smoothie is now available exclusively at select Smoothie King locations nationwide, while supplies last,” says a press release from Smoothie King on what sure feels like a sign of a decline of human civilization both irreversible and steadily accelerating.

No, a silly novelty product from a mall food court smoothie chain made with “sweet Acai sorbet, crisp apple juice, juicy strawberries, and tart raspberries with the unmistakable taste of HEINZ Simply Ketchup” isn’t in and of itself on the level of a genetically engineered virus that turns the infected into mindless cannibals or a massive, unexpected meteor shower but the meteors are slowing down as they enter Earth’s atmosphere as if they have reverse thrusters. Plus they all appear to be the same size and shape. And heading toward major cities and strategic military sites.

It’s nothing like that. The ketchup smoothie’s more of a vibe than a flashing klaxon. A sign that something’s really, seriously off even if one can’t fully elucidate it. Those disturbed by this collab may find a modicum of solace in the new Reese’s x Oreo mashups, hitting stores this month.

In what’s quite possibly an idea that was brainstormed at her Wednesday night White House crisis meeting with other top-ranking Trump Regime officials on finding ways out of the Jeffrey Epstein clusterfuck, dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi on Thursday announced the Justice Department was doubling its reward for information leading to the arrest of Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro.

Rewards are a useful incentive for law enforcement when nobody actually knows where a fugitive from justice or, for the military, a terrorist leader is hiding. Surely plenty of people in Afghanistan and elsewhere got paid and very well to inform on there whereabouts of top Al-Qaeda assholes. With Maduro it’s more like there are probably at least a few thousand people in the CIA who could walk into Bondi’s office, slap some colorfully-annotated satellite images of government buildings in Caracas on her desk and say “Here he is, go arrest him. Now give me my $50 million, you blonde idiot.” Nobody here or in Venezuela has been fucking holding out for her to double the bounty.

Now maybe there actually is a number that would be enough to get some of Maduro’s top military guys to turn on him, tie a sack on his head, and fly him to Puerto Rico. That number is almost certainly not $50 million. It might not even be $500 million. If Bondi were really serious she’d be working on some backchanneling through the State Department and CIA and so on to start those conversations, not doing a stupid video announcement as if Dog the Bounty Hunter or some asshole who thinks he’s the Mandalorian will go hot on Maduro’s trail and then get immediately gunned down by his security guards outside whatever bunker the Venezuelan dictator sleeps in.

“Dallas ranch realtor” and GOP donor Asher Watkins caught the business end of a Cape Buffalo’s horn on Sunday during a hunt in South Africa’s Limpopo province, the Dallas Express reports.

“It is with deep sadness and heavy hearts that we confirm the tragic death of our client and friend Asher Watkins,” wrote Afrikaner game guide Hans Vermaak of Coenraad Vermaak Safaris in a statement confirming that the 53 year-old hunter had become the hunted. “This is a devastating incident, and our hearts go out to his family and loved ones during this incredibly difficult time… This is a deeply traumatic incident for all involved. The family and our team members who were present at the time are understandably shaken.” Well yeah, it must’ve been pretty freaking gruesome to see.

The Express writes “Watkins was reportedly on a hunting safari in South Africa’s northern Limpopo Province on August 3, with a professional hunter and a tracker from the company. Then, an ‘unwounded’ buffalo he had been tracking turned in a ‘sudden and unprovoked attack’ and gave him injuries that proved fatal. He was tracking a 1.3-ton Cape Buffalo, sometimes known as the ‘Black Death’ for its dangerous reputation,” but it’s unclear if “The Black Death” refers to the species as whole or the specific individual Cape Buffalo, like a beast from a Rudyard Kipling story or the lions from the 1998 Val Kilmer classic The Ghost and the Darkness. That movie’s fucking awesome.

Also unclear is whether it was quick or if Watkins had a few painful Snows of Kilimanjaro-type hours.

Republican Indiana Lt Gov Micah Beckwith’s communications director James Kehoe called in quits on Thursday amid a criminal investigation into Beckwith’s office over a deepfake porn video of a Republican state lawmaker’s wife that had been at the very least viewed by several staffers and possibly even generated by one of them, 24sight.news reports on MAGA being MAGA.

“My wife and I are outraged and saddened that her singing at a charity event for mental health was turned into a pornographic smear of her and our family,” state Rep Craig Haggard, a suburban Indianapolis Republican, said in a statement. “Statehouse leadership, rather than expressing concern for a victim of this criminal act, instead went into full ‘find the leakers’ mode, seeking to cover up any role the Lieutenant Governor’s office may have played in this affront to all women.”

Not sure what to add to that. Might as well be complaining other Republicans are too into guns.

The crisis meeting between neckbearded Vice President JD Vance, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche to figure a way out of the self-inflicted Epstein shitshow was indeed held Wednesday night at the White House, MSNBC’s Kyle Griffin reports.

“As many of you are aware, there are national conversations ongoing in other states related to midterm redistricting. Here in Florida, our state supreme court’s recent decision in Black Voters Matter Capacity Building Institute, Inc. v Secretary, Florida Department of State, raises important and distinct questions about the applicability and interpretation of certain provisions of the so-called ‘Fair Districts’ provisions of the Florida Constitution and their intersection with Federal law.”

“Exploring these questions now, at the mid-decade point, would potentially allow us to seek legal guidance from our supreme court without the uncertainty associated with deferring those questions until after the next decennial census and reapportionment. It is important to acknowledge that while this may be an opportunity, it is not an expected one, and we do not have the capacity to engage in the full redistricting process experienced during the 2020-2022 term. Thus, we will focus our inquiry on the Congressional map, which was the subject of the recent Florida Supreme Court case, and any relevant legal questions. To that end, I am creating a Select Committee on Congressional Redistricting,” says a notice from Republican Florida State House Speaker Daniel Perez.

I bet Bibi LOVES IT when you go down on him…. pic.twitter.com/LphebU3uPx

— Jake Angeli-Chansley (@AmericaShaman) August 7, 2025

In a new report headlined “Psychic reveals how to harness the manifesting power of the Lion’s Gate Portal,” New York Post journalist Reda Wigle writes that the Lion’s Gate Portal, a celestial aperture of undefined physical properties is currently peaking “bringing with it the most powerful moment of the year for soul transformation, clarity and calling in all that is good and plentiful.”

A person identified only as “Psychic Solace” is then quoted as saying “The Lion’s Gate Portal opens a rare energetic doorway. 8/8 carries a vibration of spiritual strength, infinite potential, and alignment with your soul’s purpose. This isn’t about chasing material goals. It’s about stepping into who you’re truly meant to be,” with the “8/8” referring to Thursday’s date as the aphelion of this redundantly named constellation or imaginary energy thing in the distant reaches of space.

“Expect old desires to resurface and new clarity to drop in. In 2025, the Lion’s Gate Portal centers less on attracting what you want and more on choosing what genuinely aligns with who you are now,” said Solas, who sounds like a human cancer who shoves scorpios up his portal.

“Pompeii was reoccupied after the eruption of 79 AD. Survivors who had no way to start a new life elsewhere, but likely also homeless people from other places, seeking a place to settle and hoping to find valuable objects, attempted to reoccupy the area devastated by the volcanic event. A precarious and disorganized situation, which saw traces of life resurface in the city of Pompeii, continued until the 5th century, when the area was completely abandoned,” says a press release from the archaeological site’s administrators on the libtarded loser thugs looting the wreckage.

They were probably migrants from some other country too. The Roman Empire had a lot of that because illegitimate Emperor Titus presided over an open borders bloodbath.

The Ashcroft, British Columbia Fire Department on Monday claimed that a brushfire that had thankfully only burned a few acres of empty grassland before their crews were able to bring under control quickly had been caused by a fish. Specifically one that an osprey had caught, then dropped on a power line, which then arced from the wet fish, setting it aflame and down onto the grass.

“A quick investigation revealed the cause of this fire. It was determined to be a fish, yes, you read that right, the fish had an incredible journey, considering the river is 3km east from the point of origin. The fish had been dropped by a local osprey onto the hydro line causing embers to drop, along with the fish, to the dry grasses below. We do suspect by the size of the fish and the heat of the day probably caused the rather tired bird to drop its catch. Another suspicion could be that it’s tired of raw fish and wanted to give cooked a try. We may never know the answer, but it has been verified that our prime suspect sustained no injuries in the incident and is still flying at large,” the fire department wrote in a Facebook post, complete with a pic of the roasted fish. Fucking weird.

Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Thursday told Fox News’s Bill Hemmer that his regime plans a full takeover of the Gaza Strip, not making it at all clear what that actually entails politically.

A South Carolina woman suffering from a grave mental illness on Thursday told a television anchor that she seeks affirmation and approval from an abusive sociopath who has inflicted serious trauma on her repeatedly, saying she hoped the abuser is watching and sees how vulnerable she is.

A set of publicly posted procurement contract documents flagged by defense blog The War Zone reveals that the US Air Force is seeking to buy “specific Tesla manufactured vehicles for target vehicle training flight test events. In the operating theatre it is likely the type of vehicles used by the enemy may transition to Tesla Cybertrucks as they have been found not to receive the normal extent of damage expected upon major impact.” The Air Force officials involved aren’t picky and the documents specify that the hideous electric shitboxes do not need to be in working condition. Just towable to the White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico where they can be blown up.

It’s not clear how many individual Cybertrucks the Air Force wants but they’re among 33 different models sought for the testing. Probably on the cheaper end of the shopping list given demand.

Paige Mazzoni, the CEO of service dog training organization Canine Companions, who partners with prisons to give well-behaved inmates something to do in the joint by fostering and training the animals, tells NBC News that as a convicted sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein’s accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell is banned from going anywhere near the puppies destined to be paired with disabled folks.

“We do not allow anyone whose crime involves abuse towards minors or animals – including any crime of a sexual nature. That’s a hard policy, so she will not be able to. Those are crimes against the vulnerable, and you’re putting them with a puppy who is vulnerable,” said Mazzoni.

For those keeping score at home, as a violent sexual offender, Ghislaine Maxwell had been prohibited from doing her time in a facility for white collar convicts. Until she wasn’t because that proscription was waived by the Trump Administration in exchange for her silence and a pardon will in all likelihood be forthcoming no later than January 20th, 2029. Yet the organization that brings puppies to prisons to be trained as service animals held firm on their similarly longstanding policy.

Kind of brings the whole blatant quid pro quo with a sex trafficker thing into perspective, doesn’t it?

Man just skip to saying Brawndo has what plants crave and electrolytes are good for them and so on. We’re already well over halfway there anyway. Ow My Balls! should be on primetime too.

Having their spot blown up by someone’s leaks to CNN, someone leaked to CNN that convicted felon President Trump’s top reichsministers relocated and/or rescheduled their planned Wednesday night dinner meeting at Vice President JD Vance’s official residence at the Naval Observatory to brainstorm a way out of the now-month-long self-inflicted Jeffrey Epstein shitshow.

It’s not clear why Jaydee, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Trump defense lawyer/Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche couldn’t just hold the meeting over Zoom… Or maybe it is and since the plans for meeting leaked then they’re worried that the link for the meeting could too and some “Deep Stater” could watch and record the whole thing. They plainly believed they had to hold it in person away from the White House.

Why is it so important to hold a meeting at all? On Wednesday Wired reported that the Orange God Emperor’s top allies have come to the conclusion that there’s actually no way out of it. Nothing that can be done. “Honestly, like, fuck Trump,” a “Trumpworld source who works in conservative media” said, adding “I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there’s obviously something nefarious that went on.”

“I have instructed our Department of Commerce to immediately begin work on a new and highly accurate CENSUS based on modern day facts and figures and, importantly, using the results and information gained from the Presidential Election of 2024. People who are in our Country illegally WILL NOT BE COUNTED IN THE CENSUS. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon Trump on Thursday, trying to divert media attention away from his dead friend.

“The CEO of INTEL is highly CONFLICTED and must resign, immediately. There is no other solution to this problem. Thank you for your attention to this problem!” the fat fuck later posted, almost certainly tanking their stock as another distraction from Epstein. And then in another distraction from Epstein he posted “Now that the nuclear arsenal being ‘created’ by Iran has been totally OBLITERATED, it is very important to me that all Middle Eastern Countries join the Abraham Accords. This will insure PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

In just a few words reacting to the latest of an increasingly lengthy string of clusterfucks surrounding Florida MAGA Congressman Cory Mills, an anonymous House Republican elegantly, succinctly, and unintentionally summarized to Politico the current state of their party’s moral values.

“What if he is arrested for real?” the Republican said in response to the latest allegations about Mills as this time he’s accused of sextorting one of his side pieces – Lindsey Langston, a Florida GOP state committee member and Miss United States 2024 – who broke it off in February when she saw reporting on the 45 year-old Mills assaulting his other Gen Z-aged girlfriend Sarah Raviani.

Oh and Mills threatened to kill any other man she dated. And he just got evicted. And he’s suspected of valor theft. And he’s kind of secretly a Muslim even if he didn’t convert on purpose. And he’s been grifting on federal contracts while in office. All that has a fellow MAGA Republican worried that Mills could end up getting criminally charged and jeopardize his Trump +12 seat in next year’s midterms.

It’s not that this anonymous congressman or woman is worried that they serve next to a manipulative woman abusing stalker sociopath with an inflated Army service record and at least $99,000 in debt (almost certainly a lowball figure). It’s that the next time he fucks up it might be so egregious and indefensible that Jeannine Pirro could have no choice but to actually sign the arrest warrant and making it harder for him to run. That’s where the party’s priorities are at these days.