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Roy Cooper to launch North Carolina Senate bid soon: report

Yeah it was obvious enough from the NRSC trashing the Dem former governor on Chinese-owned farmland, but further indication comes from the North Carolina State Journal’s AP Dillon, who reports multiple sources that Cooper will be launching a bid and that state Attorney General Jeff Jackson “spilled the beans at a recent event” and “said he was planning on endorsing Cooper.”

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Dan Meuser pussies out of Pennsylvania gubernatorial bid

Despite receiving his Holy Orange Allah’s pre-endorsement in a campaign, complete ballsucker Pennsylvania MAGA Congressman Dan Meuser will not be mounting a bid to challenge incumbent Gov Josh Shapiro, probably out of fear he’d lose given Shapiro’s high approval, ABC News reports.

“He’s been a great congressman,” Trump said of Meuser during a May rally. “And if you run, you have my full support. And you’ll win. The people are going to get it real fast.” Sources tell ABC that Meuser delivered the news to Trump in a Saturday phone call. “Also weighing a bid is state senator Doug Mastriano, the Republican nominee for governor in 2022 whose election denialism and anti-abortion stances doomed his bid, which ended in a 15-point defeat to Shapiro that fall,” ABC News writes.

“Mastriano has floated a campaign in public radio interviews in recent weeks,” lol.

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Gary Coleman’s ex-wife denies murdering him

Former 1980s actor Gary Coleman’s ex-wife Shannon Price failed a polygraph test she submitted for an episode of some reality show, with results “inconclusive” on the questions of whether she ever hit Coleman and if she took her time dialing 911 when he fell and later died in 2010, TMZ reports.

Trying to work the refs, Price told TMZ she’s “extremely disappointed with the overall experience of both the polygraph testing and dealing with A&E. Many promises were made and not kept. The testing situation was unfair and very uncomfortable, and the testing was performed non-verbally, which I should have refused. From the beginning, it was apparent they cared more about ratings than finding the truth,” but did not address why the fuck she went on this show.

In related news, Emmanuel Lewis, star of Webster, was not murdered by his ex-wife as of Tuesday.

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Amazing Goose-Man pulls off incredible flight-delaying feat

Cops in Milan, Italy were astonished by the uncanny abilities of the amazing Goose-Man, whose powers delayed Spanish carrier Volotea’s flight bound from the city’s Bergamo Airport to Asturias, Spain on Tuesday. CNN reports the enigmatic waterfowl man used his anseriforme-like powers to run toward the passenger jet on the tarmac and immediately get sucked into an engine, killing him instantly and delaying the plane’s departure. All 162 passengers and crew were evacuated safely.

It’s not clear if Goose-Man, whose secret identity remains unknown pending a formal determination by a coroner, was making his signature honking noises as he sped toward the aircraft on foot or what his purpose was – though it’s possible he may have spotted a discarded piece of bread crust somewhere on the tarmac and was so focused on it he failed to notice the taxiing jet in his path.

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House Dems again demand Epstein files release

“Five months ago, the Department of Justice (DOJ) dismissed the pending case against Waltine Nauta and Carlos De Oliveira, depriving the American public of an opportunity to hear the evidence of how they conspired with Donald Trump to help him stash hundreds of highly classified records at his Mar-a-Lago Club, defy subpoenas, obstruct law enforcement, hide evidence, and lie about his continuing retention of these records. Since then, you have continued to conceal the evidence against Donald Trump and his co-conspirators by refusing to release the report of Special Counsel Jack Smith’s investigation into this matter. You have done so even as House Judiciary Committee Republicans continue to make baseless claims of bias and misconduct on the part of Special Counsel Smith and compel testimony from members of his team – all without a shred of evidence.”

“Your conduct is particularly worrisome as it appears to be part of a pattern of using the DOJ to cover up evidence of criminal wrongdoing by President Trump, including information allegedly contained in the Epstein files. We write today to demand you release the Smith report immediately, as well as any evidence mentioning or referencing Donald Trump in the Epstein files,” write House Dems Jamie Raskin, Dan Goldman, Lucy McBath, Deborah Ross, Becca Balint, Sydney Kamlager-Dove, Jasmine Crockett, and more in a letter to scumbag Attorney General Pam Bondi on Tuesday.

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Trump tired of hearing about Jeffrey Epstein

The livestream’s still running below but this is worth its own post: Interrupting Attorney General Pam Bondi’s answer to a reporter’s question about a missing minute of footage on the jailhouse video put out by the Justice Department from the night of Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide in 2019, convicted felon President Trump got angry on Tuesday and asked “Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years… We have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things… I mean, I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this… It just seems like a desecration.”

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Cocaine Mitch praises Big Boy President for not listening to Vlad

“Today, the strategic incoherence of underfunding our military and restricting lethal assistance to partners like Ukraine is measured in the avoidable erosion of American credibility with allies and the mounting deaths of innocents. I’m glad that President Trump wants to resume deliveries of lethal capabilities to Ukraine. America’s policy of providing lethal support to Ukraine began during his first term, and likely helped deter earlier Russian escalation. This time, the President will need to reject calls from the isolationists and restrainers within his Administration to limit these deliveries to defensive weapons. And he should disregard those at DoD who invoke munitions shortages to block aid while refusing to invest seriously in expanding munitions production. The self-indulgent policymaking of restrainers – from Ukraine to AUKUS – has so often required the President to clean up his staff’s messes. And the budget OMB sent to Congress does not put America on a path to peace through strength,” said Cocaine Mitch (can’t really call him “Moscow Mitch” in this context) in a statement Tuesday, cheering the Orange Toddler’s independence from the Kremlin.

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Texas libtards charged in attempted attack on ICE

“Ten individuals have been charged for their roles in the shooting of an Alvarado police officer at the Prairieland Detention Center. Today’s announcement was made by Acting United States Attorney for the Northern District of Texas Nancy E Larson, Special Agent in Charge of the Dallas FBI R Joseph Rothrock, and Enforcement Removal Operations Dallas Acting Field Office Director Joshua Johnson.”

“According to a criminal complaint filed today, the defendants, dressed in black military-style clothing, began shooting fireworks at the facility, as part of an organized attack. After approximately 10 minutes of convening, one or two individuals broke off from the main group and began to spray graffiti on vehicles and a guard structure in the parking lot at the facility. An Alvarado police officer responded to the scene after correctional officers called 911 to report suspicious activity.”

“When the Alvarado police officer arrived, one alleged defendant positioned in nearby woods shot the officer in the neck area. Another alleged assailant across the street fired 20 to 30 rounds at unarmed correctional officers who had stepped outside the facility. As alleged in the complaint, AR-style rifles were found at the scene. The assailants fled from the detention center but were stopped by additional law enforcement officers. Some defendants were wearing body armor, some were armed, and some had two-way radios. A total of twelve sets of body armor were found during searches of vehicles associated with the defendants, on their persons, and in the area around the Prairieland Detention Center. Additionally, officers found spray paint, flyers stating, ‘FIGHT ICE TERROR WITH CLASS WAR!’ and ‘FREE ALL POLITICAL PRISONERS,’ and a flag stating, ‘RESIST FACISM – FIGHT OLIGARCHY.’ One of the alleged attackers had cell phones inside a ‘Faraday bag,’ used to block phone signals and commonly used by criminal actors to try to prevent law enforcement from tracking their location,” says a Justice Department press release.

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TACO Tuesday again

“As per letters sent to various countries yesterday, in addition to letters that will be sent today, tomorrow, and for the next short period of time, TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 – No extensions will be granted. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, leaving himself more than three weeks to TACO once again and create more uncertainty.

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Wait, isn’t this EXACTLY the kind of shit MAGA campaigned on?

Never mind that this dipshit is lying about the crime stats on New York City’s subway system by coming up with a percentage based on the absolute increase that doesn’t account for overall growing ridership. That’s priced in with the MAGA Reich’s fanbase who want to feel like it’s true.

Instead look at it from the perspective of his fat boss, convicted felon President Trump saying “My parents would drop me off at a subway, and I’d go to Union Turnpike, or I’d go to wherever I – they had no fear that I was going to be disappearing. They would take me to a subway, put me on, and say, ‘Bye darling. Bye.’ If you do that today, you have about a 75 percent chance that you’ll never see your child again” during his Long Island rally last year. Or the Bronx rally in May when Trump told the crowd “There’s a 53 percent increase in felony assaults on your subways, 53 percent. That’s in a short period of time. Since 2019, murders are up more than 20 percent, shootings are up more than 30 percent,” and if the implication wasn’t obvious enough he then said “Together, we are going to make New York City great again, and simultaneously, we are going to make America great again. I’ve come tonight to talk about solving problems. The simple fact is Joe Biden is not getting the job done for the Bronx, not getting the job done for New York, and he’s not getting the job done for America.”

And this morning the former MTV’s Real World cast member-turned-Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy whined about “stupid liberals with stupid policies that impact the lives of New Yorkers.”

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Little Caesars crosses value menu Rubicon

In a press release headlined “Little Caesars Cements Its Status as Value Leader with First-Ever ‘More for $9.99’ Menu,” the Michigan-based fat food pizza chain on Monday asserted itself as constant as the northern star of resting quality and Pretzel Crust Pizza with a Crazy Combo that includes Crazy Bread and Crazy Sauce. There is no fellow in the firmament of Crazy Puffs Party Pack with twelve Pepperoni or Cheese Crazy Puffs, or a combination of both flavors. The dark fields are painted with unnumbered sparks of glowing signs of “Pizza Hut,” “Dominos,” and “Papa Johns.” They are all fire and every one doth shine, but there’s but one in all doth hold his place bearing a Crazy Puffs Party Pack with twelve Pepperoni or Cheese Crazy Puffs, or a combination of both flavors.

“As the value leader in pizza, we don’t follow trends – we set them. Our new $9.99 menu is a bold move that delivers unbeatable variety and flavor at a price that speaks for itself. Our customers expect more from Little Caesars, and this menu proves we’re ready to bring it – again,” said Little Caesars Chief Marketing Officer Greg Hamilton, unshaked of motion from without, firm within.

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Regime IRS allows churches to endorse candidates

The Trump Regime IRS on Monday rescinded the threat of rescinding tax-exempt status for houses of worship, the New York Times reports on the official sanctioning of a proscription that had never really been enforced in practice but obviously is a green light to MAGAchurches.

The prohibition, which still applies to other non-profits, was ended in a settlement between the IRS and a set of plaintiffs including two Texas churches and a group of Christian radio broadcasters. In a joint filing the agency and the proselytizing peckerwoods declared endorsements to be more like “a family discussion concerning candidates” than a violation of secular constitutional principles. “Thus, communications from a house of worship to its congregation in connection with religious services through its usual channels of communication on matters of faith do not run afoul of the Johnson Amendment as properly interpreted,” the settlement of the rigged lawsuit continued.

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Rural Wisconsin town official dead after arrest for murdering dog

Rural podunk Chester, Wisconsin is now without a town chairman or an animal control officer sooner than they had expected as Richard Van Buren, who served in both capacities, died Wednesday of complications from surgery weeks after he was charged with using a leash to strangle a golden retriever a woman had turned over to him after finding the dog on a walking path, WBAY reports .

The 55 year-old Van Buren had been charged with felony mistreatment of animals/cause death after, per a complaint obtained by WKOW, the dog bit the rural politician as he tried to put her in a kennel, sending him into a rage in which he pretty much hanged her with the leash and collar.

Hours of attempts to ascertain Van Buren’s politics were unsuccessful and the chairmanship post he held is officially non-partisan. On the same token, he sure as shit did not look like a leftist and a search of donors with the same surname in the area shows an extensive history of supporting Republicans, especially notorious piece of shit former Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.

Not exactly important but still funny from WBAY’s article: “Due to Van Buren’s death, it’s likely the case will be dismissed, as that is usually the course of action in these circumstances, according to the district attorney’s office.” Why is it just “likely” and what would the second-most usual course of action be when a criminal defendant dies before trial? How else could this shake out?

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Chuck Todd plays remix of greatest hit in smaller venue

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Fake Rubio manipulating US and foreign officials via Signal

A State Department cable obtained by the Washington Post reveals that a fake Secretary of State Marco Rubio is out there impersonating him using an AI-generated voice and a Signal account with a display name of “Marco.Rubio@state.gov” to contact “at least five non-Department individuals, including three foreign ministers, a US governor, and a US member of Congress,” per the cable.

Whoa, this could be devastating for a presidential campaign just as it was for another former senator-turned-Secretary of State who was accused of being lax with operational security.

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The Forever Purge reenacted in empty Los Angeles park

Convicted felon President Trump’s stormtroopers just marched around an empty park in Los Angeles on Monday, the AP reports on the scene shitty right wing outlet The Blaze was triumphal about.

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Max Miller stuck on the ballot

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