Cops in Los Angeles on Thursday cuffed 21 year-old alt-R&B artist David “D4VD” Burke on a probable cause warrant eight months after the badly-decomposed remains of 14 year-old Celeste Rivas Hernandez were discovered in the trunk of his Tesla that had been abandoned on the side of a street in the Hollywood Hills, ABC News reports on the wheels of justice turning maddeningly slowly.

Note that it said “probable cause warrant” and not an indictment, although the DA’s presenting on Monday and one would hope the case is buttoned up. Still this was freaking nuts how it was in November, two months after Hernandez’s body was found when a worker at an impound lot – the Tesla had been abandoned in July – noticed an odor from the vehicle and called the cops, that the LAPD had publicly announced that Burke was considered a suspect in the homicide. This was amid a whole shit ton of not-at-all ambiguous evidence that Burke was in a sexual relationship with the troubled teen who had last been seen by her parents three months before the car was abandoned.

Is it hard for a famous guy to flee? Maybe. Nobody seized his goddamned passport though. Nobody made sure the DA didn’t have to hire fucking Dog the Bounty Hunter to track him down in Honduras or Bahrain or stop him from crossing the DMZ and defecting to North Korea. You can call that armchair quarterbacking all you want but from this armchair it sure looked like law enforcement had their dicks in their hands while a statutory rapist and sex trafficker roamed freely for five months after he publicly reported to be under their scrutiny for gruesomely murdering a 14 year-old girl.

A former DHS official tells Axios that the Trump Regime is stuck between wanting to not piss liberals and swing voters off any more than they’re already pissed about the cruelty and brutality against illegal immigrants and MAGAmerica’s demands for maximal aggression and propaganda ops.

“There was a priority on people seeing the enforcement actions,” the former official told Axios about the aggressive tactics of 2025. “Some of the law enforcement actions you see, even if they’re hardened criminals, it can be hard optics. They can be hard to stomach when you’re seeing really physical altercations. You have the base that is demanding this action, and you need to get them out for the midterms. And if they’re not seeing it, to them, it’s not happening,” he continued.

Last month that cueball head Deputy White House Chief of Staff James Blair told House Republicans gathered for a “retreat” in Florida that “mass deportations” is no longer a plus to be hyping to non-MAGA voters and to cut it from their pitch. Now here’s the other side, where someone plugged in is acknowledging that it’s also a negative to non-MAGA voters who demand to see DHS tweeting videos of people getting the shit beaten out of them and little girls with autism being held hostage by ICE agents to get their parents to surrender. But the regime is in triage mode and have made the calculus that the cost of disappointing their most loyal cultists is lower than that of activating those who do not think a five year-old boy wearing a Spider-man backpack should be thrown in the gulag.

Likely anticipating a shit ton of congressional subpoenas by this time next year and presumably just sick of the job overall, Acting ICE director Todd Lyons will call it quits in June, Reuters reports on another failure of competent and moral leadership in the Trump Maladministration.

Meanwhile the former Acting FEMA chief Cameron Hamilton, who was fired last year for congressional testimony that was deemed too pro-FEMA and too anti-being forced to take a polygraph by Kristi Noem, is being considered for a nomination as the actual Senate-confirmed director, the New York Times reports. It’s not clear if Hamilton is pro or anti-teleportation.

“Who’s dumber, Tucker Carlson or Joe Kent? It’s very interesting! I met Joe Kent at Dover Air Force Base, along with numerous others who had lost their loved ones in War. I said hello to all of the families. Kent, horribly, lost his wife. Her casket was being brought to Dover, along with the rest, although he married again, quite quickly, in my opinion. In any event, a number of years later, I noticed the same person was running for Congress in Washington State, and lost. I then noticed a couple of years later, he was running again, and lost. While I didn’t know him other than our brief Dover encounter, but feeling sorry for him after the two Election losses, I told my people, ‘Hire him for the White House. Give him a job, make him feel good, he lost his wife and two Elections.'”

“They did so and, while I rarely saw him, I certainly didn’t expect disloyalty, but that’s what I got. He was really a SLEAZEBAG, and some would say, on top of it all, A LEAKER! I don’t know whether or not that was true, but next time, NO MORE MR NICE GUY! Kent is a LOSER, just like Tucker, Candace, Megyn, and the rest of them are LOSERS – You’re born that way, LOW IQ, and there’s not a damn thing they’re going to be able to do about it!” posted Mr Not Nice Guy on a long flight to Nevada.

Neckbearded Vice President JD Vance’s recent string of failures he was set up for by his abusive master – to reach a peace deal with Iran and putting shitbag now-former Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban over the finish line – have led Donald to begin asking allies how they would “rank” the couch-fucker, CNN reports on yet another thing Mike Pence could’ve, and maybe did, warn Jaydee about.

“The White House doesn’t have a Ballroom (No Taxpayer Money!), which Presidents have desperately wanted and desired for over 150 years, but a Trump Hating, Washington, DC District Court Judge, a man who has gone out of his way to undermine National Security, and to make sure that this Great Gift to America gets delayed, or doesn’t get built, is attempting to prevent future Presidents and World Leaders from having a safe and secure large scale Meeting Place, or Ballroom, one with Bomb Shelters, a State of the Art Hospital and Medical Facilities, Protective Partitioning, Top Secret Military Installations, Structures, and Equipment, Protective Missile Resistant Steel, Columns, Roofs, and Beams, Drone Proof Ceilings and Roofs, Military Grade Venting, and Bullet, Ballistic, and Blast Proof Glass – which all means that no future President, living in the White House without this Ballroom, can ever be Safe and Secure at Events, Future Inaugurations, or Global Summits. This Magnificent Space will allow them to carry out vital duties as Leader of our Nation.”

“Furthermore, the Ballroom, which is being constructed on budget and ahead of schedule, is needed now. Almost all material necessary for its construction is being built and/or on its way to the site, ready for installation and erection. Much of it has already been paid for, costing Hundreds of Millions of Dollars. If somebody, especially one with no standing, had a complaint – Why wasn’t it filed many months earlier, long before Construction was started? The Public Record was open for all to see. Everybody knew that it was planned, and going to be built. This highly political Judge, and his illegal overreach, is out of control, and costing our Nation greatly. This is a mockery to our Court System!”

“The Ballroom is deeply important to our National Security, and no Judge can be allowed to stop this Historic and Militarily Imperative Project” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, very emphatically showing just where his most important governing priorities lie. His ballroom.

You will not be surprised to learn that Turning Point USA CEO Erika Kirk was informed by the US Secret Service that there was no threat to her on the University of Georgia’s campus on during the Tuesday event she was to host with neckbeareded Vice President JD Vance but she still ghosted anyway, CBS News reports, adding that she’s not expected to appear at an upcoming series of rallies by her late husband’s organization either. Big W for Candace Owens in this round. Again.

TOM HOMAN: "They want masks off. Well, you know what? We'll consider taking masks off when you stop going on national TV and calling ICE racists, and Nazis, and secret police!" pic.twitter.com/WUHwktV5Jg

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) April 16, 2026

An Idaho pilot who had a few too many wine coolers or Mike’s Hard Strawberry or something before he got behind the throttle of his SS-7 Super Sport single engine plane last November and then subsequently crashed it onto a local road was sentenced Thursday to 30 days in the clink, two years probation, and $50,730 in restitution to be paid in full by March 2028, the Idaho Statesman reports.

Well it’s not specified what 61 year-old Michael Verzwyvelt drank but “wine coolers or Mike’s Hard Strawberry” sounded funny. He blew a 0.213 BAC after the crash onto North Orchard Street in Twin Falls that injured himself and a passenger, that number closer to three times the legal limit for driving than just twice. In any event, and as mentioned, he was not driving but flying a plane, and in Idaho it’s illegal to operate an aircraft within eight hours of drinking any alcoholic beverage, or while having a BAC at or over 0.04… So really Verzwyvelt was at flying at roughly 5.3 times the legal limit.

“I just had excellent conversations with the Highly Respected President Joseph Aoun, of Lebanon, and Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu, of Israel. These two Leaders have agreed that in order to achieve PEACE between their Countries, they will formally begin a 10 Day CEASEFIRE at 5 PM EST.”

“On Tuesday, the two Countries met for the first time in 34 years here in Washington, DC, with our Great Secretary of State, Marco Rubio. I have directed Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Rubio, together with the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Razin’ Caine, to work with Israel and Lebanon to achieve a Lasting PEACE. It has been my Honor to solve 9 Wars across the World, and this will be my 10th, so let’s, GET IT DONE!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday and the “10th” means he’s almost certainly counting US vs Denmark. Fucking loser, lol.

Can’t help you if you don’t know what “white hat” means. Do your own research… *snicker*.

The University of Virginia’s Center for Politics, aka “Sabato’s Crystal Ball,” says that “while the result may not be the type of sweeping affirmation that Democrats got in last year’s elections, it would still be a surprise” if next week’s referendum on the redistricting ballot measure set to nuke four out of the five currently GOP-held US House seats ends up failing given the turnout patterns so far.

The measure still has to get past the state Supreme Court after the vote but that would be pretty goddamned lame of them to simply block something that had already been polled. “We could understand if judges on the court are privately hoping the ballot measure fails, if only so that this case is rendered moot,” Team Sabato writes and yes, that’s how judges should actually feel.

The restless, weary husk of a discount airline that drifts among the living may finally transition out of our realm into the eternal soon as CNBC reports that Spirit Airlines may liquidate any day now.

The ghastly, cursed wraith of a carrier declared bankruptcy twice in just the past year but the ferryman beckons them to save the two pence toll for the journey ‘cross Acheron and into the void, for the Orange God King’s call to war hath deprived them of treasure to fuel the fires of chariots!

Woe! So much toil! So much grief! Yet Poseidon cares not for thou pleadings nor bargains! Curse him, praise him, blind thyself to his wrath, it matters none! Fair Icarus plunged all the same!

Delivering remarks to the faithful gathered in Cameroon during his multi-country tour of Africa on Thursday, Pope Leo XVI proclaimed “woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth,” USA Today reports while stipulating there wasn’t any mention of specific names.

Still, saying the world is “turned upside down, an exploitation of God’s creation that must be denounced and rejected by every honest conscience” and “ravaged by a handful of tyrants” who “manipulate” religion for petty political and military gain, it’s hard to think of who else he meant.

Guess it’s on the two sick freaks in charge of the US military and/or their loyal cultists to respond to validate the Pope’s criticisms. Should be fun to see them completely lose their shit again.

A South African magistrate judge on Thursday slapped opposition party Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema with five years in the joint for a 2018 incident in which he got a little excited at a rally in the East Cape Province and fired a rifle into the air on stage, leading to the eight-year court battle that ended in his conviction on charges including unlawful possession of a firearm and discharging a weapon in a public place and now the fairly stiff sentence, Sky News reports.

“We hear daily, or weekly, of children playing in the front yards, in the street, who are caught in crossfire, random shots fired, killing people. It’s just the first time that we hear, it’s being called celebratory shots,” Magistrate Twanet Olivie told the 45 year-old, who was just reenacting the famous Congressional address scene from Idiocracy in which US President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho fired a fully automatic M249 SAW Para into the ceiling to quiet rabble.

The five year bid, if it survives appeal, also comes with a lifetime ban from office for Malema.

Democratic former Virginia Lt Governor Justin Fairfax, who served under Gov Ralph Northam from 2018 to 2022, and his wife Cerina were found dead at their home in Annandale early Thursday after an apparent murder-suicide by Justin’s hand, NoVa Campaigns reports citing police dispatch records matching Fairfax’s publicly known address but with “names withheld pending NoK.” The couple, parents to two children, had been going through a divorce that Celina had filed recently.

Fairfax came in 4th in the 2021 Dem gubernatorial primary that Terry McAuliffe lost anyway.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-273-8255 or 988. Please call or text if you need to talk to someone. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse the National Domestic Violence Hotline is also 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE, via text by sending SAFE to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.