“China’s State Council Information Office on Wednesday issued a white paper titled ‘Covid-19 Prevention, Control and Origins Tracing: China’s Actions and Stance.’ Apart from preface and conclusion, the document contains three chapters: ‘Contributing Chinese Wisdom to the Study of the Origins of SARS-CoV-2,’ ‘China’s Contribution to the Global Fight Against Covid-19,’ and ‘The Mismanaged Response of the US to the Covid-19 Pandemic,'” and blah blah blah, ChiCom state media reports on their own bullshit “white paper” that DeepSeek probably “wrote” in two minutes.

“The white paper points out that ‘WHO-convened Global Study of Origins of SARS-CoV-2: China Part-Joint WHO-China Study,’ as well as other studies, conducted systematic epidemiological investigations, molecular tracing, animal reservoir screening, and studies on cold-chain pathways, ruled out the possibility of Wuhan being the natural origin of SARS-CoV-2, and concluded that a Wuhan lab leak is extremely unlikely. These efforts have provided the global scientific community with critical empirical evidence and established a research paradigm for future studies… As pointed out in the white paper, the US government, instead of facing squarely its failure in response to Covid and reflecting on its shortcomings, has tried to shift the blame and divert people’s attention by shamelessly politicizing SARS-CoV-2 origins tracing. It has severely undermined joint international efforts against the pandemic and become a weak link in global public health governance.”

“Substantial evidence suggested the Covid-19 might have emerged in the United States earlier than its officially-claimed timeline, and earlier than the outbreak in China. A thorough and in-depth investigation into the origins of the virus should be conducted in the United States. The United States should respond to the reasonable concern of the international community, and give a responsible answer to the world,” the article says and lol that’s some pretty goddamn funny trolling.

Sometimes you have to separate the art from the artist, especially when the target is fat Donald.

The United Nations’ top court on Thursday ordered Venezuela’s Maduro regime to cease holding a fake election for a number of fake offices for a province that doesn’t exist because it’s within the borders of neighboring Guyana and none of this bullshit would legitimize their claim, the AP reports.

“Once again, Guyana’s position has prevailed,” Guyana President Irfaan Ali said of the UN’s order for Venezuela to halt the planned May 25th election in the non-existent Essequibo province, encompassing two-thirds of Guyanese territory. While obviously being a Venezuelan election it would be rigged but it also feels like that would imply that at least some people would be casting ballots, which in turn would require the Maduro regime to have access to Guyanese voter rolls to make the election at least appear legitimate by filling out their ballots and… The AP’s article didn’t explain any of the nuts and bolts of what the plan is, but it’ll be interesting to see what happens when they ignore the UN ruling and hold the fake election anyway later this month.

A registered Republican Florida voter was arrested at the entrance of Disney World’s Magic Kingdom in March after getting caught with his wallet full of magic nose candy at the front entrance, People Magazine reported Thursday. Dustin Lee Miller, 44, was asked by security to open his wallet after setting off the metal detector on March 29th and, per an arrest affidavit, appeared to get nervous and fumbled with his bulky wallet, upon which a baggie of cocaine fell out. Miller was then ordered to leave the premises and was later arrested by Orange County Sheriff’s Office somewhere nearby.

What a fucking traitor to America First. This beta needs his MAGA card revoked for this horrible embarrassment of getting caught willingly paying to enter the global source of the woke mind virus.

White House warns China-made dolls have lead paint — after Trump says tariffs may mean fewer toys https://t.co/03OK14BhTG pic.twitter.com/unjP80lo8E

— New York Post (@nypost) May 1, 2025

Asked this morning by a reporter to comment on convicted felon President Trump’s Wednesday rant about American children having to with fewer toys after tariffs, white nationalist shitbag Stephen Miller said “If they had a choice between a doll from China that might have, say, lead paint in it, that is not as well constructed as a doll made in America, that has a higher environmental and regulatory standard and that is made to a higher degree of quality — and those two products [are] both on Amazon, then yes, you probably would be willing to pay more for a better-made American product.”

Which would mean that the “higher environmental and regulatory standard” does not apply to the vast majority of toys sold to children now currently and did not at any time during the first Trump Administration if we’re to take Miller at his word here. So the Barbie dolls and Paw Patrol action figures your kids play with now have hazardous chemicals in them and the president’s minions just let you buy them every day. That’s basically what Miller said to the American people, right?

Three of convicted felon President Trump’s sycophants tell Rolling Stone they’re stocking up on toilet paper, certain types of food, and other supplies ahead of the shortages their boss will create.

“In the corridors of power within Trump’s own administration, there is a growing belief that the Chinese government indeed has the upper hand in this stage of the trade standoff, and that Trump is strategically flailing and looking for easy wins that don’t actually exist, multiple sources with knowledge of the matter attest. Many in the GOP’s upper echelons are keeping their fingers crossed that the president will find some outs and declare imaginary victory before his economic war inflicts too much damage on the average American voter,” writes the magazine about the situation.

Reacting to the surprise announcement from convicted felon President Trump that, rather than firing idiot National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, he would instead be nominating him to serve as UN Ambassador, a House Republican asked Politico’s Meredith Lee Hill rhetorically “Are we sure the confirmation hearing isn’t more punishment?” given that Waltz will have to sit and face questions about the Signal shitshow from Dems on the Senate Foreign Affairs committee.

The April 24 Oklahoma ICE operation was a lawful, court-authorized action explicitly targeting a property, that was a hub for human smuggling, not specific individuals, as falsely suggested by media reports.

The day prior to the search warrant issuance and the day of the search…

— Homeland Security (@DHSgov) May 1, 2025

Bonus: Toward the bottom of this overly defensive and insecure reply the asshole who wrote it mentions that it was a “court-authorized search” like they’ll happily tout a judge’s authority when it serves their purposes but when it’s the other way around it’s “fuck you courts.”

Deranged two-time election loser Kari Lake is among the names being floated by convicted felon President Trump’s minions to replace vicious monster MAGA Congresswoman Elise Stefanik as the nominee to UN Ambassador, CBS’s Jen Jacobs reports, adding that it’s unclear why since Lake is supposed to be dismantling the Voice of America News network from within.

A new survey of Georgia voters by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution finds shitbag Governor Brian Kemp leading incumbent Dem Senator Jon Ossoff 49 to 46 percent in a hypothetical matchup.

Kemp, who is said to be announcing his intent on whether or not to run soon, is the only potential challenger with a lead over Ossoff in the poll, as the Dem leads Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger 48 to 39 percent, some scrub named John King 51 to 38 percent, and white nationalist tantric sex freak Marjorie Taylor Greene by a pretty commanding 54 to 37 percent.

So yeah, Kemp is formidable now, but it’s only a 3 point lead and the fact that he hasn’t declared yet could suggest he’s unwilling to stick his head up with an imminent MAGA recession that’ll be in full effect next year. There’s also the gauntlet that an open primary could bring should Greene enter. It’s extremely hard to imagine convicted felon President Trump endorsing a frenemy like Kemp over one of his most loyal attack dogs and even without that problem there’s almost no window to kill the open primary system before next May to prevent Dem voters from sandbagging the QAdulteress into the nomination they way they saved Brad Raffensperger’s ass in 2022. Still for the moment it’s plain that Kemp would present an extremely tough challenge to Ossoff in a year when Dems need to be putting on a perfect offense to make any progress whatsoever in retaking the Senate. Even in a serious recession it’d be a drain on DSCC resources that need be put to work elsewhere.

Pakistani officials on Wednesday ordered the closure of all seminaries within the side of Kashmir under Islamabad’s control, officially citing a heat wave as the cause but a possible imminent war with India the real reason, a top minister tells Reuters as the tensions continue to escalate.

“Right now, we are facing two kinds of heat – one from the weather and the other from (Indian dictator) Modi,” Hafiz Nazir Ahmad, the director of Pakistani Kashmir’s Department of Religious Affairs, told Reuters, adding that the cover story was to avoid panic. Why the hell the guy just says this to western media without worrying it’ll get back to people in his jurisdiction was unclear, but the fear that Indian troops would target such schools as they consider them to be terrorist training centers probably makes it the right call. “We held a meeting yesterday in which it was unanimously decided not to put innocent children at risk,” Ahmad added about the “precautionary” closures.

Once again, the potentially catastrophic situation was supposed to be the kind of thing that only happened when Joe Biden was president because India and Pakistan and all the other countries prone to violent confrontations with their neighbors were afraid of how tough President Trump is, and yet here we are one fuckup away from war between two nuclear-armed belligerents.

Maybe if he was then Mike Waltz wouldn’t have been fired (does math) three hours later. Oh well.

“In this lawsuit brought under 28 USC § 2241, Petitioners JAV, JGG, and WGH challenge Respondents’ attempt to remove them from the US based on the Alien Enemies Act, 50 USC § 21, and the Proclamation that President Donald Trump issued on March 14, 2025, entitled ‘Invocation of the Alien Enemies Act Regarding the Invasion of the United States by Tren De Aragua.'”

“Simultaneous with their initiation of this habeas action, Petitioners presented a motion to certify a class of ‘All noncitizens in custody in the Southern District of Texas who were, are, or will be subject to the [Proclamation] and/or its implementation’ (Class Cert Mot, Doc 4, 7) For the following reasons, and based on the record and the applicable law, the Court finds the requested relief appropriate, to the extent indicated in this Order and Opinion,” says an order from Trump appointed South Texas federal Judge Fernando Rodriguez. Not sure how big of a deal this is yet, but not likely a small one.

Dipshit National Security Advisor Mike Waltz and his top deputy Alex Wong have been fired, CBS’s Weijia Jiang reports, characterizing it as them “leaving their posts.” Smart money would say Laura Loomer fired them since Waltz was a “RINO” and Wong Chinese-American, thus a “communist spy.”

At 101 days, Waltz managed to last 76 more than convicted felon President Trump’s first pick for the job, traitor former General Mike Flynn, who quit on February 14th, 2017 after getting caught lying about contacts with Russian government officials during the transition period. Waltz’s fuckup, adding the Atlantic’s editor-in-chief to a group chat about a military action, was sort of as bad.

Trump works fry cooker at McDonald’s as MAGA faithful line up to order pic.twitter.com/sW9vUk8imA

— New York Post (@nypost) October 20, 2024

From the fast food giant’s Q1 2025 earnings report: “‘McDonald’s has a 70-year legacy of innovation, leadership, and proven agility, all of which give us confidence in our ability to navigate even the toughest of market conditions and gain market share,’ said CEO Chris Kempczinski. ‘Consumers today are grappling with uncertainty, but they can always count on McDonald’s for both exciting new menu items and delicious favorites for exceptional value, from a brand they love.’ First quarter financial performance: Global comparable sales decreased 1.0 percent, impacted by the comparison to Leap Day in the prior year: US decreased 3.6 percent International Operated Markets decreased 1.0 percent International Developmental Licensed Markets increased 3.5 percent Consolidated revenues decreased 3 percent (2 percent in constant currencies),” and blah blah blah.

Remember that $18 Big Mac “apocalypse” that the fat fuck was supposed to fix? How’d that go?

“On April 7, 2025, the Honorable District Court Judge Stephen P Ochoa sentenced Ryan Reese, of Alamogordo, NM to 391 years in the New Mexico Department of Corrections. On February 14, 2025, an Otero County jury found Reese guilty of 18 counts of Criminal Sexual Penetration in the First Degree (minor under 13), 7 counts of Criminal Sexual Contact (minor under 13) and 6 counts of Incest (minor under 13). The sentence is the longest prison sentence ever handed down in the 12th Judicial District of New Mexico. Judge Ochoa was appointed to the bench in 2023 and elected to office in 2024. Suggs, a former Otero County Magistrate, was elected as District Attorney 2024.”

“Suggs prosecuted the case just 6 weeks after taking office. Newly elected District Attorney Ryan Suggs had this to say about the sentencing, ‘When we have a case like this, I will not rest until I know I am going to put the strongest case possible before the jury. My team of prosecutors, staff and victim’s advocates share the same sentiment. When I said that my administration will prosecute those who viciously abuse our children, to the fullest extent of the law, I meant it. I respect Judge Ochoa’s sentence, it’s the most our law allowed him to impose or otherwise I would have asked for something more.’ By law, these crimes are considered serious violent offenses. This means Reese must serve at least 85 percent of the sentence imposed before being eligible for parole. With that, Reese would not become eligible for parole until the year 2357,” says a Monday press release from the 12th Judicial District Attorney’s office, kind of rubbing it in with that abstraction of a sentence.

A search of voter data reveals that Reese is not Republican, though his parents Richard and Kathryn, whom the 40 year-old apparently lived with before he was arrested for his vile crimes, are.

Bitch-ass Turkish dictator Recep Erdogan’s regime on Thursday shut down all bus, ferry, and metro service in the nation’s largest city ahead of planned May Day protests, as well as arresting more than 400 suspected protestors, coming off a Wednesday sweep of 100 organizers, AFP reports.

This usually happens every May 1st, but this year the heat is considerably higher given the ongoing bogus prosecution of the city’s Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu of the opposition Republican People’s Party, who had been expected to mount a formidable challenge to Erdawg in the 2028 election.

Young white nationalist sociopaths Karoline Leavitt and Stephen Miller will headline this extra early edition of making shit up about pretending to govern on Thursday, snapping at reporters angrily for asking them to reconcile the hateful lies and propaganda with reality if not other hateful lies and propaganda. CBS’s Scott MacFarlane this week reported that the recent earlier-hour pressers have been scheduled as such to catch the “audience of one” while he’s watching Fox and Friends. Given that this morning’s start time is already 27 minutes late from its 8:30 AM billing, the couch crew at Fox are probably having no trouble filling the time with fawning praise for their Orange God Emperor.

Or maybe Karoline gave Team Fox the heads-up while the MSM reporters in the briefing room are having their time wasted pointlessly just for being the “Enemy of the People.” Could be the case.

The most reviled creature in all Biblical and Aesopian parables really stuck it to humanity again on Thursday, this time the son of a bitch got tangled up in the electrical cables crucial to powering Japan’s JR Central bullet train line between Tokyo and Osaka, officials tell NBC News.

The blackout occurred at 5:26 PM local time and was not restored until 7 PM, affecting 86 trains and stranding tens of thousands of passengers, a spokesperson for JR said. The fucking snake at least died as it cursed its hapless warm-blooded nemeses to the obnoxiously long delay.

General Motors on Thursday issued a statement estimating that the Orange God Emperor’s tariff fuckery will eat as much as $5 billion in profits, Bloomberg reports. The automaker had in January issued guidance pegging EBITDA at $15.7 billion but now have revised it lower to a range between $10 and $12.5 billion as a direct result of “Liberation Day.” Trump loves auto workers, libs.