Trump apparently believes his RNC nomination acceptance speech is going to be a second Gettysburg address

We have narrowed the Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech, to be delivered on the final night of the Convention (Thursday), to two locations – The Great Battlefield of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and the White House, Washington, D.C. We will announce the decision soon!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 10, 2020

ICE agents execute another civilian in Minneapolis

Angry grandpa threatens Canada with 100 percent tariff

Xi purges top ChiCom general

“There have not been discussions about toning down the rhetoric”

Greenland threatened with joint US-Antarctic invasion

New theory proposed for Europa’s theoretical ecosystem

REMINDER: Buy as much milk, eggs, bread, and gas as you can

Regime enforcer takes defeat in “case” against Don Lemon poorly

Texas oil industry sweating Venezuela glut

Potomac polluted with swampy sewage – plus a sewer pipe broke!

Vice President Neckbeard cops to MAGA base’s disappointments

Trump blames Schumer for Trump holding up funding for New York-New Jersey rail tunnel expansion project approved years ago

Pizza Hut unable to get “traditional” Italians to try their new pasta

Jaydee “jokes” that he was attacked by illegal alien sex offenders

More than 1,300 flights canceled ahead of winter storm

NYT non-retracts poll Trump lost his shit over

DHS calls on Walz to free imprisoned sex offender for deportation

Connecticut town plagued by mysterious persistent hum

French government survives two no confidence votes

Long Island cops “free” trapped deer into traffic

Target workers ordered not to help anyone hide from ICE

Mark Carney unvited to “Board of Peace” he didn’t want to join

Chicago jury acquits “gang member” who put bounty on CBP Nazi

You’ll never guess where the actual migrant sex offender was

“SHOULD I TRY FOR A FOURTH TERM?”

Matt Gaetz escapes Florida Bar discipline

Regime briefs Supreme Court in bid to kill California Prop 50

WATCH LIVE: Fascist neckbeard pwns Minneapolis

Fat Hitler sues JP Morgan Chase and Jamie Dimon for $5 billion

Mike Fanone nearly beats the shit out of Ivan Raiklin in hearing room

Mike Johnson offended by question about Trump’s bruised hands

Minnesota magistrate refuses to sign off on Don Lemon arrest

President extra busy creating lasting world peace at Davos summit

Former South Korean prime minister gets 23 years in the joint

FBI arrests two of Don Lemon’s anti-Christian terrorists

WATCH LIVE: Jim Jordan wrestles Jack Smith

The trains in Spain are causing a lot of pain

Netanyahu skipped Davos because of ICC warrant

“Donald Trump could look at me in the face and tell me to go screw myself and I’d say, ‘Thank you.’ That’s good… That’s a positive thing”

Orange Conquistador still entertaining annexation of Greenland

ICE deports defendant facing trial in $100 million jewel heist

Major winter storm to eff up everything for Eastern US

Lara Trump assures Fox News fans that Donald’s “faculties” are fine

Elizabeth Holmes requests clemency

Turning Point USA cease and desists Candace Owens

Whistleblower says ICE ordered to ignore Fourth Amendment

RNC offended by photoshop of fascist cosplayer in new attire

New York judge nukes Nicole Malliotakis’s district

Florida boat captain finds 23 keys of cocaine, hilarity ensues

Turkey Hill launches new “soft-serve-like” hard-serve ice cream