In an attempt to maintain a heartbeat on the debunked and widely dismissed “Hunter’s laptop” conspiracy, Trump’s personal attorney and Nosferatu cosplayer Rudy Giuliani writes on RealClearPolitics that unverified and suspicious emails from a recovered laptop prove… something is afoot at the Circle K.

Giuliani continues to claim, without any verification of the authenticity of the laptop or the emails, that Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden was heavily influenced by the business dealings of his son, although even a Senate investigation failed to show any such influence.  In fact, Biden was following US national policy–endorsed by republicans and our European allies–to oust a Ukrainian prosecutor who was so corrupt, his team was known as the “Diamond Prosecutors” because they literally took diamonds as bribes. 

“If Paul Manafort can go to prison for this, what about Hunter Biden? But it is far worse,” Giuliani writes, as one can imagine the spittle sprinkling the computer screen.  “This whole corrupt deal was for the elder Biden who demanded that Ukrainian Prosecutor General Viktor Shokin be fired or a $1 billion U.S. loan guarantee would be cancelled.”

It’s unclear what Giuliani’s mental state or blood-alcohol content was when he composed this editorial for RealClearPolitics, but it is evident that he assumes facts not established as the basis for the column.  Specifically:  no one has actually proven the laptop ever belonged to Hunter Biden.

Giuliani starts the piece by smearing the Bidens, echoing Trump’s newly adopted claim that they’re a “crime family” in Trump’s own bit of projection.  Himself famous for multi-Bloody Mary brunches, Giuliani then goes on to denigrate Hunter Biden’s struggles with substance abuse.

“Now, there’s a smoking gun. Biden claimed to have no clue how or why his son received a lucrative job for which he had no relevant credentials or experience. Indeed, he claimed he had never even spoken to Hunter about the affair,” Giuliani claims.

Hunter Biden, the founder of a private mergers-and-acquisition and venture capital firm, actually *did* have relevant experience–M&A and venture capital.  What Giuliani fails to realize is that no board of directors is comprised solely of people from within that industry or sector.  Hunter Biden’s firm had secured capital for Burisma, and as payment, the firm was awarded a seat on the Board.  Burisma was in a growth mode, meaning someone on the Board with M&A experience would be helpful.

You don’t fill the board of an energy company with petroleum engineers and commodities traders, just like the Board of Directors of your local hospital isn’t comprised only of doctors.

“Yet, here we have direct evidence that Hunter arranged a meeting between his father and one of Burisma’s top executives, a man who had already expressed interest in exploiting Hunter’s influence just months before Joe Biden used the power of the vice presidency to remove a prosecutor who claims he was preparing to investigate the company, including members of its Board.”

There’s a major flaw in Giuliani’s argument:  we don’t actually have evidence.  Evidence requires verification, which Giuliani’s argument laughingly lacks.  And the claim that “Joe Biden used the power of the vice presidency to remove a prosecutor” is not true because (1) an American Vice President doesn’t have such power and (2) the removal of the corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor was a bipartisan goal of the American government.

So basically, it comes down to this:  Giuliani is upset that Joe Biden was effective in managing US foreign policy, and he’s using Biden’s son to diminish that accomplishment.