What does this have to do with politics or real world news? Jack shit. Why is National Zero reporting this? No really good reason. Is that Boba Fett? Fuck you. No it’s not Boba Fett. And no that’s not Yoda there either. It doesn’t have a name. Some people call it “Baby Yoda” because Yoda’s species was never named in the Star Wars films and they don’t have a better name for it. The official name of the character is “The Child”, per merchandising I saw at Target. Yeah, I know Star Wars always has to put some cutesy characters in so they can sell kids toys. First it was the Ewoks, then the Gungans, the Porgs (the little penguin-y things from The Last Jedi), and now The Child.

Did that make you forget about the election for ten seconds?

I’ve noticed a lot of you getting particularly anxious over it. God knows I am too. I’m honestly getting sick of reading through columns from media liberals pissing their pants over the outcome. We’ve obsessed day in and day out for nearly four years now, searching, hoping, praying for some sort of cosmic intervention to end this shitshow early. First it was Mueller, then Stormy Daniels, then the Ukraine Impeachment, then Coronavirus, then Trump actually getting sick from it, all of which came and went and the orange bastard is still on the ballot on Tuesday. It’s been a very rough four years (with some inarguably bright moments for those of us outside of the MAGA cult).

Now here we are nearing the end and Biden’s ahead – and not just ahead in the polls but we can say with almost absolute certainty that he’s already banked significantly more votes that Trump has given the high early vote turnout in states like Georgia and Texas. There’s not nearly as many undecided voters left as there were at this point four days before the election in 2016, nor is there any significant voter preference for that fucking jerkoff Kanye West. Chances are as slim as Trump is fat that he’ll be reelected.

Still, to some of you that currently 10% chance of Biden losing the electoral college on the FiveThirtyEight forecast might as well be 90%, because an adverse outcome will be so gravely bad. We need this to happen, to feel better about ourselves as a country, that we can repudiate this pure actual evil from our leadership.

Two years ago we were in a similar place – though on a lesser scale – waiting with bated breath, knowing that the Dems probably had the House and maybe but not really the Senate. The polls were mostly right then, indifferent to our anxieties. I think they’re right this time too.

Thus concludes this stream of consciousness. There’s no larger point to this, besides telling you that the action-packed TV series about a bounty hunter in the Star Wars universe is back with a season premiere and you should do yourself a favor and watch it – or do something else entirely. Unplug from politics for a little while if you need to. Next week is when the real grind begins. Here’s hoping for a good grind.