WINNERS: Joe Biden and Kamala Harris (yeah obviously but let’s just get that out of the way).

LOSERS: Donald Trump and Mike Pence (obviously too, but still feels so damn good to type).

WINNER: America, for not having this fat bastard as president anymore.

LOSER: MAGAmerica, because the libs owned them, lol.

WINNERS: Justin Trudeau, Jacinda Ardern, Emmanuel Macron, Angela Merkel and all the other world leaders who despite their occasional fuckups and flaws care more about their people than they do enriching themselves.

LOSERS: Benny “Bibi” Netanyahu (lol), Andrzej Duda, Mohammed Bone Saw, Jair “Complete Cocksucker” Bolsonaro, Viktor Orban, Alex Lukaschenko, and that one pop star dipshit from Azerbaijan or whatever who’s friends with Don Jr.

LOSER: Vladimir Putin gets his own listing. He must really be trembling now that his buddy lost. Oh wait that’s just the Parkinson’s disease! LOL.

WINNER: Manhattan District Attorney Cyris Vance, who doesn’t need to be in federal court to argue for access to Trump’s financial records any more.

LOSER: Toby Bubbilicious, the jerkoff whose 15 minutes are already over and he achieved nothing.

LOSER: Tara Reade. Same story. What a scumbag.

LOSER: That dickhead with the Mac repair shop. Probably going to be prosecuted.

LOSER: QAnon and all his fans. Probably going to be an uptick in suicides soon.

Let me know who I forgot, I’ll make this a running list.