Happy Holidays to all of you angry right wingers who push that ‘War on Christmas’ bullshit. How about a little empathy for the people who don’t celebrate Christmas and can’t even buy a goddamned Slurpee without hearing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” on the 7-Eleven radio? Can’t you just admit that this is just a dog whistle for your deep insecurity over America becoming a little less white and Christian every year? Christmas isn’t going to be cancelled. No secular authority is going to penalize you for nearly killing yourself hanging Christmas lights on your roof eaves and then again when you finally get to taking them down sometime in early May of 2021. Soros isn’t going to preempt CBS’s broadcast of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with an infomercial for his “Open Societies Foundation”. And despite what your president says, he did not make it legal to say “Merry Christmas” again. He’s full of shit. “Happy Holidays” is a creation of American capitalism that you all profess to love so dearly, inclusive to all customers of the companies of which you supposedly own stock. Stop being such a Karen.

Merry Christmas to all of you pants-wetting worms who worry about “exclusion” during December. It’s not “endorsing” any one religion or another to acknowledge Christmas. Let’s also stop pretending that Hanukkah was ever a major holiday for Jewish folks prior to the commercialization of Christmas (though of course they’re entitled to a holiday too). Department store owners in the 20th century wanting to capture sales from a smaller segment of the populace during December were largely responsible for making it a gift-giving celebration, and thus the corporate boilerplate “Happy Holidays”. It’s not offensive to acknowledge that reality. You can say “Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah” if you’re unsure what of what faith the person is whom you’re addressing. You’re extremely unlikely to offend a Muslim if you’re somehow mistaken. You probably will offend an atheist, but fuck them if they can’t have a sense of humor about it.