2015: “Well I guess Obama’s an okay president. I don’t pay much attention to politics anyway. That shit is boring. Plus there’s a trailer for the new Transformers movie I want to watch… But why are these Jewish city people who write for fancy magazines so uppity? Why do they hate this Trump guy so much? He’s just running for president. Jeez relax.”
2016: “My cousin Kyle seems really upset on Facebook. What did Hillary ever do for him? Trump’s a businessman, he’ll be a really good president for the economy. Plus Kyle’s kind of a douche. He makes all that money working for that digital marketeering whatever-the-fuck-it-is thing in Brooklyn. Plus his boyfriend barely even talked that one time Kyle brought him back here to Pennsylvania. And who cares if I didn’t vote? It’s not like it matters.”
2017: “Trump’s actually pretty cool. Plus all of these liberals are just whiny pussies about everything. I’m going to join that MAGA subreddit. Those guys are hilarious. And what’s with all of this shit about hating Russia? Liberals are getting racist. They claim they hate racism but I see right there that they’re blaming Russians for everything that goes wrong. Hillary is a corrupt bitch. I’m posting that on this TheHill.com site I found.”
2018: “That’s it. Enough is enough. I’m voting straight Republican in the midterms. I don’t care. This liberal bullshit has to stop. They can’t be allowed to impeach the President. He has every right to use his authority to make Colin Kaepernick stop kneeling. It’s disrespectful to the flag and to America. There’s no way that many Puerto Ricans died in that hurricane. It’s all a bunch of lies made up to make Trump look bad.”
2019: “Hahahaha! Completely exonerated on The Mueller probe! No collusion, No obstruction! America wins! Liberals lose! Trump 2020 baby! Hell yeah… Wait, what? What the fuck is this bullshit? No, no, nope! No way. You’re not impeaching him libs. Hunter Biden is corrupt and so is Joe Biden. That was a perfect call. It was Trump’s right to do that. Fuck you libs. Fucking bullshit.”
2020: “ACQUITTED! EXONERATED! YES! TRUMP WINS AGAIN! HAHAHAHA! BRING ON THE BERNIE! HAHAHAHA… WTF?!?! WHAT? No, no Biden was supposed to lose the nomination! He’s corrupt! Fucking establishment Democrats cheated and… Are you serious?!? Lockdowns? Nope. No. Not happening. I’m not wearing a mask. This fake virus came from China to ruin Trump’s reelection chances. The death toll is over-inflated. Zero chance voting by mail is going to be allowed to happen this year. Democrats use it to cheat. Fuck their election security bills. Trump has this in the bag. LOL that old communist bitch died now Trump gets Supreme Court pick number three. Awesome. Feeling really good about Trump’s chances against Sleepy China Joe. MAGA!”
2021: “THE DEMOCRATS CHEATED THE PROOF IS THERE IN FRONT OF YOU! WE’RE GOING TO STORM THE CAPITOL LIKE PATRIOTS! 1776!…. What? Who are you? No, not interested in whatever you’re selling. Nice phony badge asshole… Fuck you! I’m an American and my taxes pay for that building! It was my right to enter! I don’t care! I wasn’t the only one to kick that cop while he was down. Why aren’t you arresting the other ones and leave me alone?!? The FBI’s a corrupt joke anyway! You let Obama spy on Trump! They got caught and you didn’t do anything! No! NO! LET GO OF ME! NO PLEASE JUST- OH MY GO- PLEASE LET ME GO! NO! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *sobs*”