“A suspect is in custody after firing at park rangers in Florida’s Everglades National Park on Sunday, officials said. The Everglades National Park reported an active shooter at the park who shot at park rangers ‘unprovoked.’ The tweet identifies the suspect as a 33-year-old white man. The national park called on visitors and residents in Flamingo, Fla., to shelter in place, noting the main park road was closed ‘for public safety.’ Federal, state and local law enforcement are searching for the suspect. The national park said there were no injuries to report as 8:40 pm” reports The Hill.

Since the suspect has already been identified as Caucasian, it rules out a Black gang member, but there’s still a chance he could be an Antifa socialist, so we’re going with that in the headline. Or if the MAGA kids are lucky, he’s a Muslim convert who swore allegiance to ISIS. But it’s Antifa for now. Even in the likely event that we find out he’s a right winger, he’ll still be an Antifa fifth columnist staging a false flag attack to make Trump voters look bad.

This right here is how we’re going to attract more Conservative readership at National Zero, by jumping to conclusions about the political motivations of a crazed gunman in absence of information – and when we’re right we win. When we’re wrong, we still win because we’ll always leave ample room for some Soros conspiracy theory to explain it. And if the evidence is really overwhelming that this attack was inspired by Trumpist rhetoric, we’ll just blame it on mental illness or violent video games or whatever. But no matter what happens, the MAGA-friendly headlines like this appearing here will just sucker the Pepe trolls in, and only those that read to the bottom fully will realize that we’re just fucking with them with obnoxious clickbait.