“Nary a month after the dramatic implosion of former president (and current Twitter refugee) Donald Trump’s attempted blogging career, the septuagenarian authoritarian’s ‘team’ of grifting enablers has launched its latest attempt at a social network for folks who are just too darn patriotic for mainstream social media…and also for all sorts of Sonic the Hedgehog porn” Koatku reports.

“QAnon genius Jordan Sather, who suggests drinking bleach to cure the ‘rona, noted that, ‘Shills are already hitting the #QAnon hashtag on GETTR hard. I won’t repost what I’m finding. Titties and bad words and stuff.’ ‘Stuff,’ indeed. So far GETTR’s moderation safeguards haven’t stood a chance against the NSFW Communist mpreg onslaught, which has flooded venerable tags like #QAnon with the sorts of sexuality-threatening furotica that pass through MAGA uncles’ minds during Thanksgiving rants. It seems likely that a fair few decent, upstanding conspiracy theorists and proto-fascists are rapidly being forced to come to terms with the existence of a large chunk of the shitposting internet, or at least to acknowledge it outside of their secret bookmarks. Sega’s speedy meme king is particularly well represented, with tags like #sonicfeet, #sonicismygod, #soniclovescommunism, #sonicmylove, and #sonic_came_in_my_bussy (ask your father about that one) tracking the sometimes-pregnant blue blur’s presence across the nascent social network for shitheads. But despite GETTR’s professed dedication to #FREEZEPEACH, a peek into accidentally leaked source code reveals its operators can add or remove ‘trending’ topics at will. To arms, blue bussy brigade – you’re being censored!”