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Conservative clickbait, annotated

The reader is introduced to the site ConservativeBrief.com when a former bit player, a guy most famous for being a convicted federal felon and now desperate for relevance, tweets with inane clickbait headline because that’s what they paid him (and other nobodies) to do.

The intended audience says to themselves “HOLY SHIT! THEY FOUND VOTIN FRAUD IN PENNSTILLVANIA! THAT PATRIOT GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS SAY THEY FOUND IT! HOT DAMN!”

Then the page loads and – for readers possessing any shred of intelligence at least – the disappointment sinks in within 10 to 15 seconds of the article’s text rendering on the screen:

Some in the media like to pretend that voter fraud is a hoax and never happens, [no shit it fucking happens] but a new report shows that a staffer of a Philadelphia politician had been engaging in voter fraud since 2015.

Acting U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, Jennifer Arbittier Williams, filed federal charges against Marie Beren, 67, that alleged she had participated in a voting scheme from 2015 – 2019 [So it ended long before the 2020 election and has absolutely nothing to do with Biden winning] in three South Philadelphia voting divisions, Philadelphia Magazine reported. Beren, who is a staffer for Philadelphia City Councilmember Mark Squilla, was charged with four counts of voter fraud and related offenses, including conspiracy.

The prosecutors charged that Beren was involved in a conspiracy with an individual only identified as Consultant #1, who is said to be a former elected official who “held himself out as an effective and successful political operative capable of ensuring his clients’ electoral success.”

That consultant, who Philadelphia Magazine is believedto be former Democrat United States Rep. Ozzie Myers, [Ozzie Myers was expelled from Congress over his involvement in the Abscam Scandal when fucking Jimmy Carter was still in office] ‘exercised influence and control in Philadelphia’s 39th Ward by distributing cash payments and supporting family, friends, and allies for elective office in the 39th Ward, and installing Ward Leaders, Judges of Elections, and Democratic State Committee,’ [Zero mention of Dominion, Chinese thermostats, Italian satellites, Venezuelan supercomputers] it said.

The rest of this article is just a verbatim clip from Philadelphia Magazine explaining the rest of the indictment. There is nothing of rhetorical value for MAGA partisans here beyond some lame “Well it shows Philadelphia is corrupt at elections” bullshit, omitting the fact that these were all localized dogshit intra-Democratic Party scams and that the scoreboard for Pennsylvanians charged with voter fraud in the 2020 election still remains Republicans 3, Democrats 0.

Fun fact: If you click on the article from George Papadopoulos’s tweet, there’s a parameter at the end “?utm_source=CB&utm_medium=539” and that “539” is probably his internal code to track how many clicks he got so they can pay him 75 cents or whatever each.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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