From the “Sentence I Never Thought I’d Ever Write” Department: An Oklahoma man was arrested for murdering his noodling partner because he feared the man was going to feed him to the mythical giant Bigfoot, NBC News reports.
Larry Doil Sanders, 53, objected to being made into a Sasquatchicle, so he choked Jimmy Glenn Knighten to death, partially to protect himself and perhaps, to provide Bigfoot a snack so the big guy would leave him alone. “Noodling,” incidentally, is not a coy way of saying anything sexual; it’s actually using your arms as bait to catch a catfish… which probably is a sexual activity to at least one person reading this, now that I think about it.
According to the affidavit supplied by the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation, who charged Sanders with first degree murder:
LARRY claimed that while at the river, he discovered JIMMY intended to feed him to sasquatch/bigfoot,” the affidavit said. “LARRY indicated JIMMY attempted to get away from him so that the sasquatch could eat LARRY. LARRY would not let JIMMY get away. LARRY punched JIMMY and struck JIMMY with a stick. LARRY and JIMMY fought for an extended amount of time on the ground. LARRY confirmed he killed JIMMY by choking him to death near the river.