The winner of the $1.3 billion Mega Millions lotto jackpot winner has yet to come forward and actually claim the prize after nearly a month since it was sold at an Illinois gas station, Fox Business News reports, leaving us to conclude that the most likely reason is that the person is dead.
Yeah, plenty of big jackpot winners take their time and meet with lawyers, accountants, and what not before claiming their prize, but a month seems awfully long to be hanging on to a very delicate and small piece of paper that is the only bearer instrument for what’ll likely be nearly a half billion dollars after the lump sum payment gets trimmed by taxes. Then there’s that, of the states that require lotto winners to be named publicly, Illinois isn’t one of them, so there’s little excuse there.
It would also seem extremely unlikely that the winner, if they’re still alive, is unaware that they won. Wouldn’t the owners of the store, who stand to make at least $500,000 on the prize when it’s claimed, be sending a private investigator to find the buyer using surveillance camera footage matching the timestamp of the sale? It’s a gas station, they probably drove there. Or at least give that footage to the Illinois Lottery Commission so they can check in on the person? The state has an interest here too since they get the tax revenue from the prize when claimed. If not then the jackpot gets split between all the states that participate in Mega Millions, which is socialism.
That’s actually probably the most aggravating part here, why the fuck the two other two interested parties to this sale aren’t using what they either or both almost certainly have in hand have to just make sure the winner knows they won. Or is even still alive for that matter.
To the winner: You better be fucking dead if you’re going to let us down like this. We were rooting for you to build yourself a mansion with a 300 ft waterslide and join a country club to offend WASP-y assholes with Roman numerals after their names but less than half your net worth. You better not have left that goddamned ticket in the back pocket of your Levi’s while you were doing your laundry and ruined your chance at Caddyshack-level real life comedic glory.