Consumers feeling the squeeze of inflation, high gas prices, wokeness, and squeezing are going to vote Republican to feel less squeezed and there’s nothing you can do about it, the mainstream media reports. There is no hope for Democrats to hold on to the House, the Senate, over a dozen state governorships, offices, and legislatures. Polls show somewhere between a 100% and a 100% lead for Republicans in every single race. The summer surge of hope that Dems felt was just a mirage. “QAnon defeats libs, lol,” said Axios’s Josh Kraushaar as he fondled himself and drooled.

Lee Zeldin is going to be governor of New York because of crime. Democrats are soft on crime. That’s why they’re going to lose, they never took crime seriously enough. And the fundraising too, they never raised enough money for these swing seats and to protect these safe blue seats and then there’s not enough messaging either. Independent voters aren’t getting the message. Messaging is really important on kitchen tables. Kitchen table politics are a big deal, even though “kitchen table” is just a metaphor for personal finance and household expenses.

Those turnout numbers are just a lie, as is the over-performance of Dem candidates in every special election since June. There’s no hope. None. “Don’t even think about hoping,” said Chuck Todd as he gnawed on a wheel of cheese. Don Bolduc is going to win the Senate race in New Hampshire and send that Democrat lady packing. The race is tightening so Democrats might as well not even vote. It doesn’t matter because the mainstream media says they’re fucked. It’s just the feeling, the enthusiasm for change in Congress among crucial suburban swing voters.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage now that we’ve addressed the insufferable doomerism pervasive in the mainstream media. We hope our right wing readers enjoyed this report.