These phony fraudulent witch hunt investigations of Hunter Biden are going to be a joke. First off, he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not illegal to smoke crack and even if it was, that’s just a process crime. Second, he shouldn’t comply with them even though he has nothing to hide! Why legitimize a rigged partisan investigation by a demented closet homosexual wrestler pretending to be a Congressman? Nope. Just don’t comply, Hunter. These investigations are illegal.
Real accountability is finally coming for the Big Guy. https://t.co/d1q19AnpLf
— Steve Scalise (@SteveScalise) November 17, 2022
The Burisma stuff and the laptop stuff was already debunked by Facebook, Twitter, and the FBI back in 2020. Case closed. End of story and… this is about as far as we could get with trying to write a satirical article written as a mirror image of the kind of cunty hyperbolic MAGA whining you saw over the last four years of House Democrats investigating Trump’s criminality.
Like if we write “the Republicans campaigned on fighting inflation and now all we’re hearing about is fucking Hunter Biden,” it’s not really satire or hyperbole because that’s actually true. They really did campaign on the on fighting inflation and now all we’re hearing about is fucking Hunter Biden. Not even lip service to the economy. It was all Hunter Biden this morning.
Similarly, we can’t “jokingly” say “Jim Jordan would never comply with a Congressional subpoena if he got one, so why should Hunter Biden?” because that’s not a hypothetical question. Jim Jordan (and several of his insurrectionist buddies) really was subpoenaed by the House January 6th Select Committee and refused to comply with it. We can’t really speculate on what the shoe looks like when it’s on the other foot when we’ve already seen exactly what it looks like.
Basically over the last four years Trump and his buddies made it crystal clear what they think of Congressional oversight: That it’s performative bullshit just used to score cheap political points and no one should take it seriously. Hunter Biden would do well to take the same approach.