Three men have been hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries after being stabbed by a crazed knifeman in a Silver Spring, Maryland McDonald’s at around 6:45 AM Tuesday morning, Fox News reports. All three victims were patrons eating breakfast together when the stabby bastard attacked.

The suspect fled on foot and remains at large. No doubt police are working as fast as they can to cuff the son of a bitch, however it’s tough to imagine they have the same level of urgency they would if the victims had been shot dead with an AR-15. The individual cops probably feel a lower level of anxiety over the prospect of encountering the suspect, knowing that if he didn’t have a gun on him while attempting to murder three men then he’s less likely to have one now. They’ll be able to tase him or, worse come to worse, shoot him with their service weapon if he refuses to surrender.

The victims will probably avoid McDonald’s for the rest of their lives due to traumatic association of Egg McMuffins and Hot Cakes with getting stabbed. They could’ve been killed easily in the stabbing attack. Just not as easily as they would have if the fucker had a pistol or shotgun. Their wives and children are probably at the hospital now, skipping work or school to bring them them balloons and candy to cheer them up. Which is difficult, though it’s considerably less difficult than affirming to a coroner that the body on the slab with a bullet hole in its forehead is indeed their loved one and then having to sit in the office of some funeral home director who punctuates his display of deepest sympathy by gently clearing his throat while pointing to the five-figure invoice for his services.

Still a total bloody mess for all involved. A near-tragedy stopped only by a bad guy without a gun.