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CONFIRMED: They‘re making your Xbox woke

It’s been confirmed. They are making your Xbox woke. It’s not enough that Microsoft founder Bill Gates put microchips in the COVID vaccines and veggie burgers or that he’s buying up thousands upon thousands of acres of farmland to grow genetically altered crops tended to by human trafficking victims kidnapped by FEMA who are eaten alive by the giant sentient mutant Venus fly traps guarding the perimeter if they try to escape. Now they want to indoctrinate your kids into a “woke” ideology by introducing a power save mode for when you leave your Xbox on pause.

Stop it libs. It doesn’t matter if the “backlash” in the chyron was entirely self-generated by Fox News. That’s their job – to educate and inform the public about threats to traditional families. Hard working Americans need to know if their kids are safe from the perverse influences of video gaming console firmware features while they’re screaming into the headset that their opponents are fucking cheating antisemitic slur-bags following a loss in a heated Call of Duty Modern Warfare II multiplayer deathmatch. Fox News performs an invaluable service digging deep into the issues to find something to lash back at. Without Fox News you would never have known that they are trying to take away your gas stoves, your real meat burgers, your Mr Potato Head dicks, your Splash Mountain at Disney World, your Muppet Show episodes, your Dr Seuss books, your M&Ms, your Star Wars bounty hunter’s spaceship name, your Constitutional right to see pics of Hunter Biden’s cock.

See? Look what they‘re doing here. They‘re trying to distract you with the re-release of a seminal classic first person shooter, one unavailable on modern consoles for nearly a quarter century! Microsoft knows they’re in trouble, so they timed this release for exactly when they would be feeling the most heat for their insidious attempt to indoctrinate young gamers!

Americans know a scam when they see one. They’re going to fight back against this by disabling the new Xbox power save mode as soon as they figure out how to do it. Then they’re going to be really angry about it being imposed on them while they play GoldenEye 007 with their $14.99/month Xbox Game Pass subscription. You libs just wait. You’re not going to like this backlash.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’ve served our MAGA readers some more outrage fuel and more importantly contrived a way to report GoldenEye is coming to Xbox this week.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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