Evidently feeling desperate enough to pull the same shit Joe Tacopina did by asking Jim Jordan to intervene in the Manhattan Stormy Daniels case, Trump lawyers Tim Palatore and Jim Trusty sent a letter Wednesday to House Intelligence Committee chairman Mike Turner pleading for some kind of intervention to stop their fat orange idiot client from being prosecuted by Jack Smith.

“We represent President Trump and are writing to provide information regarding the probe by the Department of Justice (‘DOJ’) into the post-Presidency handling of classified documents. We understand that DOJ is making the documents marked classified available for your review, and this letter provides the Committee with information that we suspect DOJ has not disclosed to it.”

“It has become abundantly clear through this investigation that the institutional practice and procedures within the White House for the handling of classified materials drastically differ from the long-established standard operating procedures employed by various agencies of the intelligence community as well as the US military… The solution to these issues is not a misguided, politically infected, and severely botched criminal investigation, but rather a legislative solution. DOJ should be ordered to stand down, and the intelligence community should instead conduct an appropriate investigation and provide a full report to this Committee, as well as your counterparts in the Senate. Armed with the appropriate knowledge, we respectfully suggest that your Committee hold hearings and make legislative changes to [create new rules Trump would have never followed anyway].”