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Bastard Congresswoman learns who’s not her daddy

Palin of the Rockies Lauren Boebert, the Republican Colorado Congressman better known for her frequent foibles with her “Mean Girls” attitude than any legislation, announced that the story of her conception is a lie and former professional wrestler Stan Lane is not her biological father according to a recently-done blood test, the Daily Beast reports.

Boebert’s mother, Shawn Roberts Bentz, had sought child support from Lane back in the 1980s, but a blood test did not prove paternity.  Bentz, however, always questioned the test given that a lab technician had been caught switching blood samples for bribes in another case.  However, the latest tests were conclusive:  Lane is not Boebert’s father, and no one is taking credit for siring the child.

Not knowing her father becomes the latest chapter in a life that led her to marry a 24-year-old man who pleaded guilty to charges after whipping out his penis in front of teenage friends of his then-high school student girlfriend, who he impregnated at 17, abandoned at 36 after a series of scandals, and who is now a 36-year old grandmother after her aforementioned son impregnated his 15-year-old girlfriend because of family values.

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