Categories
Uncategorized

Matt Gaetz’s cable news audition went well

MAGA Congressman Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma rakes the Republican Fredo of the House, Matt Gaetz over nails, detailing how Gaetz was despised by his colleagues as a scum who would show photos of naked sexual conquests to coworkers and brag that he would snort ground up Viagra to “go for four hours.”  (I had to listen to it to report it to you, but it’s really worth hearing.)

The word “unserious” has been used with increasing frequency in proximity to the name Matt Gaetz, particularly when talking to Republican politicians. But nay, nay, I say:  Matt Gaetz is extremely serious, just not about being a Congressman.

You gotta remember what’s on Gaetz’s vision board in his bedroom:  after the redesign forced by the federal investigation, it’s not a big picture of the White House or even a gavel on top.  It’s a television showing a promo card for “The Gaetz Go-Round,” his dreamed-of talk show.  To get to that goal, Matt Gaetz needed to burnish his all-important brand, and there’s no better way to get eyeballs than to establish yourself as the Man Most Hated by the Republican Establishment.  (You could almost hear the radio promo as you read it, couldn’t you?)

But on Matty’s Vision Board, the television is representative of an Entire Media Empire like Mr. Trump’s.  (Dare not inform Matt that Mr. Trump’s entire media empire–prior to his entry into politics–consisted of licensing his name and image for a reality television show!  This is his dream.)  Podcasts, newsletters, a retail store.  An arena concert tour!  You think Elon will let him host a weekly live event?!  OH, MAN, a Gaetz line of children’s grooming books.  (I’m talking about teaching kids how he combs that hair, people!  Where are your minds?!?)

It’s not just Gaetz who plugs his appearances more than his policies.  More times than not, you’ll hear the celeb-iticans promote their podcasts or new book more often than their campaign fundraising website.  Free agent sycophant Marjorie Taylor Greene, newly released from Kevin McCarthy’s backside,  promotes her brand of conservatism across her platforms.  Her Twitter–yeah, I’m dead-naming it–feed runs topics that so infrequently touch on issues of her district, you would have thought she represented Iowa this summer.  She sets her social media feed like she’s planning to be the next female primetime host on Fox.

Gaetz fancies himself the new Tucker Carlson.  MTG wants to be the next Laura Ingraham.  Ted Cruz still sees a nasally Rush Limbaugh in the mirror.  I’m sure Lauren Boebert imagined herself as the brunette former reality show character who sits on Fox’s Curvy Couch during weekends, but her recent dalliances and her “No, for now” muddling have shifted her future media opportunities to the more, shall we say, graphic nature.

They’re all unserious politicians, the lot of them.  (Shit, what kind of “serious” politician with serious aspirations flies to Cancun as a winter storm disaster hit in his state?)  But they are serious self-promoters.  Their elections to national office were just stepping stones to a greater money-making, ego-stoking career.  They don’t want to be public servants; they want to be pampered stars.  They don’t want to hear constiuent concerns; they want to hear fan base cheers.

See, a world where they are the stars in their own media bubbles, is their goal.  It’s not having a school named after them, not being remembered as a statesman or a leader.  They want the cameras and cheering fans.  Until it all falls around them, then they’ll want back on the ballot.  Just ask Sarah Palin.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Susan Collins PAC canvasser caught porch pirating

1 hour ago

New campaign ad BLASTS Trump immigration policy!

4 hours ago

“The damaged MAGA brand will not appear in the disclaimers”

7 hours ago

House finally passes Ratepayer Protection Act

8 hours ago

WATCH LIVE: Maybe he dies in front of his racist, miserable fans

18 hours ago

Remember when Trump kept losing his shit at Jerome Powell?

21 hours ago

Mike Johnson calls it a wrap until mid-November

1 day ago

Quarter of Ohioans think Sherrod Brown still a senator: BGSU poll

1 day ago

Fox News reports Kirk still defunding woke universities

1 day ago

Marquette poll puts Dems up 13 percent on generic ballot

1 day ago

Fat baby conditions Kennedy Center’s existence on favorable ruling

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Todd auditions for White House press secretary role

2 days ago

Massie intros Hegseth impeachment articles

2 days ago

Dems 51 – GOP 43 on generic ballot: NYT/Siena poll

2 days ago

“‘The overall numbers beat the NFL,’ Trump wrote on Truth Social the next morning, long before any such numbers were available”

2 days ago

K$H in the hot seat: Live video

2 days ago

Ken Paxton lunged for US tourist’s phone after caught in London

3 days ago

Supreme Court tosses Trump mail-voting crackdown petition

3 days ago

Any man who must call himself a hoaxbuster is no hoaxbuster

3 days ago

DHS broke state laws in moronic voter fraud hunt: whistleblower

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE-ish: Jaydee already getting heckled in Kansas

3 days ago

Those unconcerned with threats from AI may want to reconsider

3 days ago

DiGenova quit after Blanche sent DOJ officials to “assist”: CNN

3 days ago

Houthis seize more Red Sea islands

3 days ago

President warns full-blown economic depression imminent

4 days ago

Los Angeles County neighborhoods hit with microquake swarm

4 days ago

Saudis shut down crucial pipeline amid Houthi/Iranian threat

5 days ago

Two Twenty-Six

6 days ago

Orange Fuhrer still won’t say why payout depends on midterms win

6 days ago

“The ballroom and the fucking Reflecting Pool”

6 days ago

Diesel prices top $6 a gallon because of Biden

6 days ago

Claiming Trump ordered Charlie Kirk’s assassination is too much of a stretch even for anodyne satire of MAGA conspiracy bullshit

7 days ago

“Grand Conspiracy Case” update: Joe DiGenova quits

7 days ago

Dems 49 – GOP 38 on generic congressional ballot: QU poll

7 days ago

Frau Ingraham just asking (the right) questions on $5,000 stimulus

1 week ago

Kavanaugh again bricks Missouri gerrymander

1 week ago

Orange Fuhrer decalres ratings victory over NFL opener

1 week ago

WATCH LIVE: Celebration of national failure

1 week ago

Dems lead in Michigan and Maine: CNN polls

1 week ago

Inflatable slide deployed from Qatar Force One

1 week ago

Egyptian Insta-selfie-luencer sentenced to hang for drug trafficking

1 week ago

“My only hope is that no one watches it”

1 week ago

Fox News forgets to retcon the DEI angle into crash investigation

1 week ago

Oil up over $100/barrel again

1 week ago

The hero of 9/11 now kind of admits he wasn’t there that day

1 week ago

White House not actually defending Trump’s insane 9/11 lie

1 week ago

Stolen 9/11 Valor story contributes to legend of Donald Trump

1 week ago

Netanyahu kept pre-October 7th intel from top minions: New book

1 week ago

At least 73 injured in Houthi attacks on Saudi Arabia

1 week ago

“So-called ‘Senator’ Jerry Moron…”

1 week ago

x
x
x
x
x
x