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Matt Gaetz’s cable news audition went well

MAGA Congressman Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma rakes the Republican Fredo of the House, Matt Gaetz over nails, detailing how Gaetz was despised by his colleagues as a scum who would show photos of naked sexual conquests to coworkers and brag that he would snort ground up Viagra to “go for four hours.”  (I had to listen to it to report it to you, but it’s really worth hearing.)

The word “unserious” has been used with increasing frequency in proximity to the name Matt Gaetz, particularly when talking to Republican politicians. But nay, nay, I say:  Matt Gaetz is extremely serious, just not about being a Congressman.

You gotta remember what’s on Gaetz’s vision board in his bedroom:  after the redesign forced by the federal investigation, it’s not a big picture of the White House or even a gavel on top.  It’s a television showing a promo card for “The Gaetz Go-Round,” his dreamed-of talk show.  To get to that goal, Matt Gaetz needed to burnish his all-important brand, and there’s no better way to get eyeballs than to establish yourself as the Man Most Hated by the Republican Establishment.  (You could almost hear the radio promo as you read it, couldn’t you?)

But on Matty’s Vision Board, the television is representative of an Entire Media Empire like Mr. Trump’s.  (Dare not inform Matt that Mr. Trump’s entire media empire–prior to his entry into politics–consisted of licensing his name and image for a reality television show!  This is his dream.)  Podcasts, newsletters, a retail store.  An arena concert tour!  You think Elon will let him host a weekly live event?!  OH, MAN, a Gaetz line of children’s grooming books.  (I’m talking about teaching kids how he combs that hair, people!  Where are your minds?!?)

It’s not just Gaetz who plugs his appearances more than his policies.  More times than not, you’ll hear the celeb-iticans promote their podcasts or new book more often than their campaign fundraising website.  Free agent sycophant Marjorie Taylor Greene, newly released from Kevin McCarthy’s backside,  promotes her brand of conservatism across her platforms.  Her Twitter–yeah, I’m dead-naming it–feed runs topics that so infrequently touch on issues of her district, you would have thought she represented Iowa this summer.  She sets her social media feed like she’s planning to be the next female primetime host on Fox.

Gaetz fancies himself the new Tucker Carlson.  MTG wants to be the next Laura Ingraham.  Ted Cruz still sees a nasally Rush Limbaugh in the mirror.  I’m sure Lauren Boebert imagined herself as the brunette former reality show character who sits on Fox’s Curvy Couch during weekends, but her recent dalliances and her “No, for now” muddling have shifted her future media opportunities to the more, shall we say, graphic nature.

They’re all unserious politicians, the lot of them.  (Shit, what kind of “serious” politician with serious aspirations flies to Cancun as a winter storm disaster hit in his state?)  But they are serious self-promoters.  Their elections to national office were just stepping stones to a greater money-making, ego-stoking career.  They don’t want to be public servants; they want to be pampered stars.  They don’t want to hear constiuent concerns; they want to hear fan base cheers.

See, a world where they are the stars in their own media bubbles, is their goal.  It’s not having a school named after them, not being remembered as a statesman or a leader.  They want the cameras and cheering fans.  Until it all falls around them, then they’ll want back on the ballot.  Just ask Sarah Palin.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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