Categories
Uncategorized

Matt Gaetz’s cable news audition went well

MAGA Congressman Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma rakes the Republican Fredo of the House, Matt Gaetz over nails, detailing how Gaetz was despised by his colleagues as a scum who would show photos of naked sexual conquests to coworkers and brag that he would snort ground up Viagra to “go for four hours.”  (I had to listen to it to report it to you, but it’s really worth hearing.)

The word “unserious” has been used with increasing frequency in proximity to the name Matt Gaetz, particularly when talking to Republican politicians. But nay, nay, I say:  Matt Gaetz is extremely serious, just not about being a Congressman.

You gotta remember what’s on Gaetz’s vision board in his bedroom:  after the redesign forced by the federal investigation, it’s not a big picture of the White House or even a gavel on top.  It’s a television showing a promo card for “The Gaetz Go-Round,” his dreamed-of talk show.  To get to that goal, Matt Gaetz needed to burnish his all-important brand, and there’s no better way to get eyeballs than to establish yourself as the Man Most Hated by the Republican Establishment.  (You could almost hear the radio promo as you read it, couldn’t you?)

But on Matty’s Vision Board, the television is representative of an Entire Media Empire like Mr. Trump’s.  (Dare not inform Matt that Mr. Trump’s entire media empire–prior to his entry into politics–consisted of licensing his name and image for a reality television show!  This is his dream.)  Podcasts, newsletters, a retail store.  An arena concert tour!  You think Elon will let him host a weekly live event?!  OH, MAN, a Gaetz line of children’s grooming books.  (I’m talking about teaching kids how he combs that hair, people!  Where are your minds?!?)

It’s not just Gaetz who plugs his appearances more than his policies.  More times than not, you’ll hear the celeb-iticans promote their podcasts or new book more often than their campaign fundraising website.  Free agent sycophant Marjorie Taylor Greene, newly released from Kevin McCarthy’s backside,  promotes her brand of conservatism across her platforms.  Her Twitter–yeah, I’m dead-naming it–feed runs topics that so infrequently touch on issues of her district, you would have thought she represented Iowa this summer.  She sets her social media feed like she’s planning to be the next female primetime host on Fox.

Gaetz fancies himself the new Tucker Carlson.  MTG wants to be the next Laura Ingraham.  Ted Cruz still sees a nasally Rush Limbaugh in the mirror.  I’m sure Lauren Boebert imagined herself as the brunette former reality show character who sits on Fox’s Curvy Couch during weekends, but her recent dalliances and her “No, for now” muddling have shifted her future media opportunities to the more, shall we say, graphic nature.

They’re all unserious politicians, the lot of them.  (Shit, what kind of “serious” politician with serious aspirations flies to Cancun as a winter storm disaster hit in his state?)  But they are serious self-promoters.  Their elections to national office were just stepping stones to a greater money-making, ego-stoking career.  They don’t want to be public servants; they want to be pampered stars.  They don’t want to hear constiuent concerns; they want to hear fan base cheers.

See, a world where they are the stars in their own media bubbles, is their goal.  It’s not having a school named after them, not being remembered as a statesman or a leader.  They want the cameras and cheering fans.  Until it all falls around them, then they’ll want back on the ballot.  Just ask Sarah Palin.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Tropical Storm Arthur to dump up to 20 inches of rain on Texas

7 hours ago

“Pastors for Trump” founder forsaken by his true God

15 hours ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange God Emperor snaps at reporters in France

19 hours ago

Jon “Os(jerk!)off” pretty clever for Trump

20 hours ago

“Incensed by the dissent”

21 hours ago

You can kind of tell why they wanted to hang Mike Pence

1 day ago

Rick Jackson defeats Trump-endorsed scumbag in Georgia gov primary, Trump-endorsed scumbag Collins takes Senate primary

1 day ago

Trump needs Modi to help him climb single step

2 days ago

Regime to allow Iranians to start selling oil immediately

2 days ago

Jaydee x The View kind of sucked for Jaydee

2 days ago

McDonald’s celebrates America250 by reviving fried apple pies

2 days ago

Taxpayers covering at least $300 million of Trump ballroom costs

2 days ago

“Most of that is basically Iranian propaganda”

2 days ago

Muslim Republican leaves Texas GOP convention in tears

2 days ago

“Dumocrats” propagating Trump capitulation

2 days ago

Fanboy says it’s okay to give Iran money because they took a beating

3 days ago

Newsom says he’s under federal grand jury investigation

3 days ago

Strategic Petroleum Reserve at lowest level since 1983

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: National embarrassment in Europe for a day or two

3 days ago

Top Israeli official gives a big fuck no to Trump “peace deal”

3 days ago

Regime to send pallets of cash to Iran: Jaydee

3 days ago

Orange God Emperor laments his impotence

3 days ago

Jaydee and Stephen pushed hard for Insurrection Act: NYT

3 days ago

MAGA Congresswoman claims “voter fraud” in next reconciliation

3 days ago

Norwegian Prince Joffrey sentenced to four years for rapes

3 days ago

Trump “hereby fully authorizes” Strait of Hormuz reopening

3 days ago

White House disputes weather forecast reporting as “bullshit”

4 days ago

Team Orange fear Swan/Haberman have tapes from situation room

4 days ago

Birthday loser whines over his best bud ruining the day

4 days ago

Swiss right wing on track to lose population cap referendum

4 days ago

Hahahahaha! Good one Greg!

4 days ago

Regime has to “certify” Trump removal from JFK center by noon

5 days ago

Senate Republicans “assuming” Trump will spend on Paxton

5 days ago

Texas GOP symbol non-symbolically pisses on convention floor

6 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Kennedy Center Denazification underway

6 days ago

Judge taps out of blocking White House UFC fight

6 days ago

White House Axios Secretary Barak Ravid gives Trump-Iran update

6 days ago

“Void” is catchier than “expunge”: Luna’s intra-cranial focus group

6 days ago

Dan Sullivan banned from ballot in Alaska

6 days ago

Orange Tyrant screams at Iranians for “leaking” to “fake news”

6 days ago

Randy Fine laments Ammonites’ rejection of the Orange Yahweh

6 days ago

K$H sics agents on Ohio voter rights organization

6 days ago

“The aluminum chassis, while almost identical, has holes that are machined with a slightly different pattern”: Trump T1 necropsy

6 days ago

Newsmax reports DOGE cutting gay trans fly breeding program

6 days ago

Majority of Evangelicals oppose war in Iran: Reuters/Ipsos poll

6 days ago

Kennedy Center puppet board seeks stay of Trump name removal

6 days ago

Mediocre white guys slapfighting on Twitter again

6 days ago

Regime plans lame duck “expunge” of Trump impeachments: WSJ

6 days ago

“President Donald Trump grew furious this week”

6 days ago

New York Post reports Nazi-curious degenerate unfit for office

6 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x