The lion who escaped from a circus outside Rome, Italy on Saturday did not eat any Christians during five hours spent roaming the seaside town of of Ladispoli prior to his recapture, with the circus’s trainer telling AFP the predatory cat does not possess his ancestors’ performative urges to consume the flesh of Jesus worshippers for the cruel entertainment of the pagan vox populi.
Rony Vassallo, owner of the Rony Roller Circus, said his troupe’s eight year-old lion Kimba “met with people in an environment he wasn’t used to… and nothing happened, he didn’t even for a second have the instinct to attack a person,” and Vassallo was far more fearful “that someone could have harmed the animal, out of fear, or excess enthusiasm,” while the animal was missing. It could also have been that the Italians who encountered Kimba did not look him in the eyes or start praying the Hail Mary for divine protection, which would have driven the beast to instinctively pounce.
Large-headed Trump spokesman told Axios that “Disgraceful and talentless John Carl [sic] is a back-bencher who could never get his own show for obvious reasons. Excerpts previously released from this ‘book’ have already been thoroughly debunked,” when asked to comment on an unrelated story about Trump hanging up on Kim Kardashian because he believed she had voted for Joe Biden.