The Acciardi family – Anthony Sr, Doreen, Steve, and Anthony Jr – are out one condom machine, a bunch of sex toys and lube after police raided their strip joint, the XXXV Club in Sayreville, New Jersey on a tip that it was also being secretly operated as a brothel, 1010 WINS reports.

Shocking as it may be that a strip club in which topless women grind on men for five to ten minutes for $100 or so could also be an establishment in which cash was also exchanged for sexual favors – as opposed to say a bakery or a tire store – the allegations in New Jersey Attorney General Matt Platkin’s case against the Acciardis and their associates appear to be credible and damning.

“Our investigation determined that the operators of Club XXXV were using various illegal means to turn their club into a multimillion-dollar racket. We allege that these defendants enriched themselves unlawfully, masked the illicit sources of their income, and generated a host of quality-of-life issues for the residents of their community,” said Platkin and fuck this story is so goddamned funny.

They took the condom machine. Why the hell did they take the condom machine? Like we get seizing the cash and the gold bars, but the condom machine, really? These people are guilty as hell, we can buy that, as we could that the lube and the sex toys are material evidence to their case. Where does the condom machine fit into that? Maybe the 1010 WINS story is missing some detail about how the machine was somehow part of a scam racket. Mafia types love that kind of shit. Who knows. Without that we’re left to wonder if the cops wanted it for the men’s room at their precinct.