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Render unto the Orange Caesar

Disgraced former President Trump is demanding that his minions’ Larry Kudlow, Rick Perry, Linda McMahon, and others start paying him his cut out of their America First Policy Institute “think tank” scam operation as he believes they improperly raised money off his “brand,” Rolling Stone reports.

“It’s my fucking money!” the fat bastard reportedly screamed with rage at his underlings, who tried to explain to him that there’s no legal means for a non-profit organization to simply cut a check to Trump or his campaign for whatever he thinks they owe him. “I don’t even know if she would legally be allowed to give him all that money, to be honest with you,” a source said “It’s not like [former Trump White House aide Brooke Rollins] got caught selling a bunch of knockoff Trump ties.”

Trump tells his minions that he’d be fine if Rollins would just settle for “half” whatever the amount he thinks she owes. The most recent filings indicate that AFPI took in $38 million in FY 2021-22, but Trump believes it’s up to $60 million. He keeps asking if “the lawyers” can get involved and his sycophants keep telling him that’s a very bad idea. When asked for comment, large-headed spokesman Steven Cheung’s massive cranium emitted a typically combative statement. “None of these conversations ever happened, and these sources who pretend to speak for President Trump clearly have their own agenda so they’ve fabricated elaborate stories to make it seem like they know what’s going on. America First-aligned organizations exist because of President Trump and the movement he created, and we look forward to their continued work,” said Cheung.

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