“Out of an abundance of caution amid severe weather advisories, Team Trump is announcing an adjusted schedule for this weekend ahead of the Iowa Caucus on Monday, January 15. In order to ensure the safety of MAGA patriots across Iowa, Team Trump will host a series of telerallies featuring President Donald J Trump, messages across social media and good old-fashioned telephones to keep Iowa caucus-goers excited as Monday’s Caucus Night fast approaches,” says disgraced former President Trump’s campaign announcing they were being pussies, not patriots.