A fringe candidate known as “Vermin Supreme,” birth name unknown, who WGBH describes as “running on a platform that includes free ponies for all Americans, time travel research and using zombies to create energy by harnessing ‘the latest in hamster wheel technology,'” won more than twice as many votes in Tuesday’s Dem New Hampshire primary than Texas businessman and Evangelical pastor Ryan Binkley, who spent at least $8 million on his campaign, did on the GOP side.
Mr Supreme’s campaign theme of mandatory toothbrushing laws, “because gingivitis has been eroding the country’s gum line for long enough and must be stopped,” won over at least 639 Granite State voters, whilst Binkley’s platform of restoring America as a “lamppost of freedom at home and throughout the world,” was only good enough for 265 voters at 91 percent of precincts reporting.
Binkley can however take a victory lap in having outperformed other Dem primary candidates such as “Paperboy Prince” (220 votes), “President Boddie” (94 votes), and “Star Locke” (26 votes). The Texan even edged out higher name ID Republicans such as Senator Tim Scott (166 votes), North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum (158 votes), and former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson (98 votes), though Binkley fell short of former Vice President Mike Pence’s 353 vote finish.