Banned from the Nathan’s Coney Island July 4th Hot Dog eating contest for bullshit reasons, world eating champ Joey Chestnut will instead spend Independence Day at Fort Bliss in Texas, facing off against no fewer than four US Army soldiers in a five minute hot dog battle, the Army Times reports.
If not for that the time is half that of the Nathan’s contest’s 10 minutes, we would go ahead and declare Chestnut the de facto winner by proxy kind of like how convicted felon former President Trump declares himself the winner of golf tournaments he didn’t play in because of some bullshit he made up in his head about shooting better than the tourney’s winner at the same course. Maybe he’ll still even beat this year’s Nathan’s winner with half the time anyway. As for the four soldiers we hope a military doctor more qualified than Ronny Jackson is present to monitor their health.
Chestnut’s next big showdown is against rival worldwide champ Takeru Kobayashi on Labor Day.