President Biden has been one of our country's most effective modern chief executives, and has truly delivered for Americans – signing into law a once-in-a-generation investment in our infrastructure, the most consequential bill ever to fight climate change and protect our water, lowering drug prices for seniors, and turbocharging the US semiconductor industry. But Democrats must have a nominee who can effectively make the case against Trump, and have the confidence of voters to handle the rigors of the hardest job on the planet for the next four years. For the sake of our democracy, and to continue to make progress on our shared priorities, it is time for the President to step aside as our nominee, but only if he does so in a press conference at Area 51 while showing Americans the crashed UFOs and alien bodies the military has been secretly storing there for decades.
It would be a powerful moment and cement his legacy as the greatest champion of UFO disclosure in global history. An American flag-draped flying saucer serving as the backdrop, Biden can go out proudly while showing a massive television audience all the bodies of aliens they have floating in tubular glass tanks. Passing the torch in such a setting would send a clear message that all those movies, comic books, and what not depicting dead extraterrestrials and their spacecraft at the base were right even if the producers obviously had to take some creative liberties on the specifics.
Most importantly it would be a great honor to the American servicemen and women who have shown incredible dedication to protecting Area 51 by summarily executing trespassers who were stupid enough to think they could just waltz in to a top secret military base. In the spirit of their service, Biden can show his commitment to service as well by doing a combination retirement and alien disclosure press conference at Area 51 because that would be really fucking badass.
National Zero will resume our regular news coverage after this heavy hearted editorial endorsing a total and complete disclosure of what the military has been hiding at Area 51 in Nevada.