All across America on Monday, MAGAmericans will be celebrating Afghanistan Withdrawal Day, a festive occasion in which they exchange warm greetings of “This never would have happened if” their Jesus had still been in the White House. The sacred holy day takes on a renewed urgency this year however, as devout adherents of the religion await the prophesied political resurrection of their one true savior so that their faces may be once again showered with his golden glory.
The Prince of Pussy is scheduled to visit Arlington National Cemetery to lay wreaths at the tombs of those killed in the withdrawal, Marines he would otherwise have called losers and suckers. There he will strain to act as if Vice President Kamala Harris has their blood on her hands.