Anti-woke texting service “Woke Alert,” a free SMS-based newsletter for all your boycotting needs, has now turned their fire on oral nicotine pouch product Zyn because parent corporation Philip Morris – which also produces the Marlboro cigarette brand that probably literally killed tens of millions of smokers worldwide over the last century – has distributed some internal literature promoting the company’s embrace of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) policies in the workplace.

Further down in the wokeness advisory, Woke Alert writes that “Philip Morris also pushes gender ideology on its customers. Philip Morris partners with Stonewall, an organization which aims to promote a LGBTQ+ lifestyle among children and young people. Stonewall also encourages teachers to indoctrinate students on LGBTQ+ topics and incorporate it in their curriculum. The company also sponsored a LGBTQ+ summit featuring the Trevor Project’s CEO. The Trevor Project is a LGBTQ+ youth organization that offers an anonymous online chat forum that has already faced criticism for providing a platform in which adults can communicate to minors about sexuality.”

“This platform requires no age verification and allows children to participate without their parents’ knowledge,” the alert continued, emphasizing that the “problem” is not simply confined to the workplace and Philip Morris is working to indoctrinate children and so on. You will not be shocked to learn that Woke Alert in no way expresses similar concern for children acquiring and using Zyn.

Priorities, people.

Kamala’s VP Wannabe Tim Walz Levied WHOPPING 95% Tax on Zyn.https://t.co/1GzsXDNNvS

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) August 9, 2024

Given the well-documented popularity of Zyn among convicted felon former President Trump’s target demographic, the easy joke is mocking the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex for turning against their base’s preferred means means of nicotine consumption over stupid DEI, sarcastically asking why would they want to pointlessly stir unrest within their movement.

Thing is it’s actually the “Woke Alert” crew at the Consumer Research Council that are taking the easy route here: Lululemon and Ben & Jerry’s aren’t going to give a fuck if Trump voters are boycotting them over their policies. It’s Philip Morris that is far more likely to respond to this and publicly act like they’re undertaking a DEI purge. Hell that’s exactly why the text said “WOKE ALERT: ZYN” and not “WOKE ALERT: PHILIP MORRIS.” Of course this is less likely to stir a boycott – nicotine users aren’t keen on quitting or switching once they find a fix they like – and just a shit ton of angry Facebook comments and emails and what not. Irrespective of whether Philip Morris caves and ends all “wokeness,” this “Woke Alert” is extremely unlikely to actually hurt sales.

Wonder what happened with HIMS though. Did their MAGA customers switch to another erectile dysfunction pill delivery service after the CEO vowed to hire the anti-Israel campus protestors?