“I am pleased to announce that former Acting Attorney General, Matthew G Whitaker, from the Great State of lowa, will be the United States Ambassador to the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). Matt is a strong warrior and loyal Patriot, who will ensure the United States’ interests are advanced and defended. Matt will strengthen relationships with our NATO Allies, and stand firm in the face of threats to Peace and Stability – He will put AMERICA FIRST. I have full confidence in Matt’s ability to represent the United States with Strength, Integrity, and unwavering Dedication.”

“I look forward to working closely with him as we continue to promote PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH, Freedom, and Prosperity around the World. Matt is also the former US Attorney for the Southern District of lowa, and is a graduate of the University of lowa with a BA, MBA and JD, where he played football, and received the Big Ten Medal of Honor,” said convicted felon President-Elect Trump in a statement on Wednesday, putting Whitaker in charge of breaking up the North Atlantic Treaty Organization for Vladimir Putin, Viktor Orban, and other corrupt foreign dictators.

Whitaker’s other claim to fame is the “Big Dick Toilet Salesman” where he was on the board of a company that sold specially designed toilets for well endowed men who didn’t want their schlongs to touch the porcelain or water of a normal toilet while shitting, among other products in a line that was considered simply a patent scam mill. There was some hot tub type piece of shit in the lineup too. Can’t remember because his reign as top law enforcement officer in the US was pretty short.