This image has nothing to do with the content of this “article,” yet it’s still appropriate.

Well it’s Thanksgiving and lots of people have to sit at the dinner table with relatives of certain persuasion, relatives whom might be a little extra fucking insufferable and smug after they feel like “they” won this year. We’ve already done that joke guide on how to argue with them on at least one of the four previous Thanksgivings this site has been around for. Probably two actually.

Instead we recommend a tact like this: “Uncle Marty, I’m so happy for you. You’ve come so far personally since last Thanksgiving, before you went to AA then stopped and now you’re off the wagon again. Janet cleaned you out in the divorce and went back to the Philippines but you seem so much happier with, um, what’s the other 23 year-old’s name again? Yekaterina, yes. And above all else the election seems to be really brightening up your spirits. And yes, you were so right about Joe Biden’s economy and I’ve come around to see the light of America First. I’m really looking forward to unemployment going to zero, gross domestic product shooting up to 7 percent, and gas going down to $1.83 a gallon nationally. Also my electricity bill cut in half. That’s really been out of hand lately. So when should I expect that? Is it going to be in February or March? April at the latest, right?”

Well you guys are smart, you can mix it up. Talk about the murder rate and how you expect it to be zero by next summer. That McDonald’s better drop the price of a Big Mac meals back down to 2019 levels within a few months or you’re going to report Yekaterina to ICE. But be subtle with the threat.