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New Jersey hit with sad, low-energy, weak earthquake

A very weak and pathetic magnitude 2.4 earthquake centered in the shopping mall town of Paramus weak hit northern New Jersey on Friday afternoon at approximately 1 PM EST. So lame and soft was the tremor that the Weather Channel picked it up for content using their own employee’s account.

“I thought it was a large truck passing by, but then my neighbors started texting each other, sharing reports via Ring cameras and Bergen County Facebook groups,” Weather Channel staffer and Bergen County, New Jersey resident Carmen Molina said to colleague Jan Wesner Childs, who must be the outlet’s expert on seismology, which it need not be said has nothing to do with weather.

Oh wait, this is what Childs wrote further down: “‘Quakes are not common in this area, but they do happen and can be quite strong,’ Weather.com meteorologist and natural disasters expert Orelon Sidney said. ‘April 2024 saw a quake that was felt in NYC of 4.8.'” Holy shit they really can’t even just call up an actual geologist for a fucking quote – or someone who can speak in complete sentences.

Was this Orleon Sidney assclown drunk on absinthe and/or stoned on Xanax when they sputtered out “April 2024 saw a quake that was felt in NYC of 4.8”? Jesus Christ, maybe go see a neurologist about that. An actual one and not someone who calls themselves a “brain disaster expert.”

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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