Knowing full well that, due to Republican dysfunction, they hold all the cards to passing bills funding the government ahead of the March 14th CR expiry and – more importantly – to handling the debt ceiling before June, Democrats are drawing up a lengthy ransom demanding serious concessions from convicted felon President Trump, Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson, and Senate Majority Leader John Thune to keep what’s left of the federal government open, Punchbowl News reports.

A senior House Dem aide said “The things they are doing play to their base – they are not putting pressure on us to cooperate,” and that shit like this tariff dumbassery, giving ketamine-brained psychopath Elon Musk unilateral authority to shut down any and every flow of cash from the Treasury, and pulling the plug on immigration parole for 530,000 Venezuelan refugees for essentially no fucking reason whatsover “increase our needs, which makes coming together harder. We could get to a tipping point where bipartisan cooperation becomes an overwhelming negative for us.”

“Democrats are, as always, committed to responsibly funding the government, but it is extremely difficult to reach an agreement on toplines – much less full-year spending bills – when the president is illegally blocking vast chunks of approved funding, when he is trying to unilaterally shutter critical agencies, and when an unelected billionaire is empowered to force his way into our government’s central, highly-sensitive payments system. Democrats and Republicans alike must be able to trust that when a deal gets signed into law, it will be followed,” said Washington enator Patty Murray.