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Human cannonball fails to correct for wind

As early practitioners of siege warfare in the late Middle Ages learned during the first few times they utilized rudimentary artillery against their foes, one need check wind conditions and correct accordingly to make good on their intended target. Failing to do so typically meant no worse than a perfectly good cannonball landing in the mud behind the castle it was supposed to strike, though there were no doubt more than a few medieval warlords who were big on punishing waste, fraud, and abuse by their troops and were happy to make examples of incompetent cannoniers.

It’s this kind of history that North Texas human cannonball Chachi “The Rocketman” Valencia may do well to contemplate as he convalesces from a similar fuckup he brought upon himself last Sunday at the Riverside County Fair and National Date Festival in Indio, California. “I know the mistake that we made,” Valencia told KHOU from the San Diego-area home of a relative where he’s currently laid up.

“And it was a judgement call probably,” Valenica continued as he described the chain of events leading to he and his wife/assistant deciding it was go time. “So when I got shot, the wind completely caught me,” sending him into and then over the net around his target and onto the adjacent pavement. “A broken wrist. I got a few broken ribs. And I have a bleeding liver,” he said.

“If it wasn’t for my wife who is here, I don’t know how I could survive really. It’s just so hard to move around, you know,” Valencia said, adding he’s going to be much more careful next time. Whenever he’s healthy enough to be shot out of a cannon again. “You know, this is what I do for a living. It’s not like I can stop this tomorrow and get some other job or something. This is what I do.” Plus he can’t let the fans down. “They’re so excited to see you get shot out of a cannon. Hard to say no, you know what I mean? In the future I just need to be, be a little bit more firm” about waiting out the wind.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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