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Ken Paxton getting closer to primary challenge vs John Cornhole

Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton tells Punchbowl News he’s inching closer to a primary challenge against Senator John Cornhole Cornyn, saying outright he’s going to make a decision in “the next couple of months” and he “can win if I have $20 million. I’ve run these primaries in Texas before. I honestly don’t see how he overcomes his numbers.” The “numbers” Paxton was referring to was not clear, but had to be polling numbers since a Republican from the second most-populated state in the union doesn’t win six statewide elections on empty campaign promises alone.

“I think it’s just time,” Paxton said. “He’s had his chance. He hasn’t performed well, and the voters know it. You can go a long time without people paying attention. And they’re paying attention now. If the numbers were the other way, I wouldn’t be sitting here.” Yeah he meant polls, but all incumbents are unpopular these days. “I’m going to start calling him ‘Senator Ukraine,’ because he’s funding Ukraine more than he’s funding our border, and that’s a problem in Texas,” Paxton added, workshopping a campaign slogan for a primary campaign fueled by a lot of mutual personal hatred.

“After 23 years he’s finally got a real opponent – potential opponent – he’s gonna do that, right? I mean, no one’s gonna be surprised by that. Voters are not stupid. Like suddenly he veers to the right? We’re less than a year from the primary now. And as soon as it’s over… he goes back to being John Cornyn,” said the impeached scumbag of Cornhole’s attempts to go extra MAGA.

Paxton isn’t even afraid of the possibility that the Orange God Emperor could play it safe and stick with Cornyn on an endorsement, but still plans on lobbying the fat fuck hard to be showered with his golden glory. “I don’t want to run against Trump’s pick, but, I mean, I think his numbers are so bad, I don’t think there’s any reviving,” the unfaithful husband to a shitty country music artist said.

Probably the most likely outcome is that Trump doesn’t endorse, or that lame multi-endorsement cop-out again, or he sticks with Cornyn. In that order, with the last being a nod to Paxton.

As for the general… Well, Paxton was twice reelected during the nine years it took for him to get a felony indictment dismissed on some chickenshit non-plea bargain, the first one during the 2018 Blue Wave in which Beto O’Rourke came within 200,000-votes of taking down Ted Cruz. As tough of a year 2026 already looks like for Republicans and as much of a piece of shit Paxton is, it’s going to be very tough, especially with a shallow bench of Dem moderates in the Lone Star State. Collin Allred might have a shot if Trump drives the economy off a cliff and a fairly steep one at that. Would probably need to be a borderline Great Depression by then to get Jasmine Crockett elected.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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