“Nestle USA is initiating a voluntary recall of a limited quantity of Lean Cuisine® and STOUFFER’S® frozen meals due to the potential presence of wood-like material. This recall is isolated to a limited quantity of batches of the following items: Lean Cuisine® Butternut Squash Ravioli, Lean Cuisine® Spinach Artichoke Ravioli, Lean Cuisine® Lemon Garlic Shrimp Stir Fry, and STOUFFER’S® Party Size Chicken Lasagna that were produced between August 2024 – March 2025. These products were distributed at major retailers in the US between September 2024 – March 2025. This recall does not involve any other Lean Cuisine® or STOUFFER’S® products,” says Nestle in a press release.

“We are taking this action after consumers contacted Nestle USA about this issue, including one potential choking incident to date. Consumers who have purchased these products should not prepare or consume the product and should return it to the retailer where it was purchased for a replacement or a full refund. For any further support needed, please contact Nestle USA at (800) 681-1676 Monday-Friday from 9 am-6 pm EST. We are actively investigating the source of the wood-like material. We are confident that this is an isolated issue, and we have taken action to address it,” the release continued, assuring consumers that there’s no need to worry.

Maybe it’s a little incongruous that they’re so certain the problem is isolated in scope but not in nature and they have to call it “wood-like material” rather than, uh, wood. Like what the hell else could it be? If it’s freaking pressboard or some other kind of composite shit just say it’s “wood.”

Nobody’s going to want to eat it. Probably no one’s going to want to eat it. There’s a solid chance they won’t. Look just because they’re eating Lean Cuisine or Stouffer’s doesn’t mean they’re going to just willingly shove some “wood-like material” in their mouths. Don’t assume that about people.