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Fake schlong gets South Dakota man in real trouble

A fake penis used for deceiving parole officers with synthetic urine during observed piss tests is a real headache for a South Dakota convict who wasn’t supposed to have it – or the meth and marijuana in his bedroom at his parents’ house, the Mitchell Daily Republic reports.

The piss-fueled nightmare for 45 year-old Mitchell man Courtney Stork began when a detective spotted him driving around town without a license and, rather than stopping, Stork drove home and bolted inside. He then came back out with his mom and consented to a search of the vehicle, in which cops found the “Whizzinator” fake penis rig, an elaborate pump system in which a pouch of fake piss is strapped to one’s abdomen and then they squeeze it out in view of parole/probation officers loathe to look too closely at their dicks. Stork admitted it was his, upon which cops called his parole officer to search the home for the shit that Stork is not supposed to have while enrolled in the 24/7 drug testing program. There they found meth residue and a half-smoked joint.

Local prosecutors took their time on the February 26th incident, and for whatever reason took until this week to bring charges against Stork. On Tuesday he pleaded not guilty to two possession misdemeanors for drug paraphernalia and under two ounces of weed, and possession of meth, a felony. It’s not clear what happened to the fake cock or if it counts as “drug paraphernalia.”

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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